


Side Effects

by i_write_shakespeare_not_disney



Series: Lovesick [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Laith, M/M, klance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2019-09-02 03:19:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 115,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16778575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_write_shakespeare_not_disney/pseuds/i_write_shakespeare_not_disney
Summary: After hooking up with sort-of stranger Keith, Lance has become fully infatuated. He's determined to do it right, determined to get Keith to believe his intentions are sincere, not just hormone-induced. So for as long as it takes, and whatever it takes, Lance is ready to get to know the guy who seems so intent on keeping everyone at a distance. And he's willing to take on whatever past he has as well as whatever trials may come ahead.A sequel to Medicine, and paired with the spin off Addiction





	1. Part 2

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter takes place AFTER the first chapter of Addiction which is why the chapter is titled part 2 despite being the first here. Addiction isn't necessary to read, but could help with the in between moments of what goes through Keith's head.

It had been a couple days since the party. Lance's thumbs were speeding over his screen, half listening to Hunk and Pidge. 

“How exactly are you going to get near him if his brother told you to stay away?” Hunk asked for the millionth time. “He could call the cops for trespassing. He could file for harassment.” 

“He could beat you to a pulp,” Pidge added. 

Lance stopped texting and looked up at his friends, narrowing his eyes. “Thank you both for the insight.” He huffed and put his phone down. “Keith says he's just protective. I mean, I get that. If anyone touched Luis or Veronica, I'd go batshit too, and they're older than me. I was planning on just… talking to him.” 

His friends were quiet for a moment. Then Pidge arched an eyebrow. “By talking to him… are you saying you're gonna pull a Landon Carter and  _ ask Shiro's permission  _ to take his foster brother on a date?” 

“Um. I dunno who that is, and I won't be asking permission necessarily. Just letting him know I'm not trying to play around or something.” 

“Buddy, the guy saw you coming out of Keith's room. I don't think he's gonna like you very much regardless,” Hunk said. He was currently flipping through channels as Pidge sidled up beside him, using him as a personal heater. Lance was sitting on the floor, still going over everything. 

“Jeez, it's not like he was a virtuous virgin I seduced down the path of lustful temptation or something! I didn't do anything bad!” Pidge snorted and shook her head. “I just want to be able to go on a date with him.” 

Hunk sat up a little straighter and made a stopping gesture with his hand. “Okay, Lance. You're serious about this right? Completely?” 

“Of course I am!” He hid his face and groaned. “Just because no guy has ever interested me  _ this intensely  _ before doesn't mean I'm not serious. I-” 

“Okay, I believe you,” Hunk said calmly. He smiled and punched Lance's shoulder. “Then just be you. If you just treat this like a normal thing, they'll both see you're being sincere.”

The thing was… Keith wasn't a normal thing. Not in any sense of it. It was the first date he'd have with a guy. He couldn't- and didn't want to- pull the same plays he did with girls. Something told him Keith would elbow him in the face if he yawned to drape his arm around him. 

But another aspect was that no one had made Lance feel so… so heavily infatuated. Infatuated was the wrong word, he felt. It was more like…. God, Lance didn't even know. It was just new. Everything he felt for Keith was stronger, and if emotions had color, then they were brighter too. It was the best way Lance knew how to begin to describe it. 

So no, Lance didn't want to treat this like a “normal thing.” He didn't want it to be normal. He wanted it to be so much more. 

\--

By the end of the week, Lance had a love hate relationship with Keith's texting. He loved it because they managed to hold a conversation throughout the day, and when Keith answered, he answered the way he thought. So lance would receive anywhere between 1-10 messages at once from him. 

He hated it because Keith took  _ forever  _ to answer in the first place. Eventually Lance settled for calling him at night. 

However, now it was Saturday, and that meant… date night. 

Lance wanted to surprise Keith. He wasn't entirely sure of what he was doing seeing as the last time he had been at Keith's place, Shiro had told him to stay away. And yet Lance was still pulling into the driveway, wearing his best shirt and the best jeans that Pidge once said made his was look like a strippers. He wasn't entirely sure what that meant, but it felt like a compliment in Pidge world. 

He took a breath and got out of his car to knock on the door. Of course with his luck, it was Shiro who answered the door. 

“Uh. Hey. Lance. I'm Lance.” He sighed and took a breath trying to calm himself down. “I'm here to see Keith.” 

Shiro gave him a once over and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, I know.” He opened the door further and kitted his chin toward the living room. “You can chill there.” 

“Cool. Thanks.” 

For a moment it was silent. Just Shiro staring at Lance with a weird look on his face. Lance was sure he was plotting a murder, his to be specific. Then Shiro turned and went down the hall calling, “Keith! It's for you!” 

Lance bit his lip and waited, trying not to look so nervous. He looked around, trying to gather some more basic information from the walls around him. If anyone walked into Lance's dorm, they'd know everything they needed to. 

Lance had a photo of his family on the wall, posters of bands and movies he liked, a couple abstract art pieces that got his attention at a market, and he had a bunch of old CD sleeves hung up too. What wasn't on the wall, you could learn from the things scattered around his desk, his bed, his counter. 

But here, it didn't seem like either of the inhabitants cared much for decoration. There was a TV on a nice stand that had a stack of movies, a couch, a table, a rug, and a tall lamp in one corner. No pictures, no posters, no sign of hobbies. You wouldn't even know they were foster brothers. 

“Lance?” He jumped slightly before turning to look at Keith. The sight of him- unruly hair, indigo eyes, even the ghost of the last hickeys still fading- had Lance's heart hammering I'm his chest. He had an urge to run toward him and wrap him in his arms and kiss him over and over. As if they'd been dating for years. 

“Hey,” he finally answered, his breath leaving him in one go. He stood up and got closer to him, feeling weak kneed as Keith regarded him. 

“What are you doing here?” 

Shiro came up behind him, giving Lance a steady look before dipping into the kitchen. Keith look confused but amused as Lance tried to find words. 

“I just. I thought maybe. Since it's a date I figured, you know we could- or I could come pick you up. Yeah. If that's… cool?” 

Keith smiled, arching an eyebrow. “Yeah, okay. Um. Come here.” He took Lance's hand and led him to the kitchen. “Shiro. This is Lance. I'm pretending you guys have never met before so the tension can go away.” 

Lance grimaced. But Shiro just laughed. “Hey, Lance.” 

“This is Shiro. My older brother.” 

Lance nodded and waved. “Hey. Nice to… meet you.” Lance turned to Keith and gave him a smile. “Are you ready to go? The movie doesn't start for a while, but I like being early if that's okay.” 

“Yeah. Lemme just get a jacket. Also, I'm driving.” Lance frowned, but didn't get a chance to argue because Keith was gone. 

Behind him, Lance heard a smug chuckle. “Good luck.” Then Shiro walked back past him into his room with a bowl of cereal. 

A moment later Keith came back with a leather jacket that looked unfairly good on him. He smirked, gave him a wink, and gestured to the front door. Lance followed him out, heading to his car. “Um, so about the driving-” 

“Over here, pretty boy,” Keith said. Lance looked up to see Keith going up the driveway toward the garage. Okay, so it was his own car. 

The garage door opened and Lance started wondering what kind of car Keith would have. He could see him with a Mustang. Or if he had the money, a Lamborghini. Maybe even a large Ford truck or something. 

Except he was completely wrong. There was no fancy car in the garage. There were two motorcycles. One a resplendent white with black and gold accents. The other a deep, shiny black with red curves. 

“Motorcycles.” 

“You're riding with me. Shiro doesn't like anyone touching his bike. But you can use the helmet.” Keith held out a white helmet, holding a red one under his arm. A smirk slowly made its way across his face, sexual and teasing. “Scared?” 

“No, ‘course not.” He grabbed the helmet and and bit his lip. “I didn't know you rode motorcycles.” 

Keith swung a leg over the motorcycle, and Lance couldn't help the way his mind got away and focused on the way Keith's thighs looked straddling the thing. 

“Yeah, there's a lot you don't know about me, pretty boy.” Keith gave him a teasing smile before running a hand through his hair to put his helmet on. 

Lance was a weak man.

He put the helmet on and got on behind Keith, hesitating with his hands. Sure he'd been all over Keith a week before, but this was different. This was a date, not a hook up. There were different rules. 

Keith laughed and grabbed Lance's hands, wrapping his arms around his torso. “Who's shy now?” 

Lance felt his face heat up, but he didn't mull over it much. The scent of Keith cologne along with the scent of fruity gum filled his nose and made him pleasantly dizzy. And by the time Keith revved the engine and kicked off, Lance was holding onto him even tighter, burrowing his face in his back. 

After a moment, Lance got used to the speed and the feeling of wind pressing against him. He loosened his arms from such a vice grip to a more sensible one and rested his chin on Keith's shoulder. 

A motorcycle ride didn't allow much in the terms of conversation, but it was exhilarating. The motorcycle itself was a rush, but being wrapped around Keith and being encompassed by him completely made it even better. 

When they got to the theater, Lance's legs were shaking a bit, but he felt good. Keith tucked away their helmets in the compartment under the seat before standing in front of Lance with a raised eyebrow. 

“You good?” 

“Got to hold onto you the whole time, so hell yeah.” 

The smugness on Keith's face vanished and left behind a red-faced expression of shock for a few moments before Keith chuckled and shook his head. “Cheesy.” 

“And you like it.” 

“Mm. Debatable.” 

Lance pouted and Keith laughed. He started walking toward the ticket booth and Lance fell into step beside him. He looked down at their hands then at Keith's face. He seemed nonchalant, his hands swinging idly beside him. 

Lance caught his hand with his pinky, caressing the back of Keith's with his fingers. Keith stopped walking and froze, staring at Lance with wide, confused eyes. 

“Do you mind if I hold your hand?” He flattened his palm out against Keith's, lining up their fingers and arching his eyebrow. 

He didn't answer. He just slipped his fingers between Lance's and kept walking, a blush creeping its way up his neck and along his cheeks. 

They got their tickets and went inside with thirty minutes to spare. Keith looked at Lance and smirked. “What do you wanna do for half an hour before we have to get in there?” 

“Well… there's an arcade. I love air hockey.” 

Keith laughed and let Lance lead him to the small arcade section. Lance bought some tokens and they made their way to the air hockey table. 

Within the first few seconds, Lance mercilessly hit the puck to bounce off the side and make it through the slot, scoring with a victorious whoop. Keith had pulled his hand back, instinctively trying to save his fingers from being hit. 

He stared at Lance with wide eyes, incredulous. Lance just smirked and shrugged. “I'm kind of the best at this game.” 

Keith narrowed his eyes, his lips pulling into a smirk. “We'll see about that.” 

Suddenly all Lance was focused on was the sound of the puck being hit, sliding between them almost at the speed of lightning, the way it zigzagged and bounced and flipped because of how hard it was being hit. 

More than once, one of them hit the puck hard enough to bounce out of the ring, causing the other to duck before being hit. The game was full of laughs, and indignant profanity and teasing. 

Not only that, but Keith proved to be good competition because it took forever for one of them to score. 

Lance had never played a single game of air hockey for half an hour until Keith. And the only reason they stopped was because the movie was about to start and the lines for concessions were getting long. 

“Obviously, I won, I'm two points ahead,” Lance said. 

“Oh really?” Keith grabbed the puck and shoved it through the slot before grabbing it again and repeating it, tying their score. 

“Wh- wa- that's cheating!” 

“Come on, pretty boy, we're gonna be late to the movie. Someone else can finish our game.” 

“I call for a rematch when we get out of the movie.” Keith snorted and nodded, nudging him playfully. Lance leaned into him, which made Keith stumble a bit before Lance caught his arm. “Whoa easy. Sorry.”

“N-nah, it's cool. Just wasn't expecting… I don't know what I wasn't expecting but… yeah, it's okay.” Lance chuckled and let his hand slide back into Keith's. “This is your first date with a guy right?” Lance nodded. Keith bit his lip. As they got in line for concessions, he added, “Mine too.” 

“What?” 

Keith ran his free hand through his hair. “I mean, sort of. Like, I only sort of dated one other guy and we sort of went out places because that's just what you do when you're with someone, you go places with them. It wasn't a big deal. I've never gone on a date with someone like this. Where we don't really know each other and we're not boyfriends and it was actually planned.” 

Lance stared at him for a while, fighting the urge to pull him into a kiss. Instead, he squeezed his hand. “Well, is this a good first date?” 

Keith hesitated, like he didn't want to answer. He looked at Lance for a second, something guarded in his eyes. Lance raised his eyebrows slightly, feeling a panic grip his entire being. Then Keith's face softened and he squeezed back. “Definitely. Competitive air hockey is the best first date.” 

Lance laughed and hid his face with his free hand. Then he lifted their interlocked hands to his lips and pressed a light kiss to Keith's knuckles. “Good.” 

Keith turned bright red and looked away, shaking his head. Then, because Keith was Keith, he paid for his own snacks refusing to even let Lance offer to cover it. 

By the time they made it into the theater, Keith was practically racing up the steps to get to their seats, anxiously waiting. Lance reached him and plopped down beside him. “The movie isn't even close to starting.” 

Keith gave him a sheepish smile and shrugged. “I like the trailers. I don't know why.” 

“Oh. Well if you'd told me that, we could've ended air hockey earlier.” Keith shrugged and opened his Sour Patch packet before focusing on the screen. 

Watching Keith watch a movie was fun in a subtle way. It made Lance notice some of the smaller nuances he had. He was more expressive watching something on screen. His eyes widened, he would bite his lip or smile widely, he'd knit his eyebrows together, he'd start tapping his fingers or shaking his foot. 

And Lance gathered all of that in the time it took for trailers to finish and the first ten minutes of Bohemian Rhapsody. It was unfairly endearing. 

After a while of watching the movie, Lance was waiting for Keith to make a move. Any move. Reach for the popcorn at the same time. Brush their hands together on the armrest. Lean in to rest his head on Lance's shoulder. Hell, even the yawn-arm-around-shoulders thing. 

None of it happened. Keith remained with his hands in his lap if Lance's hand was on the armrest. He didn't move if not to lean forward for a scene or shift his legs. 

It became clear that the inexperience with dates meant Keith was never going to make a move if Lance didn't. 

So the next time Lance got the armrest to himself, he moved it up and leaned a little closer to Keith. 

Keith stiffened and tilted his head toward Lance. “This okay?” Lance asked, pulling back slightly. Keith stared at him then nodded. Lance smiled and leaned into him again, resting his head on his shoulder. 

After a few moments, Keith stretched out his hand and turned it so his palm faced up. He didn't say anything, but the way his head tilted down slightly and hesitantly told Lance it was his way of trying to initiate handholding. 

Lance slipped his hand into Keith's and chuckled softly, his nose nudging Keith's cheek before he turned to focus on the movie again. 

He didn't want the movie to end. Because while it played it gave Lance an exclusive pass to notice things about Keith he wouldn't have if he wasn't pressed up against his side. Like the way he hummed along to the songs or the way his quiet chuckles reverberated in his chest and how he tended to move his shoulders when he laughed or the way he grunted when something he didn't like was said or happened. 

They stayed in their seats until the lights came up, the last bits of credits rolling. Lance lifted his head to look at Keith, their faces close enough that if he tilted his head slightly forward, their noses would bump together. 

“You make me nervous,” Keith admitted. Then his eyes widened as if he hadn't meant to say it aloud.

Lance held back a smile and simply hummed. “Why?” Keith shrugged and looked away, breaking the trance they'd been in. “Hey.” 

Keith looked back at him, looking tired and guarded again. “Yeah?” 

He bit his lip and gave him a smile. “We have that rematch for air hockey we should get to. No cheating this time.” 

Keith smiled and nodded, getting up and gesturing for them to leave. Lance followed and they went back to the arcade. As they walked to the air hockey table, Lance noticed another game he used to play all the time with his siblings. 

“How do you feel about dancing?” he asked. Keith froze and looked at Lance uncertainty. “I’m a king at that game, so I get if you don't wanna-” 

“You're on.” 

Lance laughed, enjoying the way Keith was easily riled up by competition. It was so easy to push his buttons. 

“Besides, I know you're doing this because you know I'll beat you at air hockey,” Keith added. 

Lance rolled his eyes. “As if. We can go back there once I win here.” Keith scoffed and got on his side of Dance, Dance Revolution. 

As the game started, Keith started losing immediately. Embarrassingly so. To the point where Lance was considering losing himself so it wouldn't be so bad. 

Then, just as Keith's screen flashing red, there was a sudden shift in points. All of a sudden, Keith's score was raising exponentially and Lance risked a look over at him.

And holy shit.  _ Holy shit.  _

Keith was smirking. Moving fluidly, even his arms and torso soon completely unnecessary but fitting choreography. 

Now it was Lance who was working to keep up.

“Dude what the hell?” 

Keith only laughed in response. 

Sure enough, Keith won the game. Lance didn't even have it in him to be embarrassed. He was too awestruck. And he knew that Keith had planned it from the moment Lance made it competitive. 

“What was that? How did you do that? You dance? Holy shit!” 

Keith chuckled and shrugged, running a hand through his hair. “Another thing you didn't know about me.” Lance smiled and nodded encouragingly, waiting for Keith to keep talking. “I… I used to tell Shiro and his parents that I was staying after school for the dance team so I could go hang out with some friends. We were sort of troublemakers. When Shiro found out, he made me  _ actually  _ join the dance team and would call the instructor to be sure I was there and everything. Ended up doing dance for my junior and senior year of high school and joining a club in my college.” He blushed slightly and nodded. “I actually really like dancing.” 

Lance chuckled, thinking back to Keith asking him if he danced then saying he didn't only for Lance to find him the next weekend dancing away. Lance wondered what was so special about himself that it warranted Keith lying just to get alone with him. 

“That's really cool. I dance a little, but I'm not great. My brother Marco is the one who can get all our cousins and aunts to dance at parties and gets to dance with all the girls when he goes to a club. I can pass, but like I said, I'm not great.” Keith nodded. “Man, I knew you danced a bit, but I didn't think you could do  _ that.”  _

Keith laughed and nodded. “I guess I should thank Shiro for being so petty.” 

Lance nodded in agreement. Then he asked, “So what kind of trouble would you get into?” Keith raised an eyebrow. “You said you and your friends were troublemakers.” 

“Oh. Yeah. Just. Dumb stuff. Like graffiti on the side of run down gas stations. Or skipping school to daydrink at the skatepark. Stupid stuff that makes you feel grown up when it's just proving you're not.” Keith said it a level of nonchalance that made it obvious he wasn't quite so nonchalant about it. He was looking at his feet as he walked. 

“Damn. If Shiro's protective with you about me, I can imagine how he was with that especially if you were a high schooler.” 

Keith winced and rubbed his neck. “Yeah….” 

Noting the way Keith was beginning to shut down again, Lance tried to steer the conversation elsewhere. Keith had a habit of indulging in some aspects of his past like he was anxious to share them then putting his guard up twice as quickly when he seemed to regret it. Lance didn't want him feeling like he had to divulge in his past if it made him uncomfortable, as much as Lance was dying to know him. 

“Well this one time, I tried stealing some gum from the store a neighbor had built into their house. I got caught though, and my mom made me give it back. I cried for like two hours.” He looked over at Keith who was giving him an incredulous expression. “I was also about eight years old,” he added. 

Keith broke into a smile and tilted his head back as he laughed so fully it made Lance's breath catch. Something about the way it built and reached his eyes and… it was perfect. 

“Wh-why a pack- a pack of gu-” he broke off into a fit of laughter, covering his mouth. 

Lance blushed and shrugged. “I don't even know. It was like $1.99, but I was so sure my mom wouldn't buy it for me if I asked, so I just…. I took it so my mom wouldn't feel bad for not being able to get it for me. I mean, obviously it was worse when she had to take me back to return it.” 

Keith's smile remained, but it wasn't as amused and gleeful. It was more… pensive. He looked at Lance and tilted his head, staring at him inquisitively. “You're something else, Lance.” 

“Thank you, I think?” Keith chuckled and nodded. “So do you like art? Drawing?” If Keith used to do graffiti, didn't that mean he was a good artist? Lance had seen some tags and art bits around the city. They were incredible, despite their shabby locations and the fact that some were painted over or blacked out. Maybe one of them was Keith's. 

“No. I was never any good. I only ever signed one of the graffiti pieces and…. I was mostly look out and company.” Lance nodded, figuring then that he should stop trying to guess which of the ones he liked were Keith's. “So what are your hobbies? You know I dance. That I like music and movies. That I used to cause trouble. What about you?” 

The question made Lance grimace as he kicked at the carpeted floor. “Um, well… I like movies too. And reading but just some books. I don't really… have a ‘thing,’ you know?” 

Keith narrowed his eyes and shook his head. “I think you do you just don't know what it is.” Something about the way he said made Lance feel special. He prayed it was true. 

After a moment, when Lance didn't answer, Keith said, “I'm kind of hungry. Want to get food?” 

Lance smiled and nodded. If Keith wanted to keep hanging out with him, that was a good sign, right? He wouldn't have offered if he was tired of him. 

He was led back to the motorcycle, and Lance slid his arms around Keith easily. “My mom would kill me if she knew I was on a motorcycle.” 

“Out of this whole situation,  _ that's  _ what she'd kill you for?” 

Lance frowned. “What do you mean?” Keith shook his head, smiled, and revved the engine. They were speeding off before Lance could ask anything else. 

It didn't hit him until they got on the highway. He was on a motorcycle while on a date with a boy. A boy he'd already slept with. If Mami knew all of that, she'd have thrown both her chanclas at him and ushered him into a confessional. Mami hated the idea of sex before marriage. She hated motorcycles. 

But Lance had no idea how she felt about two boys in a relationship. There was a variety of ways she could respond. She was a religious woman, and same sex relationships hadn't been talked about in their family. He'd heard her chastise his brother Luis once for using the word “faggot” as an insult once. And she told Papa not to stare when they saw two girls holding hands on the street, obviously not sisters. But while she hadn't talked badly about anything LGBT+ related, she hadn't exactly advocated for it either. Like it didn't exist until it did for a moment, and then it stopped existing again. 

If Lance went home and said he wanted to date a boy, what would she say? 

When they got to a Denny's parking lot, Keith parked the bike and sighed, taking his helmet off. “Sorry. I know I should stop bringing up the fact that I'm your first… everything with a boy. I-”

“It's okay. I get it,” Lance said a little sadly. “I'd be suspicious too if someone said something like that to me. And I don't know the details, but I gather something's happened before.” Keith's face tightened and he looked away, past Lance and toward the diner. “Honestly, I have no idea how my parents would react when I tell them about you. And yeah, thinking about it, I'm kind of scared, but that's not going to make me change my mind about you.” 

Keith's expression had changed halfway through talking. From guilty and frustrated to something soft and surprised. But he just gave Lance a smile and said, “I guess I was kind of lucky with coming out. Shiro came out to his parents when he was fifteen. So when they took me in, it wasn't a big deal.” 

As Keith got off the motorcycle, Lance let that new piece of information sink in. Then he got off and gave Keith his helmet, waiting until they were walking to the entrance before asking, “So, what'd you tell Shiro about me?” Keith raised an eyebrow, but Lance noticed how his neck flushed. “He was ready to tear me apart when I saw him Saturday night. Today he seemed kind of indifferent.” 

Keith rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I just… told him to lay off. I can take care of myself. And the fact that you asked me on a date made you a little more favorable, I guess.” Lance hummed and let the subject drop. 

Once they got seated, they bounced between small insignificant questions like favorite colors and newest favorite song to bigger stories. Keith, while still reserved, did tell Lance a little about his childhood. Like his first fight when he was seven, or when he found out he hated sports because they made him angry, or the day Shiro and his parents threw him his first birthday party. 

Lance told Keith a little about each of his siblings and about some of his favorite memories with them like the day they all went to the beach and nobody argued or fought for once because they were too busy swimming and burying their Papa in sand, and the day Lance came home with a scraped knee and a split lip because some kid pushed him on the way home and Marco and Luis had to be held back from going out to find the kid, and the day they all came with his parents to drop him off at college for his freshman year. 

“You really love your family,” Keith noted, swirling a piece of pancake in syrup. 

“You love yours, right?” Keith’s violet eyes flickered over to him. “Shiro and his parents. They’re your family. It’s a little smaller, and it’s a lot different, but it’s a family, and it’s yours.” Keith bit his lip. “Sorry. It’s not my place to say, I know, I just…. I’d hate for anyone to feel like they don’t have a family because it isn’t conventional. Just because you’re not related by blood, or because it’s a little broken or smaller or because you found it later in life… it doesn’t make that family any less important.” 

“You’re right,” Keith said. “They are my family. And I do love them, no matter how different. Shiro kept me on a good path. He looked out for me. His parents… they love me too, and I know that.” He sighed and tugged on his gloves a bit. “It’s just… kind of complicated. But it’s not first date information. More like third or fourth maybe.” 

Lance smiled at that. “Oh? Does that mean we’re having a third or fourth date? I’m not royally fucking this all up by asking the wrong questions?” 

Keith laughed and shook his head. “No, you’re good. And… maybe. This has been a pretty great first date, so… if you want a second one-”

“Yes, absolutely, I do, please.” Lance didn’t bother hiding his excitement. Keith just laughed and blushed a bit and kept eating. 

They stayed a good while after eating, talking a little more about the movie, about the food, about the things they already knew about each other. Keith was still careful about what he said, keeping it light by simply saying, “third date,” when something was too personal. 

“Can I ask you something?” Keith asked after they paid the checks and started for the motorcycle. Lance nodded. “What made you become interested in me? At that first party I mean.” 

Lance blinked then thought back. He thought of how he had been thinking that Keith was out of reach and enticing. How he hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off of him that whole night. He looked at Keith and smiled shyly. 

“I don't know exactly. Except that when I saw you, it was like everything about you was confident and sure. I just really needed to get close to you and it was weird because I didn't know how to. Then all of a sudden you came up to me.” Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “Why did you go up to me?” 

Keith took a breath and smirked. “Honestly? I noticed you looking at me. It was like you weren’t even at the party, you were just… observing. Then I went up to you and… you weren’t super confident and flirty like I thought you would be. It was like you were waiting on me.” 

“Is that a good thing?” 

“It was different,” he admitted. “Everything about you has been different.” That soft look came over his features again and Lance fought the urge to kiss him. He wasn’t really sure why he was fighting the urge, it wasn’t like they hadn’t done way more already…. But something about how different this was made him nervous. 

Keith wasn’t acting like he did when they met and slept together. That sexual energy wasn’t there. Instead, they were both nervous, excited even, taking small steps in exploration. Lance wanted to do this right, wanted to prove to Keith he was serious about him. And maybe Keith was still exploring what it was like to be with someone who wasn’t planning on throwing him away. 

Eventually, Lance wanted to see if Keith would explain to him. He wasn’t broken. He wasn’t sad. He was just guarded. Keith seemed to want to control how close someone got and when to turn them away, and it seemed like that’s what he’d always done. Lance wondered if he was the first to fight that. He wondered what experience made Keith begin needing that level of control and distance. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Keith asked, frozen under his gaze. 

Lance blinked, tethering himself back to reality. He smiled and shook his head. “Just really excited about this. You and me.” 

Keith’s cheeks flared and he cleared his throat, shoving the helmet at Lance. “Come on.”

They rode back to Keith’s place and Keith put the motorcycle back in the garage before closing it. He kicked at the gravel of the driveway and bit his lip. “So…. did you wanna come inside?”

Lance stepped forward and took his hand. “I know we’re not really doing this the traditional way, but… I wanna do this first date right for you. And I don’t sleep with someone on the first date.” 

“Then what’s next?” Keith asked with a smile. 

“Well. First dates call for me walking you to the door.” Keith raised an eyebrow and followed him to the front door. “My Papa drilled that into my head. I don’t think it’s different with a guy.” Keith chuckled and nodded. “And then… I tell you what a great time I had with you. And how I hope to see you again. And you say the same. But only if you mean it.” 

Keith had a cute way of smiling. When it was genuine, a smile he couldn’t hold back, he’d smile with his tongue between his teeth and a slight scrunch of his nose. He gave Lance one of those smiles and nodded. “I had a great time with you today. And….” He bit his lip and Lance felt his heart speed up in his chest, pounding through his ears. Keith stared at him for a while, and Lance hoped his hectic fear wasn’t evident on his face. “And I want to see you again.” 

Lance let out a sigh of relief and laughed at himself. “Thank God.” Keith laughed and squeezed his hand. “Okay. Now… what would usually be our first kiss.” Keith snorted and leaned forward slightly. 

Lance put a hand to the side of his face, brushing his thumb along his cheekbone. Keith stared at him with wide, indigo eyes that made Lance feel like he was flying. “I’m nervous for some reason,” Keith whispered. 

“I am too.” Keith gave him a timid smile before tilting his head. Lance licked his lips and leaned forward to press his lips against Keith’s. 

It was soft, gentle. It was a press of warm lips, hesitant and new because their previous kisses had been heated or rushed. This one was slow and tentative. 

Their lips didn’t stop touching, not quite ending the kiss but not kissing. Lance opened his eyes as Keith's fluttered open. And with that, their kiss transformed. 

Overwhelmed as he had been with their real first kiss, with the kisses shared in the confines of his bedroom, this one might have topped them all. 

He felt Keith’s hands slide along his torso, to the small of his back, bringing him closer before his hands slid to rest on his hips. His tongue licked along Lance's lips, sucking on his lip and biting gently. Lance cupped his face with both hands and pulled him nearer, losing himself in that scent of cologne and the sweetness of his lips. Part of him didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay and keep kissing Keith and keep holding him and fall asleep with him so he could wake up to him and see how that smile looked when he was just waking up. 

Keith pulled him forward, thudding against the wall behind him before maneuvering Lance’s hips so he was the one against the wall instead. Lance grunted and Keith pulled back slightly, leaving Lance to chase after his lips. 

They rested their foreheads against each other, breathing heavily, occasionally leaning forward for smaller kisses. “Are first date kisses always that intense?” 

Lance laughed and shook his head. “No. But that’s because I’ve been dying to kiss you all day.” That comment was rewarded with another relatively chaste kiss. Lance really didn’t want the night to end. “When can I see you again?” 

“You have my number and you know where I live. You can see me whenever you want.” Lance hummed and ran his thumb along Keith’s lip. “The dance club I’m in at the university is having a showcase performance Wednesday afternoon on campus. Everyone’s welcome. It’s kind of practice before the competition.” 

Lance smiled and tugged lightly on the hair at the nape of Keith’s neck. “Is this you inviting me to watch your performance?” Keith blushed, shrugged, then nodded. “I’ll be there.” He kissed Keith again then forced himself away. “Okay, I should go or else I’m going to keep you here at your door all night long.” Keith laughed and waved goodbye, watching Lance head back to his car. 

Lance stayed in his car, waiting for Keith to go inside before driving away. He couldn’t stop smiling. And the radio couldn’t stop playing love songs. 


	2. part 4

It was a slow process, but it was still progress nonetheless. Lance stared at the text he received from Keith and smiled, trying to use it to tether himself in light of his friends’ mini-intervention. Though intervention was a word he was using because he was bitter. Logically, he knew they were just looking out for him. 

“Lance, maybe you should slow down a bit. You haven’t dated someone seriously… in a long time. And this is moving pretty fast.” 

Hunk nodded, agreeing with Pidge. “It’s great, buddy, and I think he’s pretty cool. And I know you mean the best with him, but… we both think you should slow down if this is gonna be serious.” 

“We’re not actually dating,” Lance said, frustrated. He didn’t like how condescending this conversation felt. He hated when Hunk and Pidge ganged up on him, even if it wasn’t their intention. 

“Right you just fuck and go on dates and text all the time,” Pidge said, crossing her arms. 

“We had sex one time!” Lance ran his hand through his hair and shook his head. “This isn’t gonna be like the girls I’ve been with okay? I’m not just looking to forget. He’s actually… I like him, guys. And it’s not like we  _ can  _ jump into anything. He’s pretty closed off too, so….” He sighed and put his face in his hands. “It would help if you guys stopped bringing it back up. I don’t want the rest of my life defined by what happened.” 

Hunk put a hand on his shoulder and gave him one of those puppy-dog smiles that made it hard to be angry with him. “We know, Lance. That’s not what we’re trying to do. We just want to do what we can so you can be happy.” 

Pidge moved to sit beside him and poked his cheek. “You're our best friend. We wanna look out for you.” Lance nodded and leaned into her. She wrapped her arm around him and rubbed his shoulder. “We’re gonna head out, but we’re still on for a study day tomorrow right?” Lance nodded. “Cool, we’ll let you know when we’re on our way.” 

As they walked to the door with Lance, Hunk turned and hugged him. “I’m really glad your date went well, buddy. I’m sorry if we’re coming off a little harsh.” 

“I know, I know. It’s ‘cause you love me. I’m just so loveable you don’t know what to do with me.” 

Pidge and Hunk rolled their eyes. But Hunk elbowed him lightly. “We really do, Lance. See you tomorrow.” Lance smiled after them as they left. 

He grabbed his phone and smiled at that last text again as he walked to his room. 

_ And yeah. I’d like that too.  _

Lance sighed happily and plopped down onto his bed. If he closed his eyes he could still feel Keith’s lips against his own. He could still feel the ghost of his hand intertwined with his. Still feel the way those violet eyes made him feel like he was floating. 

Maybe Hunk and Pidge were right, and he was rushing into this a little fast for someone who hadn’t had a real relationship in over a year. But he couldn’t help what he felt. And at that moment, Lance really missed Keith. 

\--

The next day, Lance couldn't help himself. He messaged Keith and asked if he wanted to come over. To his pleasant surprise, Keith said yes.

He had been tidying up an already clean living room, trying to rid himself of the anxious energy he felt. When he heard a knock on the door, he nearly tore it off its hinges to open it. 

There he was. In a sweatshirt and black jeans, hair pulled into a tiny ponytail at the nape of his neck, eyes soft and curious. A small smile played on his lips as Lance looked at him. “You gonna let me in?” 

“Yeah, of course, come on.” Lance stepped aside to let Keith in. He was looking around, eyes drawn to the decorations of the room. A few kid projects from his niece and nephew hung on the walls, a family picture in the living room, one of him with Hunk and Pidge near the front door, a few acrylic paintings he'd gotten at a garage sale. 

He let Keith wander and soak it in, watching as his pretty eyes flit around. Until they rested on Lance along with a smirk. “It feels homey in here.” 

“Yeah, well, my home away from home. My parents are just an hour's drive, but still.” He shrugged and walked toward Keith, waving the remote in his hand. “Wanna watch something? What kind of series do you like?” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows and followed him to the couch. “Uh, anything funny or creepy, I guess.” Lance raised an eyebrow. Keith sat beside him as rigid as he had been at the theater, though closer. Lance scrolled through shows and movies until one caught Keith's attention and started playing it. 

Just like at the movies, Lance waited for Keith to make some kind of first move. He figured Keith might find it easier after their date. Except, like on their date nothing happened. 

So he leaned over and laid his head on Keith's shoulder. This time though, he didn't stiffen up. He seemed to relax and one hand came up to Lance's cheek, fingertips brushing his skin gently. 

“I've been expecting you to kiss me since I walked in the door,” Keith admitted. Lance pulled away and looked at him. He was red in the face, but his expression was steady. 

“You know, you can kiss me too. Sometimes I'm waiting on you to make a move so I know you're interested and not just here because I wanted you to-” 

He felt lips crashing against his own before he could finish and melted into it. Drawn to him, he followed until he was laying over him, still kissing him in a way that made Lance crave more. More intensity more ferocity. 

“I am interested,” Keith breathed out. “I'm just not good at this. It's new.” 

Lance nodded and traced a finger over Keith's lips. “I know,” he whispered. 

Then he leaned down and connected their lips again, fueled by the way Keith's hands gripped his sides. 

Keith rocked his hips up and Lance pulled away from the kiss in favor of a gasp. Undeterred, Keith leaned up to press open mouthed kisses along his neck. Lance grunted and leaned in to nuzzle against Keith, shivering at the feeling of his teeth grazing the sensitive skin of his neck. 

“A-ah, K-Keith. Keith, wait.” Lance pulled himself up with his arms and looked at Keith sheepishly. “I don’t… have anything… for us to….” 

Keith raised an eyebrow. “Fuck?” Lance choked on air and turned red, making Keith laugh. He pulled Lance back down, kissing him with a tenderness that made Lance’s heart stutter. “That’s okay. I like this too.” 

“Yeah?” he asked with a shy smile. Keith looked up at him and smiled one of those genuine smiles that made his nose wrinkle as he nodded. Lance leaned down and kissed him again, letting the peaceful sensation overwhelm him. He hadn’t felt that in so long. 

And maybe it was because Hunk and Pidge brought it up, or maybe it was because they were right, or maybe Lance’s head was just getting away from him but… remembering that last time ruined this one. 

He pulled away, brushing his lips against Keith’s, but not kissing him, trying to silence the memories, trying to quell the emotions that were trying to break through after so long. 

“Are you okay?” 

Lance opened his eyes and stared at Keith, tethering himself back to reality. A gentle thumb came up to the space between his eyebrows, smoothing out the crease. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing,” Lance sighed. “Just… tired, I guess.” 

“Should I go-?” 

“No!” Keith chuckled and ran his hands through Lance’s hair, cupping his face. Lance shut his eyes again. “Don’t go. Could you just… stay? Please.” 

Keith nodded and Lance laid down against him, his head tucked just under Keith's chin. He brought his arms in under his body as Keith's wrapped around his waist. 

He could hear the television as it slowly became an incomprehensible hum, muted by the steady thump of Keith's heart, the sound of his breathing. 

It was quiet for a long while. After about half an episode, Keith shifted and grunted slightly. Taking a cue, Lance started to get up so he could get off, but Keith's hands pressed against his side to shift him. Keith turned slightly and pulled Lance in so he wasn't on top of him, but next to him, facing each other. 

He chuckled slightly and Lance raised an eyebrow in confusion. Keith put a leg over Lance's and moved his hand to run down his arm. “You're very long limbed.” 

“Um. Sorry?” 

Keith snorted and shook his head. “It's just funny seeing you try to accommodate.” 

Lance blushed and cleared his throat. “I'm not used to being the little spoon.” Keith's arms started to loosen, so Lance quickly added, “But I like it. Feels nice.” 

He felt Keith's arms tighten around him again and smiled. “Did you want to turn so you could see the television?” 

“Mm, no, I'm watching something way better.” 

That precious, deep red blush soaked into Keith's cheeks, making him bury his face in Lance's shoulder as he groaned. “Don't say things like that, I don't know what to say to them.” 

Lance smirked and tilted Keith's face back to look at him. “You don't have to say anything. I just love seeing how flustered you get.” Keith narrowed his eyes and grumbled, so Lance gave him a kiss. Sure enough it made Keith's expression soften and Lance smiled widely. 

He tangled himself fully around Keith and curled in further, shutting his eyes as he took in the mix of scents that always stuck with Keith. Fruity bubble gum, sweet cologne, a vague smell of grass from him riding his motorcycle, and something that gave Lance a cozy feeling, though he couldn't place it. 

After a while, Lance began to drift to sleep. He woke himself back up when he started hearing her voice. But he was suffocating under the strength of his sleepiness. He could only move slightly, to which Keith responded to by letting him go slightly so he could move before wrapping his arms back around Lance when he was done. 

He was at a state where he could only consciously recall he had been dreaming for a few seconds, only have a split coherent thought that he had to get up before he was slipping into foggy dreams again. 

Reality was distorting. “Lance, you know I don't like being the big spoon,” she giggled. 

Lance flinched, opening his eyes, seeing her for a moment before he heard Keith's voice. “Lance? You okay?” Fighting through the muggy feeling, he realized he'd woken up inside a dream, and woke up in real life feeling panicked and heavy. “Lance, hey, what is it?” 

Lance looked at Keith and shook his head. “Nightmare. Sort of.” He tapped his finger against the design of his sweatshirt.

“I used to get those a lot. When I was little. One of my foster moms did this thing where she sat with me and told me stories until I fell asleep. But she could do these cool shadow puppets so I'd watch them and listen to her until I could fall asleep again.” 

Lance smiled, tracing the outline of the logo on the sweatshirt. He liked when Keith let him in on tidbits of his past. But he also knew he had to be careful. “She sounds nice. Why did they move you from that home?” 

It was quiet for a moment and Lance wondered if he'd fucked up. Then he said, “Her husband didn't want to keep fostering. So they sent us to new homes. It kind of messed with my head and….” He shrugged, but Lance noticed the way the arm around him tightened just a bit. 

“You said you've been with Shiro’s family since high school, right?” Keith nodded. “They seem to care about you a lot. Why didn't they adopt you?” Keith pulled back a bit, leveling himself with Lance. His jaw was set, his eyes searching for something in Lance. “Sorry. If you don't wanna talk about that-” 

“It's okay. I just….” Keith sighed, and his eyes focused on the TV behind Lance. “They did want to. I didn't. It hurt them a lot when I said that, but….” He grimaced. “There’s a lot about me and my past you still don’t know. And I want to tell you, I think. Just not… now.” 

Lance tilted Keith's face back to him. He smiled and kissed him lightly. “Yeah, I get it. Take your time. I’ll be here.” 

His eyes softened. One of his hands hesitated as the back of his knuckles brushed along Lance’s cheek. The touch was soft and Lance couldn’t help but close his eyes against it, his hand fisting into his sweatshirt. 

Then in a hoarse whisper, Keith said, “If you want to sleep, I could tell you one of the stories I was told when I was little. I can't do shadow puppets, but it could keep the nightmares away.” 

Lance smiled widely and hummed. “That'd be nice.” So he snuggled in closer, and let Keith's voice wash over him as he began to spin a story together. Something about a sick dragon king and a turtle making friends with a rabbit, but needing the rabbit’s liver. Keith’s voice was becoming slower, softer, and Lance fell asleep when the rabbit went underwater with the turtle. 

It took Keith shaking him to wake up. “There’s someone at your door, and I think it’s your friends,” he said, his voice hoarse, like he’d been asleep too. “They’re-”

“ _ Lance answer your fucking phone! Open the door I gotta pee!”  _

Yeah, that was Pidge. And the incessant knocking was doubled which meant they were both knocking. Lance grumbled and rolled off the couch and onto the floor. “Coming!” he shouted.

He went to the door and barely managed to open it before Pidge was zipping inside. “Hey, Lance.” She ran toward the corridor, shouting a “Hey, Keith!” over her shoulder before she disappeared into the bathroom. 

“Keith?” Hunk walked in and Lance went to sit beside Keith who was now sitting up, looking sheepish, with his hair all mussed and sticking out. “Oh, hey man.” 

“Hi.” Keith looked at Lance and arched an eyebrow. “Should I go…?” 

“You can stay if you want. We’re just gonna do homework.” He took his hand and gave him a smile. “Your choice.” 

Keith looked at their hands then at Lance. He nodded and squeezed his hand back. “Okay. You’re a heavy sleeper, by the way.” 

“Oh, man, trust me we know,” Hunk said, dragging Lance’s table closer to the couch. “He used to sleep through me and Pidge’s video game nights. And uh…. Pidge can get pretty loud.” 

“Why is my name coming up in conversation?” Pidge asked coming back into the room. She grabbed one of Lance’s throw pillows to kneel on the floor.

“It’s not my fault! I had to adapt to sleeping through vacuums and screaming kids and loud music for cleaning day. Hispanic parents have no respect for weekend mornings. I learned to sleep through it to  _ survive!”  _ He heard Keith’s muffled laughter and couldn’t help the warm fuzzy feeling bursting in his chest. 

As per usual when they arranged study sessions, they got sidetracked. Whether by the show they were watching on Netflix which they all swore wouldn’t distract them since they’d seen in before, or by the prospect of food when they all conveniently got hungry less than half an hour into the study session. 

After ordering a pizza and watching a rerun of Dr. House on Netflix, Lance and Hunk were watching eagerly as a debate bounced back and forth furiously between Keith and Pidge. Keith had made a comment about how House was still good at his job despite the lack of ethics and morality. Meanwhile Pidge was debating that just because he got the answers, it didn’t make him a good doctor due to his intentions. 

Lance heard the phrases  _ Kantian ethics, Utilitarianism,  _ and the  _ Hippocratic Oath.  _ Debating on what House’s intentions were and whether they excused his actions or not. On top of trying to dissect his personality overall by picking him apart psychologically, and whether those facts merited a say in House’s overall worth as a doctor. 

Lance enjoyed the show because of the witty sarcasm and mystery. Seeing it getting picked apart like this usually annoyed him, but that was typically was usually the only one with an extensive say. So he usually just nodded or let her talk herself out like a good friend. Hunk watched it because he liked medical shows, but even he didn’t pick it apart as much as Pidge because he figured it was all for drama and there were plenty of plotholes anyway in the medical areas. 

Now, Keith- who had apparently binged the show and then rewatched all eight seasons- was providing an entertaining moment. People didn’t usually challenge Pidge. Except for Hunk when it came to their engineering or computational classes, it just didn’t happen. And everyone knew it was best not to challenge her. If it was academic, she’d wipe the floor with what remaining dignity the person had left. If with anything else… well her blackout the week before served as proof of just how far she was willing to go to rise to a challenge. 

So this was… more than interesting. Especially when there was a lull in conversation on Pidge’s end. Lance could practically see the theories in her head, trying to pick apart Keith’s latest argument. 

Hunk leaned over and whispered, “Did he just break Pidge?” 

“I have no idea,” Lance whispered back, watching carefully. Keith was chewing pizza. Pidge was tapping her finger incessantly against her chin. 

And then suddenly she was off. She started talking a mile a minute, practically speaking an entire dissertation over… a TV show. When she finished talking, Keith smiled and said, “I think you have the outline for your ethics paper now.” 

Pidge stuttered before her eyes glazed over and widened. “Oh my God! Thank you!” She turned to her computer and began typing furiously.

After staring at Keith incredulously, he turned to them and blushed slightly. “Um. I minored in philosophy because the classes interested me.” 

“God you’re amazing,” Lance said in a low breath. Keith turned even redder and Hunk cleared his throat before turning to the homework he’d been procrastinating on. 

“So uh, Lance, how come you’re not at the same school as us?” Keith asked. 

“I got a full ride to the one I’m at. I did get accepted to yours, but it was more expensive and I’d have had to pay some out of pocket. With Vero, Marco, and Luis in their own stuff, there’s no way my parents could’ve afforded that. But it’s cool I still roomed with Hunk off campus for the first year and we’re all still close enough that we still hang out.” He shrugged and turned the page on the reading he had to do. He was sitting on the floor, just beside Keith’s legs, and he leaned his head over against his knee. After a moment, Keith’s hand began to sift through his hair and Lance smiled.

Suddenly Hunk groaned loudly, scrolling through something on his laptop. Lance nudged him with his foot and raised an eyebrow. “I hate group projects. I always get the slackers. It’s like my professor thinks I can get them to get their shit together. This one girl, Flora, she’s been ‘sick’ all weekend, which basically means she’s been hungover. Roland is doing what he always does and basically having one of us do the work he’s supposed to do while passing it off as his own. And this other guy, Blake, is just not answering anyone. This thing is a  _ final,  _ who in their right mind-” He broke off with another frustrated growl. 

Pidge ruffled his hair. “Easy, Hunk. Just do your part. And log all the activity and lack thereof from everyone else. I’m sure if you show your professor, they won’t count it against you.” Hunk seemed to relax a bit before shutting his computer off. “Also, Flora’s lazy, Roland’s an asshole, and Blake is usually just getting high, I have no idea how he’s managed to make it to senior year.” 

“Roland Norman?” Keith asked. 

Pidge and Hunk turned to him. “Yeah, you know him?” 

“Had him for class my sophomore year. He was a slacker then too. Good at twisting things so everyone else but him was to blame. He’s also part of the dance team.” 

Lance huffed and shook his head. “It’s so unfair how some people struggle so much to get through school, and then there’s jerks like that who can just breeze through piggybacking on other people.” 

Hunk sighed and rested his head on the table. “I’m just gonna email my professor once I cool off. I’m gonna send them all one more text to get their work done and then it’s their fault if they don’t. I’m too tired to deal with this.” 

Hunk got up and headed to Lance's kitchen, probably ready to find something to bake to cool down. Lance usually had some form of brownie, cake, or cupcake mix that Hunk would add his own flare to. Sure enough, Lance heard him rummaging in cabinets and pulling out kitchenware. 

“What's he-?” 

“Hunk likes making food desserts are his de-stresser,” Pidge said, pushing her glasses up her nose. 

Lance noticed Keith trying to catch a glimpse over the counter to the kitchen where Hunk was messing around. He tapped his arm and smiled when Keith looked down at him. “You can go help him if you want. Hunk likes company in the kitchen, and you're the only one without homework.” 

Keith hesitated, but then Hunk said, “Who's joining me? Wash your hands!” 

“Well, okay.” Keith got up and shrugged as he went to the kitchen. Lance watched him as Hunk immediately put him to work greasing down a pan and pulling out ingredients. 

Over the chatter of Hunk talking about tricks he learned from his mom and the background noise of the television, he returned to his reading. He tore off a bit of the corner as Pidge said, “He's pretty cool even outside a party setting. He's smart, I a-”

She stopped when he put the paper on her laptop. 

_ She's in my dreams again. _

Pidge’s eyes widened slightly and she looked up at him, worry greasing her eyebrows. She pulled out her own blank sheet and scribbled onto it, giving it to him before she started talking about some movie they'd watched the month before. 

_ Don't go down that hole again. We didn't mean to bring it back up. You seem to really like this guy and he could be good for you. _

Lance chewed on his lip before responding. 

_ I do like him. I just don't want to feel guilty. _

When he handed that one over, Pidge dropped the facade and leaned in closer. “Lance, there's nothing to be guilty about. Don't do that to yourself.” 

“I don't wanna fuck this up,” he whispered. 

“So talk to him.” 

“It's a slow process!” 

They heard Keith laughing and turned to see Hunk pointing a batter covered spatula at him. 

“Please don't kill him, I like him,” Pidge said, easily integrating into the mood. Lance on the other hand had to take a second to pull himself back into the moment. 

Soon enough, the smell of warm chocolatey brownies filled the apartment and Hunk and Keith came back to the living room. Hunk looked much more relaxed now. As Keith moved around to sit beside Lance on the floor, Lance quickly shoved the paper with Pidge’s response into a random page in his textbook. 

Keith sat down, his side pressed against Lance’s. “Are you going home for the holidays, Lance?” Hunk asked. 

“Probably for Christmas and New Year’s. But they’re just an hour away, and they’re giving my room to my  _ abuelitos  _ so I don’t really wanna go back to sleep on a couch,” he said. “What about you guys?” 

“My parents are coming up. Matt is like, twenty minutes away from me, so it’s just easier to reconvene here,” Pidge said. 

“I’m going back but not until the week of New Year’s.” Hunk looked at Keith and smiled. “What about you?” 

“Uh, Shiro’s parents live here, so we just drive over whenever.” He shrugged. Lance could tell there was something he was holding back, something making him recoil a bit. But before Lance could steer the conversation, Keith said, “Are you guys going to the dance showcase?” 

“I’ve heard of it being talked about, but I wasn’t really planning on it. Are you? Wait, are you on the dance team?” Keith nodded and Hunk smiled. “Whoa that’s cool! Yeah, I’ll go.” 

Lance slipped his hand into Keith’s, and Keith only let his eyes flicker over to him for a moment before returning to the conversation.

There was a part of him that desperately wanted to curl into Keith, to wrap his arms around him and find solace in the embrace. He wanted to be kissed by him to soothe the unease in his chest, wanted to feel certain that Keith would be first to reach for him. But he knew that wouldn’t happen. Because Keith always waited on a cue. Because they weren’t even dating, they were just… in a weird space in the middle where they were pulled to each other but still too much of a stranger to the other to merit the term  _ boyfriend. _

It was so confusing because they’d already spent a party making out and holding hands in front of Hunk and Pidge. Now it felt stiffer. It felt uncertain. It felt like there were boundaries that had to be discovered slowly. 

Somewhere around midnight, Hunk and Pidge left, leaving Keith and Lance alone. After a bit of quiet TV watching, just sitting beside each other, Keith turned to Lance and touched his arm lightly. 

“Um. Are you okay? You're kinda quiet.” 

Lance looked back at him, the unease in his eyes darkening them. “Yeah, I'm okay.” Keith frowned, turning his body fully to face Lance. He looked frustrated, though Lance wasn't sure why. “What?” 

After a moment of hesitation, Keith said, “You just seemed to get a little distant after a while and I don't know why. Did I do something or are you not comfortable being around me with Hunk and Pidge-” 

“Wha- hey!” Lance sat up straighter and reached for Keith's hand. “That's not it at all. C'mon Keith, don't you at least know me a little better than that by now?” Keith's jaw clenched, his eyes narrowed. “Hunk and Pidge both know how much I like you. And who do you think I blathered to about our first date and everything else?” 

His expression eased up and he sighed, shoulders slouching. “Then what happened?” 

Lance touched his cheek lightly. “I just don't know what you're comfortable with. I mean, we aren't official, so I don't know what you want when we're around other people. You don't initiate anything, and I don't want you feeling like you have to because I do-” 

“Wait, you're confusing me,” Keith interrupted. “Initiate anything?” 

“Like… hand holding and… I don't know if I get too close sometimes or…. I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to.”

“We've already had sex, Lance-” 

“That doesn't matter!” Lance stood up and started pacing. “These are different circumstances. You still thought I was gonna ditch. I don't know what you like and what you don't like, and I don't want to always be the one that has to make a move first.” 

It was quiet for a moment. Lance stopped pacing to look at Keith. 

He was rigid, on the edge of the couch. His eyes were set on a random point on the wall, narrowed. Lance felt a wave of guilt wash over him.

Then he took a deep breath, and his eyes moved to the table. “Lance, I don't mind when you get touchy and affectionate. And I'm sorry if I'm not reciprocating it the way you want but….” His jaw clenched and his hands curled into fists on his lap. “I don't know how this works, so I  _ am  _ taking cues from you. There is still a part of me that thinks you don't really want this, and I'm waiting on you to realize it, so it's easier to just… mirror whatever you do.” His eyes flickered back to him, distraught. 

Again, Lance wanted to know who had left him so broken he was still messing with pieces of whatever past he'd had. What would it take for Lance to prove himself? “So… you thought my pulling away was… me starting to not want you around.” Keith shrugged then rolled his eyes and nodded. The sequence of those things made Lance wonder what he was thinking. It was like he was having a sort of conversation with himself. Maybe he was. He seemed to be picking his words carefully. 

More than anything, Lance wanted to know what was going on in his head. What was he holding back? What made him decide to say one thing, and not another? He was being more transparent than he had been in the past, and Lance wanted to know why. Keith was obviously someone who didn’t like vulnerability. And yet, he was letting Lance in a little. That meant something. 

Lance sat on the table in front of Keith and cupped his face. “Okay. So… you don’t mind if I do couple-y things around other people even if we aren’t a couple?” Keith stared at him for a second before shaking his head slowly. “Okay. I’ll keep that in mind. But can you also maybe try to… take  _ me  _ by surprise sometimes? I just wanna be sure you’re still into this too. Whatever it is.” 

Keith let out a huff and Lance could feel the way his jaw tensed under his hands. “Okay. I can try, but I can’t promise I’ll be good at it. I’m not  _ used  _ to this. I’m not used to you.” 

“I know,” he whispered. 

Violet eyes scanned his features and suddenly Keith was pulling back, pushing Lance’s hands away. “Don’t do that! Don’t feel bad for me. Pity… pisses me off. I’m fine.” Lance blinked in surprise, frozen as Keith crossed his arms, staring him down. “Whatever bullshit I dealt with made it way harder for me to get hurt now, and that’s a good thing, I think. So don’t look at me like a kicked puppy.” 

Lance smiled and started laughing. Keith looked at him like he was crazy, but Lance couldn’t stop laughing.

The guy sitting in front of him was so unpredictable, so easy to tip from one side to another. It was easy to make him blush, and Lance had no idea what things would make him start shutting down, much less what things would make him get defensive or aggressive. It was kind of fascinating seeing how many emotions Keith could feel, and how sudden they could happen. He liked that he was getting to see them. 

He liked that Keith was unafraid to show him. He liked how much this beautiful person seemed to feel.

“You’re incredible,” Lance said with a smile, moving his hands to simply take Keith’s. 

Keith raised an eyebrow at him, but Lance just kept smiling. Again, Keith pulled his hands away. But this time, he hooked a finger in the collar of Lance’s shirt, pulling him forward. When they were close enough that their noses were brushing, Lance waited, eyes falling to Keith’s lips and up to his eyes.

Finally, Keith closed the space and kissed him. Slowly at first, unsure. Then a little more confidently, his hand slipping to the nape of Lance’s neck to bring him in. Lance let himself be pulled forward until he was fumbling off the coffee table and onto his lap. He was practically draped over Keith, their kiss never stopping, but building and building. 

Keith's experienced mouth reminded him of that first kiss making him melt under the attention and the touches. His arms wrapped around Lance's torso, hugging him close as he sucked on his lower lip. 

“Keith….” Keith hummed, but Lance only returned to the kiss with more fervor, more intensity. 

His arms unwrapped themselves, hands favoring going under his shirt instead. His thumbs rubbed circles into Lance's sides, making Lance shiver. 

“Do you want to stay the night?” Lance asked on a single breath. He bit his lip and looked down at Keith who looked a little surprised. 

A small smile played on his lips as he brushed them over Lance's. “I would but I have a dance practice early in the morning. And then in the evening. I left my stuff back home.” Lance grumbled which made Keith chuckle before he groaned. “Which means I should probably go before it gets later. You're coming Wednesday, right?” 

“Yeah, absolutely. I wanna see you in your element.” Keith laughed at that, his hands pulling away from Lance's body to interlock with his. “So you gotta go?” 

“Mhm.” Except he didn't move. He kept touching his nose to Lance’s. Lance smiled at him and pecked his lips lightly. Then he leaned lower, trailing his lips along his jaw, down to his neck. He heard a soft gasp and one of his hands moved to rest on his thigh. “What are you doing, pretty boy?”

Lance smiled at the nickname, responding by sucking against the skin and swirling his tongue, biting just hard enough to make Keith grunt, his grip on one hand and his thigh tightening. “You mind?” Keith shook his head, tilting his head to give Lance space. 

The pale skin was his canvas to create bouquets of hyacinths, and Lance quickly got to work, marking him up as much as possible. He wanted to make him stay, he wanted to make Keith think of him even when he wasn’t near, he wanted the people who saw him tomorrow to know someone had done this to Keith. He wanted them to wonder, wanted to show anyone else who might have wanted him that Keith wasn’t theirs. 

And maybe Keith wasn’t his either, but he was this much closer than them. Keith was letting him do this. 

“ _ Lance,”  _ Keith breathed out. Lance could feel a bulge against the inside of his thigh and he smiled. He wasn’t any better, but he liked knowing what he did to Keith. 

“So you can think of me,” Lance whispered in his ear. 

Keith chuckled and touched his face lightly. “You have no idea,” he said softly. Lance’s eyebrows rose, and Keith blushed slightly, shrugging. Lance knew that he wasn’t going to get anymore information from him. Then he squeezed his legs and said, “I really do need to leave, pretty boy.” 

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” he grumbled. He got off of him and walked him to the door. 

Keith turned to him as he stood in the hallway and bit his lip. “If you get more nightmares, you can call me. If you want.” 

A weight dropped in Lance’s stomach, but he plastered a smile on his face, fighting the guilt that began to sprout through his veins. “Yeah. Thank you.” Keith nodded and hesitantly leaned forward to kiss him one more time. 

“Goodnight, Lance.” 

“G’night,” Lance whispered. Keith smiled and started walking down the hallway. Lance shut the door and locked it, sighing as he leaned his head against the table. “I just want to move on. Please.” He walked to his room and toward his closet. 

At the top back corner, there was a battered old black and blue shoebox. He pulled it out, afraid to open it, but needing something tangible. So many memories he couldn’t bring himself to throw out were in that box. Memories he thought he’d made his peace with. Until he heard her laugh, heard his name on her lips again in a stupid dream. 

Maybe it was unhealthy to hold on to something like this. But Lance didn't know what to do with the guilt. Pidge was right, he had nothing to be guilty about. So why couldn't he shake the feeling? 

Part of him wanted to tell Keith. To explain a bit and maybe get some sort of reaffirmation from him. But then… Keith hadn't told him about his own dating history. He wanted to know Keith really trusted him before indulging his own past. 

He stared at the box for a second before putting it back in its place and retreating to his bed. 

He met a very attractive guy. They liked each other. Something good was coming out of this. Lance didn't have to keep looking back. 


	3. Part 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are no s8 spoilers in this. Also, I write a majority of this fic from my phone, so please excuse any weird typos, my phone is weird. <3 
> 
> If you've seen s8, I swear I had been writing and posting this chapter in bits on tumblr since like 2 weeks before the season aired. If you haven't seen, don't worry about it. 
> 
> (Here's my proof, I started posting this since Dec. 11: http://i-write-shakespeare-not-disney.tumblr.com/post/181030826302/side-effects-pt-54 )
> 
> lolololol anywayyyy!

_Spotify Playlist[Click Here](https://open.spotify.com/user/1224838706/playlist/2VsrJzWMQFTf8oXZtdhB8x?si=FIJ0i_XLSgK6udsG12CSMw)_

_Youtube Playlist[Click Here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRKoEbEl17CJINd10RE7RKlbmUvAyvynZ) (same songs, just plus an original from a reader on Tumblr!) _

* * *

He knew he was dreaming the moment he saw her sitting beside him. In those washed out jeans and that baby blue sweater with large sleeves, saying something about the birds that she was feeding remnants of churro crumbs.

But the second he reached out to touch her, to make her look at him, Lance woke up felt the onslaught of varying emotions.

It was Wednesday, which meant Keith would be dancing today. That wouldn't be until later. They had been talking throughout the week with occasional texts, but Lance called at night in hopes that talking to Keith would help him sleep better. And in a way it had. He just felt bad about indirectly using Keith that way.

Lance didn’t want to go to Keith’s performance with her on his mind, but he knew he’d talked Pidge and Hunk’s ears off about this before. He didn’t want to go down that road again, didn’t want to make it seem like he was back at square one. He wasn’t. He knew he wasn’t. He just needed to talk it out, just this time, not with his best friends.

He reached for his phone and smiled a bit at the last message Keith had sent him last night, just before he’d fallen asleep. A simple, _good night pretty boy_ that still managed to send warmth flooding his cheeks. It felt comforting.

He took a deep breath and scrolled through his contacts until he found the name he was looking for. He swallowed down the anxiety building in him as the phone rang until one ring was cut off.

“Lance?” a soft, worried voice answered.

Lance let out a shaky breath and ran a hand through his hair. “Hey, Romelle.”

“Are you alright? I haven’t heard from you… in a long time.”

Lance laughed humorlessly at that and nodded, even though she couldn’t see him. “Yeah, I know. I was just… wondering if we could meet up and talk? I can pick you up, I don’t have anywhere to be until later.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll be near the music store and the cafe.”

“Okay. I’ll tell you when I’m close.” She hung up and Lance pulled on some jeans and a hoodie. It was nearly an hour’s drive, but that didn’t matter at that moment. He was going to explode if he didn’t do _something._

He knew confiding in Keith was another option, probably a better one. Everything was still so new with him though. The last thing Lance wanted was to drive him away with the weight of his own past, especially when it was clear Keith was dealing with his own.

Besides, when Keith was with him, he at least felt calmer. If Lance told him about the dreams, about what happened, then that would always be between them. It was far too early in their… sort-of relationship to do that. Lance wasn’t even entirely sure what they were for each other.

Which was why he drove for nearly an hour to find Romelle. When he was close, he let her know and she said she’d meet him at the cafe. He found her almost immediately, her long, sun-kissed hair looking like it was glowing under the sun. As soon as she saw him, she stood up, and Lance rushed forward to hug her.

She let out a small surprised huff before hugging him back. “Are you sure you're alright?” she asked gently, pulling away and searching his face.

He sighed and sat down, uncertain of how to start. He looked down at the table and scoffed. “I'm sorry. I know it's been a long time. It's just… I don't even know how to-” He groaned and ran his hand through his hair. Romelle touched his arm lightly and gave him a reassuring smile. “I'm sort of seeing someone.”

“Oh?” Her eyebrow arched. She was obviously taken by surprise, not expecting this as the topic at hand. “Haven't you been seeing girls for some time now?”

He shook his head and rubbed his temples in frustration. “Not… seriously. Just fun nights or flirty meet ups.” She hummed and he laughed softly at the disapproving tone. “This time though… it's the first time I want to be serious again since….” He shut his eyes and took a deep breath. He hadn't come out really to anyone but Pidge and Hunk. He looked at her and gave a sheepish smile. “His name is Keith.”

Her eyes widened only slightly before she composed herself. She reached out to take a sip from whatever was in her lipstick stained mug and Lance could feel his heart pounding obnoxiously through his whole body. “What's different this time?” she asked, finally. “Why do you want to be serious with him after all the flings? And no offense, but why did that warrant you coming all the way here to talk to me?”

The wind blew a little stronger and gave Lance an excuse to curl into himself. He tried to organize his thoughts but he felt like he was suffocating. So he decided to just be honest. To just spit it out and say it.

“Because I’m dreaming of her again. Because I feel like I’m not allowed to move on even though it’s been so long. Because I’m scared she won’t leave me alone and I won’t even be able to be happy with Keith.”

Across the table, Romelle sighed. She slid her hand across the table to get him to look at her. “What can I do?” she asked helplessly. “Give you my blessing? I’m not her, Lance. But I think I knew my cousin well enough to know she’d want you to be happy.”

Lance ran a hand through his hair and fought past the knot in his throat. “Pidge and Hunk didn’t know Allura for that long. They didn’t know her like I did. How… how do you go through your life with her just… always being gone?” He felt himself getting agitated and he lowered his voice, not wanting to draw attention to themselves. “I thought I was fine, I mourned, I let myself laugh again, I met other people. Then out of nowhere she- she’s in my dreams, and she’s smiling at me and laughing at me and talking about birds and-” He took a sharp breath, hating the way his voice broke. Hating the way Romelle’s eyes filled with tears. “I don’t want this getting in the way of what I’m building with Keith. He means a lot to me, and I don’t want him to feel like I mean that any less.”

Romelle chuckled and looked up to blink the tears away. “I don’t think he would take it that way.” Lance scoffed because he knew Keith. He already had his doubts about Lance. Telling him about Allura could make it so much worse. “Lance. It isn’t easy getting over a death. Of course I still feel her absence. She was like my sister. If it worries you that much, then maybe just take these slow with this boy.”

Lance couldn’t help but laugh at that. It’s what everyone was suggesting. The thing was, even if they hadn’t been giving him that advice, Lance would have had no choice but to take things slow with Keith. Ironic as it was with the way they started. “I know that. I plan to. I just….”

“You feel guilty for moving on.” Lance nodded and put his head in his hands. “Lance, Allura would be more than ecstatic to know you’re happy with someone. You were there for her through everything, you think she wouldn’t want you to have someone in your life?”

Logically that made sense. Lance believed that with all his heart. He knew she would want him to be happy, because she loved him, because she would say it over and over near the end of her life, no matter how badly it made Lance cry and hold on to her. “It just feels like… if I let myself fall for someone else… it’ll somehow make what I felt for her… less?”

She grabbed his hand between both of hers, gripping them tightly. Now a few stray tears had made their way down her cheeks, making her eyes glisten. “That is far from the truth, Lance,” she said softly, but urgently. “Believe me when I say that no one could have ever loved her the way you did. And letting yourself have a chance to fall in love with someone new wouldn’t mean you loved her any less. It just means you are loving more. And I think that having that much space in your heart for people says a lot about you. It’s part of why she loved you, I think.”

At that point, Lance could feel the way his tears spilled freely over his cheeks, sniffing constantly, unable to even say anything more. Everything was a half-thought, a sentence he couldn’t say aloud because his body was too focused on the crying. Thoughts of love, thoughts of mourning, of hope and uncertainty, of nostalgia.

He loved Allura so much, and losing her hurt. But he wanted to open up to Keith. Wanted to be able to make space in his heart, to be able to share his love without one diminishing another in the future. If he could love his mama and papa both so much without either love overshadowing the other, if he could do the same with Hunk and Pidge, then didn’t that mean he could do that for Keith and Allura one day? Hold the love he held for her in his heart while still letting himself love someone else, however far in the future it may be, whoever that love may be for?

“It’s okay to miss her still,” Romelle murmured, handing him a napkin. “But don’t feel guilty for wanting to let someone into your life.” Lance sighed and wiped at his face, trying to keep his gaze down so others didn’t see him falling apart. “Tell me about him. Keith, right? What’s he like?”

What was Keith like? Lance hadn't known him long, and yet he didn't know where to start. He had so much to say about him, all the things about Keith that fascinated him and made butterflies burst in his stomach.

“He's incredible. He's so passionate and he's funny and he's unfairly attractive and his voice is so warm and it's easy to make him mad, but it's easy to bring him back, and I love talking to him because I like seeing the way his eyes light up when he's excited, the way his body starts to relax and open because he's so caught up he forgets to be on guard and the little blush when he realizes it.”

Lance realized his heart was pounding, his cheeks burning just talking about Keith. Romelle was giving him a kind smile, encouraging and empathetic. So he kept talking.

“He likes dancing and he's really smart. He's, like… kind of obsessed with Dr. House. And I think he's one of the most genuine people I've ever met. He doesn't put up with anyone's shit, and he's not afraid to say what he thinks… sometimes at least.” He shrugged and started cracking his knuckles just to have something to do. “I really like him.”

She smiled and touched his cheek gently. “He sounds wonderful. And I think you should be excited to give this a chance.” Romelle pulled back and raised an eyebrow. “I do think you should tell him about… what's going on in your head. Maybe not right away, but definitely build to it. It could help both of you.”

Lance nodded, but it was easier said than done. How exactly do you bring up the dead girlfriend to the potential boyfriend without it being… awkward? The good thing was that talking to Romelle really did help. It gave Lance a little more peace of mind. He knew she would understand because Romelle was the only one who was as close if not closer to Allura as him. Well, her uncle too, but Romelle knew Lance and Allura’s relationship better. It helped to know he wasn't the only one still missing her. Helped to hear that he was allowed to fall for someone new.

“Okay, well, how have you been? The last thing I want is to have ruined your day in talking about this. I haven't seen you in so long, what's been going on with you?” he asked, wanting to return to normalcy. To a place where he and Romelle could laugh about radio songs and creepy commercials or joke about the fact that all the stores were stocking for Christmas when Halloween hadn't even passed yet.

After a couple hours of much lighter conversation which worked to soothe Lance further, he thanked Romelle and promised to stay in touch more often. He wanted to be back in time to see Keith before his performance, and the drive back would be over an hour because of traffic time.

By the time he got back and managed to get food in his system, it was half till five and the performance started at seven.

He pulled out his phone to see if Keith was available, sending a quick text asking what he was doing. He was lounging on his couch, waiting for an answer for half an hour before his phone buzzed.

_@rehearsal sry on break now whatsup_

Lance frowned and sent back another text. _Where do ya usually rehearse?_

Surprisingly, this time Keith answered a little quicker. _Main building third floor ballrooms. Why?_

_Is it cool if I come see you before you go on?_

This time there was a longer pause before Lance got a response. _Breaks over dunno if i’ll get a chance to talk, but you’ll be able to get closer seats. Gtg see you later._

Maybe Lance was thinking too much into it, but the texts felt impersonal, uncaring maybe. He didn’t want to show up and be a disturbance to his practices. But he did want that front row seat.

\--

When Lance got to the college, he had to look up which one the main building was. When he saw it, he figured it made sense it was the tallest building, however small in comparison to the others. He went inside and found a help desk immediately available. Lance knew it was the third floor, but he figured he might as well ask to be sure.

Sure enough, the girl at the desk told him to go to the third floor, but to wait in the lounge area because the space was still not open for seating. Lance thanked her and took the elevator, marveling at the sleek design of the elevator and how everything looked so shiny. It smelled like paint too, so Lance figured it must have been redone recently.

When he got off on the third floor, he saw a hallway lined with small couches and low tables. He walked and saw a few doors to the left, all closed with empty tables outside already advertising the performance. He could hear muffled music and someone shouting the counts. Lance turned and saw the small lounge area right across from the doors and decided to splay himself across the couch in the meantime.

He sent Hunk and Pidge a message that he was there already, and that it would be much appreciated if they kept him company so he didn’t look so awkwardly out of place. Pidge responded she’d be out of class in fifteen minutes, and while Hunk didn’t answer, Pidge said Hunk would be out in another hour.

Lance decided to watch videos on his phone to pass the time as he hummed to the rhythm of the song playing. He heard a door open, the sound of the music flaring for a moment. He popped his head up and saw a girl in spandex leggings and sports bra leaving the ballroom and walking down the hall. A few minutes later she came back, stopped at the water fountain, then went back inside, another flare of music freed from the space.

Lance was pulling himself up into a sitting position, checking the time when the door opened again.This time when he looked up, he saw a familiar face that made his entire body feel like it was sparking. Amethyst eyes settled on him, slightly surprised as a small smile settled on his lips.

“You came.” He walked nearer until he was standing in front of Lance. Lance forgot how to speak. He hadn’t physically seen Keith since he was at his house, and he hadn’t realized how much he’d missed him. The feeling was so intense, it took Lance by surprise. “You okay?”

“Yeah! Yeah, I am,” he finally said. He stood up, giving Keith a sheepish smile. His hair was in a ponytail at the nape of his neck and a black headband was keeping the rest of his hair out of his face. His skin glistened only slightly with sweat, and he was wearing sweatpants and muscle shirt with the sides cut wide. He was barefoot and his face was flushed and he just looked so ridiculously attractive in something that Lance could never dream of pulling off. “I missed you.”

Almost immediately, Keith’s face turned bright red, blooming from the apples of his cheeks to his neck. He chuckled and shook his head. “We talked on the phone last night.”

“Yeah, but… I can’t see you on the phone. More importantly, I can’t do this.” Lance cupped his face and pulled into a gentle kiss, moving slowly so he wouldn’t be taken too off guard, so he had time to say no if he didn’t want Lance kissing him.

But Keith responded by kissing him back, laughing lightly through his nose. “Mm. You’re corny.” Lance rolled his eyes at that and Keith laughed again.

“Were you going to the bathroom or something?”

Keith shook his head. “No, but one of the dancers came in and mentioned someone was already here, and after you texted, I figured it might be you. So I said I was going to the bathroom to see if I was right.” He arched an eyebrow at Lance and smirked. “This thing isn’t starting for another like hour and a half.”

“I wanted a good seat,” he answered with a pout. Keith laughed and looked at him with that knee-weakening smile that made his nose scrunch up. Then his eyes flickered to Lance’s lips and he hesitated for a moment. Lance was about to lean into him, but Keith beat him to the punch, wrapping his arm around him to pull him closer and kiss him. Lance felt his entire body spark. “Whoa.”

Keith ran his thumb along Lance’s lower lip and smirked. “I should get back inside.” Lance made a hum of disapproval which made Keith’s smile widen. “I’m... really glad you came, Lance.”

Lance responded with another kiss, hoping to keep him for a while longer.

“Your gay is showing,” he heard a familiar voice say, making them split apart. They looked over at Pidge who was staring at them with a smug look. “Looks like you have all the company you need, buddy.”

“Hey, Pidge,” Keith answered, blushing worse than before. “I actually have to get back inside. Thanks for being here, by the way.” Pidge smiled and nodded. Keith turned back to Lance. “I’ll see you later okay?”

Lance nodded and Keith started to leave. But Lance reached for his hand and yanked him back, kissing him one more time, one hand at the nape of his neck, the other still holding his wrist. He pulled back and Keith stared at him with wide eyes. “Break a leg, babe.”

Keith flushed and smiled widely, sheepish and flustered as he nodded, walking back to the ballroom with uncertain steps until he opened the door and ducked back inside.

“God, you’re so gay and so cliche,” Pidge said with a snort as she settled on the couch.

“Oh, shut up. Cliches are fun. Besides, I don’t think Keith has ever had someone be cliche romantic with him, he’s always kind of taken by surprise when I do it.” Pidge hummed and pulled out some homework she had. “We have a date later this week. I’m gonna make the most cliche, straight out of a teen romance novel date ever.”

Pidge laughed at that. “I don’t doubt that you’ll pull it off.” Lance kept watching videos as Pidge worked on her homework, both of them waiting on Hunk to get out of class.

As he waited, he got a text from his sister.

_Hey flaco we haven't heard from you!!! Tf?? 😒_

He laughed and quickly typed back, _sorry chaparra been busy with school and stuff I'll call mami later_

They continued to text, catching up briefly and Lance considered telling her about Keith. Veronica had always been someone Lance could turn to when he wanted serious emotional venting. He always turned to Marco for help with girls and Luis was more like a partner in crime, being the closest in age to Lance. His brothers didn't mind being serious or emotional, but that was usually in dire situations, and frankly…. He wasn't sure how they'd take the fact that Lance was seeing another guy.

Veronica, however, had always been a little more open. A little kinder. Lance could tell her about stupid things and things he was embarrassed about and she wouldn't laugh at him. When it came to something as serious as a relationship, he was certain she wouldn't turn him away. But would she tell their parents?

That opened a whole new set of questions. Lance had to figure out how to tell his parents and how to deal with however they dealt with it and when to tell them and…. It was rough. He could go home any day, but he didn't want it to seem like he was only visiting to tell them he was seeing a boy. And doing it during one of the holidays scared him because if they took it badly, those holidays would be ruined forever.

He felt a shoe nudging his side and looked over at Pidge. “Stop biting your nails and tell me what you're thinking about. Unless it's sex then just say it's sex and we'll leave it at that.”

Lance rolled his eyes and told her about the questions rummaging through his head. Her expression turned slightly more solemn, the way it did when she was ready to be serious instead of playful and teasing.

“I think if you told Veronica not to say anything, she would respect that. And I think she would take it well. Wasn't she in GSA in high school?”

“Yeah, but it's different saying you support the decisions of strangers and friends who've known who they are since they were like… five and saying you support your little brother who took almost 21 years to figure it out.” Pidge narrowed her eyes, lips pursing into a line. “It's always different when you're living with something than when you just see it.”

“But she's your sister. She's always loved you a lot, and I don't think the fact that you like Keith now is gonna change that. As for your parents, they're not super typical Hispanic parents from what I know. I don't know if they'll be jumping with joy, and it might take them some time for it to settle, but ultimately, they love you too and would want you to be happy.” Lance tried not to shudder at the echo of his conversation with Romelle. “There's also the fact that you aren't _obligated_ to tell them anything.”

“No, I want to. I want to tell them so they can meet him and I can show Keith I'm serious about him and I can bring him to dinner for Easter or something.”

“Wow you've thought ahead. Got a wedding date set too?” Lance glared at her and she cleared her throat, returning to her more serious tone. “Okay, well when you say you want to tell them, is it for _you_ or is it for _Keith?_ Because I don't think you should want to just to prove something to him.”

At that, Lance hesitated. Was he allowed to say both? Of course he wanted to tell his parents. He didn’t want to keep secrets from them, especially about something this important. It was one thing not to tell them he’s had sex or that he drinks away from home despite being underage still. It’s another not to tell them about an actual person of importance in his life. He wanted to be able to gush about him and ask for advice like he had when he was into Allura.

He also really wanted to show Keith that he meant what he’d said before. Show Keith that he was worth telling his parents about, that he wouldn’t be a secret.

“I want to tell them for both of us. Maybe if I’m casual about it they can be too.”

Pidge shrugged and smiled at him. “Maybe. I’m sure it’ll mean something that this is the first time you’re invested in someone since… you know.”

“You can say it, Pidge. It’s not a bad omen, and it’s not some forbidden thing. Allura’s death. Yeah. If we keep skirting around it, it’s like we’re trying to make it seem like it never happened. Like she was never here.” He clenched his jaw and looked away, the tension leaving him slowly as the silence went on.

He felt a hand on his forearm. “Hey, I’m sorry. You’re right. I just… I guess I just also don’t want you to let this relationship revolve around or in the shadow of the one you had with… Allura.”

“I won’t. Keith is his own person, and our dynamic is already so different, it’s not like… I’m comparing them or anything. It’s just… weird because the dreams make the memory of the emotions come back up and I get confused and….” He sighed and shook his head. “I’m here for Keith. I want to focus on him right now.”

Pidge nodded and gave a smile along with a reassuring squeeze on his forearm. She leaned back and returned to her homework. “Hunk said he’s out of class, he’ll be here soon,” she said, casually. Lance felt the awkward air around them dissipate.

He returned to his phone, scrolling through it, when the doors to the ballroom opened and people started coming out. It wasn’t too many people, but they were all dressed in various workout clothes or some sort of stylish baggy clothes. The dancing aesthetic Lance saw from movies like Step Up or something. What he enjoyed was that their physiques weren’t what he saw in movies.

They weren’t all workout-fifteen-hours-a-day and eat-only-a-leaf thin and built. The ones with their stomach showing didn’t exactly have toned abs or anything. It made it feel more real, in a way for Lance. Like he wasn’t about to watch movie stars, but actual people with real passion for dancing.

And among them was Keith, pulling the elastic band from his hair, eyes flitting over to him. He gave him a slight smile and Lance waved at him, feeling his heart stutter. Keith peeled away from the group who seemed to be going into various rooms on the other end of the hallway.

“Hey, you guys should be able to go in now. Everyone’s getting into their clothes and makeup.”

“Hunk will be here soon, so we’ll go in when he gets here,” Pidge said.

Keith nodded and blushed slightly. “Okay, so I gotta go get changed and stuff. I’ll see you guys soon, I hope you enjoy the performances.” He started to turn away before he backtracked and kissed Lance on the cheek. He hurried away immediately after and Lance could see how red the tip of his ear was even from where he stood.

Pidge clicked her tongue and nudged Lance. “You two are actual middle schoolers.” Lance rolled his eyes and nudged her back.

Shortly after, Hunk was coming down the hallway and stopping at the lounge area to greet them. It was still half an hour before the show, and he’d come with drinks from the cafe and muffins for each of them.

They went into the ballroom and saw the space lined with chairs, all turning in a sort of semi-circle to face a stage that seemed to be elevated about a foot high. It was pretty wide, reminding Lance of what his high school stage looked like, except this one was built with various pieces.

The half hour passed quickly with Hunk and Pidge to talk to. People had begun to trickle in about ten minutes after they had claimed three front row seats in the center. Five minutes til, the seats were mostly all taken. People kept coming in, but a minute til starring the doors were closed and people couldn't come in anymore.

A familiar face took the stage, doing a double take at the sight of them in the first row.

“You didn't say your mom was a dance teacher,” Lance whispered.

Pidge shrugged. “She does it on her offtime. She mostly teaches plant biology and microbiology.”

“Alright, hello everyone! First I want to thank all of you for coming out to support this group of amazing and talented people. They’ve worked so hard to be able to perform this for you all, and if you enjoy the performance, please come out and support us in competition! We’ll be selling tickets in the booth outside the doors as well as small handmade things like handmade bracelets and necklaces for our fund. Donations are appreciated too, though.” Lance mused over buying one for his mom and sister. “Lastly, if you need to leave for the bathroom, I ask that you please wait for the time between acts. We will be opening the doors to allow late arrivals and allowing you all to go to the bathroom. This way performances can go unbothered. Of course, please keep your phone on silent or completely off. If I hear one, I _will_ stop the performance and ask whoever it is to leave.” Lance raised an eyebrow and looked at Pidge. She nodded, her eyes comically wide to show just how serious her mom was about this. “I hope you all enjoy the performances, and without further ado, please welcome Leah and Harry!”

There was some polite applause, and Lance quietly asked to see the program the person beside him had. There were six pairs going up, and Keith was the fourth one, along some girl named Alexa. After that they were supposed to perform as a group.

He returned his attention to the stage after returning the program and watched as the two took their places on stage. The girl had a on a dress that fell to her shins in strips of netted cloth, low cut but simple and modest. It shimmered only slightly under the soft lights. The guy had on a normal button up and slacks. The song came on, and it was one Lance recognized from the radio immediately.

Watching the performance was captivating. Especially being in the first row. Lance was on the edge of his seat, leg shaking to relieve the stress as he watched them move in perfect sync, twirling, spinning, jumping, their movements calculated but smooth. He watched Harry pick Leah up and twirl her around his body, watched him drag her back as she kicked, her face anguished. He watched the way the moved quickly and certainly, perfectly used to the space. He covered his mouth when Leah ran toward the edge of the stage, yanked back at the last second into an embrace that ended with her falling slack against Harry as he soothed her hair and the lights went down.

“Holy shit,” he heard Hunk whisper as applause filled the room. The lights came up a little brighter for the two to bow and and hug each other. Lance heard the doors open and a few more people came in as the two dancers got off stage. Colleen came back on stage to announce the next pairing, this time two girls in flowing gossamer dresses.

Lance was entranced from the start again. He didn’t know the song, but it was solemn, anguished, though upbeat, the vocals chilling. The girls moved like clones, graceful and light, their bodies open as they seemed to take up the entire stage. The next pair that went up was a girl and some guy that looked like he’d recently had some work done on his nose because of a patch on it.

“What happened to Roland?” Pidge whispered.

“Dunno. He was like that when I had him for class Monday. Worse actually, think he’s wearing makeup.” Hunk sped up the last bit of information because the lights were dimming again for the performance.

Lance knew this song, and he watched, just as enraptured as before even if they had on more casual clothing. This one was a little more playful, a cute love story, touchy and full of smiles. It was only slightly broken by the sight of the patch.

This time when the lights came up, Lance felt nerves tighten in his stomach. “Keith’s next, guys,” he whispered, moving further on the edge of the seat, even though he didn’t think it possible. His entire body felt coiled up and his heart was starting to pound.

“Relax, Lance, you’re not the one performing,” Pidge said with a laugh.

Lance rolled his eyes. Then the lights started dimming and he leaned his elbows on his knees, holding up on tightly interlocked hands. He saw the silhouettes moving to their spots, sitting in front of each other.

The music started and Lance clenched his teeth hard. The girl was wearing a short, loose black dress with wide sides and an open back, a lacy bra topping it off. Keith was wearing torn black jeans, his torso totally bare.

“God help me,” Lance muttered, and Pidge stifled a snort into her hand.

The dance started with them mirroring each other, a lot of hand movements that slowly spread to include their legs and the rest of their bodies. Their legs intertwined before threading apart, holding on to each other to stand.

And then it got intricate. Lance watched as the girl- Alexa- twirled herself around Keith’s body until they were back to back and Keith lifted her up until she was practically on his shoulders. Her hands came down to hold his face and Keith’s eyes shut as he let her go and she slid down, her hands locked around him, sliding down with her body. A small twinge of jealousy sparked in Lance, but he ignored it, focusing on the dance.

It was fascinating to see Keith like this. He wasn’t acting it out as much as Alexa, but his face was still so concentrated, so gentle and pensive, it still gave off the vibes of the solemn song. The way his body moved so fluidy, the way his muscles flexed with each movement. He was so graceful, Lance couldn't help but sigh softly as he watched. And each time he lifted Alexa or carried both their body weight, Lance shivered a little. He knew Keith was strong, but with his lean frame, he didn't know he was _that_ strong. 

He watched the way his hands slid along her body, certain and steady and he wished so badly it was him up there. Keith cupped her face and she shoved him away, until he was going after her to lift her up and Lance grasped the seat with his hands when Keith held her up over his head, one hand on her neck and the other on the back of her thigh. He turned in a circle, and Lance looked for any signs that he might be over exerting himself, but Keith seemed calm as ever as he let her shift her weight until she was draped over his shoulder. Keith flipped her over and Alexa let herself fall until she was in a split on the floor her arms intertwined with Keith's.

Lance put his hands to his hair, feeling his heartbeat hammer. Keith lifted her back up, spinning her as she kicked out, until suddenly she twisted and used the momentum to slam into Keith, clinging to him like a monkey. Keith staggered back in a way that was too measured to be real. It must have been part of the dance. Lance was sure it was when he stopped moving and slowly wrapped his arms around her. The music picked back up and then the most mind-blowing part.

They began to reverse the entire choreography. It looked like someone had pressed rewind, on a VHS tape. Keith let go of her slowly, staggering forward this time until she let go and let him spin her again, the opposite way. Everything, every lift and every moment that Keith had to hold her weight on his legs or on his back was recreated backwards.

It looked… stiffer than seeing it forward, and when Lance listened to the song, he figured that was the point. The rewind, the unease, the expressions on their faces. It seemed to all come together. Until they were back on the floor, their movements slowing from their bodies to their legs to just their hands until they ended as they started, even with the lights going down.

The applause was deafening and Lance plopped back against his chair, feeling exhausted and awed and proud and… so many things. The lights came back up so Keith and Alexa could bow. Alexa had a small smile as she bowed. Keith’s was impassive.

His eyes found Lance in the front and Lance could only dramatically widen his eyes and mouth the words _holy shit._ Keith chuckled at that, his face lighting up with his smile and Lance smiled back. He had half a mind to go up on the stage to kiss his stupidly cute face. Instead he started clapping with the others before the applause died down and watched them both go off stage.

“Lance, buddy, they're opening the doors if you uh… need a bathroom break,” Hunk said.

Pidge burst into laughter and Lance looked over, reaching over her to punch Hunk in the arm. He flinched back, laughing along with Pidge. “So… thoughts?” Pidge asked.

“God, he could throw me like a ragdoll,” he muttered between his hands, just for his best friends to burst into laughter again.

It took a while, but Lance was finally able to focus when the next performers were dancing. He was so flustered with the image of Keith on that stage, so confident and sure. He was good at what he did and he loved doing it, and Lance could tell just by watching him.

Lance had seen Keith in a more reserved state, drawn into himself, not quite shy, just… closed off. Watching him dance was different. He had nothing to hold back, he was completely in his element, and Lance felt like he now knew some new part of him.

When the full group was performing their two dances, Lance’s eyes were drawn to Keith, Alexa, and another guy with dark skin and incredible facial expressions the most. But mostly to Keith. Because Lance was very biased. Regardless, it was fascinating to watch a group of twelve people moving in sync, making chaos look organized, moving between and with each other like puzzle pieces.

When the last song ended, everyone was cheering and clapping. But Lance was Hispanic, and in the front row; nobody cheered louder than him. Keith saw and heard him immediately, laughing and blushing at Lance’s volume. Alexa looked at him weirdly and then looked at Lance before nudging Keith and whispering something. Keith blushed more and nodded, which intrigued Lance.

Colleen came back on stage, keeping the dancers in their spots for a final bow as she thanked everyone for coming out and being such a great audience.

The doors opened and the dancers started hopping off the stage, greeting people who had arrived. Lance made a beeline for Keith despite Pidge and Hunk yelling for him to wait.

As soon as he saw him, Lance shouted his name and put his hands against his face, pulling him into a kiss. “You were incredible.” Another kiss. Keith stammered as Lance pulled back. “I was on the edge of my seat-” another kiss, “the whole fucking time-” another kiss, “and it was fucking incredible!” Lance kissed him again, spurred on by the chuckles in between kisses and Keith smiling against his lips.

“Um,” Keith said, pushing him back gently. “Thank you,” he said sheepishly. He turned to the people he’d been talking to and Lance realized with a flood of embarrassment that he’d just attacked Keith in front of Shiro and someone else. Shiro was staring at him with both eyebrows raised up, the other guy though was looking away awkwardly. “You know Shiro. This is Adam, Shiro’s boyfriend.”

“Shit,” Lance said through a pained smile, greeting them.

Adam laughed and looked at Shiro fleetingly. “I’ve heard about you. Lance, right?” Lance nodded, suddenly giddy about the fact that Keith talked about him when he wasn’t there. “It’s nice to put a face to a name.”

“Jesus, Lance, fuck your long legs,” Pidge muttered as she came up to them with Hunk behind her. “Keith, you did such a great job!”

“Yeah, you really did, and Lance here just about had an aneurysm,” Hunk added. Lance rolled his eyes, but Keith was just smiling like he couldn’t help it, touching his cheeks self-consciously.

“Thank you guys so much. And thank you for coming. I gotta go get changed back to my normal clothes and help clean up the dressing rooms, but I’ll meet you guys back here in a bit.” He waved and walked away, using his hands to rub his cheeks.

Suddenly Lance felt panicked. He wasn’t alone with Shiro, but the guy had also just watched Lance smother Keith in kisses like a touch-starved lunatic. Which yes, absolutely, but he didn’t need Shiro knowing that.

“Oh, uh, this is Hunk and Pidge. My best friends,” Lance said. Shiro might know them, but he knew Adam didn't. “So-”

Hunk interrupted, yelling after the guy with nose issue. He was helping take the stage apart, but he walked over when Hunk called his name. He must have had makeup on because now he looked even worse. His lip was swollen and he had a fading bruise along his cheekbone.

Then something in his face changed at the sight of the others. He stopped walking and shrunk into himself. “Yeah?”

“You did great up there,” Hunk said sincerely. And he was right. The guy had skill. But that wasn't what Hunk needed him for. “Dude, you gotta get me your part of the final project. You said-”

“Yeah, I know, I know,” Roland answered, as he ducked his head, making his dirty blond hair fall in his face. “I'll get it done alright?”

“I know that, but I don't want you halfassing either.” Lance winced, knowing that only someone really lazy could push Hunk to be so blunt.

He turned to explain to Shiro and Adam who he was, but the words died in his throat when he saw the unbridled rage in Shiro’s expression, fixed completely on Roland. Adam was rubbing his arm subtly, but his gaze eyes were on the floor. Lance had no idea if Shiro liked him, but he prayed he never received the look he was giving Roland.

Hunk was still talking to him, and Roland so obviously trying to get away. Lance was suddenly bursting with curiosity as to how Shiro and Roland knew each other.

“Alright, alright, dude!” Roland finally snapped. He was red in the face and his eyes were flitting everywhere. Lance stood next to Pidge, feeling awkward and unsure. He didn't want Shiro’s anger directed at him once Roland was gone, so he hoped Keith got back soon. “I get it! I'll do the work, I'll email it tonight. I gotta go.” He didn't let Hunk respond before he was rushing off, to the far edge of the stage.

Hunk turned back to the others and Lance risked a look at Shiro. Adam was whispering something, a stern look on his face.

“I _am,”_ Shiro said through grit teeth. He shut his eyes and Lance looked over at Hunk and Pidge who looked just as confused. “I'm gonna get some water.” Shiro walked away and Adam gave the others an awkward smile.

“Does Shiro know Roland?” Pidge asked, having the guts to say what Lance couldn't.

“Not really. It's… kind of complicated. It's fine, don't worry.” He smiled, a little more brightly this time.

Thankfully, Keith came back then, wearing a black hoodie and dark jeans with unlaced boots. He was wiping his face and neck with a wipe, revealing the leftover shadows of hickies against his neck, relatively hidden with his hair and hoodie.

“Alright, I'm free. Where'd Shiro go?” he said, standing near Lance, hesitantly threading their fingers together. It made Lance smile and his heart jumped.

“He went to get some water. You coming back to the house or…?”

Keith hesitated, and Lance quickly jumped to interfere. “We could get something to eat, if you want. If you don't have too much homework or anything.”

Keith smiled and nodded. “That sounds good.”

Shiro returned a second later, seemingly much calmer. “Ready to go, Keith?”

“Uh, I'm gonna get food with these guys before I go home. Could you take my bike back for me?”

Shiro smirked and nodded. He looked over at Lance, his gaze between something teasing and solemn. “Hope I'll actually get to know you one of these days, Lance. Keith doesn't shut up about you.”

Hunk, Pidge, and Adam stifled laughter as Lance reeled from the levels of _oh shit_ in that. Shiro wanted to get to know him? Soon? Keith talked about him?

But Keith was snapping at Shiro, telling him to shut up as his face turned red.

“Alright, we're going. Keys.” Keith scowled as he handed them over and Shiro tousled his hair playfully before taking Adam's hand and heading for the doors, waving goodbye.

Lance turned to Keith with a smirk. But before he could say anything, Keith covered his mouth and scowled. “Don't even. Shh.”

Lance laughed and pulled his hand away, leaning forward to kiss him instead, still smiling.

“If we wait for them to stop smothering each other, we're gonna starve,” Hunk said, making Keith and Lance break apart.

“Ah, shut up,” Lance said, blushing. “Okay, babe. Where do you wanna eat? You're the star tonight, it's your pick.”

“I don't mind-” Hunk and Pidge started protesting insisting on Keith choosing a place he liked. As they talked, Lance couldn't help but search for Roland, wondering still what could've happened for Shiro to have reached the way he had.

He saw him near the stage pieces, having stopped halfway from hauling one to a lift in favor of staring at Lance. His eyebrows narrowed, eyes skimming Lance up and down before he hefted the stage piece back up and started walking. It made Lance feel self conscious and he leaned further into Keith.

Lance followed the guy with his eyes and saw as Roland looked back over his shoulder before leaving. He shook his head and walked out, leaving Lance unsettled. He looked at Keith who was laughing at something Pidge and Hunk had said, completely oblivious. And it clicked.

He recalled the way Shiro had originally approached him after catching him leaving Keith’s room. With the way Roland seemed to size Lance up, the only connection was Keith. He wondered if maybe he’d figured out the ex. And if`so what had happened between them not only to make Keith so unsure about Lance, but to cause Shiro to get so angry.

But Keith was happy right now. And he’d just finished a performance. Lance didn’t want to ruin that by trying to interrogate Keith about someone who was obviously a bad part of his past.

“Alright, so where we headed?”

“I’ve been craving What-A-Burger,” Keith admitted.

“Sweet. What-A-Burger it is. We carpooling, or-?”

“I can drive me and Hunk there. You take Keith. And please no pit stops.”

Keith and Lance both blushed, but Lance was the one muttering to Pidge for her to shut up. They left the ballrooms and headed to the parking lot. Lance noticed that Keith’s hand was relatively loose in his own, and he seemed a bit skittish.

He waited for Pidge and Hunk to get to her Cooper before he loosened his own hand a bit. “Do you not want me to hold your hand?” he asked, hoping his tone didn’t make Keith think he’d be offended.

“I don’t mind…. I just don’t know if you want to or… if you’re just holding my hand because I started holding yours.” He shrugged, one eyebrow raised, but his face stoic.

Lance chuckled and shook his head. “I got really happy when you decided to grab my hand. I don’t want to hide this. I don’t want to hide _you.”_ Keith’s expression turned gentle, eyes focused on him fully. “I don’t know if me making out with you like a fucking maniac in front of your brother clued you in on that or not.”

That made Keith burst into laughter and he pulled Lance closer, lips brushing against his cheek and down to his lips. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were ready to rip my clothes off then and there.”

“Oh absolutely.” Keith laughed against his lips, playfully swiping his tongue across them.

Suddenly they heard someone honking, making them jump. He turned to see a silver mini-cooper, the window rolled down as Hunk and Pidge looked at them with disbelief. “You guys haven’t even gotten to the _car!”_ Pidge shouted.

“Do we need to split you guys up?” Hunk added, his arm hanging out the window.

“Haha, very funny. We’re going.”

“We’re ordering whether you guys are there or not,” Pidge threatened. “You’ll have alone time when we finish eating.” Then she waved and drove off, blasting a song on the radio.

“Are they like that with everyone?” Keith asked. Lance raised an eyebrow. “Like with everyone you like. Do they do the whole teasing thing?”

“Oh.” Lance furrowed his eyebrows, not wanting to think about her with Keith there. Still, the memories of Hunk and Pidge’s teasing when Lance started getting invested in Allura surfaced, making him nostalgic in a bittersweet way. “Yeah. Kind of. But it doesn’t happen a lot.” Keith hummed and looked at him curiously, but didn’t say anything else. Lance wondered if he believed him.

They walked over to Lance’s car, this time their hands a little more certain around the other’s.

Lance gave Keith free reign of the music, unsurprised to hear Queen and other 80s rock playing. He liked hearing Keith sing along, his voice soft and raspy, easily flowing. He tapped his hands on his knees, imitating the drumbeat, and Lance couldn’t help but smile at that.

They reached What-A-Burger, about a couple seconds after Hunk and Pidge, seeing as they were getting out of the car as Lance was parking his. Though this time, Keith didn’t move to hold his hand. He stayed near, their arms brushing, but his hand stayed in his jacket pocket. Lance told himself not to read into it.

While they were eating, the conversation mostly consisted of Pidge and Hunk asking questions about the dances. About the routine of practice, about how they came up with the choreography, about what each dance was supposed to mean. They offered their input, Lance occasionally adding his two cents in, but mostly eating his burger and gauging Keith’s reactions. They’d been talking about each dance couple, just not in order.

So Lance panicked when Roland was brought up, and he hoped they didn’t mention Shiro’s reaction.

“He did pretty good, but I was kind of thrown off by the bandage. I gotta give the girl props for keeping a straight face,” Hunk mused. Keith chuckled at that, which confused Lance. It didn’t fit with his developing theory. Then again, Keith was good at expressing only the emotions he wanted to express. “I don’t know if this is too personal, but do he and Shiro-”

“So who was the girl you got paired with? Alexa? I saw her say something to you at the end to make you blush,” Lance said, stumbling over his words to drown out Hunk’s dying question.

Keith looked uncomfortable and his eyes settled on Lance, not quite as warm as they had been before they got in the car. “Oh, yeah. She’s pretty cool. She’s been in dance about as long as me. She just asked if the guy making me laugh in the front row was the same one who made me show up to rehearsals Monday with my neck matching my eyes.” Despite the blasé tone, he was blushing, and in turn, Lance was blushing.

Hunk chuckled and nodded. “They’re still pretty prominent, buddy.”

“I know, but the concealer felt gross on my neck, so I wiped it off.” He shrugged. “They’ll go away soon enough.”

“Bold of you to assume Lance isn’t planning on replacing them,” Pidge snorted. Lance threw a fry at her, but she just grabbed it and stuffed it in her mouth. He didn’t say anything in response… she wasn’t wrong.

Once they were done with their food, and had goofed off well after eating, they left. Pidge went to drop Hunk off and start homework. Meanwhile Lance took Keith back to his apartment at Keith’s request. He was a little nervous about what that meant, but he figured it would be a good time to talk a bit without Hunk and Pidge’s light teasing, and of course to make out without making a fool of himself in front of Shiro.

As they went inside, he noticed Keith looking around even though he'd seen the place before. Lance wasn't sure why his heart was beating so quickly and obnoxiously.

“I was nervous,” Keith said suddenly. Lance cleared his throat and hummed inquisitively. “I mean, I'm always a little nervous before performing. It's a big deal. But I was… _shaking_ when I walked up there. Knowing you were in the crowd.” Lance bit his lip and began to apologize. “Then I caught a glimpse of you. How you looked at me while I was up there.” He chuckled softly and turned around, crossing the room to stand in front of him. “I don't think anyone's ever looked at me that way before.”

“You were hypnotizing, Keith. You're an amazing dancer, and… it means a lot to me that you invited me to watch.” Keith gave him a small smile. “Can I ask you something?” Keith tensed a bit, his eyes flickering up to look at him, his chin raising like he wanted to establish some sort of power over the moment. “Do you… like girls too? I realize I never actually asked your sexuality and I don't really fully know mine, but I sort of assumed-”

“Wait. What?” Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “Aha. Um. No, I don't like girls. I'm gay.” Lance let out a breath of relief and Keith looked at him uncertainly. “Why?”

Lance blushed and started messing with the laces of Keith's hoodie. “Just… the way you danced with Alexa was really touchy. Kind of intense.” He shrugged and looked off to the side. “I wasn't sure if you had a thing going there or if you guys are just that good at pretending for a dance.”

A finger tilted Lance's face back and Keith arched an eyebrow, dark hair falling in his eyes. “You got jealous?”

“No! No, no, no. Not jealous. Just…. Nervous I guess. I wasn't sure…. If you liked her then I thought…. I don't know.” Keith stared at him, waiting, but Lance didn't know how to voice it.

Did he wish it had been him up there with Keith running his hands all over? Of course. But he hasn't been jealous. He just worried that if she wanted Keith too, she could get him faster because they already danced so well together and… it sounded childish, he knew. It was why he didn't want to speak much.

He took a different route instead. “You're pretty strong, huh? Lifted her right over your head.” Keith smirked. “I don't know how she could stay so calm with you touching her like that.”

“We're dancers. It's just part of it,” Keith whispered, partially sounding like an explanation, partially like a reassurance. Lance hummer and tilted his face toward Keith, asking for a kiss, but wanting Keith to initiate it.

Thankfully, he took the hint and pressed a hand against Lance's face, tilting him further for a kiss. His mouth was soft, gentle due to some hesitancy rather than caution. Lance pressed further into it, parting his lips and slowly making his way past Keith's. When Lance put his hand at the nape of his neck to deepen the kiss, to taste his mouth properly and kiss him like he'd been dying to all week, Keith other hand pressed into his hip and pressed him back against the nearest wall.

Lance grunted, only reacting by biting Keith's lower lip. He felt Keith using his body to keep him pinned as he leaned in to bite and suck at his neck. Lance gasped and ran his hands through his hair, grasping onto handfuls of soft raven locks as he tilted his head back. “Is this payback?” he moaned softly.

Keith shushed him and let his hands travel down to Lance's thighs, hoisting him up in one go. Lance yelped and automatically wrapped his legs around him to keep from falling. Keith kept his hands under Lance's knees, holding him up. “Wanna tell me where your room is?”

“Left door, hallway,” Lance whispered against his mouth, his head reeling. Keith didn't even stumble, didn't seem to strain himself at all as he took him to the room. Lance fumbled with the doorknob and Keith laughed as they got inside, kissing wherever their lips landed.

Keith tossed him onto the bed and leaned over him, running his hands under Lance's shirt as he set to marking his neck. Lance squirmed and panted softly under him, wanting more than anything to be unravelled slowly by that mouth.

Lance threaded their fingers together and brought his hand up to kiss his knuckles. When he opened his eyes, he noticed the slight discoloration and furrowed his eyebrows. “Babe, what happened?” he asked, running his thumb over the fading bruises.

“Nothing,” Keith snapped a little too harshly, yanking his hand away for Lance believe it even a little. He smiled, but it didn't reach eyes. Didn't make his nose scrunch up or his cheeks color. “I'm fine.”

He leaned in to kiss him again, and while Lance let him, it was hard to kiss back. Like a flash, he remembered Roland’s bruised face, his split lip, bandaged nose…. Had Keith done that?

“Keith.” A frustrated sigh above him made the uneasy feeling in him worsen. “What happened to your hand? Who did you hit?”

“No one. It's nothing. Are you gonna kiss me back or not?”

Lance stared at him in shock before he pushed him away and sat up. He looked at Keith, a deep flush in his neck and face, but not from embarrassment or being flustered. This one seemed angry, especially with the expression on his face.

He stood up and Lance blurted, “Was it you? You messed Roland’s face up?”

“He deserved it, don't fucking worry about it.”

“Why?” Keith scowled and started for the door, but Lance rushed forward, stopping him from getting to the door. “Keith, please. Please talk to me.” He wouldn't look at Lance. His eyes were distant, his jaw set, and he kept freeing himself of Lance's grasp.

“What do you care if I got in a fight? What does it matter?”

“It matters because you reacted like this. Because Shiro looked furious the second he saw him. Because… it terrifies me to think of you getting so angry, you leave his face looking like that. And that's after what Hunk says has been at least two or so days of healing.” Keith sighed and shook his head. “Why won't you talk to me?”

“I don't want to,” Keith spat. “I should go.”

“You don't have to tell me everything, it can be a general idea, but just… please talk yo me, tell me what you're thinking, why…. Why do we keep doing this… back and forth? Like you wanna be with me one second then pull away the next?”

His eyes finally settled on him, intense, shimmering indigo. He looked… afraid. Like he was taking Lance's image in one last time. “I just wanted to enjoy this a little longer,” he muttered.

Something twisted in Lance's stomach. How bad was this? “Keith… what's going on? What did you do?”

“I didn't do anything!” he shouted defensively. He ran his hand through his hair and moved to sit back down on the bed. “Fuck it. This was bound to happen,” he muttered, crossing his arms over his knees. He didn’t look at Lance as he spoke. “I… I met him when I had him for class. I ran into him once when I was going to a rehearsal, and he was… really upset. I had never seen him like that so I tried to help. He'd broken up with his girlfriend, and I had no idea what to do, so I just… invited him to practice so he could watch, have something to do.”

Lance moved slowly sitting next to him, listening raptly. Keith sighed and kept talking, telling Lance about the boy he brought into this world of dance that had saved him in hopes of helping him get saved too. About how each dance practice increased their closeness, and in turn slowly became a little flirtier. Until the day they stayed after practice was over, goofing off and still rehearsing, teasing the other until suddenly they were kissing.

Only for Roland to beg him to keep it between them, not wanting rumors or questions or publicity. It had never been officially stated, but with the amount of kissing and touching, and shortly after the sex, Keith had assumed they were dating. And he'd respected each boundary placed, believed each time Roland said he cared about him, that Keith was different. The words he used were so similar to some of Lance's own, it made a dead weight settle in his stomach.

And then one day, seemingly out of nowhere, Roland told Keith to stop touching him, kissing him, to stay away. Keith's hands were shaking with the anger he was holding, his voice low and sharp. “After everything he told me, he left me feeling like some kind of manipulative pervert. He said I'd taken advantage of his vulnerability and convinced him to do things he wouldn't have if I hadn't gained his trust. He said he wasn't even gay or anything, that… he still loved his ex-girlfriend and was getting her back. That I had to stay out of his life.” Keith ran a hand through his hair, his jaw clenching and unclenching. “I was a mess, Lance. I'm a fucking foster kid, and… I'd never felt so used and unwanted than I did after Roland. I wouldn't eat. I thought he was right, I thought i was a monster, I thought I….” He took a breath and scowled at his hands in his lap. “Shiro didn't know how to help me. He tried being nice and gentle, he tried being stern, he tried ignoring it, he tried staying with me all day, I just…. He hated seeing me that way. He hates Roland for what he did.”

“Keith…. God, that's… horrible. God it makes so much sense now, why Shiro doesn't like me, why you're terrified to let me in, and I…. I don't even know how I could change that.”

Keith looked at him, eyes solemn. “You wanted to know why I hit him. Colleen made me captain on Monday. Which was Roland’s title. A title I fucking got him to by talking to Colleen and catching him up on dances and _telling_ him to….” Keith shook his head in frustration. “He cornered me in the bathroom after rehearsal. Said I was always fucking up his life, and then he saw the hickeys and that's….” Keith took a slow breath and looked at Lance with that same fear from the start. “He said you're gonna realize you don't like me and you'll want to forget me, just like he did. He said it's what I was good at, making straight guys want to experiment, basically. I just… got so mad. I needed him to shut up because I already think all of that myself and I didn't-”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Lance said, grabbing his hands. Keith's voice was getting panicked, and he wanted to bring him back. He recalled the way Keith had suddenly stopped coming onto him when Lance admitted he was the first guy he'd been with. The constant put down about Lance being straight and not wanting to be an experiment. How surprised he always got when Lance was affectionate in the smallest way in public.

“Why are you crying?” Lance blinked and wiped his eyes chuckling humorlessly. “The back and forth… it's because I _want_ to believe you. But you said it yourself, you don’t know what- and I-”

“I know,” Lance whispered, bringing his hands to his lips, kissing the bruises, telling himself not to cry. This was Keith’s story, not his, and he knew Keith wouldn’t want his pity. “I get it. God, I understand now more than ever.” He sighed and moved his hands to cup Keith’s face, making sure he looked him in the eyes. The skin under his hands became warmer and he could feel the hesitance of Keith wanting to talk before deciding against it and clenching his jaw.

Lance smiled and took a deep breath. “Keith, I’m not going anywhere, okay? I know it’ll take time for you to believe me, but that’s okay. I’m not in a rush.” Keith’s eyebrows knitted together, eyes wide and focused on him. “I may not know what my sexuality is, exactly, but I don’t need a label to tell me how much I like you. I like you so much, it scares me. It scares me how quickly I’ve been falling for you. How intensely I miss you without even realizing it until you’re with me, how comfortable I am with you. I like you, Keith. And that will always be true. Even if for some reason we don’t work out, I’m never going to say this wasn’t real.”

Keith smiled and leaned into one of his hands. “I believe that you mean that right now,” he whispered. Lance sighed, but he nodded. For now, that would be enough. For Keith to know he was serious right now, even if he wasn’t sure about later. They could work on that. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess. It shouldn’t be this complicated to be with someone.”

Lance laughed and shook his head. “It’s worth it, _cariño._ I wouldn’t bother if I didn’t think so. And I’m a mess too. You’ll see.” Keith rolled his eyes and Lance smiled cheekily. He let the silence settle for a moment, both of their expressions getting a little more serious. Lance ran his thumb along his cheek bone, as Keith’s eyes shut. “Thank you for talking to me.” Keith hummed and smiled, keeping his eyes closed. “Did you still want to go home?”

His eyes opened, a soft lilac color. “Actually… I’m pretty sure Adam and Shiro are… busy over there. Do you think I could stay here?”

Lance laughed at that. “Of course. Do you need a change of clothes?”

“Yeah. I kind of need a shower too.” Lance nodded and immediately went to get him some clothes to sleep in and a towel so he could shower. “Thanks….”

“I’ll be in the living room. Just let me know when you’re done, yeah?” Keith nodded, and Lance started to leave, but Keith grabbed his hand and pulled him back, kissing him quickly on the lips before pulling away and ducking into the bathroom. Lance had to take a moment to get his brain to catch up and stumbled dumbly out to the living room. He decided to work on homework since he skipped class that day, but it wasn’t long before Keith came back out, wet hair pushed back, shirtless with just the shorts Lance lent him, showing off the muscle of his calves.

The sight of him made Lance’s heart stutter. He sat down beside Lance, peeking over at his work, but not saying anything as he focused on the TV show Lance had put on in the background. Lance continued working on his homework, smiling to himself when Keith leaned against him. He ran his fingers through the wet hair, smiling.

They watched about three episodes in comfortable silence, a silence needed for both of them after the conversation they’d had. Keith’s hair was still damp, and it was interesting to see the way it looked pushed back. Keith looked a new level of hot with it like that, and Lance suddenly wanted to see him in a suit with his hair slicked back.

“Are you ready for bed?” Keith asked suddenly, noticing how Lance had put away his work. Lance nodded and they turned off the TV to go to the room. “You wanna be the little spoon?” Keith asked with a smirk.

“Mm, I like being the little spoon, but if you want to, I won’t mind.”

Keith laughed and got into the bed, opening his arms. “Come on, little spoon.” Lance rolled his eyes, but most definitely did not turn down the opportunity. He turned so his back was pressed against Keith’s torso, and stared at the way the street lights outside and the moon filtered through his thin curtain to cast silver shadows along his wall.

He yawned and intertwined his fingers through Keith’s. “Sorry I ruined the mood earlier.”

Keith chuckled gruffly in his ear, his nose nudging his shoulder as he bit him playfully. “It’s okay, pretty boy. Go to sleep.” Lance hummed sleepily and let the warmth of Keith’s body heat, the blankets, and his giddiness lull him to sleep.


	4. Part 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next are back to back (no addiction between because the posting got longer than I expected) hence the awkward cut off. :D
> 
> **Also, I'll go through and name the chapters "part 1/2/3" etc so you all know when to go back and forth between this and Addiction if you're reading both :) NOT INCLUDING MEDICINE**

Ever since Lance had gotten Keith to tell him about Roland, he’d become a lot touchier. Lance had gotten a chance to see him a couple times since Wednesday and each time Keith would find a way to either drape himself over Lance and attack his neck or lure Lance onto his lap and kiss him until his lips were swollen and red. Lance had taken to carrying chapstick because his lips were so overworked. 

But now it was Friday night- date night. Date number two which Lance had to make the best date Keith would ever have. 

He supposed luck was to blame for the fact that Veronica video called just as he was putting his finishing touches before heading out to pick Keith up. He answered and set the phone in front of his bathroom mirror. 

“ _ Ey chaparra, que paso?”  _

“Wow,  _ prieto,  _ where are you headed off to? All dressed up.” Lance blushed and took a breath. “Lance? Oh my God are you going on a date?” 

He bit his lip and looked at the phone. “Yeah. Please don’t make a big deal out of it.” 

“What do you  _ mean  _ don’t make a big deal? It is a big deal! You haven’t gone on a date in a long time. This girl must be special.” Lance gulped. 

He didn’t want to correct her, but he didn’t want to hide Keith either. “Come on, Vero, just leave it alone. I can… talk to you about ‘em when I get a chance to see you. I was thinking of visiting Mami soon for Luis’ birthday.” 

“Mm, okay. Can I ask where you’re going, though?” 

“Carnival.” 

“Ah! That’s so cute! Damn, we did a good job raising you,  _ manito.  _ You’re such a romantic.” Lance rolled his eyes and laughed. “Alright, well I’ll let you go so you can go on your date. But I want to hear about her! Maybe meet her if things go well?” Lance didn’t say anything. He just stared and blushed. “Can I at least know her name?” 

Lance felt something churn in his stomach. The more he avoided talking about Keith, avoided correcting Veronica, the guiltier he felt. The more terrified he got. He took a breath and smiled at her. “Tell you what. If the date goes well, I’ll call and… we can talk about it.” 

Veronica’s eyes widened, an excited smile on her face. “Sweet!  _ Te quiero, flaco,  _ be a gentleman and have a great time!” She blew him a kiss and waved happily. 

Lance chuckled and waved goodbye. “Love you too,  _ chaparra.”  _ He hung up and leaned on the counter, letting out an exhale. He was suddenly ridiculously nervous now. Of course the date would go well. Things with Keith were going great. He wasn’t shutting down as much, he was a little more vocal about his thoughts, and that was just in the last couple of days. 

Which meant Lance would have to tell his sister about him. He didn’t know how he would do that. He didn’t know if he wanted it to be on the phone or in person. Or if maybe he should tell her he liked guys on the phone then waited for her reaction to decide if he could go to her and tell her about Keith. 

He wouldn’t let his mind go to what he was supposed to do if she reacted badly….

He shook the thoughts away and tried his best to clear his head. He reached for his cologne in the mirror cabinet and suddenly faltered. It was a cologne he wore on special occasions only. A cologne he’d rarely used lately. A cologne Allura bought him one Christmas. 

“Fuck,” he grunted, hating the way his mind had so quickly gone from excitement to guilt.

The dreams with Allura hadn’t stopped. Not even the night Keith stayed with him. But they were becoming vaguer. As though the memories of her were being seen through a mesh curtain or something. Sometimes Lance wondered if he was even remembering her voice correctly, but by the time he woke up he could barely recall the sound in his dream. 

As he stared at the cologne, he remembered the Christmas she’d given it to him. It was his sophomore year of college. He had some interview with one of his professors when the semester started in order to be a TA in the fall, and it was making him so nervous he couldn’t even enjoy his break. 

It was a cologne Lance had been introduced to in a store that he’d been captivated by. But it was too expensive, so he’d simply resorted to accepting a test spray before going about his day. He refused to wash the sweater he’d sprayed until Allura had told him it was too stained to even wear in public anymore. 

So when he’d torn away the wrapping paper and recognized the bottle he was speechless. They’d seen the cologne in passing, it had been months since, and it had been ridiculously expensive. But she had gotten it for him and was giving him a wide smile. 

“Wear it the day of your interview,” she’d said. “And I know you’ll get the position.” She’d kissed him and giggled at his shell-shocked expression. “Now try and enjoy the rest of the break with me, okay?” A month later, Lance wore the cologne and got the position. 

Once Lance had recovered the ability to speak, he said, “ _ Mi princesa hermosa,  _ what did I do to deserve you?” She’d blushed and given him a bright smile. “I hope you know I will only ever use this on very special occasions. Like. As in the day I propose to you and our wedding day and the day we have kids. And the interview.” 

Her laugh filled every crevice of his heart. “I’ll keep my sense of smell alert, then. You now have a very special-life changing- major events cologne.” 

He stared at the bottle he hadn’t touched since the day he went to her funeral, unsure of whether he could really ever use it again. 

A special date with Keith, the first guy to ever make Lance want to bring down the moon and stars if it’s what it took to hear his laugh, the first  _ person  _ Lance had felt so drawn to since losing Allura… didn’t that call for his special cologne? Absolutely. Still, his hand faltered as it tried to reach for it. 

_ Not this time,  _ he thought. He couldn’t do it yet. He reached for his second favorite and sprayed that one before going to sit on his bed. 

He liked Keith. More than he’d like anyone in a long time. It just hurt that Allura was still present in so many things when he was alone. When he was with Keith, he could bring himself to live in the moment, to think of him and only him. When he was with Hunk and Pidge, he was there with them, and with his family, he was happy and he was okay. Lately, when he was alone, everything was permeated with her. How much longer until it would stop? 

“I think you’d like him,” he whispered to the empty room. “You’d like how passionate he is. He makes me happy. He makes me wanna try again.” Lance felt his eyes sting, and he stared at the ceiling in hopes of stopping the tears. “I’m sorry I slept around so much. I know you hated guys like that. But I just wanted… to pretend I was fine. That I had stopped missing you. And then Keith came along and…. I wasn’t even gonna go to that party. And now I’m head over heels for him.” He swallowed and buried his face in his hands. “That doesn’t mean everything we had isn’t important anymore…. Right? It doesn’t mean I love you less. I just… I don’t know. I don’t know!” Unable to hold them back anymore, the tears started overflowing, caught in his fingers. “I wish I could just… hear you tell me it’s okay. That it’s okay for me to want someone else. That wherever you are, you know….” Lance couldn’t finish. 

He was talking to nothing. To no one. It would be easier to write it all out, but… he didn’t want to. It kept it from being concrete. It kept the moment from being permanent. 

Romelle had said he had every right to be with someone new. To live his own life. He was young. And Veronica had sounded so excited and happy for him. Pidge and Hunk liked Keith, and they’d integrated him into their group seamlessly. Everyone else who knew even vaguely about Keith was fine. They weren’t judging Lance for moving on. So why was he? 

He wiped at his eyes and took another steadying breath. He just needed to bring himself back. He thought of the plans he had for the date, thought of how excited he was to see how many times he could make Keith smile. 

He would tell his sister about Keith and she'd be just as excited about him as if he'd been a girl. He would wear the cologne one day without having a mental breakdown. He would be okay.

He grabbed his keys and left the apartment, driving to Keith's with the radio at high volume. When he got to his house, he parked and went to knock on the door. 

A couple beats later, it opened and he saw Keith in a black long sleeved shirt with dark, torn jeans and red and black shoes. He was smiling, and it was an expression Lance loved to see. “Hey! I just gotta get my jacket and my wallet.” He turned away, leaving the door open as he ducked back into his room. 

Lance stepped in and looked around, wondering if Shiro was there. He wasn't fully sure he had the stamina to deal with the anxiety of being around Shiro who he had no clue how to read. 

Keith came back with a leather jacket and those fingerless leather gloves that fueled Lance's fantasies. He stopped short, giving Lance a once over, his smile fading. His eyebrows furrowed and Lance could see the hesitation sleeping back into his body. 

“You okay? You still… wanna do this?” 

“Yeah, of course. Why?” 

Keith shrugged and sat down on the arm of the couch. “I don't know. I just… don't want you to feel forced to go through with things if you don't really want to anymore. And I don't know if I've gotten to be too much or…. Shiro says I don't know how to be gray.” Lance frowned, raising an eyebrow in confusion. “I'm always on complete opposite ends of a scale, I never really find a balance. Like… with you, I go from… not wanting to let you in and being reserved, and now I just….” 

“Wanna kiss me every time you see me?” Lance finished with a smirk. Keith blushed but his face remained frustrated. “I don't mind that at all. I'm glad I was able to make you comfortable enough to make that change.” 

“But I know it can be a lot, and if I'm making you uncomfortable-” 

Lance closed the space between them and grabbed him by the shoulders. “Hey. It's okay, Keith. I'm not uncomfortable or upset with you.” 

Keith put a hand on his face, his thumb caressing Lance's cheek lightly. “Then why do you have that look on your face? You're not smiling wide enough for your dimple to show. That only happens if something's bothering you.” 

Lance stared at him in shock for a moment. He felt like all the air in his lungs had dissipated. 

Mi principe azul…  _ let me see that dimpled smile. I haven't seen it in so long.  _

He wasn't really a believer in spirits or ghosts or signs from beyond the grave. Not like his family. But it still gave him goosebumps to hear the similarities in Keith's words with Allura’s so soon after he'd been breaking down over her. It was chilling, and there was a part of his brain that wondered if brain was his sign. If this was Allura giving him the green light, her blessing even in the afterlife…. 

Or it was just a coincidence. And Lance's brain was seeing things it wanted to see. Keith's words were just his words, his observations. 

“Lance? What is it? What's wrong?” Keith looked concerned now. His eyes scanned Lance's face, his hand stilled against his cheek. 

“I'm okay,” Lance breathed out. He leaned forward, tilting his head for a kiss. “I'm sorry. I'm just….” He sighed and looked into those swirling eyes. Maybe he could tell him at least part of it. “My sister called. She wanted to know who I was going on a date with, and….” Keith expression changed, somehow turning shameful. “Hey, no, I wanted to tell her, I just… I think I need to make it a conversation in person, but I told her we would talk after the date, and I just started freaking out because I don't know what to say or how to say it or what she'll do and what I'll do about whatever she does-” 

Keith took Lance's face between his hands and shook his head. “Hey,” he said, with the gentlest voice Lance had ever heard from him. “You don't have to tell her about me if you're not ready. After what I said about Roland, I know you want to show me it's different, but I'm not expecting you to tell everyone right away. I won't be upset.” 

Lance shook his head stubbornly and leaned into Keith, resting his forehead against his shoulder. “I  _ want  _ to. I want to be able to tell them all about you. I don't want to hide you. It feels wrong not to tell them. I want to start with Veronica at least, and….” He took a breath and pulled back, looking Keith in the eyes. “I'm going to tell them. Because I want to be with you, and I don't want to feel like I have to hide that from certain people. It's not just to prove myself to you, I promise. It's something I wanna do for myself. I'm just… still kind of scared of how they'll react or if anyone will act different with me.” 

The corner of Keith's mouth quirked up slightly and he hooked a finger into his shirt, pulling his face closer. “I don't know what I did right for you to have come into my life, pretty boy.” Lance let out a nervous half giggle half whimper. Keith chuckled and ran his thumb over Lance's lower lip. 

Then finally, Keith's lips pressed against his and Lance felt like he could breathe again. The feeling of the leather sliding to his neck made him shiver as he parted his lips, moaning when Keith's tongue slipped into his mouth. 

“Why is this always how I find you two?” 

Lance practically jumped away from Keith at the sound of Shiro’s voice. 

“Don't exaggerate; this is the only time you've run into us like this,” Keith answered, sounding slightly annoyed. 

“Sorry. We're about to leave, we were just talking.” Keith looked at him with a quirked brow and Shiro looked at him with an amused smile. Lance felt his face heat up. 

“Right. Well, have fun.” Shiro went into the kitchen and Lance looked at Keith helplessly.

“He hates me,” Lance whispered as Keith walked to the front door. 

“Nah, he doesn't. He just doesn't like you yet.” Lance sputtered as Keith nudged him out the door. “Relax. I like you. I think that matters a little more, right?” 

Lance bit his lip and blushed. It was the first time Keith had said those words aloud, he was pretty sure. “Yeah. Just a bit.” Keith smiled and walked with him to the car. As Lance slid in he looked over and smirked. “Ready for the best, cheesiest date you will ever have in your life?”

Keith laughed and let it turn into a groan. “Alright, let's do this. I'm ready.” 

Lance smiled and held out his hand. Keith intertwined their fingers and chuckled softly as Lance drove. They made it to the carnival, a place bright with flashing neon lights, a large ferris wheel, rides with people shrieking in laughter, the smell of fried foods and cheap beer heavy in the air.

“Is it safe to assume the Ferris Wheel is one of our destinations?” Keith asked. 

Lance scoffed. “Abso-fucking-lutely. Cheesy date 101 is it has to include a Ferris Wheel.” Keith laughed and followed him to the admission booth. 

After a bit of debating, it was settled that Lance would buy their bracelets for the rides and Keith could buy any food they might want to eat. They decided to split the cost of tickets. 

As they walked through the space, trying to decide what ride was first, Lance couldn't help but marvel at the way the multicolored lights looked against Keith. The way they shone off his face, the way they reflected from his hair, splashing him in so many colors, he looked like a walking mosaic. It was beautiful. He was beautiful. 

“That one looks fun,” Keith said, pointing at a ride that whirled its passengers in circles, over and under like it was  _ trying  _ to make them puke. 

“Why am I not surprised?” Lance muttered. Keith snorted, tugging Lance along to get in line. The lines to each ride were pretty long, but Lance didn’t mind it at all because it gave him a chance to talk to Keith about everything and nothing. They talked about movies they liked, book adaptations they loved or hated, about the latest music and whether it was good or not in comparison to stuff that came out fifteen years ago. 

Each ride was crazy enough to leave Lance with an unsteady step, but short enough that it never got nauseating. He wondered how most of these rides were even safe with the way the jolted and spun and turned them. Keith, adrenaline junkie that he was, seemed to love it, poking fun at Lance for the way he would reach for Keith for balance once they were off the more adventurous rides. But the giddiness of being with Keith and the way the rides would drop or spin them had Lance laughing constantly, and because of it so was Keith. 

“Okay, okay, I wanna get some food, and I kind of don’t want to puke, so let’s hold off on anymore rides,” Keith said, steadying Lance as he tried to regain his bearing after the latest ride. He had always wanted to ride the flying saucer, but he’d been terrified of getting stuck on it with someone who would throw up. Keith didn’t seem to have that worry, and now Lance was holding onto his jacket, laughing as the adrenaline faded. 

Keith was looking at him with a wide smile, his cheeks flushed and his eyes shining, reflecting the lights of the carnival. “I think we’ve ridden everything except the Ferris Wheel by now.” 

“We could go into the mirror maze,” Keith suggested. “But I smell brisket and I’m starving.” 

Lance nodded and fell in step with him as they went in search of the food trucks. He carelessly threw his arm over Keith’s shoulders, leaning in to kiss his cheek quickly. A few steps later, and Keith was shrugging him off, making Lance stop. Keith was grimacing, a shy, but frustrated look on his face. 

“Do you… not want to be public right now?” Lance asked, gently, terrified that he’d done something wrong. 

“No, it’s not that,” Keith muttered. For a moment, it was like he was back to that uncomfortable, reserved demeanor he had on their first date. When he met Lance’s eyes, he bit his lip and furrowed his eyebrows. “I’m sorry. Don’t panic, you didn’t do anything…. I just….” 

Lance took a breath and stepped closer to him slowly. “Yeah?” 

Keith looked at him and huffed, trying to find words to explain. “I don’t like…. It feels possessive when people do that. The arm thing, I mean. And I don’t like it. I feel like I’m being controlled or something, and it’s….” He scowled and rolled his eyes. “Sorry.” 

Lance smiled and shook his head. “Don’t apologize. It’s okay.  _ I’m  _ sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” 

“I know,” he answered with a smile. 

“So… what’s okay to do?” 

Keith smiled and wrapped his arm around Lance’s waist, his hand slipping into Lance’s back pocket. “Ever watch Sixteen Candles?” Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “My foster mom  _ loves  _ that movie. I watched it more times than I’d like to admit.” He had Lance mirror him, and smiled. “This okay?” 

“Perfect,” Lance said with a chuckle. “Sixteen Candles, huh?” 

“Shut up.” 

Lance laughed and they kept walking. The various food trucks created a swirl of smells- sweet, salty, fried, greasy, deliciously overpriced food. “Where to, babe?” 

“Wherever the smell of barbecue is coming from. Then where the fried sugar one is.” Lance laughed, letting Keith lead the way to one of the trucks. 

They got plates of brisket with baked beans, coleslaw, and a roll and sat down at one of the wooden tables, on the other end of a small family eating and feeding a baby. They scarfed their food down, and Lance couldn’t help but laugh because Keith had barbecue sauce smeared to his cheek. 

“Would you stay still!” Lance chided, trying to wipe it away with a napkin. Keith scrunched his nose and stuck his tongue out but couldn’t reach the smear. “You’re so gross.” Keith rolled his eyes and finally let Lance wipe it away. Without really thinking, Lance pulled him into a kiss, soft and chaste. But Keith still tensed under his hands. 

Keith kept his arms around his torso, and glanced around when Lance pulled back. Like he was waiting on something around them. Then he looked at Lance like he was waiting for Lance to say something. 

“Should I not have done that?” 

“I don’t mind. Do you?” Lance shook his head and nudged his nose against Keith’s. He sighed and took Lance’s face in his hands. “Hey. I know… this is new to you, so…. Being with me isn’t like being with a girl.” He looked around briefly again and looked at Lance. “Not everyone’s going to be okay seeing us in public. They might let the hand holding and the pocket thing slide, but kissing….” 

“Keith, I’m not an idiot. I know how it goes. But I want this to be a normal date, and if anyone says anything to us we can just walk away.” Keith bit his lip and looked at Lance nervously. “And I’m not gonna change my mind because some bigot wants to call me names for kissing you.” A smile tugged at his lips and he leaned his head forward to rest against Lance’s. “But if you’re concerned, please tell me. If anything’s happened before or something… tell me what I need to know so I can do this right with you.” 

The smile on Keith's lips broadened as he pulled back. “You've done everything perfectly,” he murmured. 

Lance smirked and heaved a dramatic sigh. “Not everything. I still need to win you a prize. Come on!” They grabbed their tickets and stopped at a couple booths. 

The first was a ring road that they both failed at so horribly, they couldn't stop laughing at each other and the guy in charge kept ducking out of the way. The second was a game to throw a baseball at a stack of pins. Lance was shit at throwing. Keith was really good. Too good. His throws held too much force and would make the balls ricochet off whatever they hit. 

Finally they got to a shooting game. Keith seemed hesitant considering how their last games went, but Lance grabbed the plastic rifle filled with plastic beads and hefted it up. He began to shoot at the paper ducks moving in the back of the booth, not counting, just shooting. When he was done, the girl at the booth looked slightly surprised. 

“Uh, pick from anything on the wall or two of the ones hung down here.” She pointed at some decently sized stuffed prizes hung up on a wall and then as smaller hand-sized ones along the bottom of the booth. 

Lance scanned the choices before his eyes drifted up higher. “What do I gotta do to get that one up there?” 

The girls eyes followed his and snorted. “You gotta hit all the ducks without refills. You were missing five.” 

“Are there enough bullets in here?” She stared at him for a moment before switching the gun out. “Sweet. So I hit all of them, and I can get the giant Stitch?” She nodded. Lance lifted the plastic rifle again and smiled to himself. “Alright then.” 

Keith moved from beside him to lean on the counter across from the girl, arms crossed as he looked at Lance and the new set of paper ducks. The girl pressed a button and Lance zeroed in on every duck, determined. He had one more left and he caught a glimpse of Keith, looking at him in a way that made butterflies burst in his stomach. 

_ C’mon, little duck, I got a boy to impress. _

Lance refocused took the shot, whooping when the paper duck tore with the plastic pellet. Near the counter, Keith laughed and clapped. As the girl went to get his prize Lance went up to Keith and bowed dramatically. 

“You're really good at this game. Do you go to carnivals a lot?” 

Lance shook his head. “No. My siblings and I used to love to go to laser tag on our birthdays. Me and Veronica had to be on different teams because if we were on the same, Luis and Marc had no chance. I haven't gone in years though.” The girl came back with a Stitch stuffed animal almost taller than her. “And look at that!” He took it from her with a thanks and presented it to Keith. “This is yours, babe.” 

The night they slept together, Keith had mentioned one of his favorite Disney movies as a kid was Lilo and Stitch. He’d skimmed over it, not really going into details. On their first date, he’d also mentioned something about how many times he’d watched the movie, how he loved the feistiness of the two, the craziness of aliens on Hawaii. And then on the phone, Lance finally got an idea of why. Keith had briefly mentioned how much he enjoyed that Lilo and Stitch didn’t show a conventional family, how even a small and broken one was still good, and how that was his favorite line. He knew Stitch was his favorite character, knew Keith was drawn to the outcast little alien who’d found a family with a little girl who never gave up on him. 

And based on the look on Keith’s face as he grabbed the giant stuffed blue alien, Lance had chosen the perfect prize. Keith was blushing, but instead of hiding his face like he tended to do, he just looked at Lance and leaned forward to kiss him, holding his stuffed prize tightly under one arm. 

“Hey, he’s almost as big as you,” Lance noted as Keith hefted Stitch up, slinging him over his shoulders. 

“I love him. Thank you, Lance.” Lance smiled happily and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Hey, aren’t those photo booths usually in every single cheesy romance movie ever?” he asked, gesturing to where three girls were giggling as they stumbled out from behind a small curtain and grabbed their strips of photos. 

“Oh, hell yes.” Lance smirked at Keith and nudged him. “Looks like you’ve got your own romantic side.” 

“I just know movies,” Keith said with a laugh, taking his hand as he started for the booth. 

Keith managed to stuff Stitch inside, both of them sitting on one of his legs to fit. “Okay. We gotta think of poses before we start, because Hunk, Pidge and I have tried these and they were a mess.” Keith laughed at that as he mused through the frame options. “Alright we can have a normal one, a silly one, um….” 

“We’ll figure it out,” Keith said with a smile. “Ready?” Lance nodded and watched the countdown. “Silly one first?” 

“Oh shit, okay!” Lance crossed his eyes and stuck his tongue out, panicked with the speed of the countdown. 

Beside him Keith laughed. God, Lance loved that sound. The raspiness of it, the way it built from somewhere in his chest, the breathiness of it. And when it was real and unreserved, it was a loud laugh that filled his cheeks with a blush and made his eyes squint.

He hadn't realized another flash had gone off. But then Keith was grabbing him, one hand at the collar of his shirt, the other at his cheek as he yanked him into a dizzying kiss. Lance melted into it, a soft moan reverberating in his throat as he felt Keith's teeth grazed his lower lip. 

He pulled away and Lance stared at him in a daze, captivated by the lovely violet eyes, looking at him so openly. He smiled and bumped their noses together, and Keith let his eyes flutter shut as Lance placed a smaller kiss against his parted lips. 

“I think cheesy movies might be my new favorite genre,” Keith joked, running his hand through Lance's hair gently. 

Lance hadn't even realized the booth had already taken all their pictures. He forgot they were even in a booth. He just knew he was with Keith. 

He leaned in to kiss him again and it was like being able to breathe for the first time in a long time. Keith’s gloved hand stayed at his cheek, his fingers curling to caress him. It felt wonderful. Lance felt wonderful. 

“We should get our pictures, pretty boy,” Keith said, smiling against his lips. Lance nodded, and forced himself out of the booth. While Keith busied himself with pulling Stitch out, Lance grabbed the strips of pictures. 

The first had Lance, a little blurry making a face at the camera next to Keith who was sticking his tongue out at him. The second had Keith laughing and Lance staring doe-eyed at him. It was kind of embarrassing that the camera had caught that look of pure adoration on Lance’s face, but he couldn’t do anything about it now. The third had Keith kissing him, the surprise of it evident in the way Lance’s eyebrows were raised. The last picture had them both smiling at each other dopily, in some space between laughter and an intense want for the other. 

Lance tore them at the perforated middle so he could give Keith his photos. Keith hauled Stitch and looked at the photos. A light red dusted over his cheeks and he bit his lip as he smiled at Lance. “How’s this for cheesy, huh?” Lance smiled back and winked. “Hey, I think they have funnel cake, you want to get one?” 

“I  _ love  _ funnel cake!” 

Keith snorted. “I know.” 

Lance held on to their pictures as they walked back to the food trucks. He followed the smell of confectioner’s sugar until the sweet scent of fried batter was right in front of him, making him mouth water. 

“You should see your face right now,” Keith teased, squeezing his hand. Not long after they got the funnel cake- coated in powdered sugar, glazed strawberries, and a swirl of whipped cream- Lance was tearing pieces off and stuffing his mouth, succeeding mostly in making a mess of himself. “You eat like a little kid,” Keith said, laughing as he leaned in to kiss his sugar coated lips. 

“Here, try it,” Lance said, offering his paper plate. He still had half the funnel cake left. “It may possibly be the best funnel cake I've ever had in my life.” Keith raised an eyebrow and tore a piece off, and Lance laughed when the whipped cream inevitably smeared on the corner of his mouth. “It's also the messiest.” He kissed away the smear, playfully licking at his lips, which made Keith grimace as he shoved him away playfully. 

Lance noticed a family passing by, the mother ushering the little kid in the other direction while an older girl kept glancing back at them until the dad grabbed her arm and nudged her along. Something uncomfortable twisted in his stomach. 

It wasn't the first time he got looks for being with someone. Even when he was with Allura, people would stare because she was so much darker than him, they never even suspected she was Dominican. The way people stared then made his stomach twist just as much as they did now. 

He didn't understand why people had to take such a personal offense to who he kissed. It made him feel dirty, like he'd been caught having sex in the middle of a park or something. But all he'd ever done with either Allura or Keith in public was hold their hand and kiss them. And there was nothing wrong about that. 

“Lance?” Keith reached out to smooth the furrow of his eyebrows and tilted his chin up. “What happened?” 

He shook his head and kissed him again. Partially as a reminder to himself that he could, and partially as a silent fuck you to anyone who thought their opinion mattered. “Just annoyed that I can't hold your hand while I'm eating this. Let's go find more games before we get on the ferris wheel, yeah?” 

Keith hummed, his eyes scanning his face carefully. But he nodded and fell in step with Lance. 

They walked around as Lance finished his funnel cake, during which Keith found two games. A game of darts against balloons that had Lance hiding behind Stitch and cheering when Keith popped the color Lance challenged him to, and a basketball toss that he was ridiculously good at. 

“I thought you hated sports,” Lance pointed out when Keith managed to get every ball through the hoop. 

“Because I got competitive and angry. Not because I was bad at them,” he answered with a smirk. He took the medium sized stuffed shark and waved it at Lance. “You beat me at the size of the prize, but… this one's yours.” 

Lance smiled and took the shark, hugging it to his chest as his cheeks heated up. No one had ever won him a prize before. “I love it. Thank you,” he mumbled into the shark fin. He pulled back and looked at the adorable friendly face on it. “He's cute! And he needs a name.” Lance looked at Keith and laughed. “What about Keef. He lives in the reef.” 

Keith's eyes narrowed. “I regret everything,” he said flatly. Lance protested, laughing and following after him. Despite his supposed grumpiness he could tell Keith was fighting a smile. “You're really gonna name it that?” 

Lance shrugged. “That way he reminds me of you. Unless you've got a better idea?” Keith stared at the shark and hummed. 

After a while, Lance could see the defeat in his eyes. “Keef the Shark it is,” he said, looking at Lance with a sideways smile. Lance beamed at that. 

They interlocked their hands, both holding their own gifts and started walking toward the Ferris Wheel. But as they walked, something caught Lance’s eye and he came to a stop. Before Keith could ask, Lance breathed out, “Giant lion.” 

Keith followed his gaze and saw the gigantic lion, taller than Lance, stuffed and fluffy enough that Lance imagined both he and Keith could use it as a pillow. Everyone who passed pointed at it, cooing at the adorable large eyes and sewn in smile. “Holy shit. It’s one of those high striker games.” 

“Are those even winnable?” 

Almost in response, the guy currently standing there managed to ring the bell, earning a series of cheers. But he didn’t get the giant lion. He got a large Minion stuffed prize. “I wonder what you gotta do for the lion.” Keith looked at Lance and raised an eyebrow. “How many tickets do we have left?” 

Lance pulled the small string of tickets out of his pocket, counted them, and looked at the board in front of the high striker. “Enough for one of us to play. Frankly, I think you should do it. You’re the one who lifted a grown woman over your head.” 

“Alexa isn’t that heavy,” Keith said, rolling his eyes. “Are you sure? What if I can’t win that thing?” 

Lance shrugged. “I’m sure you can think of a way to make it up to me,” he said with a wink. 

Keith blushed slightly but only smiled back. “Well now I don’t think I want to win it.” 

“Oh, if you win it, it’ll be me thinking of how to thank you.” Lance winked at him. “Depends on you, babe.” Keith turned ever redder and snatched the tickets out of his hand, making Lance laugh as they made their way to the game. 

“Uh, so what do I gotta do to win the lion?” Keith asked, studying the contraption, gauging the height before looking at the guy taking tickets. 

“You get three tries to ring the bell!” he shouted, as if he were announcing it to the whole carnival. “Ring it once, you get a prize! Ring it twice, you win a bigger one! But to get the lion, you gotta ring it all three times! Think you’re strong enough?” 

Keith eyed the game and Lance looked between the man and Keith. He watched Keith grab the mallet and test it out in his hand. “Can I test the effect of this thing on here? Without it counting?” 

The guy made a face. “That’s not-”

“I’ve got ten dollars for a test hit,” Lance said, fishing in his wallet. Keith looked at him in surprise, but Lance held out the bill. “Ten bucks, he gets a test hit, then he takes his three turns.” 

The guy’s carnivalesque image dropped and he mulled it over. “Alright, deal. Just one test hit.” He snatched the money and stuffed it into his pocket. Lance gave Keith a thumbs up and grabbed Stitch from him. He stood aside, watching, waiting. Keith took a breath and hefted the mallet, bringing it down with a grunt. The metal lever made it up halfway, and Lance noticed Keith’s frustration. “Okay, three tries, that’s it,” the carnival guy said immediately. 

Lance stepped forward and took Keith's face in his hands, pressing a quick, chaste kiss to his lips. “You got this!” 

He stepped back to hold onto the stuffed animals, watching in excitement. He didn't really care if they got the lion or not. He just liked the crease of determination between Keith's eyebrows, the way he bit his lip as he shifted his hands on the handle of the mallet, the way his eyes were so dark they looked gray as they scanned the game over. 

Keith brought the mallet down with much more force than before, eyes narrowed and a grunt of exertion making its way past his lips. The successful ring of a bell made them both smile. 

“Oh! One ring down! Two more to go, can he do it, folks?” The carnival facade was back in the guy's voice as he turned Keith into a living advertisement. 

Keith rolled his eyes and took a deep breath. He met Lance's eyes and winked, making Lance's knees go weak. Again, Keith lifted the mallet over his head and brought it down with a growl, his biceps flexing slightly. Keith's strength made Lance want to melt into a puddle. 

Another successful ring and a few cheers from some spectators had Lance gripping Keef tightly with one arm and digging his nails into one of Stitch’s hands. “Two rings down, everyone! One more and he takes the grand prize! No pressure, Mr. Muscle.” 

Keith huffed and leaned on the mallet. “Please shut up,” he muttered. Various shouts of encouragement came from the crowd, but Keith didn't react to them. He just looked at Lance again and shrugged. “Here goes nothing, pretty boy.” 

Lance bit his lip as Keith slammed the mallet down again. The bell rung for a third, final, beautiful time. The small crowd was cheering and Lance was laughing with nervous energy being released as joy. He hauled their prizes over and congratulated Keith by peppering his face with playful kisses that made him laugh. 

“Here you go,” the carnival dude said uncomfortably as he looked between the two. “Congrats!” He handed over the lion and went back to his spot to continue shouting at people. 

“Jesus, this guy is huge,” Lance said. 

“What are you naming him?” 

Lance smiled and shook one of the big paws at Keith. “Actually… what if we shared him? You did the work for him after all. And I've got Keef already.” Keith blushed at the name of the shark. “I can keep this guy a week, you can keep him the next.” 

Keith's expression softened and he reached out with his hand to fix Lance's collar. “Okay, pretty boy. But our lion still needs a name.” Lance hummed and looked at it. Keith tousled the fluffy mane and said, “How about Laith? It means lion in Arabic, I think. And… it's also a mash up of our names.” 

Lance's eyes widened as he looked at Keith and broke into a wide smile. “God, you're perfect.” 

Keith blushed and looked at Lance with an adorable smile that made his nose scrunch up as his hair fell in front of his eyes. 

The compliment made Keith’s face turn red, but he just laughed and said, “Come on, don’t we have a Ferris Wheel to ride?” Lance nodded, but as they began walking, Keith stopped and stared at their prizes. “How are we supposed to get on with these three? I don't think they'll let them on.”

“We'll have to leave them in the car. But let's hurry before the line gets too long.” They hauled the lion and Stitch and the shark over to the wide parking lot. They laid Stitch and Keef along the back seat before stuffing Laith the Lion in the trunk. 

Before they could start heading back to the ferris wheel, Keith grabbed Lance's wrist and pulled him in as he leaned against the trunk. “Hey there, pretty boy,” Keith said with a smirk as Lance leaned against him to regain his balance. 

He blushed deeply, but the night around them hid it. “Hi.” 

“I thought you'd like to know that this is the best and the cheesiest date I have ever been on.” 

Lance laughed and wrapped his arms around Keith. “Well, I've been behind your only two dates, so….” 

Keith rolled his eyes and kissed him softly. “Yeah, but still.” Lance laughed again, muffled by Keith's lips against his own.

“Well, I'm glad I could one up myself. And I'm glad you're having a good time.” Keith hummed and looked at him with eyes that seemed to be holding something back, and a smile so soft it made Lance forget to breathe. “What?” Keith shook his head. “What are you thinking?” 

He sighed and traced a finger along Lance's lips, shutting his eyes as he pressed their foreheads together. “Just that I always have a good time when I'm with you. I'm happy around you.” Keith pulled away and opened his eyes to look at Lance. “And that kind of scares me. And so does the fact that I'm admitting this to you in the first place.” 

The admission, the look of vulnerability warring in those violet eyes against fear, the way Keith held on to him…. It made Lance's heart clench. Lance took his face between his hands, and Keith sighed as if in defeat. “Hey,” Lance whispered. 

Keith looked at him with an anxious bite of his lip and Lance leaned forward to kiss him. To really kiss him. Because there in the dark of the parking lot, there was no one staring, no one making faces, no one else to worry about. There was only Keith. 

It felt impossible to stop. Keith pressed Lance closer, even when there was no space left to fill. It wasn't until Keith pulled back breathing heavily as Lance tugged on his lip and he said, “Hey, we've got a ferris wheel to ride, pretty boy.” 

“Mm. Yeah.” Lance let his hands fall from Keith's face and settled for interlocking their hands. 

They peeled themselves away from the car, taking the walk back to the carnival to cool down. Lance’s lips felt all tingly and he didn’t think he would ever get tired of kissing Keith. The line for the ferris wheel was relatively short, considering it was the main attraction for any carnival goer. It would be a bit of a wait, but Lance busied himself with braiding little sections of Keith’s hair. 

“Why are you doing that?” Keith asked with a laugh. But he didn’t seem to mind it. “How do you know how to braid?”

“Your hair is long and fluffy,” he said as if that explained it. “My mom taught me how to a long time ago. I think I was eight, and Veronica was nine or ten? My mom had broken her finger so she couldn’t do Veronica’s hair before school anymore. None of my other brothers were willing to learn, and my dad left to work too early. So she taught me and I did it until my mom got better.” He shrugged and dropped another small braid before picking up another section of hair. “I got really good at it, and it was fun to me. Pidge lets me play with her hair and A-” Lance clamped his mouth shut and felt his body spike with panicked heat. 

Keith raised an eyebrow. “And what?”

Lance collected himself and plastered a smile on his face. “A friend used to let me play with her hair a lot. So I know more than a few kind of braids.” It seemed enough explanation for Keith, and it didn’t lead to any more questions, so Lance let himself take a gulp of air to calm down. “I figured if I ever had a daughter, I’d want to know how to do her hair too.” He shrugged. “Or if I have a niece.” 

A smile tugged at Keith’s lips. “You want kids?” Lance froze, not sure if it was okay to talk about that yet. They weren’t even really dating, and it was only date two, and Keith was a guy, it wasn’t like  _ they  _ could have kids. Well, if it came to that, there was adoption or surrogacy, but- Keith interrupted his thoughts with a laugh and a reassuring squeeze of his hand. “Hey. I meant in general. It sounds like you’ve thought about it before.” 

And he had. Even before he met Allura. He had an amazing dad, and he’d loved children even when he was one. He used to love feeding any baby cousins, and when he grew up a little more, he quickly became the favorite cousin because he was always playing with the kids. When he met Allura, that possibility became more concrete, and they’d even discussed it. Marriage after graduation, two, maybe three children at least, and if more came along that was fine. 

Now, Lance had no idea what he expected out of his future. He hadn’t thought of it much since Allura died, and he never expected Keith to come into his life. It changed everything. 

Lance took another breath and nodded. “Yeah. I would want kids in the future. My mom likes to remind me it’ll be way,  _ way  _ in the future, but… yeah. One day.” Keith nodded and let his gaze wander to the ferris wheel as the line moved forward a bit. “What about you?” 

Keith grimaced and chuckled. “Ah. I keep changing my mind. I don’t know if I’d be very good with kids at all. I don’t know if I could ever be at a good enough place to have them. But after being a foster kid all my life? I do want to foster or maybe adopt. The older kids, you know? The ones that end up feeling like no one wants them because they weren’t small or young or cute enough. I’d like for them to feel wanted.” 

“Is that how you felt?” Lance asked softly. 

Keith turned to look at him and smiled. “I did at one point. Because I didn’t know why my parents had left me. And my foster parents were nice, but if they couldn’t afford it anymore, I’d have to move, or they would just… not want to adopt. I was also a bit of a trouble maker, so I didn’t really make it easy to be wanted.” 

“But… Shiro’s parents did. You said they wanted to adopt you. You just didn’t want them to.” Lance was being careful about how he asked things. He knew Keith could start shutting down at any moment, and he was already treading on thin ice. 

But Keith seemed to think his words over, like he was deciding how much information he would want to indulge. He nodded and tugged on one of the braids Lance made. 

“I did want them to, kind of. It just wouldn’t have felt right. Because I have my birth mom. I've met her.” Lance’s eyes widened, but before he could say anything, Keith kept talking. “She managed to contact me in the early months with the Shiroganes. She’d asked them to let her see me, and they did. But they wanted to place all these restrictions about when and for how long and with one of them there with me, and…. I started sneaking out to see her instead. She’s not a bad person. And she didn’t want to give me up. But she was in danger and she didn’t want me to be part of it. And she had to do a bunch of stuff to be allowed to come in contact with me. I don’t know all the details because she wouldn’t tell me, but that’s the basics of it. I have my mom, and even without me near her, she wanted the best for me. I couldn’t bring myself to be okay with being adopted. I didn’t wanna give her up.”

Lance let all of that sink in and looked at Keith for any clues of how he felt about it. If he was angry or frustrated or hateful. He wondered how he felt when he saw his mom for the first time. Or if he resented the Shiroganes for trying to control when he saw his mom. But he didn’t want to ask any of that. He didn’t want the date to get filled with sad backstories or push Keith more than he had. He already indulged in so much more than he usually did. Lance could tell by the tension in his shoulders that he was starting to get anxious with the subject. 

So Lance went for a simpler question. “Is she nice? Your mom?” 

At that, Keith’s eyes brightened. “Yeah, she's really cool. A little awkward, sometimes. I mean… well I am too. I like hanging out with her. I try to keep her company on the holidays too.” Keith shrugged and smiled up at the ferris wheel. “I think we'll get a cart this time.” 

Catching on to the subject change, Lance only smiled and peeked at the line. There were a handful of people ahead, but it seemed like there were enough of the previous passengers for them to take their spot. 

Once they got seated, Lance nearly reached over to drape his arm around Keith before snatching his arm back. Keith laughed softly and took his hand, pulling Lance closer. 

“You know what?” Keith said as the ferris wheel moved another spot to let another pair on. Lance hummed. “I've only been on this thing once before. With one of my foster dads. I think I was… twelve?” He looked out as they moved again, letting one more couple on. “So I'm kind of excited about this one with you.” 

Lance smiled and leaned into him, resting his head on his shoulder as he pulled Keith's hand to his lips. The ferris wheel started moving taking them up high enough to see the entire carnival below them. They could see the children running, other people on dates, the lines of groups of friends, and families walking with strollers. They saw the flickering lights and even father, the headlights of cars on the nearby freeway. 

When Lance looked away from the view in favor of looking at his date, his breath stopped. The wonder in his eyes and the serene look on his face made him more beautiful than he already was. It was crazy to think that Keith was here with him. That he could lean over and just kiss him. He could still remember the way his eyes used to be so distant and guarded. It wasn’t to say he didn’t get like that still. There were moments when he evaded questions and the tension would seep back into his body. Lance feared asking the wrong thing and backtracking on their progress. 

But at that moment, with the ferris wheel taking them up and down, the sights of the city and carnival reflecting in their eyes, that fear was gone. Keith’s fears were gone. Lance kissed his cheek and smiled when Keith looked at him. 

“Can I take a picture of you?” Lance asked him.

Keith’s eyebrows rose, but he smirked and nodded. “Sure. What do I do?” 

“Nothing, just keep watching the scenery.” Keith snorted but turned to stare out. There was a smile on his face now that he knew he was being watched. Still, Lance took a few “candids” before flipping the camera and leaning into Keith for some pictures together. 

When he had a few pictures, he put his phone away and curled into Keith again, staring out at the view. Keith slid his hand into his hair, scratching soothingly as the wheel kept turning. When it started slowing down, they were lucky enough to be a couple spots away from the very top. 

“You know we have to have a super romantic kiss when we're at the peak, right?” Lance asked. Keith smiled and turned to press a light kiss to his forehead. Lance looked up and saw the full moon, bright in the sky even against the carnival lights. 

They moved up another spot. “Keith?” He hummed and turned slightly his attention on their interlocked hands. “Thanks for giving me a chance. I know I'm probably the last person in the universe you'd have thought to give a second thought to, but… I'm glad you did.” 

Keith pulled away to cup his face as they moved up another spot. His eyes were as gentle as his hands as he looked at him. “Well, I'm really happy you were so stubborn. Thank you for coming back for me. And for not giving up. And being so patient.” Lance chuckled and placed his hands over Keith's as he leaned in. But Keith pulled back, grinning widely. “Wait,” he whispered. Lance frowned, but then he felt them move another spot up. 

They were at the peak now. Keith leaned back in, brushing his thumbs along Lance's cheeks. And then he was pressing his lips against Lance's softly, coaxing his lips to part with a gentle pressure. 

Lance had an urge to climb into his lap, but he settled for the uncomfortable half turn the seat allowed. He felt his heart hammering away in his chest, but he tethered himself with every point of contact with Keith. His warm fingertips, the smooth leather of his gloves, his soft, warm lips…. They were a completely different reality Lance never wanted to leave. 

Even when their seat moved again, they didn't end their kiss. It wasn't as heated as the one in the parking lot, but it was just as intense for Lance. It still left him wanting more. 

They pulled away and Keith smiled as Lance let out a shuddering breath. Keith wiped Lance's mouth with his thumb, chuckling softly at the dumbstruck look on his face. “You're ridiculously cute, you know?” 

“Oh my God, stop,  _ I'm  _ supposed to be the one making you blush on our cheesy date,” Lance grumbled hiding his face in Keith's jacket. 

He could feel Keith's shoulders shake as he chuckle. They got off the ferris wheel hand in hand, slowly making their way back to the car. 

“Thanks for an amazing date, Lance,” Keith said softly.

“Ah, don't thank me yet. I still gotta get you home.” 

“Actually… could I stay with you? It's a little easier dealing with a messy sleep schedule when I'm with you.”

Lance grinned and nodded, tugging Keith closer. “Of course. Do you wanna stop at your place to get anything?” Keith nodded and they made their way to the car. 

The drive was comfortably quiet. The radio played at a low volume, their hands remained interlocked over the center console, Keith looked out the window with a tiny smile tugging at his lips. When they got to his house, Keith pulled Stitch out from the back, and Lance followed him inside. 


	5. Part 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter made me change the rating >.>

As soon as they went inside, they saw Shiro and Adam laying on the couch, watching something on the television. Lance greeted them awkwardly as Keith made a beeline for his room.

“Damn Keith, not even a hello?” Shiro called. “What's that you got in your arms?” 

“None of your business!” he shouted back from the hallway. Lance chuckled and sat down on the loveseat in their living room. 

Adam twisted around to look at Lance. “Hey. Did you get him that?” 

“Yeah, I won it at the carnival. And he won me a shark. And then we got a lion. Keith won it, but we're sharing it.” 

“Aw that's cute,” Adam said with a smile. Lance noticed Shiro hadn't said anything and he tried not to feel like an intruder. 

“Lance, can you give me those pictures we took?” Keith called. Adam and Shiro shared a look that made Lance nervous, so he hurried to go meet Keith in his room. “I don't wanna forget them, so I wanna put them up now.” 

“Yeah, here,” he said, pulling them out of his jacket pocket. Keith took the strip of pictures and tucked it into the corner of a small corkboard covered in reminders. “Do you need any help?” 

“No, I'm just gonna throw some clothes and my toothbrush in a bag. I'll meet you out there in a minute.” Lance nodded and kissed his cheek before heading back to the living room, stifling his anxiousness. 

Shiro and Adam were mumbling, but by the time Lance sat back down, they were sitting up and looking at him. It made him feel like he was being interrogated. 

“Is Keith heading back to your place?” Shiro asked. Lance couldn't read his expression. It was far from the look he gave Roland, far from the glare Lance had received when he first met him in the hallway, but it was also far from the friendly smile on his face when Lance picked Keith up for their first date. 

“Uh, yeah. Is that… cool?” 

Shiro snorted. “I'm his brother, not his dad.” Lance nodded and tucked his hands under his thighs to keep them from fidgeting. 

Thankfully Keith came back with a duffel bag slung over his shoulder. “Ready?” 

Lance started to get up, but Shiro's voice made him freeze. “Hey, I was thinking of having a cookout on Friday. You should come, Lance.” 

“Really?” 

“What are you doing?” Keith asked, stepping in front of Lance. Adam laughed quietly and Shiro shrugged. 

“Being nice.” Keith narrowed his eyes and looked back at Lance. “I'm just saying, it looks like this g- Lance is gonna be coming around a lot. I'd like to be able to do more than just say hi when he appears for five minutes.” 

Keith and Lance both blushed at that. Lance took his hand gently. “Um, I'm up for it,” he said. 

Shiro nodded and smiled. Lance wasn't sure if it was genuine but it was progress. “Alright, so we're gonna go now,” Keith said, tugging on Lance's hand. “See you tomorrow, Shiro, Adam!” 

He pulled Lance out the door, but not before they heard Shiro yell, “Use protection for any recreational activities!” 

Keith groaned and hurried them back into the car, his face a deeper red than Lance's. “I'm so sorry. God, that asshole. He's just getting back at me because I was a little shit when he brought Adam home-” 

“Keith, Keith, babe!” He grabbed his face before he could get in the car, hoping to calm him down. His eyes widened as he looked at Lance. “It's okay. Siblings always do that kind of thing. God knows I've done it to my brothers and my sister.” He smiled and kissed him softly. “It's okay.” 

Keith took a breath and nodded, leaning into Lance for a moment. Then he pulled away and kissed Lance's cheek. They got in the car and Lance turned the engine, hesitating for a moment. 

When his hand stayed unmoving on the gear shift, Keith put a hand on his shoulder. “Lance?” 

“Yeah?” Keith raised an eyebrow and Lance shut his eyes. “Oh. Uh. I was just wondering…. Do you  _ want  _ me to go? To the cookout.” Keith frowned as he stared at him. “I just… you seemed to want to get me out of there really fast and I know you might still think that I'll go awa-”

“Oh! No, Lance, God no.” Keith put a hand on his face and smiled sheepishly. “That's not what I…. I know Shiro has the best intentions, but I also know he can be an ass. I didn't want him teasing us and freaking you out or something. I'm glad that you wanna come over. I just hope Shiro doesn't pull more of that crap he just pulled.” Lance let out a relieved sigh and Keith laughed. “God. We're a mess, aren't we, pretty boy?” 

Lance chuckled and shrugged. “Just a bit.” He leaned over to kiss him before putting the car in reverse and starting for his apartment. 

He hauled Laith the Lion in and sat him down in the corner while Keith put his duffel bag in the room. He turned on the television and laid down on the couch as he surfed the channels. A moment later, Keith came back and wordlessly draped himself over him. 

“I'm gonna be the little spoon now,” he muttered into Lance's chest. Lance laughed and wrapped his arms around him. “What are we watching?” 

“I don't know, what do you wanna watch?” Eventually they settled on something neither of them had watched, and about twenty minutes in, Lance felt his phone start vibrating in his pocket. He shifted to pull it out and felt his stomach drop. Keith looked at him curiously. “My sister.” 

“Are you gonna answer…?” 

Lance held on a little tighter to Keith and swiped the green button. “ _ Que pasó, manita?”  _

“ _ Oye, pues,  _ you said you'd call if it went well, did it not?” Veronica asked, sounding genuinely concerned. 

“Oh! No, it went great, Vero. We had a lot of fun. We got prizes and ate food and took pictures at that booth thing.” 

“Ferris wheel,” Keith whispered. 

“And we went on the ferris wheel,” Lance added, smiling at Keith. 

“That sounds like a perfect date,” Veronica said with a laugh. 

“It was.” Keith grinned and kissed his jawline lightly. 

“So do I get her name now? Where did you meet her?” 

Keith started rubbing his hand along Lance's arm in reassurance. “Uh, I mean…. Veronica, it's kind of… complicated.” 

Keith shifted to rest his chin on Lance's chest looking at him worriedly. “What do you mean? Oh, did you meet her on Tinder? There's nothing wrong with that-” 

“No, no, no, I didn't… we didn't meet through Tinder.” Keith chuckled softly. “I just…. I mean, I wanna tell you all about it, but it's….” 

Keith put a hand on his cheek and whispered, “It's okay. You don't have to tell her yet.” Lance narrowed his eyes, but Keith only used his thumb to smooth out the furrow. 

“It's what? Is this about Allu-” 

“ _ No, Veronica,  _ that's- I'm not- look it's just….” Keith frowned and pulled himself up to sit, but Lance grabbed his arm to keep him from getting up. “ _ Chaparra,  _ can we talk about this in person? Please?”

“Is everything okay, Lance? What's going on?” 

“Yeah, everything's good,” he assured her. “Everything's great, actually.” He tugged on a half-undone braid that was slowly unraveling just behind Keith's ear. He brushed his thumb along the side of his face, and Keith let his eyes close as he smiled. “I'm really excited about this. And I do want to tell you, I just want to talk to you face to face.” 

Veronica stayed quiet for a moment before she sighed. “Alright. Take care, okay? I'll see if I can visit before you come over here.” 

Lance gulped and took a steadying breath. “Okay,  _ manita.  _ I'll see you later. I love you.” 

“I love you more. Bye.” She hung up and Lance let his phone fall to the floor as he leaned his head on the arm of the couch. Keith laid back down, pulling himself up to look at Lance. “Hey,” Lance mumbled. 

“Hey, pretty boy. You okay? You sounded pretty panicked for a moment.” Lance shook his head and wrapped his arms tightly around Keith. “I'm not offended, you know. That you didn't correct her or tell her right away. I'm not stupid; I get it. Just because it was easy for me with my foster parents doesn't mean it's easy for everyone.” 

“God, my parents are  _ Hispanic!  _ And  _ religious. _ I mean I don't think they'd hate me, but I don't know what they're gonna say or how to even-” 

“Lance, hey, Lance, hey, hey, hey!” Keith smooshed his cheeks together with a one hand to stop Lance's rambling. He waited until Lance met his eyes to say, “It's okay. You can take your time. I know you said this is for you, not just me, but you don't need to rush into it. You're okay.” He looked at Lance with a gentle fierceness in his eyes. “Okay?” 

Lance nodded slowly. “M-kay,” he said past the awkward hold Keith's fingers had on him. “Ca- you leggo an’ kish me now?” 

Keith laughed and leaned down to oblige as Lance's hands moved to rake through his hair, tangling their legs together. Lance didn't know how he was going to explain this to his family, or what exactly his sexuality was, or how they would react. But he did know this felt right. It felt good. He knew that Keith was good for him. 

He felt Keith's lips begin to trail toward his neck, gentle and chaste. Lance hummed softly, turning his head for Keith to have better access. He felt Keith's hand run over the buttons of his shirt, hooking on the top one. “Can I get this off?” 

Lance nodded and let out a shallow breath as Keith unbuttoned his shirt, kissing the skin that was revealed. “I thought I was the one thanking you,” Lance murmured. 

“Mm, you think I don’t enjoy this?” He pushed his shirt open and Lance felt his tongue lick up his his chest with the open mouthed kisses. “I like how you start breathing faster… and the little hums you make instead of moaning. I like the way you look at me when I do this to you.” Lance shivered beneath him, the words igniting a hot desire in the pit of his stomach. Keith bit down on his shoulder gently as he pushed the shirt off slightly. 

He sat up so Keith could push off his shirt, and once his hands were freed, he pulled Keith closer against him. Keith put his legs on either side of Lance. He ran a hand through his hair and tugged his head back so he could look at him. “ _ Keith.”  _

Keith smiled at the way Lance’s name left his lips and he rolled his hips against him. Lance’s hands fell to his thighs, his fingers digging into the denim of his jeans. “Let me know if you wanna stop, okay, pretty boy?” Lance nodded and pressed his lips to Keith’s collarbone. Keith pulled his hair gently, tilting his head back. “I need a vocal answer, Lance.”

“Yes, yes, I’ll let you know.” His hands tugged his shirt up slowly and he bit his lip as Keith’s pale skin was revealed, goosebumps spreading wherever Lance’s fingers touched. “God, I missed touching you like this.” 

“We should move,” Keith breathed out, disentangling himself. He stood up and held a hand out with a smirk. “Come on.” Lance returned the half smile and took his hand. When he stood up, Keith pulled him close and lifted him up by his thighs, making Lance gasp in surprise. “You good?”

Lance chuckled in disbelief before he hooked his legs around Keith’s waist. “Oh, hell yeah.” Keith laughed and Lance leaned in to kiss him as Keith started for the room. 

He expected to get tossed onto the bed, but instead, Keith held him tighter and got on the bed using his knees to lay Lance down slowly. He didn’t pull away either. He kissed his neck and started working on covering his neck in hickeys along with the roll of his hips to reduce Lance to a gasping mess. 

“Can I… ask you something?” Lance murmured between heavy breaths. Keith hummed, taking his earlobe between his teeth and tugging. Lance moaned and wrapped his hands around Keith's bicep. “Have you ever um,  _ ah,  _ y'know been on top? Not like, physically, but-” 

There was a light chuckle against his throat. “I know what you mean, Lance. Yeah I have. But… the guys I've been with didn't really… like it. Fragile masculinity and whatnot.” He pulled himself up, eyes wide. “Um, that's not- I mean, it's cool if people don't like being bottoms, but I just meant-”

“That they were one night stands that were experimenting so they freaked?” Lance finished for him. Keith chuckled awkwardly and shrugged. “And… with Roland?” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “Once or twice. He didn't like being on that end, or so he said. He said it made him feel like he was being weak.” 

Lance frowned. “Um… that's not… how that works, is it?” Keith laughed and shook his head. Lance remembered that first night in Keith's shed, the way Keith had mentioned most guys had to be drunk to wanna do anything, much less go down on him. “Well… I wouldn't mind trying it with you. If you like it.” 

Keith kissed him softly and smiled. “You don't have to do that.” Lance opened his mouth, but Keith covered it with one hand. “I know, I know, you want to for you, not to prove yourself. But… I still think you should think about it. Tonight… why don't I teach you what you wanted to learn last time? If you want.” 

Lance hummed and caressed his cheek lightly, looking at the way his long hair draped around his face. “Fine. Because tonight's your night. But I'm sure my answer will stay the same in the future.” Keith smiled, his tongue between his teeth as his nose scrunched adorably. He leaned down to kiss Lance a little more insistently. Lance bit and tugged at his lip. “Can I at least do something for you?” 

Keith smiled and raised an eyebrow. “You want to blow me again?” 

Lance blushed and pulled himself up on his elbows, making Keith sit up, straddling him. “Well that or…. I mean, so I started watching some stuff-” 

“Stuff. You mean porn?” 

Lance ignored the comment. “And I found out there's, y’know rimming. I dunno how good that would feel or how to do it right but-” 

Keith grabbed his face and kissed him harshly, a smile against Lance's surprised lips. “Fuck, you're adorable,” he said against his mouth.

“Ke- _ ith!”  _ Lance complained. “I want to… make you feel good.” 

Keith thrust his hips down and shoved Lance down by the shoulders. “Trust me you do.” He smirked down at him. “If you really want to try, then okay. But if not…. If you're at all uncomfortable with that, then it's okay.” 

“I want to,” Lance answered resolutely. “I want to at least try.” 

Keith bit his lip and reached down to unbutton his jeans. “You have to relax first, pretty boy,” he said softly. Lance sighed and forced the tension to leave his body. “C’mon. Just kiss me first, okay?” 

Lance nodded and reached up to pull Keith toward him, kissing him gently at first, then harder. The kiss became needier, their bodies pressing closer. Keith moved to lay on his back, pulling Lance on top of him. 

“You want me to talk you through it?” Keith asked softly. Lance nodded, running his hands down Keith's sides. “Okay. Let's get these off first.” Lance moved to push Keith's jeans off. He kicked them off and Lance sat on his heels to run his hands along Keith's pale thighs. 

“You're beautiful, you know that?” he murmured. 

That beautiful rosy blush flooded Keith's cheeks as he turned his head away. “You always catch me off guard when you say things like that.” 

Lance smiled and lightly tugged on his boxers. “You wanna turn over for me, baby?” Keith bit his lip and rolled over as Lance pulled his boxers down, leaving Keith bare on all fours. “Tell me what feels good for you okay?” 

“I will,” Keith answered, shifted his weight on his elbows. 

With that, Lance tugged him to the edge of the bed and got onto his knees at the floor. He ran his hands lightly up Keith's legs, up to his ass and back. He traced random patterns onto the hi warm skin on the back of his thighs, and Keith arched his back subtly. 

Then Lance leaned in, pressing his lips to the light crease between Keith's ass and his thighs. He skimmed his teeth lightly along the sensitive skin, making Keith let out a small breath of surprise. He pressed soft open mouthed kisses all across his skin. He watched as the skin turned lighter when he let go, watched it turn rosy wherever he bit gently, making Keith jolt slightly. 

“Can I mark?” Keith nodded, and Lance smirked. “I'm gonna need a vocal answer.” 

Keith looked over shoulder with a scowl. “Fuck you.” 

Lance shrugged. “You didn't want to!” 

Keith laughed at that kicked at Lance playfully. “You're a smart ass, pretty boy.” Lance grinned and bit him lightly, watching his cheeks flush. “Yes, you can mark.” 

With the permission, Lance sucked and bit down on the firm flesh of his ass. He watched as Keith's thighs flexed, appreciative of the muscle he now knew came from dancing. He worked on leaving purple marks and crescent bites all along the pale skin, making him a piece of art that no one else would ever be able to see. 

He pushed his cheeks apart gently, slowly kissing closer and closer to the puckered entrance. The closer he got, the more nervous he became. Lance had watched things and read stuff, but now he was in the moment. 

“You- you can stop-  _ hmm _ \- if you want to. S’okay,” Keith said breathlessly, falling to his elbows and burrowing his face in the covers. 

Lance responded by sliding his tongue up slowly, his hands gripping Keith's hips as he jerked forward and shoved his hands into the covers. “I'm okay,” Lance said. 

He moved his tongue in a circle, varying in size and speed, trying to pay attention to Keith's reactions. But he'd forgotten that Keith didn't like to be loud. His reactions were muffled and controlled. 

So Lance had to be creative. He slid his hands to his thighs, gripping them tight enough to feel the way the muscle flexed. He opened his eyes and watched the graceful movement of his shoulder blades as he moved to reposition arms or changed his hold on the sheets. He watched the rise and fall of his breaths, the way his head occasionally came up only to let it fall back down with a soft grunt. 

Lance tried to work his tongue in, but Keith pulled away with a soft, “Wait.” Lance pulled away, kissing the inside of his thighs instead. “Easy, babe. Still too dry.” 

Lance smoothed his hands over his back. “Okay. Give me a moment.” He stood up to go to his desk, and grabbed the bottle of lube he'd bought after the first time they got heated at his place only to stop because Lance had nothing more than condoms. He returned, pressing kisses down Keith's spine slowly, his tongue following the ridges down. 

Right. Saliva and lubricant were important. Lance swirled his tongue around Keith's entrance again experimenting with movements of his tongue until he had Keith's legs tensing. He burrowed his face into the mattress, pushing back against Lance's face. 

“L-Lance,” Keith panted. “Okay, okay, with the lube….” Lance pulled away, pressing his fingers into the hickeys littered across his skin. Keith pulled himself up on his hands and looked over his shoulder, his hair a tousled mess falling in his face. “Use the lube to ease your finger in. Slow. I'll tell you when you can use the other.” 

Lance gulped and grabbed the lube. “What if I hurt you?” 

Keith smiled at him and shook his head. “You won't. Just take your time and I'll tell you if anything feels off. And we'll do it together.” Lance took a nervous breath and nodded. 

He felt like a virgin all over again, unsure of every movement, self-conscious. It wasn't his first time eating someone out. But it was very different to do it to a girl than to a guy. Just like this next step would be. He'd heard horror stories from friends at his college. Girls who tried anal with a guy who didn't know what he was doing, or just guys who rushed into it with other guys and learned their lesson about what a bad idea that was the hard way. 

He didn't want to be one of Keith's horror stories. Especially not when he had already had such a bad past with the people he'd slept with. 

“Warm it up a little first, okay?” Keith's voice jolted him back to reality. 

“Yeah, okay.” He squeezed more lube than was probably necessary onto his fingers, rubbing it together until it lost its chill. Then he pressed his fingers against Keith's entrance with the gentleness of someone afraid to break something. 

He heard Keith chuckle softly. “First finger is pretty easy. Relax, Lance.” 

Lance didn't respond but he pushed forward a little more, once again watching the way Keith's body responded to the slow intrusion. He had to stretch him open, so he pressed against the muscle gently every now and then the deeper he got. He leaned forward and teased along the rim with his tongue as his finger made it to the second joint. 

The sounds of Keith's heaving breaths sounded louder than they were in the silence of the room. Lance pushed in a little more, twisted his finger gently. He pulled out, then pushed back in, watching for any possible hint that Keith might be in some sort of pain.

Instead he saw Keith's body relax, sinking lower into the mattress, his back arching beautifully. Lance felt the tension leave his own body a little and began to move his finger with a little more confidence. He heard a soft hum, as Keith pushed back against him. 

There was less and less friction the more he moved, until he could easily thrust his finger in and out. Keith turned his head and murmured, “Use another. Just start slow again.” 

Lance pulled out and added more lube to his fingers. He pressed his mouth against him again, tongue swirling against him before dipping in, this time without so much resistance. This time drawing a soft, long moan out of Keith. Figuring he should work his way up, he added one finger pushing against the wall slowly to stretch him enough to add the next finger. 

He knew he was supposed to look for the prostate, but he wasn't totally sure about how. He knew he would feel it when he did find it. Knew the feeling would make Keith fall apart if he did it right. 

“Lance, I'm not fragile. You don't have to be so gentle.” 

“I know you're not fragile. But I still want to be gentle.” He slowly prodded his second finger in, and the space felt tighter. But he could feel the clench as Keith tried to hurry him along. “So impatient,” he said with a laugh. He bit down on his ass hard enough to leave the imprint of his teeth and Keith sucked in a breath as he spread his legs a little further.

He took his time getting his fingers in, biting and kissing up and down Keith's legs until they were decorated with love bites and splotches of purple. Then, at Keith's breathless command he started spreading and twisting and hooking his fingers, varying the pace and the technique. 

He watched the way his toes curled and the way his bed was slowly coming undone with the way his body squirmed and his hands tugged. He could hear the muffled whimpers into the mattress. He could feel the way Keith pushed back into his touch. 

This time, he knew without Keith having to tell him when he could add a third finger. He heard a soft curse as the third began to stretch him open, but before Lance could ask if he was okay, Keith said, “Keep going, keep...  _ fuck  _ Lance, you're doing so good.” 

Warm with the praise, Lance continued, less hesitant and nervous than he'd been at the beginning. Once he'd managed to get down to his knuckles, he hooked his fingers and Keith let out a louder, surprised moan. Lance knew what he'd found. And with the way Keith clenched around his fingers, he wasn't sure if he had to be gentler or keep the same pace he had. 

“Oh God, that was good, Lance. That was good,” Keith panted. 

Lance couldn't help the cheeky smirk that spread on his face. He pumped his fingers again, avoiding that sweet spot except for an occasional brush that had Keith's legs trembling in anticipation. He focused more on opening him up until the only concerning friction came from the muscle trying to pull him in. He ran his tongue around the rim and used his free hand to pull Keith closer. 

He could feel the tension of Keith’s legs under his hands. He started searching for that bundle of nerves, the hand around his waist trailing along his front. He could feel the abdomen muscles clenching under his fingertips, and he went lower until his knuckles brush along Keith’s cock. He allowed his fingers to trail the length, more at ease with this part. This was a part he knew how to do. He knew what felt good. He watched Keith’s body shiver, a desperate breath escaping him. 

When he found his sweetspot again, he pumped his hand lightly at the same time he pressed his fingertips against it. Keith let out a garbled moan, his arms lashing out to find purchase in something sturdier than bedsheets. He loved seeing that reaction. He loved the way his hole clenched and his body shivered and he couldn’t even restrain the moans he always tried so hard to muffle. 

So he did it again. And again. And again. He pushed his fingers in and out, pressing confidently against his prostate, and he ran his thumb over the head to spread the globs of precome, facilitating the handjob. Lance leaned forward and licked around his perineum- a spot he hadn’t even known could be stimulating until he decided to try and educate himself- and Keith nearly melted into the bed. 

“La-Lance, oh fuck.” And that was about the gist of Keith’s vocabulary at that moment. At least until he wanted more. “N-not gonna… last, Lance.” He growled and moved Lance’s hands away, breathing heavily. “I want you. I want to finish with you.” 

Lance had been aware of his own neglected arousal, made more intense by Keith’s sounds and the movement of his body. 

He got off his knees with a slight wince and leaned over, pushing Keith’s hair away to kiss the nape of his neck. “Are you sure?” 

Keith nodded before chuckling softly. “Yeah. I’m sure. I’m good.” Lance nodded and kissed his cheek lightly, not really sure if he should kiss his mouth anymore. 

He leaned away, grabbing the condom packet that fell to the floor and tearing it open. While he got it on Keith was already grabbing the lube and squeezing it into his hand. He coated himself again and spread his legs further, pulling himself up onto his hands. Lance took the lube spread it on himself too before lining himself up. 

He wanted to check in on Keith again, but with the way his toes and hands kept curling in, he figured Keith was reaching his limit on patience. Besides, this part Lance knew how to do. This part wouldn’t be new with Keith. He slid one hand up his back and kept the other at his hip, keeping him in place. 

Lance worked this part slowly, more to tease than a precaution. He pulled back out each time he pushed in a little deeper, until he could see the hunch of Keith’s shoulders from the tension. He’d been so focused on his pace that he forgot to watch Keith’s body and was taken completely by surprise when Keith pushed himself back, taking Lance in to the base. 

Both of them let out a needy moan. Keith’s was closer to a yelp where Lance’s was more of an animalistic groan. He draped himself over Keith, holding his hips close, their bodies feeling inseparable. 

“You’re very impatient, you know?” 

“Maybe you’re just too patient.” Lance laughed against his neck and started kissing the sensitive skin there. He held himself up with one hand, placed next to Keith’s. At least until Keith noticed and interlocked their fingers. “Please move,” he murmured. 

Lance nodded and started rocking his hips forward slowly. Keith’s back arched, his hurried breaths rushing through his nose as he bit down on his lips. “So gorgeous,” Lance whispered, wrapping his freed hand around Keith’s torso to keep him pressed close. He was still so tight despite the preparation, and the warmth made Lance feel like he was losing his mind. He hadn’t even realized he was speeding up until Keith started letting out little gasps.

Before he could even consider slowing down, he felt Keith moving his own hips, meeting him at his pace. Lance untangled their hands and stood upright, grabbing Keith’s hips before thrusting into him at a faster pace. Keith let out a low moan and let himself fall against the mattress again. 

Meanwhile, Lance watched his ass ripple with each smack of their skin, and he dug his thumbs into the flesh, drawing out a soft curse from Keith. Soft grunts filled the room, and Lance suddenly missed being able to see Keith. All he had was the view of his back, bowed over as he shoved himself into the bed. And as beautiful as the sight of tousled hair a bouncing well-rounded ass was, he liked seeing his flushed face more. He wanted Keith’s hands on him, not on the bed. 

He pulled out, and Keith began to grumble out a protest. Lance gently nudged him onto his side until he was able to get him to turn onto his back. 

“What are you doing?” he asked, pushing himself back with his elbows as Lance got onto the bed with his knees. 

“Wanted to see your face.” Keith blushed and stifled a surprised gasp as Lance pushed his legs up. Being a dancer, he wasn’t surprised that Keith’s body had no problem folding into itself. Lance pushed into him again, watching Keith’s face go slack as his eyes rolled back. “There we go,” Lance said with a smirk. He nuzzled his face into his neck, planting soft kisses with the slow rolls of his hips.

Keith’s arms hesitantly wrapped around him, little grunts reverberating in his throat. Lance thrust into him a little harder, a little deeper and he felt Keith’s fingers grasp at him as an unreserved, “ _ Ah-h fuck!”  _ slipped from his mouth. If it hadn’t been for the way his legs hooked around Lance, he would’ve thought he’d hurt him. “C’mon, Lance,  _ please.”  _

Lance hushed him gently and continued lavishing him in kisses, keeping every movement slow until Keith was panting and squirming under him, bringing his hips up and mindlessly gripping onto his shoulders. Soft, barely audible pleas were murmured into Lance’s ear. 

“God, fasterfast _ erfasterfas-please!”  _ Keith moaned, as Lance obliged. He pulled himself up onto his knees, gripping Keith by his thighs. The next thrust made Keith arch his back off the bed and let out a surprisingly loud moan. 

“Oh, perfect,” Lance said with a smirk. Keith looked at him with hazy, lilac eyes that screwed shut when Lance began pistoning his hips in and out relentlessly. He was driven both by the pleasure of the tightening warmth around him, but more so by the way a scarlet flush had begun making its way down Keith’s chest, the way his teeth clenched in attempt to muffle the grunts from each thrust, the way his hands reached for Lance. They reached for  _ Lance.  _ Any part of him they could touch. 

A light sheen of sweat layered his forehead, the crevices of his collarbone and neck. “Fuck, Lance, you feel so good,” Keith said in a broken voice. Lance held onto him harder, repositioning his own legs for a less tiring position. 

Keith's body arched off the bed as his hands held into Lance's thighs. His hair stuck to his neck and his forehead. His eyes fluttered open and shut between gasps for breath. It was a sight Lance didn't think he would ever tire of. 

One of Keith's hands wrapped around his own length, barely managing a few tugs before he was clamping his free hand over his mouth. Lance watched, unrelenting in his movement as Keith's body tensed and shook in front of him, his face an expression of pure bliss. 

And then his eyes opened, a sliver of grayish purple so soft, so ethereal it took the breath out of Lance. 

“Don't stop,” Keith whispered, his voice tight and breathless. His arm shook as he reached for Lance. He pulled him down by the nape of his neck until Lance was draped over him again. Lance cradled his head in his arms. He could feel the cold, sweaty locks of hair, the residual shivers and gradual tension of Keith's body as he held him. “Come on, Lance,” Keith murmured. 

He felt the muscle surrounding him clench, and a searing hot tightening of his abdomen as he continued fucking into an oversensitive Keith. He felt blunt nails raking into his back and heaving breaths at the side of his face. 

Soft curses continued to slip from Keith's mouth, his voice breaking more and more until Lance allowed whatever primal instinct he was suppressing to overcome him, desperate for release. 

The bed frame thudded against the wall obnoxiously. “ _ Keith,”  _ he growled. But Keith couldn't talk. He was busy biting onto Lance's shoulder in a last attempt to silence himself. A stinging bite that had Lance overcome with white hot burst of fireworks until he was collapsing over Keith, shivering, sweaty, and breathless. 

Keith's hand was scratching his head idly, their trembling breaths the only sound in the room. 

“Lance,” Keith whispered. Lance hummed, unable to pick himself up. “You did so good.” Lance tightened his arms around him, pressing kisses to the side of his neck. “Surprisingly good for a first time.” 

Lance chuckled. “I read a lotta articles.” Keith laughed at that, causing another shiver to course through Lance's body. He pulled himself off to lay beside him, basking in the leftover warmth coursing through his body as he burrowed into Keith’s side. “How do you feel?” 

There was a soft, tired hum. Then a raspy, “Good. Really good.” Keith turned and curled into Lance’s chest. Lance smiled at that. It was so different from the first time they’d slept together when Keith seemed to expect him to walk away, when he’d been so surprised at any caress. “I’m all sweaty and gross though.” 

“What a coincidence me too,” Lance said. Keith snorted. “I’ll go get the water running, hold on.” He pressed a kiss to his forehead before untangling himself and going to the bathroom. He turned the water on then turned to the sink to brush his teeth and rinse his mouth. He’d been dying to kiss Keith, but he wasn’t sure how he would feel about that. It was different kissing someone after they blew you versus what Lance had just done. At least Lance figured as much. 

He felt a pair of arms wrap around him and he looked in the mirror to see Keith resting his chin on his shoulder. His voice was low and raspy as he spoke. “You’re joining me, right?” Lance smirked and winked at him through the mirror. He felt a light pinch on his ass and yelped, nearly choking on toothpaste. “Vocal answer, pretty boy.” 

Lance rolled his eyes and rinsed his mouth out before turning around to face Keith. “Yeah, I’m joining.” Keith smiled and pulled him into a kiss. He pulled away and turned to the shower, touching the water before stepping in. It gave Lance a clear view of all the marks on his backside. “Beautiful,” he whispered to himself. 

Then he made his way toward the shower to join him. 

It was unfair how attractive Keith was. His head was tilted up towards the spray of water, making his skin glisten as the water hugged him and trailed down every crevice of his body. His hair lost its volume as the water soaked into it, making it look longer. But seeing the way it looked pushed back from his face was a sight Lance wanted engraved into his brain. 

“You’re letting cold air in,” Keith complained, using his hands to wipe some water from his face before opening his eyes. “What are you doing?” 

“Admiring.” Keith turned red, but flicked water at him in retaliation for it. Lance laughed and closed the curtain, scooting under the water where Keith made room for him. 

Keith reached for the shampoo and squeezed some into the palm of his hand before tugging Lance forward and lathering his head. He scratched and tousled until Lance's head was full of bubbles that smelled like coconut. 

“Shouldn't I be the one washing you down?”

“Are you complaining?” Keith teased. Lance shook his head, purposefully making foamy bubbles splatter around them. “Lance!” Keith laughed and shielded his face. 

When it was Lance's turn to wash Keith down, he'd had every intention of making horns and Mohawks and a Santa beard and tickling him. But one his hands were in his soft hair, all he could do was gently massage his head to draw out a soft, content hum. He used slow strokes with the loofah across his body. Trailing a hand after the bubbles that streaked his skin. 

“That tickles,” Keith said with a soft chuckle. Lance smiled and nudged him under the water, running his hands over his body to help wash the suds off. 

Lance tilted his face toward him and leaned in to kiss him. He could taste the water running down his face, feel the warmth of the water amplified by how close they were. Keith's hands wrapped around his waist and Lance gently coaxed his mouth open. 

Kissing Keith was one of the most wonderful experiences Lance had ever known. It left him breathless each time. It didn't matter if it was a soft kiss or one filled with urgent desire, those lips would leave Lance wanting more. 

“Water's getting cold,” Keith murmured against him, only to continue licking into his mouth. 

“Am I not hot enough for you?” 

That made the kiss stop as Keith burst into unreserved laughter, covering his mouth as he leaned into Lance's shoulder for support. 

Lance smiled to himself and hugged him close. 

“I like your laugh,” he said. 

Keith lifted his head and pecked his cheek. “I sometimes like your jokes.” 

“Wha-hey!” Keith reached around him to shut off the water. “That was rude.” Lance felt for the towels he had hanging up on a nearby hook and handed one to Keith.

“I'll make it up to you.” Keith ruffled the towel in his hair before wrapping it around his waist and stepping out. His hair stuck out and water drops slid down his chest and over his shoulder blades. 

Lance chuckled and stepped out of the shower to tug Keith back by his arm. “God, I can't get enough of you.” He kissed him again and felt the smile against his lips before Keith bit down on his lower lip playfully. 

He pulled away and looked at Lance with a smile, soft and dazed. “C’mon,” he said softly. “I think we left the TV on.” Lance followed after him, wrapping the towel around his waist as he went into his closet to get clothes to sleep in. 

By the time Lance got dressed, Keith was back in the living room with the towel draped around his neck. “Do you not dry your hair?” Lance asked, watching drops of water slide down his face or onto the towel. 

“It air dries.” 

Lance rolled his eyes and sat Keith down on the couch. Then he took the towel and tousled his hair with it, playfully and insistently. After a few more tousles, he pulled the towel away and took section of longer hair to dry between the towel until his hair was a damp, fluffy mess. It was still wet, but at least it wasn’t dripping water. 

“There,” Lance said, running his fingers through the dark hair. Keith chuckled and put his hands on Lance’s hips. He leaned forward to press a kiss to his bare stomach, gently licking up. “Oh, are we going for another round?” Lance asked playfully. 

Keith snorted and wrapped his arms around his waist. He rested his forehead on Lance’s torso, leaning into him. “No, not tonight, pretty boy.” He sighed and leaned back to look up at him. “Could you kiss me again?” 

There was something in Keith’s eyes. It wasn’t distant or guarded. Not quite fear, but… uncertainty maybe. Though with the way he was holding onto Lance, he knew it wasn’t about him. After their night together, he knew Keith was more comfortable with him than he had been at first. It left him wondering what that look was, or if he was reading it right. 

Without the answers to any of it, he leaned down in hopes that his kiss would be able to erase it all and just let Keith come back to him, live in that moment with him. With the way he kissed Lance back, he figured he’d succeeded. 


	6. Part 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took longer to update- school started back up! <3 I love every comment and I answer each one, however short or long, so don't be shy!! Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> I added a photo of a group chat (which my two best friends helped me fake by a lot of collaboration and I love them for it ksfjaksfdjak I love my guys) so hopefully it shows, and it should be known Lance's screen name is "SomethingPoetic"
> 
> Okay, I hope you enjoy!

Poetry invaded that night. Unfinished books, late assignments, pieces of half forgotten poems. Images Lance had created with rapid smeared pen scrawled across a paper took on life. He found himself walking through forests of jewels, sinking into tear-filled oceans, surrounded by hummingbirds and phoenixes, and holding bouquets of hyacinths and snapdragons.

He laid down on indigo colored grass until it became water keeping him afloat. He ate handfuls of bite sized sweet peaches and sour mangoes. Neon lights flickered above him in pretty green, orange, yellow, red, purple, blue, spinning slowly across the sky.

All of a sudden the water around him was filling his nose and he was struggling to pull himself out. There were no tumultuous waves or overbearing current, just water rising more each time Lance managed to gasp for breath.

 _Could you write me another poem,_ mi amor?

“Lance, hey.”

_Read it to me?_

“-ake up, Lance, pl-”

Lance could only see the lilac water, taste it in his throat. A blinding white light took away the twinkling neon, hurting his eyes.

_Keep going, it's okay._

“Lance!”

He woke up with a gasp that sent dry, sharp air into his throat, causing him to start coughing and panicking more because his eyesight wasn't accommodating to the lack of light around him. He grabbed on to the first solid thing he could find, his other hand shoved away the covers.

“Hey, hey, Lance easy, you're okay.” Lance touched his throat and tried to speak, but he kept coughing. “Hold on let me bring you some water.” Lance let him go. The light was flipped on, and Lance took in the surrounding of his room.

Keith came back with a bottle of water and sat back down on the bed. Lance took it from him and drank enough to soothe his throat.

“Thank you,” he croaked.

He was glad Keith had taken to spending most of the nights out of the week with him. All of them, really, aside from one since their date. It was comforting to have him near. It didn't keep the occasional dream about Allura away, but it kept him from suffocating under them.

When the guilt of having Keith sleeping beside him while his dreams were riddled with Allura’s laugh and smile and touch started to overwhelm him, he thought of Romelle. And Pidge and Hunk. How they said he had every right to move on.

Hunk had mentioned how glad he was that Lance was happy with someone. “You're not exactly like you were before, but at the same time you are,” he'd said. “After Allura, it was like you lost some of your light. Keith brought it back, or gave you a new one, I don't know. But it's good for you. He's good for you.”

A conversation had in the deep recesses of shirt racks in the mall while Pidge kept one of the dressing rooms on hold for him as he scavenged for an outfit for the cookout.

Now it wasn't guilt. It wasn't relief. It was… exhaustion. That's all Lance had in his limbs.

He felt a light hand finger comb through his hair. “What happened?” Keith's voice was soft. Hesitant. Lance wondered if he'd ever had to deal with someone else's nightmares. A real one like this, not like ones that only jolted you awake and could be shoved in the darkest corners of your mind. Had he dealt with someone else thrashing, having to be woken up, struggling to ground themselves?

“I was drowning.” Lance let his head fall, bringing his hands to his ears, trying to pry away that voice, those words. Keith put his hands over Lance's.

Once he pulled them away, he kept them in his hands. “You're shaking.” Lance stared at their hands, letting that anchor him. “What can I do?” Lance furrowed his eyebrows and finally looked up at Keith. “Tell me what to do to help you calm down.” He looked nervous. Maybe a little frustrated.

He wanted to help and he didn't know how.

Lance sighed and pulled his hands away so he could lean over and lay his head in his lap. “I'll be okay,” Lance said.

Keith didn't answer, but he continued running his fingers through his hair with one hand and soothingly rubbing his arm with the other. “Do you want to talk about it?” Lance shook his head. There was a long stretch of silence before Keith asked, “Was it my fault?”

Lance turned to look up at him, but Keith's gaze was set elsewhere. “How could it possibly be your fault?”

Dark eyebrows furrowed together, giving Keith an angry expression. “I asked you to say a poem and you told me the one about the ocean. You think it's just coincidence that you have a nightmare about drowning?”

Oh, Keith. He was so close, but so far from it.

Lance pulled himself up and sat between Keith's legs, facing him with his legs on either side of him. “I promise that's not the case.”

Keith didn't look convinced, but he wrapped his arms around Lance and brought him closer. The warmth from his body felt comforting to Lance. He felt the way Keith gradually started rocking him side to side.

He heard a soft melodic murmur- closer to speaking in a rhythm than actually singing- of a broken, off tempo, off pitch song. A familiar song.

“Are you singing to me, _principe?”_

The rocking and the song stopped. “Is that okay?” Lance smiled and pressed himself closer against Keith. He kissed his cheek and nodded.

He resumed the side to side swaying. His voice began again, low, raspy, blurring the words together. The melody was soothing. It soaked into his bones and eased the tension in his muscles.

Once he was calmer, he picked his head up and looked at Keith with a serene smile as he kept whispering the song. Lance waited until another verse began before he joined Keith, singing just as softly.

“ _Someday I wish upon a star, wake up where the clouds are far behind me.”_ Keith smiled as Lance sang with him. They finished the song together, their laughter at the end louder than their voices had been.

Then Keith cupped his face and kissed him softly. “Do you need anything, pretty boy?”

Lance sighed happily and leaned into the touch. “Mm. Nah. I've got it all here.” Keith's cheeks turned red and ducked his head, letting his hair fall in his face. “Sorry I woke you, by the way.”

Keith peeked up at him from between raven hair, violet eyes bright. “Don't say that. I'm glad I was here.” He looked up and flipped the hair out of his face to stroke Lance's cheek.

A glance over at his clock told him it was nearly four in the morning. Lance bit his lip, hoping he could sleep well the rest of the night. “Let me turn off the lights. You’ve got at least another hour of sleep before you have to get up.” Keith opened his mouth, but Lance didn’t let him protest. He got up and turned the light off before collapsing onto the bed again and yanking Keith into his arms.

Keith laughed and let Lance move him around until he could comfortable hug him. Keith wrapped himself back around him, legs thrown over Lance’s, arms wrapped around his torso, tucked into Lance’s chest. Lance chuckled and tilted his head. “What?”

“You’re a koala,” he said with a hoarse, sleepy voice. Keith laughed, Lance could almost feel him rolling his eyes. He hugged Keith tighter for a moment. “My koala.”

Keith hummed, a contented little musing. The statement wasn’t affirmed vocally, but Keith tangled their legs together further and his arms tightened around him. He kissed the tip of Lance’s nose softly, and that was all Lance needed.

He listened to the sound of Keith’s breaths until they became slower, deeper, rhythmic. Even then, his hold didn’t loosen. His arms remained wrapped tightly around Lance, as though even subconsciously, Keith didn’t want him to go anywhere. Frankly, that was perfectly fine with Lance. There was nowhere else he wanted to be.

A couple hours later, Lance felt Keith shaking him awake. He opened his eyes and grumbled at the soft morning light seeping through the curtain of his window.

“I'm about to go,” Keith whispered. “I'll meet you at my place tonight okay?” Lance yawned and nodded, turning to lazily hug Keith around the waist. Keith laughed and knelt down to be face to face. “Did you sleep okay?” Lance nodded. He couldn't remember what he'd dreamt since he fell back asleep. “You know…. It was kind of weird not having you try to jump me in the shower.”

Lance opened one eye. “Try? Excuse me, I've succeeded each time.” Keith laughed harder and shrugged in response. “You gonna leave without giving me a kiss?”

“Why do you think I woke you up, Sleeping Beauty?”

Lance grumbled at the nickname. “Sleeping Beauty was woken up _with_ a kiss, not _for_ one.”

“If I did that, you still wouldn't wake up. Now do you want a kiss or not?” Lance nodded enthusiastically, which made Keith laugh as he leaned down. He tasted like toothpaste. His lips were soft. His hair fell around him and tickled Lance's face.

Lance smiled as Keith pulled away, pale fingers lightly pushing Lance's hair back. “ _Mi príncipe azul.”_

Keith interlocked their hands so he could kiss the back of Lance's before getting up. “I'll text you when I'm home.” Lance nodded and watched him leave.

He heard the front door shut and sighed into his pillow happily. He switched to lay on the pillow Keith had used. He loved that his bed smelled like him. Like that soft cologne he uses and the fruity gum he liked to chew.

Surrounded by him, he fell asleep again until he had to get to class.

The nightmare must have exhausted him more than he thought because he kept sleeping past his alarm. He barely made it to his first class that day. At least he'd woken up to a cute selfie of a very tired Keith after dance rehearsal.

Lance felt like his head was everywhere. He was thinking about everything all at once and he was doing it to keep from thinking too hard about going to Keith's that night. He had no idea how to get Shiro to like him, and he was terrified of making a fool of himself. He didn't have much of a filter when he was nervous, so jokes and comments that would otherwise go to his mental recycling bin would end up spilling out and make him wish he could hide under a rock.

He was trying to ignore the anxiety between classes as he sat on a bench outside, enjoying the brisk weather and watching YouTube videos when someone sat next to him. The smell of a sharp, sugary perfume was familiar. He looked over from his phone and recognized the long blonde hair and grown out brown roots of a girl he'd become friends with that semester.

“Hey, Nyma.”

“Hey, Lancey. Where have you been, I've hardly seen you around campus.”

That was true. Lance usually stowed away in the library to study by now because he knew he wouldn't get much done with Keith at home. By the time he was done with classes, he didn't hang around anymore, he went to get food and see Keith after his rehearsal.

“Ah, sorry about that, Ny.”

“You missed my birthday party Saturday. Pool party.”

Lance frowned. “It's almost November.”

“As if that makes a difference in Texas. I mean look at me.” She had a point. It was still pretty hot despite being in the last week of October and she had on a pair of shorts that looked like underwear made out of jeans with frayed ends and a thin tank top. She started pulling her hair up into a bun as she huffed. “Fall here means heat with a couple gusts of wind.” Lance chuckled. “So about my birthday?”

“I'm sorry I missed it,” he said with a smile.

She smirked and Lance felt her sandaled foot sliding up his calf. “It's okay. You can come to my place and we'll have our own party. VIP.”

Lance gulped and tried to move his legs away subtly.

Nyma. Beautiful, confident, and a Lit major. But that was as far as Lance's attraction to her ever went. She was a very demanding person, and expected everyone to bend to her beck and call. Lance hadn't minded it when he was willing to bend because it meant getting laid, no strings attached when he was bored. And Nyma was cool about it, agreed that they could just have fun when one or the other needed it and they settled the agreement over pizza.

“It's been a while, hasn't it?” she murmured.

Lance tensed as her hand slid around the back of his neck. He suddenly understood why Keith said it felt controlling. But he had to be careful. The last thing he needed was an angry girl on his case.

“Actually, Ny, I think we should-”

“Or we can play hookie and go now.” She laid her legs across his lap, and leaned in to kiss him, but Lance turned away, and she kissed his cheek leaving a smear of lipstick on his cheek. “Are you okay?”

Shit. He could hear the ghost of aggression creeping into her voice. He'd been careful about girls. Made sure they all knew he wasn't looking for something serious, that they were in it for the fun just as much as he was, always made sure to leave them happy because a disdained girl could be dangerous. Dangerous in many ways.

And frankly, Nyma was the kind of charismatic, pretty, influential girl that no one wanted to piss off.

“Yeah, I'm fine,” he said. “I'm just… not really doing that anymore.”

Lance nearly put his hands in his lap before he pulled them back and placed them awkwardly in his pockets. Nyma stared at him and then looked down at her legs, turning red and immediately pulling away. She tugged at the ends of her shorts as if she could pull them down.

It was awkwardly quiet for a moment. “Like. In general or with me?” There was an edge to her voice that made Lance panic.

“No, no, no, in general. It's just…. I mean, the thing is….” He sighed as she arched her eyebrow, and he could see the way embarrassment began to shift into anger in her eyes. “I met someone.”

Shock. That gave him time. She blinked and scoffed. “What happened to ‘I don't want anything serious, I can't handle a relationship right now’?”

“I mean we're not… really in a relationship… yet? Besides you said the same thing.”

Nyma rolled her eyes and moved her hair to fall over one shoulder. “Yeah, and I mean it, but… I don't know I guess I figured if we ever wanted a relationship it'd be… with each other.” Lance sighed. “Wait, not in a relationship? Then… then this is like what you always do. What, does this girl have some magic pussy-”

“ _Nyma!”_ Lance screwed his eyes shut and shook his head.

He knew Nyma didn't like him that way. The reason she was pissed was that her booty call was no longer available and that she'd lost him in the first place. Because for some reason the prettiest girls saw everything as a competition, and when they lost, it was an insult.

He took a breath. “It’s not like that. Look, I’m not rejecting you or anything, okay? I wasn’t expecting anything between us, and let’s be real, neither were you.” Nyma rolled her eyes and crossed her legs. “And I wasn’t expecting… to meet this person. It just sort of… happened? And it clicked? We’re not dating, but….”

Nyma looked over at him with an analytical gaze. She looked him up and down and squinted as she looked him in the eyes. “Not a relationship, but emotionally invested. And committed it seems.” Lance nodded. Nyma sighed and stared at the pavement beneath their feet. “Alright. So who is this girl? Where’d you meet her? She pretty?” Lance looked at Nyma and saw a smile on her face. The anger in her eyes was gone. She seemed genuinely curious.

Lance gulped and let out a shaky breath.

Coming out- if it could even be called that- to Hunk and Pidge had been easy. They were his best friends, they loved him, in a way that was different from his family, and somehow that made it more stable. He had to do the same with Veronica soon. Maybe telling Nyma could be a step towards that. A test run, in a way.

“Uh. His name’s Keith. I met him at a party.”

The long stretch of silence felt even longer with the way his heart was pounding so quickly in his chest. He felt frozen. He didn’t want to look at her, and she wasn’t moving either, had she even heard him, did she understand what he meant- of course she did she wasn’t stupid, but then why wasn’t she talking, was she going to slap him or tell every single one of her friends, which Lance had not realized was a possibility until that very moment, and-

“You’re _gay?”_ she shouted, finally. Lance jumped and waved his hands around frantically, trying to get her to lower her voice. “Lance!”

“No! No, I’m not gay. I haven’t really thought of a label for it, I just…. I just know I really like him.” He felt like running away with the wide eyed look of… he didn't know what on Nyma's face. “Please say something.”

Nyma turned away and opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Then finally, “So, you still like girls.” Lance nodded. “But you like this guy.” Another nod. “And you're not dating but you're not messing around with anyone else either.” Again, a nod. She let out a huff and seemed to slouch as she did. “Alright. Jesus, Lance, take a breath! I'm not gonna burn you at the stake or anything, jeez.”

He hadn't even realized he was holding his breath. His heartbeat thudded through his skull as he took in a deep gulp of breath. “Sorry, I just. I thought you'd be mad or I don't know.”

Nyma grunted, increasing her legs just to cross them the other way. “I mean, I'm a little frustrated our deal is off now, but I don't care that you like guys. Just, when you first said it I thought it meant… I don't know, that you lied to me or used me as a cover up?” She shook her head. “But you still like girls, so, it's whatever.”

“Oh. Well. Cool. So… we're cool?”

Nyma smiled and nudged him with her shoulder. “Yeah we're good. But you still owe me for missing my birthday. I want a large pizza deluxe.” Lance laughed and nodded. “So what's this guy look like? Got any pictures?”

Lance smiled and took out his phone. “He's kind of picky about photos, but I've snuck some in.” He handed his phone over after opening the gallery.

She took it and leaned over the screen. Then she gasped and hit Lance's arm. “Holy shit, he's hot!” She swiped through, skipping pictures of food or Hunk and Pidge, stopping anytime she caught one of Keith. “How long have you known him?”

“Um, I think about a month. But we started going on dates two weeks ago.”

Nyma smirked and tilted the phone towards him. It was a picture of Keith laying down in Lance's bed, scrolling through his phone, wearing one of Lance's sweaters. “And since when does he stay at your place?”

“Um. This week. He stayed over most of it.”

Nyma laughed and shook her head. “But still not ready for a relationship.” Lance rolled his eyes. “No but seriously, the amount of candids here is getting concerning, you're like borderline stalker-”

“Oh _shut up,”_ he said, snatching his phone back, and she laughed loudly at his expense.

Nyma leaned back on her hands against the concrete bench and smiled widely at him. She rubbed her thumb against his cheek, wiping away the lipstick mark. “Sorry about… you know being all over you before. You're a pretty great guy, Lancey.”

“It’s okay. And thank you. Let's hope Keith's brother thinks so,” he mumbled. “I'm meeting him officially today and I've been trying not to panic about it.”

Nyma winced. “Yikes. Meeting siblings is hard. I met one of my old boyfriends’ sister, and she hated my guts.” Lance paled and put his face in his hands. “No, hey, I'm sure you'll be fine! It's different with girls, Lancey, don't freak out.”

He just groaned into his hands and slumped. Then his phone went off with an alarm, making him jump slightly. “Shit. I gotta get to class. I'll see you around, okay, Ny?”

“Yeah, okay,” she answered. “I wanna meet this guy in person. Good luck today!” She waved as Lance grabbed his things and started walking toward his next class.

It was hard to concentrate the closer it got to having to go home. Keith texted him sporadically through the day, either with reassurances that Shiro wasn't scary, or by trying to distract him with funny things he found online.

Finally he was done with his last class, and able to go home. Although he'd had to make a u turn because he took the wrong exit and turn, already used to going to Keith's campus after his rehearsal.

Once he was home, he tried to keep his hands from shaking too much as he got ready. He'd taken Pidge up and down the mall looking for something to wear. Usually Pidge tapped out and ditched them for the bookstore after half an hour, but this time she'd stayed with them. All three hours. Hunk, ever loyal, always stayed with him, but he usually just gave a thumbs up for everything he tried on. This time, he seemed almost as picky about the clothes as Lance.

They knew this was important. And he knew it meant something to them too for Lance to care about someone so much.

He looked at himself in the mirror. A royal blue, long sleeved, button up shirt, slightly wrinkled, with the sleeves rolled up which was formal enough to say he took this thing seriously, but not so fancy that it would seem out of place for a Friday night cookout. Dark washed out jeans, but no rips or frays like most of his pants were. And all black converse, well kept but still with that slight dark green tinge along the cloth from being used.

He stared at his reflection, his hair messy in that boyband member way Lance would never admit out loud he liked. His eyes bright and nervous. Allura always said darker colors brought out his eyes.

He waited for that pang of guilt to sweep over him, but it didn't come. Instead, he could remember her smiling face telling him he looked handsome before they went out to dance. He could imagine her saying it to him now.

Lance took out his phone and took a picture of his reflection, sending it to his group chat with Hunk and Pidge.

Lance laughed and felt his heart swell as he read the responses. 

He sent Keith a text telling him he was about to leave and grabbed a jacket and his keys. He sang along to the radio to calm himself as he drove over. When he got to the house, he took a deep breath and told himself he'd be fine.

When he got out of his car, he heard music coming from the backyard. Lance texted Keith that he was there, and a few moments later, the door to the fence beside the house opened. Keith was in a black shirt and dark jeans; it was unfair how effortless it was for Keith to look so good.

A smile danced on his lips as his eyes trailed up and down Lance's body. Lance blushed and walked toward him. As soon as he was within reach, Keith hooked a finger into one of his belt loops and yanked him closer. “Damn, pretty boy.” The low near-purr of his voice sent shivers up Lance’s spine. Before he could think of something to say, Keith kissed him softly.

He’d expected something more intense after the comment and the way he’d looked at him, and yet the soft kiss made his heart flutter and his nervousness settle. It was comforting. It was Keith telling he’d be okay. “

“Hey,” Keith said, looking into his eyes. “Don’t be nervous. This isn’t a big deal.”

“Yes it is. He’s your brother. And I know how much you care about him, I know what he thinks or doesn’t think is important to you.”

Keith frowned and tilted Lance’s chin toward him. “Even if by some backwards miracle he doesn’t like you, I’m not going to stop seeing you. I’m an adult and Shiro knows that. This isn’t a formal meeting asking permission to be with me, it’s just a cookout for Shiro to know who I’m always with.” He kissed him again and gave him a gentle smile. “So please, relax, pretty boy.”

Lance took a deep breath and nodded. Meanwhile, Keith slid his hand into Lance’s and led him to the backyard. It was strange seeing it in the daytime. There were no fold out tables covers in plastic cups and bottles of beer or liquor, there was no mess on the grass of dropped items or puke, no half-dressed bodies pressed up against each other, swaying to the music.

It was just a clean backyard with grass that seemed a week past mowing day, and two trees on opposite sides, a small shed in the back corner, and a small concrete square near the sliding doors where Adam and Shiro were working on starting the grill. It felt like a bigger difference than it had with the front yard where they’d hosted the first party.

Keith let out a whistle that made the other two turn around. Adam had a bright, friendly smile. Shiro smiled too, but Lance didn’t know him enough to know if it was sincere. Lance also noticed he was slightly overdressed. Shiro was in a t-shirt and black shorts that reached past his knee. Adam was in light blue jeans and a yellow flannel open over a white undershirt.

“Uh, hi,” Lance said, resorting to his instincts and holding out his hand to shake theirs. Adam repressed an amused smile when Lance shook his hand, and Shiro raised an eyebrow at him when he shook his. It was something drilled into his head since he was a kid. _Siempre saluda cuanda llegas algun lado._ He could _hear_ his mom’s voice proudly praising him for doing so well. Stupid habits.

“Keith, could you bring the meat patties out here?” Shiro asked. Keith nodded and went inside, which made Lance panic. Was this when Shiro interrogated him? Threatened him? Shiro looked at him, and Lance braced himself. “How was your day today?”

What. “Um, pretty good. Hard to concentrate today, but it was alright.” Adam gave him a confused look, and Lance explained. “I was nervous about coming here, so I was losing focus the later it got.”

“Don't be nervous about Shiro. When he met my mom, he-”

“Adam, we said we'd never talk about that!” Shiro hurried to say. Lance smiled at that. He knew a thing or two about embarrassing yourself in important circumstances. “Anyway, Lance. How do you like your burgers?”

“Um. I usually put everything on them.” Shit, he was saying “um” way too much.

“I meant cooked. Medium, well-done?”

“Oh! Medium.”

Shiro nodded. Then Adam tilted a beer bottle toward him. “Want one?”

Lance nearly took it, more out of wanting to accept whatever they gave him, before pulling his hand back. “Oh. Actually, no I'm okay. I gotta drive back later.” Adam smiled and took the beer for himself.

Keith came back with a tray of meat patties and arched an eyebrow at Lance. “Lance, you can sit down,” he said with an endearing smile dancing on his lips.

His limbs felt like they were coiled tight as he plopped down on a chair. The force of it made the chair tip slightly, but Lance managed his balance. Adam was nice enough to pretend not to notice, and Shiro was looking away. Keith only rolled his eyes and allowed his smile to spread on his face. The way his nose scrunched made the embarrassment worth it.

“You’re a senior too?” Adam asked Lance.

“Uh, classified as one. Technically a junior.”

“What’s your major?”

“English rhetoric and I’m getting a minor in education.”

Adam perked up. “Education, really? I majored in education. Where are you from?”

Beside him, Keith made a small grunting noise. Lance felt like he was being interviewed. Which was when it clicked. Shiro wasn’t the one who would be feeling him out; Adam was. With Adam asking, Lance wasn’t as anxious, but Shiro still got his answers. This fucking couple.

“I’m Cuban, but my family’s about an hour out from here. I’ve been raised here most of my life.”

He felt a hand slide into his own and squeeze lightly. “Do you need his social security information and class schedule too?” Keith asked Adam. “You said no overbearing questions.”

“How was that overbearing?” Adam protested. “Remember all the things you asked and said to me when you first met me? You’re lucky I’m not being a dick to him.” He turned back to Lance. “Keith was a dick to me. Embarrassing questions, veiled threats, sarcastic comments.”

Lance laughed at that. “Sounds like Keith.”

He heard a huff and then the sound of meat sizzling on the grill. When Lance looked over at Shiro, he was frowning at the food, and Lance wondered if he’d said something wrong. 

Nervously, he turned his attention back to Adam and tried to stay calm. “So… how long have you two been together?” Lance asked.

“About four years. We also started dating in our senior-ish year of college,” Adam said.

From the grill, Shiro added, “Don't say ‘dating’ it freaks Keith out.” From the corner of his eye, Lance saw Keith glare at his brother for a moment. A tense kind of silence settled over them.

They'd never talked about an official term for their… dynamic. It was just like Nyma said- emotional investment. There was too much happening in the background for them and a label took on a certain pressure. Lance knew they acted like a couple. The dates, the kisses, the handholding, meeting friends and family, the sex, the spending the night, Lance taking him food after rehearsals. It was all very couple-y, and even Hunk and Pidge had questioned it.

It was just easier unspoken. Easier without a label. At least at the moment. He wondered if Kith’s hesitance was similar to his, or something entirely different.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to make it awkward,” Adam said with an apologetic wince.

“You didn’t,” Keith answered sharply, casting an angry look at Shiro. Lance felt himself shrink. He didn’t want to cause arguments between the two. Had he even caused that? His brain wouldn’t stop reeling. “I’m gonna change the music.” Keith got up, and Lance tensed even further. Then he felt his hand touch his shoulder gently before going to the speaker and the attached phone.

“Lance, do you mind helping me refill the cooler? There’s a couple more soda and beer cartons inside.” Adam’s tone was friendly, but Lance could see the discomfort in his eyes. He knew going with Adam meant more than just grabbing sodas. Still, he nodded and got up to go inside with him. They made it to the kitchen before Adam spoke again. “Shiro would never ask it because Keith would give him the cold shoulder for a month, but… what exactly are you trying to get out of this thing you’ve got going with Keith?”

It should’ve sounded threatening. It should’ve sounded like Adam expected no bullshit. Instead, he sounded genuinely curious, maybe even confused.

“I’m… not sure what you mean by getting something out of it.”

Adam set some soda cartons on the counter and looked at Lance steadily. “What I’ve heard about you is that you met Keith at a party. Fooled around. Then started taking him on dates. According to what Shiro’s relayed to me- part of his hesitance- is that Keith’s-”

“The first guy I’ve ever been with,” Lance finished. He was tired of that being his greatest defect. It wasn’t his fault he’d only discovered this attraction to guys recently. And it wasn’t his fault that Keith had been the first to make that attraction grow into something stronger. Even with girls, he’d only seriously dated Allura.

“I don’t think it’d be a big deal if you guys weren’t tiptoeing around just saying it’s a relationship.”

“We haven’t talk about it.” It was quiet for a moment, and Lance wondered if he was losing Adam’s favor too. “I like Keith. I like him a lot. I know this whole thing is moving fast and slow at the same time, but right now that’s working. I don’t plan on going anywhere, if that’s what you’re asking. I don’t plan on being another Roland and denying ever liking him. But we’re still figuring each other out. I know Shiro doesn’t like me-”

Adam laughed and shook his head. “He doesn’t _not_ like you, Lance. He wants to like you. He was a big factor in encouraging Keith to open up to you. But he’s Keith’s big brother.” Adam leaned back against the counter. “I know how much they both went through to create the bond they have now. And since you mentioned Roland, I assume you know all the things he put Keith through. It tore Shiro apart to see his brother so messed up over someone. If he’s hesitant, it’s just because he wants to be sure Keith is going to be okay.”

It made sense. And Lance understood it. Veronica was older than him, but he had always been protective of her. The one time he let his guard down too quickly… well, it still made Lance’s stomach churn with an anger so intense it dizzied him just thinking about it. He knew Shiro had a right and a reason to be wary of him.

“I just want to be able to prove I’m being serious about being with Keith. And I don’t want them getting into fights over all of this.”

Adam laughed again and handed Lance a couple soda cartons to take outside. “Oh, don’t worry about that. They fought a lot when he introduced me to Keith too. It’s just because they’re so protective of the other when the other doesn’t want them to be.”

Once Adam grabbed his own cartons, he gestured toward the door. As if just like that Lance would be able to take it easy and stay calm. Despite the reassurances from Adam, Lance was still unsure. He knew it wasn't easy to break through that protective instinct, especially when someone had been hurt before.

When they got back outside, Keith seemed to have been in the middle of a tense conversation with Shiro by the grill anyway. His violet eyes flickered over and seemed to try and gauge whether Adam taking Lance for so long had been a good or bad thing. Lance wasn't sure what his verdict was, but Keith went back over to him as he dumped the sodas into the cooler.

“You okay?” Keith asked. Lance nodded. Keith's eyes flirted to Adam and he lowered his voice. “I'm sorry about Shiro. I feel like we should talk now, but-”

“About the dating thing?” Adam seemed to take that as his cue to walk back to his chair with a beer.

Lance looked at Keith and the uneasy expression on his face. It was a look that could easily be mistaken as anger, but at some point, Lance had gotten to know him well enough to differentiate between his expressions. Despite typically crossing his arms and clenching his jaw, his anger was usually notable with a flare in his nose and a point of fixation for a cold glare. When he was anxious, his eyes jumped around and he kept chewing the inside of his cheek.

“We can talk about it if you want to later,” Lance said gently, putting a hand on his arm. He lowered his voice, grateful that the music was loud enough for Shiro not to hear him despite being about five feet away. “Right now my panic is from getting Shiro to like me and having no clue how to do that.”

“He's just giving you a hard time because I have Adam a hard time. I mean I was 17, come on. I just… I don't want his comment to have made you felt like… like I don't… want. This?” Lance could see the impatient frustration seeping into Keith's shoulders.

It made Lance smile a bit to know how worried Keith was about him too. How stressed this also made him despite the calm demeanor earlier. He leaned forward and kissed him lightly, reassuringly. “I know, my moody little koala.”

Keith scrunched his nose. “Oh god. Tell me that nickname isn't sticking.”

“It is now.” Keith groaned, and Lance laughed at him, relaxing with the way Keith leaned into him. “You and Shiro good?”

“Yeah. He says he was joking, but I told him to play nice anyway.” Keith shrugged, finding Lance's hand with his own. “C'mon, let's sit back down.”

He used the pressure and warmth of Keith’s hand in his own as an anchor. A few moments later of the only sound coming from the burgers cooking and the music beating through the speaker, Shiro held out two bags of chips. “Want some?” he asked Lance. It felt like a sort of peace offering. Lance smiled and took the Hot Cheetos. “So what made you want to minor in education?”

“A variety of things, actually. I had some good teachers that showed me what it meant to make a difference, but I also had some bad ones that made me wish there were more who actually liked what they did and cared about students. I was always a handful in school. I talked too much, I joked too much, I got distracted easily. I was smart, but I could really annoy the teachers, and because of that some of them just branded me as dumb. I don’t want other kids to go through that. Plus, since I’ve been there, I think I could do a better job at keeping their attention or understanding why they might act that way, you know?”

Adam chuckled and nodded. “Troublesome in school. Sounds like someone else I know.”

Lance looked over at Keith, but Keith scoffed. “Uh, I was quiet and got my work done. It wasn’t until high school that I skipped some class, but I fixed that. He’s not talking about me.”

Confused, Lance looked at Adam who was smirking at Shiro. Shiro rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. “Yeah, I was a handful too. I liked joking and pranks. I liked making the teachers talk themselves in circles. I was always getting written up for it.”

“No way,” Lance said in disbelief. He couldn’t see this man, tall, buff, serious, reserved… being a goofball in school.

“Dude, Shiro got voted class clown in his high school yearbook,” Keith said, stuffing chips in his mouth.

“Really? Me too!” Lance leaned forward, sitting on the edge of his seat. “But like, teachers have this weird assumption that like… because you can’t sit still or stay quiet or if you joke too much, then you’re automatically dumb, or at least dumber than everyone else in the class, even if your grades are good. You become the problem child.”

Shiro nodded. “Yeah, I’ve had teachers that saw it that way. But I also had some who didn’t.”

“Right! So, the ones who see it that way- at least for me- have really lasting, bad effects on a student’s self image, and honestly it can make the student feel like they _are_ dumb. Then the ones who see past it are the ones that help break that mindset. It wasn’t until high school that I had a teacher like that. And that’s why I want to be one too.” He laughed a little at himself, at how excited he got and how much he’d rambled. But the three of them didn’t seem to mind. “Does that… make sense?”

“You want to make a difference. You want to be a positive force in students’ lives,” Adam said. Lance nodded. “That’s one of, if not the best, reasons to become a teacher, Lance.”

“Plus you can do something with it, unlike Keith’s philosophy minor,” Shiro said with a teasing smile directed at Keith. Keith responded by sticking his middle finger up.

Lance had to admit, it was interesting seeing this side of Shiro. His relationship with Keith kind of reminded Lance of his own with Luis or even Pidge. The constant teasing and poking, the insults that hid affection, the way they both managed to say something to make the other feel awkward.

He could almost forget they were adults with the way they acted. Adam seemed unfazed, rolling his eyes and smiling in response to the comments they made. He gave Lance reassuring looks to let him know it was all perfectly normal.

In fact, though it was strange seeing this new side to both of them, it was also a relief. Somehow, it humanized Shiro. Plus, Shiro was pretty funny, and Lance knew he was gaining a couple brownie points when he laughed at something he said, even if got him a nudge or a glare from Keith.

By the time they were stuffing their faces with incredibly tasty burgers- Lance’s had everything on it, including the chips he was eating- he felt much more at ease around Shiro. Lance actually felt that if Shiro had been in school with him, they might have been good friends and wreaked havoc among all their classes until their teachers went insane.

“Who the hell eats _Honey Bunches of Oats_ when they’re five?” Shiro said with a mouthful of food.

“Uh, me!” Lance responded indignantly. “Look, I spent a lot of time with my _abuelita_ , and she raised me on those kind of cereals. _Mini-Wheats, Whole Grain Cheerios._ I actually really learned to like them. Then the sugary ones became like… special occasion cereals. I still love my honey bunches.”

“The cereal, or is that a pet name for Keith?” Adam asked.

Both Lance and Keith started coughing, choking on whatever they had in their mouth. Keith tried to calm down by drinking from his beer, but it only made it worse, and Lance was trying to stifle his coughs. Meanwhile Adam and Shiro were doubled over in laughter, Shiro giving his boyfriend a proud high-five.

“Oh my _God,_ I hate you both,” Keith finally said hoarsely, his head in his hands.

“Had to get my payback somehow,” Adam said, smirking. “Not my fault Lance set it up so well.”

“Need- soda,” Lance choked out. Shiro laughed more and handed one to him.

Thankfully, they didn’t seem to be expecting an actual answer. Love was a topic Lance wasn’t planning on touching on anytime soon, if he was honest. But while Shiro and Adam were able to brush it off and move on to something about a new song, Lance could feel the awkward tension between Keith and himself.

He wasn’t sure if it was because Keith wanted an answer or if it was because he didn’t. They hadn’t even talked about dating, much less what… exactly they felt for each other. Lance had no problem telling Keith how much he liked him. And he knew Keith liked him back.

He knew it because of the way Keith had let him in. He knew it in the way Keith smiled at him and asked him questions and introduced him to Shiro and…. There was still so much that wasn’t certain. Surely if they hadn’t even talked about dating, they weren’t going to talk about… _love._ But would that be taken as an insult by Keith? Should Lance take it as an insult himself if Keith agreed?

He knew Mama would say every relationship was meant to grow. If it wasn’t growing, it wasn’t benefitting anyone. To her, there was no point in being in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere.

When Lance and his siblings dated, his mother had made it very clear- never bring them home unless you truly saw the relationship growing into a marriage. They could meet her, they could come to a party in the front yard, but never come inside the house as “The Girlfriend” or “The Boyfriend” if they weren’t planning on becoming “Forever.” It was all very intense and extreme to Lance.

At least until he started dating Allura. She’d known his family well before they started dating. And after a couple years, Lance was certain she was his Forever. She would be the one to come inside the house because she was the one Lance knew in his heart he would marry. She had come into the house as “The Girlfriend.” Not for a party, not meeting for a Starbucks coffee with his mom, not to use the bathroom. Allura had entered the house as Lance’s “Forever.”

His Mama knew he meant it the second Lance asked if he could bring her. She had smiled and nodded and kissed his cheek.

How was Lance supposed to know forever would get cut short?

It left Lance asking himself if he could see this growing. If he could see himself dating Keith one day. If he could see himself introducing him to his parents at a coffeeshop or a party one day. If he could possibly one day fall in love with Keith.

If he was honest, he wasn’t entirely sure at that moment. But he knew he wanted to see that. What they had was still new, still different, and Lance wanted to take his time. Wanted to see where this went, wanted to see the day he would look at Keith and think, _yeah, I can see my future with you._

“Adam, can I speak with you?” Keith managed to spit through his teeth, bringing Lance back to reality. He didn’t wait for a response before he was hauling Adam away.

The tension thickened exponentially.

“You know, Keith never brought anyone else to meet us,” Shiro said, his eyes on what was left of his burger. “Not even Roland. So you must be special.” His eyes finally shifted to meet Lance’s. “In case that’s what made you panic just now.”

“Oh. Uh. No, not… that. But thank you.” Shiro raised an eyebrow. “I know we’re in a weird spot right now. At least to other people. But that’s working right now, and… when Adam said… _that,_ I mean I know he was kidding but-”

“You love Keith?” Shiro asked, suspicion dripping in every word.

“N-no! No, I…. I don’t, but I don’t want that to seem like a bad thing either. And it’s just showing me how much we still have to talk about, but things have been good without talking about them, and I’m scared things will get ruined if we do.” He ran a hand through his hair and looked at Shiro, feeling panic seize his heart with the analytical gaze he was being given. “I like Keith. A lot. And I know he’s gone through shit, I know Roland was an asshole, I know he might still find it hard to believe I’m sticking around, I know it’s weird that he’s the first guy I’ve felt this much for, I _know._ But… I really do like him. I know what it’s like to be suspicious, Shiro, I know what it’s like to find out later you should’ve never let your guard down. I won’t blame you if you never really like me or if you never fully trust me. I don’t know how this is gonna turn out. I just know I want it to be a good thing. Right now though, I don’t have all the answers.”

Shiro stayed quiet for a moment. A very long moment. Lance half expected Keith and Adam to get back, but Keith was still sniping at him near the gate, the bickering covered by the music.

Then Shiro said, “Keith hates pictures.” Lance furrowed his eyebrows and looked at him. Shiro just nodded and shrugged. “Always has. He never let my parents take his picture. He barely allowed one the day he graduated high school. He only sometimes takes a selfie, and it’s usually if it’s been a really good day or if he’s drunk. I have a total of ten pictures with him over the years.”

Lance didn’t know what to say. It was such a random fact. Lance had finally blurted out all of his thoughts to him, and Shiro was… responding by talking about pictures.

“When you guys came back from the carnival and I heard him asking about some pictures…. I couldn’t really believe it. Then you guys left and… I looked in his room. And there they were. Pictures with you. And he was smiling and laughing and….” Shiro scoffed and smiled. “You make him happy, Lance. I’ve noticed that much since you guys became a thing, whatever you want to call it. Keith’s gotten swept up in his own emotions before, but he’s never gone to these lengths. I don’t know if his wariness helped him out this time around, or if you’re just that good at getting through to him, but I know that this is the happiest I’ve seen Keith with someone. Even if he’s still careful about it. I also think you’ll find you’re similar to him in how slow you want to take this whole thing.” Shiro glanced over where Keith and Adam were walking by, still mumbling to each other. His voice lowered. “If it’s any consolation, I do like you. But like you said, I might still be wary of you.”

Lance scoffed and smiled nervously. It was… more than he had expected, really. Keith sat back down, still not looking at Lance. Adam continued eating his burger. Shiro seemed to be trying to gauge both of them.

Lance had no idea what Keith was thinking at that moment. He didn’t know what he’d told Adam or if there was something he wanted to hear from Lance. He did know that Keith seemed anxious with the way his shoulders hunched up and his body seemed to be trying to shrink into itself. He had that brooding expression, but Lance could see the nervousness gnawing at him in the way his eyes refused to settle on one thing.

While Shiro tried to steer the conversation back to something normal, Lance took Keith’s hand in his own and held it tightly. The touch startled Keith at first, but with the certainty of Lance’s grasp, Keith finally looked at him. Fear swam in his eyes, and Lance could see it dissipating as a smile slowly began to tug at his lips. Slowly, his body relaxed.

The rest of the night felt much more comfortable, and Lance knew a lot of that was thanks to Shiro talking to him. Although it seemed Keith was still upset with Adam, talking to Shiro was easier. Lance wasn’t trying to pat himself on the back, but the conversation was very much driven by Shiro and himself, and he knew that made Keith a little happy if the way he kept smiling softly at him said anything.

Once it got darker, they cleaned up and all moved inside to watch a movie. It was a relief for Lance because movie watching was a relaxing thing, and it also gave him an excuse to cuddle up beside Keith on the couch. Keith took to running a hand through his hair and it gave Lance a wonderful, peaceful feeling in his chest.

Shiro was with Adam on the floor, his head in Adam’s lap. They were very different when it came to watching movies. Shiro kept making snide comments, making even serious moments funny, and Adam kept trying to guess what would happen next. Keith resorted to throwing popcorn at them to shut them up more than a few times, but the way he laughed at their jokes and comments encouraged them more than the popcorn deterred them.

The good thing was, even when Keith went to the bathroom and left Lance alone with Shiro and Adam again, he hadn't felt the tension and awkwardness he had when he first arrived.

Lance decided to go home once the movie ended, and after a much more comfortable goodbye to Shiro and Adam, Keith walked him out.

They stalled by his car door, quiet, smiling, nervous. Keith slowly took his hand and raised it to his lips. “Thanks for coming tonight. I'm glad you and Shiro got along. And I'm sorry for all the horribly awkward moments.”

“Ah, what's a proper meeting-the-family moment if there's no horrible awkwardness?” Keith chuckled. “Not coming home with me tonight?” Lance asked softly.

Keith's eyes flickered back to him. He smiled and shook his head. “Not tonight, I want to see what Shiro says once you’re out of the room.” Lance gulped, making Keith laugh. “But I’ll be there tomorrow, yeah?”

Lance pretended to pout, ducking his head and jutting out his lower lip. “Mm. Okay.” Keith laughed again and leaned in to kiss him. “I had fun, by the way. Even during the awkward moments.” The adorable smile on Keith’s face made Lance’s heart stutter. He surged forward and kissed him again, overwhelmed with a sudden flurry of affection for him and the scrunch of his nose and the crinkles at the side of his eyes and his soft lips and the soft little gasp of surprise.

“What was that for?” Keith asked, looking dazed and flustered.

Lance pressed his forehead against Keith’s. “I just really fucking like you.”

“Oh,” he answered softly.

Lance chuckled at the speechless response and hugged him, resting his chin on Keith’s shoulder. “You should get inside; it’s getting cold.”

“I can’t feel it.” The response should not have reduced Lance to a blushing mess, but it did, and all he could do was hide his face in the crook of Keith’s neck as he tightened his hold on him. Keith let out a breathy chuckle, his hand running through Lance’s hair. “Let me know when you get home, okay?” Lance nodded. Keith pulled back and cupped his face gently to kiss him. “Go,” he said with a smirk.

“You make it so damn hard.” Keith winked and stepped back, keeping his hand in Lance’s until they were too far apart and their hands dropped to their sides. “You’ll tell me if he says anything bad about me, right?” Lance called after him. Keith only laughed and waved teasingly as he opened the door and ducked inside again.

With a happy sigh, Lance got into his car and started driving back. Almost as soon as he got home, he sent Hunk and Pidge a series of messages relaying the day’s events. Despite explaining the panic and awkwardness when dating and love was brought up, however much of a joke it was, Pidge and Hunk latched to it and began to plan his wedding. Pidge sent various parody vows and Hunk sent ridiculous wedding cakes. Somewhere around the debate of who got to be Lance’s best man, he fell asleep.

Though he felt oddly cold. 


	7. Part 13

When Lance woke up to eight missed calls from Veronica, he immediately thought the worst. Someone had died. She was in trouble. She was hurt. His mom was hurt. He was frantic and clammy and his heart had pounded so hard he felt dizzy. 

But no. Apparently she just really wanted him to open the door at eight thirty in the morning. Because she’d decided to drive an hour- “It was thirty minutes, light traffic and I drive fast,” she insisted- to see him since he hadn’t visited yet. 

Lance loved his sister, he truly did. But it took him while to stop being upset with her for freaking him out. She’d taken to simply sitting outside his door and playing on her phone until he called her back and eventually let her in. She managed to ask about his classes and Hunk and Pidge before her eyes fell to the stuffed lion in the corner of the room and the inevitable came up. 

“What’s with the giant cat?” she asked. But the lilt of her voice told Lance she already had an idea. He hated when she played dumb. 

“From my carnival date. We’re sharing it.” Veronica smiled and raised an eyebrow. Before she could talk, Lance said, “And that’s the real reason you came to see me- you want me to tell you about them and yadda, yadda.” 

Veronica rolled her eyes. “Dude, you always tell me everything. Why are you keeping so quiet about this girl? You had no problem telling me and Marco and Luis about the  _ many  _ chicks you banged at this party or that-”

“Veronica.” 

She stopped and sighed. “I’m sorry.” She scooted closer on the couch and turned his face to her by grabbing his chin. She regarded him for a moment, and part of Lance wondered if she could see right through him. 

He began to think loudly, as loudly as he possibly could, in hopes that she would be able to know without his having to figure out how to say it.  _ It’s a boy. I like a boy. I’m seeing a boy. Boy, boy, boy, he’s wonderful and beautiful and I want the world to know about him. I want you to know about him.  _

“Why do you look so scared,  _ flaco?”  _ she asked gently, her hand moving from his chin to his cheek in that way she always did when she was worried about him. “Did you….” She took a deep breath and Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “You didn’t get her pregnant, did you?” 

“What?” he practically screeched. “No! No, Veronica!” 

“Okay!” She pulled away, holding her hands up. “I’m just making sure! Jeez, you look so freaked out, can you blame me?” She crossed her arms and leaned against her knees, staring at the coffee table. “And you’re sure this isn’t about Allura?” 

Lance sighed. “No, it’s not,” he said softly. “Vero, can you just… give me some time? I promise I’ll tell you. You’ll probably be the first I tell, but just… back off a little, please.” 

Veronica let out a long breath. Then she nodded. “Okay. I’m sorry.” They stayed quiet for a moment. Then she nudged Lance’s knee. “Want some pancakes from Denny’s? I wanna make up for waking you up so early.” 

Lance scoffed and looked at her, slowly starting to smile. “Yeah. That sounds good.” She smiled back and stood up, ruffling his hair harshly as she moved toward the door. “ _ Ay, Vero!”  _

She laughed and twirled her keys around her index fingers. “ _ Oye pues, párate!”  _ she said with a lingering shit-eating grin. Lance grumbled and stood up to yank his shoes on and follow her out the door. 

There were a lot of moments between the car ride and ordering food where Veronica began to say something only to stop and reword or say something completely different. He knew she wanted information, but he also knew she was trying to remember he’d told her to give him time. Still, each time the word “she” or “girlfriend” slipped out, Lance couldn’t help but feel a tightening in his stomach. 

“We’re not dating… that way,” he finally said after another slip that Veronica brushed off by rambling about a TV show. 

Then, because Lance brought it up, Veronica seemed to mull over her words. “That way? So like… you’re dating but not officially?” 

Lance felt his cheeks heat up. “I mean we go on dates but the titles aren’t… no labels.” 

“Millennials and their labels,” she muttered. 

Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “ _ Pendejita,  _ you’re a millennial too.” 

Veronica laughed and shrugged. “Okay so…. No labels. But going on dates….” Lance huffed and ran his hand through his hair. “Alright, I get it,” she said. She perked up as their food came and Lance noticed his phone light up. 

_ Good morning sleeping beauty _

Lance tightened his lips to keep from grinning at that. Before he started eating, he responded, hoping his face was passive enough.

_ Como amaneciste, koala? _

“You texting her?” Veronica asked. Lance grit his teeth. So he wasn't passive enough. “Just a yes or no! I'm not prying!” she insisted. 

Lance rolled his eyes. “Sure.” 

As Lance began to drench his pancakes in syrup, Veronica asked, “So you haven't shown me any poems lately. Are you still writing them?” 

Lance grimaced. “No. You know I haven't written anymore. Everything I tried just…. It was always the same thing and I got tired of having nothing else to write about.” 

There was a small pause before Veronica continued. “Have you tried since?” Lance looked at her sheepishly and shook his head. “Well. This smart ass kid once told me that writing was a way to vent when things couldn't get out of your head.” Lance snorted and filled his mouth with food to keep from answering. “You said writing it all out is what finally gets it out of you and into the world, Lance. That's what you loved about it!” 

He sighed and drummed his fingers on the table. “What if I'm never done writing about her?” 

“So what, you're just never gonna write again?” Lance shrugged. “You have a gift, Lance. Don't be afraid of it because you're still hurting. And… not to pry, but… I mean is it also because of the girl you're seeing now?” 

Lance took a deep breath and noticed the LED light alerting him of a message on his phone. “Vero, I really don't want to talk about writing or Allura. How's everyone back home? How's Mami? How's school going for you?” 

Veronica sighed, but allowed the conversation to derail. As she spoke about her classes, Lance checked the message. 

_ Pretty okay wyd up so early? Want me to go over? _

Lance chewed his cheek and sent him a response as Veronica caught him up on the latest gossip at home.

_ I'm actually not home babe _

_ Um my sister came to visit me. She's annoyed I haven't told her anything about my “gf” 🙃 _

The nosy neighbor from next door complaining about the noise on weekends, Tia Lupe on the verge of a divorce, Papá telling his boss off and miraculously not getting fired. 

An incoming text:  _ Is that good or bad, pretty boy? _

Lance wasn't sure what to reply. Hell, he didn't even know if he wanted to come out to her yet. Part of him thought, yes because it was best to get it over with, but the other part thought, no because the simple idea of it made him have to stop eating with how anxious he got. 

_ Dunno yet. I'll text you soon 😙 _

Lance stuffed his phone back in his pocket and focused on the conversation. Veronica only raised an eyebrow, but she didn't ask anything. If Lance pushed the thoughts of dating and sort of dating and boys and gender and secrets to the back of his head, he could relax a little. He could breathe. 

By the end of breakfast, it felt normal again. No, “normal” wasn't the right word…. Whatever it was, it was calmer. 

Once the check came, Veronica stopped and looked at Lance with a smile. “You know, I don't know anything about this girl-” 

“Veroni-” 

“ _ But  _ you look really happy,  _ manito.” _

She looked at him, arching an eyebrow in question. Lance nodded. “I am.” 

Veronica smiled a little wider and nodded. “Then that's good enough for me.” She reached over and tousled his hair, making Lance protest and laugh. She laughed too, then busier herself with getting her card to pay. 

Meanwhile, that floaty feeling in Lance slowly dissipated. He didn't want to have to put Keith in the back of his mind to be able to breathe around his own sister. He didn't want to have to hide and avoid topics and watch his words around someone he trusted with his life. It wasn't right. He hated the idea of feeling like he was suffocating little by little whenever he talked to Veronica. It wasn't supposed to be that way, not for them.

He tried to keep his spirits up as they got up from the table and headed for the car. Veronica was rambling about a TV show on Netflix she discovered, so she hadn’t noticed Lance’s change in behavior. As she started driving away from the parking lot and said something about British TV being so bizarre when it portrays youth culture, Lance checked his phone. 

_ Okay, pretty boy. Remember to breathe and enjoy her visit. You’re not obligated to say anything if you’re not ready. Let me know when you’re free ❤️ _

Lance smiled at the text and put his phone back in his pocket. His heartbeat felt… emphasized. He could feel each beat in every limb, heavy like it was making his whole body pulse. His head got cloudy and he struggled to take a deep breath. His mouth was dry. The words bounced in his head, never quite in the right order or with the right tone. But they were almost to his place, and he knew he’d chicken out if he didn’t say something before-

“Veronica?” 

“What? I know, I know, girl characters that are like that are  _ super  _ annoying-”

“Veronica.” She huffed and glanced at him fleetingly before her eyes returned to the road for an intersection. Lance was going to puke. He was going to puke all over the dashboard. He made an effort to sound calmer than he felt. “The person I’m seeing… is, um….” She looked over, wondering if he was going to keep talking. “He’s a guy,” Lance managed to spit out, staring at his hands in his lap. 

He'd expected silence. Or stuttering. Or maybe a bunch of questions. What he hadn’t expected was half-hearted laughter. 

“Yeah, very funny, Lance. God, you and Marco I swear.” 

“I’m… what? I’m not kidding.” 

Veronica laughed a little more, this time more genuinely. “Yeah, after all the girls you told us about, I’m totally gonna believe you’re suddenly dating a guy. Look, I get if you don’t want to tell me about her for some reason, but I wasn’t-”

“I’m not lying!” he said, verging towards panic. “Veronica, please.” Veronica looked over at him, and something on his face must have made the weight of the confession get through her head because her smile dropped immediately. 

She didn’t say anything. Instead, she made a very illegal U-turn to park at a gas station. She turned down the radio stared out the windshield for a moment. Then she turned to face him. Lance was fighting the urge to run out of the car and just walk home. 

“Wait. So you’re serious? You’re not fucking with me?” 

“No! I…. His name is Keith.” 

Veronica slumped in her seat and furrowed her eyebrows. “So you’re… seeing a guy. And….” She closed her eyes and scoffed. “Oh my God. Oh my God, it makes so much sense. You never even used a pronoun, you’d just avoid the topic and-  _ oh my God,  _ that’s why you didn’t want to tell me anything!” She ran her hands through her hair, seemingly talking herself through the whole thing while Lance sat awkwardly in the passenger seat. “Oh. Oh, God. Lance, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to- I just- I wasn’t expecting….” 

The way she stammered made him more nervous. What was she trying to say? Was she angry? Was she grossed out? Would she say it was just a phase like Lance had heard so many people say to anyone who wasn’t straight? Would she cry? Oh God, Lance wouldn’t be able to handle it if she cried. 

Then she got out of the car. Lance felt his stomach drop. But then she came around to his side and opened the door, crouching in to look at him. “Come here,” she said, unbuckling the seat belt. Lance got out of the car despite how unstable his legs felt. Veronica looked frantic. “Okay. Okay. Are you okay? God, of course you’re okay!” She wrapped him in a hug so tight Lance physically couldn’t breathe. “You’re more than okay; you’re perfect,  _ manito.”  _

Lance chuckled, sniffing as her curls tickled his nose. “You’re not mad? You’re not gonna see me different?” 

Veronica pulled away, holding his shoulders. “What? No! No, of course not! I’m angry at myself for… for pushing you, for not catching on, for making you so nervous- are you shaking or is that me? Oh, Lance, I just….” She put a hand on his cheek and smiled. “If you’re happy, that’s more than enough for me.” Lance laughed and felt the very tears he’d been afraid of sliding down his cheeks. “ _ Carajo,  _ I’m trying not to cry, but if you’re gonna do it.” 

She hugged him again, her hand smoothing his hair down like she used to do to help him sleep when he was little, or just idly when they watched TV. Now, it was comforting. Even though Veronica was just a tiny bit shorter, Lance felt like a little kid, a blubbering mess in his older sister’s arms. “I hated keeping it from you,  _ prieta,  _ but I was so scared you’d be upset or hate me that you’d see me differently, and I wouldn’t have been able to handle that from you.” 

Veronica held him tighter and hushed him. “No, no, no,  _ oye, calmate,”  _ she murmured. “Lance, you’re my little brother. I love you so much, I love you more than anything in the world. Why would you think you liking a boy would change that at all? Why would I be angry? It’s okay.  _ You’re  _ okay.” 

Once his adrenaline subsided and he was able to calm down, Lance kissed his sister's cheek and thanked her again. “I'm sorry I dumped this on you and… made you almost kill us with the illegal U-turn.” 

Veronica laughed and wiped her eyes. “I didn't almost kill us, asshole. Oh gosh, okay. Do you wanna head home? Stop for coffee? Do you wanna talk more or just kind of leave it at this for now?” 

Lance smiled and felt his heart swell. “I'm good with going home. We can talk more. I've been wanting to catch you up.” 

Veronica nodded and ruffled his hair playfully before going back around to the driver's side. Once they were buckled in and driving again, she drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. “So Keith. Tell me everything.” 

It took getting to Lance's, making coffee, and eating all of the Chips Ahoy cookies he had left in the pantry before Lance was able to give her the full story- excluding bedroom details because he was  _ not  _ doing that. He showed her their photo booth pictures, a recording he managed to get of a snippet of their dance rehearsal the week before, and a few of the photos he had with him. 

After everything, he felt a little weird. Like it was somehow more official now, his liking boys. It just felt different for someone in his family to know, not just his friends. 

“I'll admit something,” Veronica said, looking at the strip of carnival photos on the coffee table. “It's gonna take me a little getting used to hearing you say ‘he' and ‘him.’ I'm so used to associating you with girls. I mean you were never really flirty with guys- except for Hunk but was that ever-” 

“Oh, no, no, no. Hunk’s just my best buddy. Yeah, he's all Pidge's, though… neither of them know it but…. Yeah, it's okay. I get it. This is new. And I keep getting asked if I'm gay or bisexual or what and honestly, I have no idea. I mean I was never scared to say a guy was attractive, but like… who can look at Leo in  _ Titanic  _ and not acknowledge that?” Veronica laughed. “But… yeah. This thing with Keith feels… nice.” 

Veronica crossed her arms. “Speaking of the thing. Why are you just calling it a thing? Why haven't you guys talked about that?” 

“Um. I dunno. It's like. The b-word just sort of stays out of our vocabulary. And we both sort of tense at the word dating. And it's…. I mean with him, I get it, he had a bad past with guys, but… I don't know.” 

Veronica crossed her arms and hummed. “Does he know about Allura?” Lance's eyes widened and shook his head quickly. “Okay, so  _ maybe  _ the reason you don't wanna be the b-word is because you haven't been the b-word since you were the b-word for Allura and so now you're panicking about having a and being the b-word for someone else?” 

Lance stared at her, burrowing his eyebrows. “What?” 

She rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Lance. Do you want to be Keith's boyfriend? Or do you still feel hung up on… Allura?” 

Oh, no, no, no. Lance did not want to get into the more serious psychological workings of his unconscious. But the psych major was obviously going to go down that route. 

“No. I mean, I think I'll always love Allura. What I had with her got cut short, it's not like….” He sighed and shook his head. “But I don't feel bad for liking Keith now. I feel… scared, because I don't know where it's gonna go yet and because it's the first time since Allura that I've felt like this about anyone. Pidge and Hunk have already told me I don't need to feel guilty. You've told me.” 

There was a brief silence. For a second Lance felt like she was going to go Therapist Mode. Instead she just said, “Fear has never stopped you from anything before, Lance. You love taking chances. So what's the real thing keeping you from asking him out officially?” 

Lance huffed and rubbed his neck nervously. “I don’t want to ask him out without telling him about Allura. But I don’t want to tell him about her yet. I don’t want to scare him off or… I don’t know.”

She nodded and put her hand over his, squeezing reassuringly. “Okay. That’s reasonable. But you’ll have to tell him eventually.” 

“I know. I will. But we’ve only been… whatever we are for a couple weeks.” She nodded again, comforting him with a smile. “Do you think… Ma  _ y  _ Pa will be okay with this? If I told them whenever I do start dating Keith?” 

The smile faltered a bit. She leaned against the couch and let out a soft huff. “Honestly,  _ huesos _ I don't know. I don't think they'll hate you or that they would kick you out of the house or something like that. But I don't know if they'll be angry or if they'll be okay with it.” Lance felt his heart sink, and she shook his arm. “Hey. That's why you have me, okay?” He smiled and nodded, leaning into her as she hugged him. “So when will I get to meet the wonderful Keith?” she asked. 

“Oh. Uh. I dunno. I mean… he knows you're here now, I could see if he wants to come over. I could invite Hunk and Pidge too, that way it's not too much pressure.” 

“Pressure? I'm a nice person!” Veronica protested. 

“Yeah, but I talk about you and Marco and Luis a lot. He knows how important you guys are to me.” 

She cooed and pinched his cheek, much to Lance's annoyance. “Okay, well see if they're up for it and we can order takeout or wings or something. I gotta use the bathroom.” 

Lance nodded and watched her go into the hallway as he made a groupchat with his best friends and Keith. 

_ Veronica is visiting me. You guys down to hang out?  _

Hunk and Pidge immediately responded, excited to see Veronica again. Keith read the message but didn’t respond. A few moments later, Lance got a personal message from Keith. 

_ Are you sure you want me to meet your sister now? _

Lance bit his lip and answered,  _ She wants to meet you but if you want to do it another day that’s ok _

There was no response for a while. Then, as Veronica came back, his phone lit up with an incoming call. He answered, but before he could get a hello out, he heard, “You told her?” 

“Um. Yes. Is that… okay?” 

“Wh-what did you… tell her?” 

Veronica gestured to the kitchen and mouthed,  _ chips?  _ Lance nodded and returned his focus to the call. “Well. I told her I was seeing a guy. And then I told her about meeting you and asking you on a date and…. You know, just sort of caught her up.” It was quiet for a while, and it made Lance nervous. “Keith?” 

“Oh! Uh, sorry. Just… processing. Um… okay, I’ll… be there soon then.” 

Lance smiled as a wave of relief overcame him. “Okay. See you soon.” He hung up and turned to where Veronica was shoving chips in her mouth as she stared expectantly over the counter. “They’re all coming! So wings or takeout?” 

Veronica smiled widely and held up her phone. “I got it.” 

Within the next half hour, Hunk and Pidge had shown up and greeted Veronica with hugs and loud laughter as they talked over each other. A movie played in the background on the TV as they mostly caught up and talked about their classes while waiting on their food. 

When Keith arrived, he didn’t knock on the door. Instead, Lance got a text, asking him to come out to the hallway. Confused, Lance excused himself, and left his apartment, only to find Keith pacing at the intersection of hallways. He had a small bouquet of flowers in one hand and a look of absolute terror on his face. 

“Keith? What’s wrong?” Lance asked, eyeing the bouquet and the incessant back and forth pacing. 

Keith turned to him and took a very exaggerated, deep breath. “I’ve never done this before, Lance. I’ve never been with someone who willingly had me meet someone in their family, and I’m freaking out!” Lance moved to grab him by the shoulders and keep him still. “What if she hates me? What if she thinks you could do better or that I’m the worst choice you could’ve made or maybe she secretly hates me for spiking your interest in guys-”

“Keith!” Lance cupped his face and forced Keith to look at him. “Babe, relax. Veronica likes you just from what I’ve told her about you. She wasn’t freaked out or anything when I told her. Surprised, but that’s all. She wants to meet you. She asked if she could.” He kissed Keith lightly, trying to calm him down. “And like I said, if it’s too quick for you, you don’t have to do this now. But Hunk and Pidge are in there too, so it’s not going to be a lot of pressure. Veronica’s really cool, if anything I should be worried because she loves embarrassing me.” 

Keith let out a nervous laugh. He leaned into Lance and huffed slightly. “I still can’t believe you told her. Were you okay?” 

“I was terrified. But I hate keeping things from her, and I didn’t want to hide you.  _ But  _ I did it for me, not to prove myself or anything, I swear.” Keith laughed, muffling the sound as he hid his face in Lance’s neck. “Hey. I know I dropped this on you really suddenly. So it’s okay if you want to back out. I’ll tell her she can meet you some other time over coffee or something.” 

Keith pulled away and looked at Lance with a soft look in his eyes, fear and adoration warring against each other. “I want to meet her too. You talk about her a lot; I know she’s important to you.” He slipped his hand into Lance’s and gave him a small smile and a nervous nod. 

Lance smiled back and led him back to his apartment. His grip on Lance’s hand tightened when he opened the door and the sound of laughter increased. Lance rubbed his thumb in circles along the back of his palm, trying to ignore the fact that his heart was beating faster too. 

“Vero?” She looked back, the remnants of a laugh still in her eyes. Then her eyebrows went up and she hurried to stand. “This is Keith. Keith, this is my older sister Veronica.” 

“H-hi,” Keith said. He held out the small bouquet and Lance watched as his cheeks turned bright red. “Lance talks about you a lot. I didn’t want to come empty-handed.” 

Veronica chuckled and took the bouquet. “Aw, thank you!” She looked at Lance and winked. “I like him already,  _ flaco.”  _ Keith smiled, but his grip was becoming deadly around Lance’s hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you too,” she said. “I hope you’re hungry; we ordered wings. They should be here soon.” 

Keith nodded. When Veronica turned to get a cup of water to put her flowers in, Keith let out a breath. “You never get me flowers,” Lance mumbled. Keith pinched him, making him yelp. “I’m kidding!” 

“Keith! What are we? Chopped liver?” Pidge called out from the floor. 

Lance pressed a kiss to his cheek and managed to slip his hand free. “I’ll be right back.” Keith nodded and went to sit by Hunk to say hi. Lance went to the kitchen where Veronica was cutting the stem tips. “He’s super nervous.” 

“So are you,” Veronica noted with a smile. “He’s sweet. And even more attractive in person.” She nudged him playfully and he blushed. 

There was a knock on the door, and Lance opened it to the delivery guy for wings. Almost on cue, Veronica, Hunk, and Pidge yelled, “ _ Wiiings!”  _ which caused the guy to laugh awkwardly as he handed the food over. After an awkward smile exchange, Lance brought the food to the coffee table and they spread the food out as a free-for-all grabs. 

“So Keith,” Veronica started. “How’d my dorky brother rope you into being interested in him?” Keith’s face turned bright red, and he busied himself with biting a chicken wing as Lance kicked at Veronica under the table. 

“Why are you mean?” he whined pitifully. “I’m not dorky. I’m smooth and very charming, and that’s why Keith likes me. Right, babe?” 

Keith smiled, but then Pidge snorted and said, “Yeah, okay.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“You forget we were at both parties when you saw Keith,” Hunk said, suppressing a smile. 

The realization as to what they were alluding to hit him fast, making him turn red and panic because he didn’t need his sister knowing any of that. Apparently Keith caught on too, because he started coughing as he choked on hot sauce while Pidge laughed beside him and pat his back. 

“Do I… do I wanna know?” Veronica asked, looking at them all suspiciously. Lance noticed Keith duck his head, but Pidge and Hunk both seemed to be relishing in the moment of terrifying discomfort they’d caused. The damn traitors. 

“No, they’re just jealous because they’re too lame to make any moves,” he answered, looking between them both. Two could totally play at this game. Sure enough, they both blushed, but Pidge was the one to flip him off.

Keith chuckled, but remained quiet, out of the line of fire for the time being as he chewed on fries. “Well, yeah. Lance is pretty charming. He told you about the carnival date, right?” 

“Oh that’s right!” Veronica said. “That was with you! Sorry, it’s all still sort of clicking in my head.” She smiled sheepishly. “He said you won the lion.” Keith nodded.

“This part is boring, when do we get to the part where you embarrass Lance with embarrassing photos and stories?” Pidge asked. 

“Oh, I have plenty of those,” Hunk said.

“You guys really wanna play that game? You had your chances when you met Keith the first time!” Lance protested. He looked at Veronica helplessly, but she was just smiling that annoyingly smug smile she always got when she had something planned. “Veroni- _ ca!”  _

“Relax,” she said, giving him a sideways look. “Anyway, Keith, have you read any of Lance’s poetry?” 

Lance kicked at her again, frantic at this point. She shot him a warning glare and returned her attention towards Keith. 

“Uh. No, actually. But he recited one of his favorites once. A Pablo Neruda one about the sea.” He looked over at Lance for confirmation, and Lance nodded. Veronica glanced over at her brother as Hunk and Pidge kept their eyes on their food. “Have you written a lot of poetry?” 

Before Lance could muster up an answer, Veronica snorted. “Oh man, since he was a kid. I remember this one about our aunt’s big frizzy hair. He was like… six, I think, when he wrote it. But it was so funny because he didn’t even realize he was being insulting.” 

Lance blushed. “That’s not funny, tia Martha got really mad at me when she found that.” 

“You were six! All six year olds are brutally honest.” 

“I remember when you wrote one about Hunk’s sister when we were in middle school,” Pidge said with a smirk. She looked over at Keith and grimaced. “He was so infatuated with her in that like… hot babysitter kind of way. He paid me twenty bucks to never show it to Hunk.” 

“And I never wanted to know what it said,” Hunk added. Keith chuckled and continued eating, listening raptly. 

“I remember this one day after school, we were all sitting to eat dinner, and Lance just announced that he was gonna be a writer.” Veronica chuckled and threw some wing bones aside to grab more. “Our dad was ready to lose it.” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “He didn't want Lance to be a writer?” 

“Still doesn't. Lance is the only one of all four of us that's making it all the way through college. I got a late start, so I'm actually following after him.” Lance blushed and ducked his head, focusing on his food. “So our dad thinks Lance wasted his time. He doesn't complain anymore though. Mami is more supportive. We've always loved Lance's writing. Plus, he's gotten farther than any of us, so that counts for something.” 

Lance looked at the TV, feeling oddly embarrassed. “My friend Nyma once wrote this script that was inspired by this show,” he said carelessly. “We had a playwriting workshop class together.” 

“Nyma's your  _ friend  _ now?” Hunk asked.

Taking a deep breath, Lance shot him a glare. Granted, he walked right into that one, but he needed to change the subject. “Yes, she is my friend,” he answered, aware of Keith awkwardly shifting his gaze from Hunk to Lance. 

“So aside from insulting his aunt’s hair, what else did Lance do as a kid?” Keith asked, catching on to the discomfort that was threatening the conversation. “He says he was well-behaved, but somehow I don’t believe that.” 

“You shouldn’t!” Veronica said with a snort. “God, Lance was always getting into trouble.” 

“I was not,” he protested. 

“Yes you were!” Pidge butt in. “Remember the day you convinced us to sneak into the community pool on the first day of summer even though it wasn’t open?” She turned to Hunk and gestured with a ketchup-smeared fry. “How old were we?” 

“It was summer after eighth grade,” Hunk said. “Lance took it as a personal offense that the pool was still closed and insisted we go in anyway since we had our bags of food and clothes. And so he hops the fence and starts fiddling the lock to open it for us, but I’m refusing to go in and Pidge is saying something about chlorine and infections-”

“Then we hear a siren whoop, and the cops are pulling up and telling us we’re trespassing and to go home.” Pidge rolled her eyes, but laughed at the memory. 

“They weren’t assholes about it were they?” 

Pidge and Hunk laughed and looked at Lance who rolled his eyes. “Not… at first. I’d seen this movie…. And so because it was summer and I was thirteen and felt invincible, I said ‘Fuck the police’ and cannonballed into the pool.” 

Keith burst into disbelieving laughter and covered his mouth as he looked at the others for confirmation. “Next thing we know,” Veronica finishes, “the cops have Lance, soaking wet by the arm at our door and he’s banned from the pool for the first month of opening. Then this other time-”

Lance groaned as Veronica went on a long rant between mouthfuls of wings about the many misadventures Lance had in his youth, as young as a four year old who threw a fit for candy and flopped into a mud puddle to his days in high school when he talked one of their younger cousins up a tree, but their cousin was too scared to come back down. Pidge and Hunk added their own anecdotes especially when they were involved in Lance’s mishaps. 

“Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter because I am Abuelita’s favorite and she would never hold it against me,” Lance said, after Veronica had jumped back to the day he’d accidentally shoved her so hard during a game of tag that she had to wear a sling. 

Keith looked amused, which made sense seeing as each time he asked a question it led to another more embarrassing story about Lance. Veronica splayed herself out on the floor where she had a decent view of everyone. 

“Keith, has Lance really not embarrassed himself in front of you? Never told you any of these stories?” 

“I mean he’s told me some funny ones from when he was in school with Hunk and Pidge, but no. He’s never done anything embarrassing with me except panic in front of my brother.” Keith wiped his hands clean and shifted to sit closer to Lance. 

Veronica scoffed. “That's actually impressive. I can't even remember how many embarrassing things he did when he wa-” She stopped herself, covering it up with a fake coughing fit that could fool anyone but Lance. 

He looked at Pidge and Hunk who seemed to catch on to what Veronica nearly said. 

“Ha, yeah, Lance is a pro at embarrassing himself,” Hunk said. Veronica nodded through her coughs and reached for a water bottle she'd been drinking. 

“Right well, right now you guys are doing it for me,” he muttered. Keith pressed his hand to Lance's, a silent offer of comfort, a small sign of affection that always managed to make Lance's heart skip a beat. He immediately turned his hand to intertwine their fingers and took a breath. 

“You okay?” Keith asked Veronica. 

She nodded and shook her water bottle slightly. “Took a breath too quick. But anyway! Lance told me you dance.” 

“Yeah, we're actually rehearsing for a performance right before winter break.” Keith turned to Lance. “You're going, right?” 

“Of course,” Lance promised. “I'll drag all three of them to come with me too.” 

Keith smiled at him and squeezed his hand slightly. Veronica nodded enthusiastically. “I love performances of all kinds. They're fascinating to me.” 

Hunk asked something, but at that point, Lance had caught Veronica’s gaze resting on the sight of Keith's hand interlocked with his own. The teasing gleam in her eyes was gone and replaced with some kind of relief and… maybe fascination. It almost made Lance self conscious, but then her gaze lifted to meet his, and she gave him a fond smile. It was reassuring. Accepting. And Lance realized that there was truly no difference in the way his sister saw him. 

He couldn't help but smile back at that, and he leaned in closer to Keith, resting his head on his shoulder. The level of comfort and peace he felt at that moment was something he hadn't realized he was waiting for. 

Thankfully, his sister and his friends took some pity on him and ended the horrible stories of all of Lance’s screw-ups. The conversation shifted to various topics, from opinions on recent movies and netflix series to the occasional question Veronica had for Keith about his hobbies and even some stories Hunk and Pidge had about their times hanging out with Keith to tell Veronica. 

Lance noticed that Keith would try suppressing a smile when he was part of a memory or inside joke, and it made Lance happy to know he felt just as included considering the amount of stories he was new to from them. Lance was almost certain Keith was still nervous, but he didn’t show it as much as he had in the hallway. 

His hand was a little sweaty, but when Lance’s hand loosened for him to let go, Keith only held on firmer. Lance also noticed he had a habit of fiddling with his free hand subtly enough that it didn’t seem like he was anxious. Most of the night, Keith was folding and unfolding the corner of one of the brown napkins that came with their wings. He took an occasional deep breath, as if to steady himself. 

Honestly, Lance wanted nothing more than to kiss it all away. Kiss away the nervousness, the pressure. But he never really liked PDA with the exception of parties, especially in front of his sister. The urge did, however, make him realize he’d gone quite a while without kissing the sense out of Keith, and that knowledge only made the urge stronger. He tried placating it with small pecks to his cheek or shoulder or a gentle kiss to the back of his hand when the others weren’t looking right at them. 

Veronica was the first to leave around ten. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay?” Lance asked. 

“Nah, I have to take Papi to his doctor appointment tomorrow. And I left all my stuff.” She shrugged. “But you’ll be coming home soon, and I can come up any weekend if you  _ invite me.  _ You know, now that you’re not keeping Keith a secret from me.” 

Lance pouted. “He’s not- he wasn’t a secret! I just… avoided explaining.” Veronica rolled her eyes and looked at Keith with a  _ can you believe this kid?  _ kind of look. “Alright, yeah now I’m just kicking you out.” 

“Oh really?” she challenged, immediately catching him in a headlock. Hunk and Pidge immediately started chanting encouragements as Lance yelped and tried to tickle her, but that only resulted in her grip tightening. “Tap out! Tap out!” 

“No!” Lance shouted, writhing in her grasp. Keith was laughing from where he sat on the floor, watching. “Would you stop stomping I have downstairs neighbors!” 

“Tap. Out!” 

Lance would’ve been able to get out of the situation easier if Veronica hadn’t trapped one of his arms along with his head. “God, you’re such an asshole,” he gasped, quickly tapping her knee as his side started to cramp from being hunched over awkwardly. 

She let go and bowed as Pidge clapped for her among the laughter. As she grabbed her keys, she said, “Damn,  _ flaco,  _ you lost in front of Keith. Aren’t you embarrassed?” 

“Okay, time to go!” Lance said, shoving her toward the door. She laughed and Lance felt a sudden increase in the weight he pushing. “No! Veronica, no! Stop!  _ No seas asi!”  _

“Gravity’s increasing on me. I can’t help it,” she answered, letting her weight fall against Lance and throw him off balance. 

“Why are you the way that you are?” Lance complained. “I swear, I’ll let you fall.” 

“Do it and see what happens, you little shit.” 

“ _ Ay, pues caminale!”  _

“ _ Que se dice?”  _

Lance scowled and shoved her again, huffing against the deadweight she was purposefully adding. “Please!” 

“Okay.” She stood upright and laughed at his expense. She brought him into a hug and tousled his hair. “You should see Keith’s face right now. He’s looking at you like you’re holding the stars,” she whispered. “That’s so gay.” 

“ _ Veronica!”  _ He laughed and shook his head. “God I missed you. Please drive safely, okay? Let me know when you get home and give Mami a hug for me.” 

“I will,” she promised. “ _ Te quiero mucho, manito.  _ And I’m really happy for you.” She tousled his hair again and smiled. “Be good, okay? Study hard!” She stood on her toes and yelled back, “Bye guys! And it was really great meeting-  _ wait my flowers!”  _ She shoved Lance aside and grabbed her little bouquet of flowers. “You’re my favorite person in this room, by the way, Keith. No one else ever gave me flowers and they’ve known me since they were little. Assholes.” Keith laughed and waved as she returned to the door. 

“Bye, Veronica!”

“You know we love you,” Pidge added.

Lance waited until Veronica made it to the end of the hallway to close the door. He plopped down on the armchair and tugged on Keith’s shirt for him to get up from the floor and join him. Keith stood up and squeezed in beside him, but ended up half on his lap. 

“I don’t think we fit here, pretty boy.” 

“Well Pidge and Hunk are taking up the couch and I want cuddles.” 

“Shit, well then I guess we’re not wanted here,” Pidge said as she threw a balled up napkin at him. 

“No, you are, I just also want my cuddles.” Lance wrapped his arms around Keith and snuggled into him. His sweater smelled like freshly ground coffee beans and new books. “Were you at a cafe?” 

Keith nodded. “Studying.” Lance hummed and shifted so Keith could be more comfortable despite being used as a body pillow. 

“So… do we get to hear the story of you coming out to Veronica?” Hunk asked. “It obviously went well, but what happened?” 

“Well, I mean she knew there was someone. She knew I'd been on a date and all that, I just never told her specifics….” Keith snorted and started to trace random patterns on Lance's arm as he caught them up on everything that happened that day. When he was done, he took a moment to look at his friends and smiled. “I'm really glad telling you guys never felt that terrifying.” 

“We were drunk when you told us, so you cheated,” Pidge reminded him. 

Hunk laughed and nodded. “But we're glad it was easy with us. Honestly, looking back, I don't know how we didn't see it coming.” 

“What do you mean?” Lance asked. 

Keith just laughed and nodded. “That tends to happen. Once you realize it, a lot of other things start clicking.” He raised an eyebrow and leaned closer to Lance. “So what did you realize?” he asked Hunk. 

“Well, I remember back in high school the goalie for our soccer team- we had a great soccer team- asked Lance for help studying because he was close to failing and they'd bench him if he did.” 

Pidge laughed. “Oh my God, yeah! That was what's his name, Kendall? No, no, no we called him by his last name it sounded like Limeade.” 

Lance buried his face into Keith's side and groaned. “That was Kinkade. We had the same Algebra class.” 

“Kinkade!” they said together. “Oh that's so true! I remember how nervous you'd get any time he'd talk to you and every time you had to meet with him after school you would hyperventilate.” Keith laughed and looked at Lance for confirmation. 

“He was a huge deal! All the girls in our school liked him and he had all the cool people for friends. It was weird having him ask me for help.” Lance blushed as he recalled the very nervousness Pidge and Hunk did. In retrospect, it was very similar to the nervousness Lance felt on his first date with Keith. “Oh.” He'd been so certain it was just because Kinkade was popular. Intimidating. But…. “Oh. My. God.” 

“There it is,” Hunk said with a laugh. “You totally had a crush on him.” 

“How did I not realize that?” Lance exclaimed, hiding himself in Keith's sweater. He shook his head and grumbled. “Oh my God I was so awkward with him I think he knew and I didn't even know I-” 

“I think you're fine, Lance,” Hunk said with a chuckle. “I just thought it was funny how it all kind of clicks now.” 

Lance rolled his eyes and hummed as Keith started playing with his hair idly. “As much as I'd love to stay to remember all the obvious signs of Lance's questionable sexuality,” Pidge said with a smirk, “I really gotta get home to work on a project I have to present Monday. Are we doing anything tomorrow?” 

“We can just text me and we can decide,” Lance said. “You guys leaving together?” 

“Hunk drove.” Lance nodded and smirked, but he felt Keith pinch him before he could say anything else. 

Hunk and Pidge said their goodbyes and left the apartment, so the only sound was the TV and Keith's soft breaths as he leaned into Lance. 

They'd managed to drape themselves along the armchair comfortably enough to stay, but it was an awkward position only bearable because of the other's presence. 

“Your sister's funny. And really sweet,” Keith said when Lance started playing with his fingers. “I like how you act around her.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“It’s like you both turn into little kids again. You pick at each other, but it’s never mean. You’re kind of dorkier, but that’s a good thing.” Lance laughed at the description and nudged him, feigning offense. “It’s cute! You’re cute.” 

Lance hummed and pulled Keith to lay over him, tucking back the longer strands of hair that fell forward behind his ear. “Well she liked you too.” Keith smiled as he stared down at Lance, tracing his index finger over Lance’s lip lightly. Lance chuckled and moved to bite his finger, but Keith drew back quickly. “That tickles.” 

Keith smiled at that, only responding with a hum before he leaned down to kiss Lance softly. Lance sighed in content and responded just as softly. He liked these slower kisses, when they took all the time in the world to just memorize the other’s lips. Time felt like it froze, or it just didn’t exist at all. They could stay there forever, moving slowly to admire everything about the other. 

Like the way Keith’s hair fell forward from behind his ear when ducked his head lower to kiss Lance’s jawline and tickled Lance’s face subtly. The softness of Keith’s dark hair when Lance pushed his fingers through it. The slow movement of his tongue as he licked down his neck and left small open mouthed kisses while his free hand gently brushed against Lance’s cheek. 

Lance sighed and held him closer. “I missed you last night,” he whispered. 

Keith responded with a playful, soft bite- really just a graze of his teeth. “I missed you too.” 

“Did you want to talk about anything?” 

Keith pulled himself up, looking confused. “What? What do you mean?” 

Lance shrugged. “I don’t know if you wanted to talk about some of the comments Shiro had made. You know, about dating.” 

“Oh.” Keith pulled himself up all the way and moved to sit on the arm of the chair. “Oh. Well. If you want to.” 

“Do  _ you  _ want to?” 

“I do if you do.” 

Lance rolled his eyes. “Do you want me to want to?” Keith furrowed his eyebrows and looked at Lance helplessly. Lance sat up and took his hand. “Just be honest with me, babe.” 

Keith looked at him oddly for a moment then stared at his shoes as he swung his leg. “I just don't want you to feel like you have to talk about it just because I do or feel like I have to talk about it because you do. The whole dating thing- it's not a big deal to me. But that's not because it's you it's just….” Keith looked frustrated, grasping for the right words. 

The expressions on his face made it seem like he wanted to say something, but he didn't. Lance rubbed the back of his hand with his thumb gently. Keith looked at him, deflated. 

“Hey,” Lance said softly as he shifted to face Keith. “We can figure it out as we go. We're not in a rush.” He leaned forward and kissed Keith's cheek. “What do you say if right now we just… cuddle on my bed and you sing to me while I play with your hair? And lots of kissing to make up for not having you here last night too.” 

Keith chuckled and stood up to pull Lance up with him, his arms wrapping around his torso. The smile on his face soothed the frustrated expression he'd had just a moment ago. “Let me guess- you wanna be the little spoon?”

Lance smiled and leaned in to kiss him. “You know me so well, koala.” 

Keith smiled at that, but something still seemed to be bugging him because the smile didn't reach his eyes. Before Lance could ask about it, Keith kissed him and tugged him down the hallway to the bedroom. 

Lance offered him a change of clothes and laid down on the bed as Keith put them on. For a moment, Keith stopped at his bookcase, his fingers skimming the spines of each book in silent fascination. 

He went to the bed and laid down, pulling Lance into his arms. Once Lance was comfortable enough, Keith lived up to his latest nickname and encased Lance with his arms and legs, holding him closely.

Lance was close to falling asleep, aided by the warmth of Keith's body and sound of his heartbeat at his ear and the whispered song he was speaking more than singing. Then the song stopped and Keith kissed his forehead. 

“Lance?” He hummed in response, closer to succumbing to sleep than being able to use words. “Why'd you stop writing poetry?” 

Lance's eyes flew open. He tried to control his facial expression, but Keith had already caught it. He was looking at Lance with a furrowed brows and confusion in his eyes. 

“I…. What?” 

“Well… it sounded like it was a big part of you. And you have all those books and journals in your bookcase. Why did you stop writing?” 

It was too hot. Keith's arms were suddenly too heavy. But it was fine. He was fine. 

He shrugged and ducked his head so Keith couldn't see his face anymore. “I just don't have time anymore.” 

Keith took a deep breath. He didn't answer for a while. Lance figured that was all, but a few moments later, he said, “Is that girl you mentioned earlier an ex or something?” 

“What? Who?” He pulled back a bit to look at Keith. 

“The one you mentioned,” Keith answered, a bit of frustration seeping into his voice. “And Hunk asked if she was your friend now and-” 

“No, no, no, she's not my ex. She's just my friend.” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows, and Lance wondered if he didn’t believe him. “Okay. Then who  _ is  _ your ex?” 

Lance felt his body go cold and stiff. He gripped Keith’s arm and scoffed. “What’s that matter?” His voice was small. Not even a whisper, and the petrified feeling soaking through his veins made it hard to even say those three words. 

Suddenly, Keith was pulling away from him to sit up. He was grabbing his shoes, and Lance felt slow to catch up. 

“What’s it matter?” Keith spat back. “Jesus, Lance.” 

“What are you- where are you going? Why are you-?” Keith walked toward the door and Lance hurried off the bed to stop him. “Keith-”

Keith turned around, snatching away from Lance’s hold. “Do you know how many people I’ve told the things I told you? About Roland, about Shiro, about my mom and my foster parents?” Lance stared at him, not understanding where such a sudden shift in mood came from. “Not even Shiro knew the full extent of what happened with Roland. I told you all of it when you asked because I trust you. I know it took me a while, and there’s still things I have to build up to telling you, but…. Lance, you don’t tell me anything.” 

“I don’t- What the hell are you talking about?” Lance exclaimed. “Yes I do! I’ve told told you about my life, about my family, and my friends-” 

“You don’t talk to me about the things that matter!” Keith gestured to the bookshelf. “Why is it I didn’t even know you wrote poetry until Pidge said it? Why didn’t  _ you  _ tell me about how you used to write it since you were six? Why do I have to find out from Veronica that your dad doesn’t like what you’re studying? Why didn’t I even know you had an ex until Pidge mentioned her?” 

It felt like his body had been electrocuted. “Pidge di- What did she say?” 

Keith narrowed his eyes and clenched his fists. “Nothing! She just mentioned a past relationship and then said you don’t like dwelling. That’s not the point!” Keith looked desperate at this point. He shoved the tips of his fingers into Lance’s chest. “I should have heard it from you! I should have heard about the poetry from  _ you.  _ I should know about… about the shitty stuff too, not just the funny stories about pranking Veronica and losing a bet with your brothers.” 

“Okay, okay, you’re right. I should’ve, and I’m sorry. I didn’t know it mattered. But you know now.” Keith scoffed and shook his head. He left the room and Lance followed, calling after him. “What else do you want me to say, Keith?” 

Keith turned back around, looking furious. “Why don’t you trust me? You were the one that kept begging me to believe you were serious about this. But you’re the one holding back.” 

“I  _ do  _ trust you.” Lance cupped his face, but Keith pushed his hands away. “Keith, I do! Of course I trust you. You wouldn’t have met Veronica if I didn’t.” 

Keith stared at him with his jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed. “Why did you stop writing? Don’t give me that bullshit about not having time.” 

Lance stared at him wordlessly. He didn’t want to lie, even if it seemed like a small lie. It obviously wasn’t. Keith was taking this to heart. But he still couldn’t bring himself to say the truth. He gulped and tried not to wither under Keith’s glare. He couldn’t even bring himself to form a thought of an answer. It was too much. 

With a huff, Keith tried something else. “Can I see one of your journals? Some of your writing?” 

All of those journals had her. Somewhere, somehow. Lance couldn’t hand those over without it saying everything he didn’t want to say. He hadn’t even opened them since he decided he wouldn’t write again until he could write about something that wasn’t Allura. 

He shook his head and ran his hands through his hair frantically when Keith scoffed in exasperation. “No, they’re not… they’re not for people to see.”

Keith started pacing, aggravation clear in the tension of his body. Lance could tell he was struggling to stay in control of his temper. “Why didn’t you tell me about your ex?” Keith asked instead.

“I don’t… like talking about it.” 

“Do you think I liked talking about Roland?” Keith’s voice was so loud compared to the feeble responses Lance could muster. “You asked me; you begged me to tell you and I did! I tried to let you tell me on your own but you’re-” Keith growled and turned away. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. I’ll see you later.” 

“Keith, please don’t walk away.” Keith hesitated at the door with hunched shoulders. Then he sighed and opened the door to leave.

Lance felt like the wind had been squeezed out of him. He opened the door to follow, to bring him back. This wasn’t right, this wasn’t how tonight was supposed to be.

Keith was already down the hall, going down the staircase before Lance could even shut his door. He was fast, and his steps were heavy- something Lance hadn’t even noticed was unlike him until it was happening. He kept calling after him, shouting for him to wait. 

He didn’t reach him until he got to his motorcycle. Lance ran to place himself in front of it, his own hands on the handles. He could feel his voice waver when he spoke. “Keith, I know it looks bad, but I promise-” 

“Don’t. Don’t promise me anything.” Keith stared at him and started the motorcycle. “Lance… don’t… don’t  _ cry.”  _

“Then stay. Please.” 

Keith took a breath and grit his teeth. “Let go. I can’t be around you right now.” 

“Keith-”

“ _ Let go of my bike.”  _

Lance grit his teeth and held on, more resolute. “No. Not until you get off and come back inside with me. Please, baby, just-” The bike revved, startling Lance into jumping back from it. Without another word, Keith sped out of the lot. 

If it hadn’t felt so cold, Lance would’ve stayed outside, collapsed to the floor and tried to wait for Keith to snap out of it and come back. But it was cold, and he didn’t have a sweater, and he knew Keith wasn’t coming back. Not that night. He forced himself to walk back inside, slightly dazed as he made his way back up the stairs.

What happened? They were supposed to be in a good place. Keith had met Veronica. Lance had met Shiro. Keith should have been there, lulling him to sleep, kissing his forehead and his cheeks and.... He wasn’t supposed to be gone. The night wasn’t supposed to have turned into a fight. He’d come out to his sister, he’d introduced them and they liked each other. Lance should have been celebrating, not walking back to his apartment, struggling to breathe. 

When he made it back to his room, he was filled with resentment. Towards himself, towards Keith, toward Veronica and Pidge, and for a tiny split second towards Allura. He was hurt, and he was afraid. He didn’t know if this meant it was all over or if it was just an argument, and he didn’t think Keith would answer if he called. 

He should’ve seen it coming. He should’ve known it was bothering him, he should’ve caught on. He should’ve been able to give Keith something, but…. He couldn’t. Even all this time later, there was still so much he was shoving down and suffocating. Like the fucking poems. 

He turned to his bookcase and pulled out three of his journals, staring at them in anger, like it’d been their fault Keith walked out. Stupid journal with stupid poems. Stupid past that wouldn’t stay in the past. 

Without thinking, Lance started tearing out the pages in one of his journals, hoping that by destroying the words he would destroy the emotions. He yelled through clenched teeth, crumpling the pages in his fists before he let them fall to the floor. He threw the journal at the wall, letting out a loud curse as it thumped against the wall and fell to the floor. When he reached for another, he saw something slip out and froze. 

It was facedown, but he knew what it was. He’d forgotten it was there. He fell to his knees and grabbed the small photo, turning it over slowly. It was a photo of Allura, laying on a blanket in the park. Her hair was fanned out to one side, her eyes shut as she basked in the sun. It was one of the last pictures Lance had of her completely healthy. He’d taken it without her knowing because he’d thought she looked like a modern day renaissance painting of a goddess. 

Seeing her photo was like flipping a switch. Lance looked at his floor and all the torn sheets of poems, and he felt panic spike in his chest. 

“No, no, no, no,” he moaned, picking up the pages. He crawled around the floor until he had them all along with the journal. Then he grabbed the tape on his desk and sat down on his bed, spreading them out with trembling hands to soothe out the wrinkles. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.” He tried his best to get them back in order, to tape any he ripped apart and to rewrite the words that had faded with a tear. 

For the better part of an hour, Lance worked on repairing his journal, sniffing and shaking and wiping away runaway tears because he was remembering everything that happened when these poems were written, because he wished Keith were there, helping him, because he wished he felt like he’d just spat on Allura’s memory by trying to erase the the muse she was for him, because he wanted Keith to come back and tell him it would be okay. 

When his journal was put back together as best as he could, he placed all of them back on the shelf as best he could. Then he went to the living room to grab the giant stuffed lion that tended to chill in the corner. He took it back to his room to use as a body pillow, as a comfort after the argument. 

Then, after shutting off the lights and telling himself he would be able to sleep, he pulled his phone out and sent Keith a text. 

_ I know you’re angry, but please just tell me if you got home okay _

He held his phone close and waited. He could have been asleep already. He’d left an hour ago, and it was a little past two in the morning. He just wanted a response to tell him Keith wasn’t cutting him out completely. He wanted to believe they would be okay. It was just an argument. 

The phone buzzed. 

_ I’m home.  _

Lance sighed in relief and responded,  _ Okay. goodnight.  _

He was awake for another half hour waiting for a response that didn’t come.


	8. part 15

Granted, the last thing Lance expected as the first thing Keith would say to him after their argument was  _ can you have dogs in your apartment.  _ But he wasn't complaining at all, because he thought the next thing he would hear was  _ I don't think this is going to work out.  _

The tone in Keith's voice was drastically different from what Lance had last heard. That had to be a good sign. 

As he drove towards Keith's house, he passed behind a gas station that typically had a nice mural of two mythical creatures in flight. Lance had passed by it enough times to where its magnificence faded to the back of his brain, but it was brought back that day because now it was gone. 

Not gone, exactly. It was still there. It was just ruined by maniacal sprawls of black spray paint, sprayed so haphazardly, the ink dried in drips. 

It was disappointing. The graffiti around the city varied between wannabe gang tags, vulgar dicks or boobs, and beautiful real art like encouraging phrases, a series of faces along one of the highways, or this one with the glistening scales of the dragon and the gleam of sunlight on the feathers of the griffin. It was hard to get those details with a spraycan, and Lance had always admired those pieces for the time put into them, even if they were in tunnels or building sides. That was one less piece of genuine art. 

Lance could see the store owner furiously trying to scrub, but getting rid of the black also got rid of the art beneath.

A honk made Lance jump and turn his attention back to the street, waving apologetically as he passed the stop sign. 

A few blocks later, he pulled into the driveway and took a deep breath. Keith asked him to come. He wasn't going to be turned away. He got out of his car and went to the door. When he knocked, he heard a high pitched, maniacal yipping bark. 

A few moments later, the door opened and Lance found himself facing Keith as he held a small dog in his arms. The dog thrashed and writhed, barking at Lance with vigor, but his tail was wagging. Meanwhile Keith looked awkward and uncomfortable, uncertain. 

Lance’s instinct was to lean forward and greet him with a kiss, but they were still in the middle of an argument. It was a strange concept to think that he didn’t know how to handle Keith when he was angry. 

“Hey,” he finally said, settling for the simple greeting. 

“Hi.” Keith opened the door further. “Come in. I gotta get my shoes on.” Lance stepped inside and made his way to the couch. Keith put the dog down and grabbed his shoes. The puppy stayed by Keith, but eyed Lance curiously, his tail wagging. 

“What's uh…. What's the dog's name?” 

“Kosmo. I found him on my way home yesterday.” Lance nodded and whistled for the dog to come toward him. But Kosmo only stared with his frantic tail and giant eyes. “He's skittish. I think he was abused or something.” 

Keith stood up, swooping the dog into his arms as he did. Lance noticed a bandage on one of the home legs. Keith bit his lip and nervously walked around Lance, his face flushed. It was killing Lance. 

He reached out to grab his arm gently. “Keith? Are we…. This thing….” He sighed and shook his head. “Are you done… with me?” 

Keith's eyes flirted along Lance's face. His jaw was clenched, but his eyes were wide. He let out a soft breath and reached out to smooth out the furrow between his eyebrows. “If I was done, I wouldn't be asking you to pick me up. And if you were done with me, you wouldn't have come. Right?” 

Lance smiled and let out a relieved sigh. “Yeah. Okay. Good. I….” He bit his lip and shrugged. “Can I kiss you?” 

Keith chuckled and pulled Lance in by the nape of his neck, planting a chaste kiss on his lips. Kosmo yipped and licked at their chins, making them both laugh as they broke apart. 

There was still residual tension from their argument… but at least Lance knew Keith wasn't going to give up on him. Keith called over his shoulder that he was leaving and Lance heard Shiro call back to text him if he was coming home or not later. Then they walked out to the car. 

The ride itself was quiet. Keith busied himself by playing with Kosmo as the music on the radio played softly. Lance kept reassuring himself silently that they would be okay. Like Keith said, he wouldn't have asked for a ride if he was planning on just… breaking up with him? Leaving him? What was it even called? 

Lance shook his head and tried to calm himself down. He let out a breath as he parked and shut off the car. “I didn't think you'd call me. You were really mad yesterday,” Lance murmured. 

“I… still am, kind of. Well, no, not mad, just… hurt.” Keith looked at him, and it was like he was arguing with himself. His eyes narrowed and he kept starting to say something that he second guessed.

Lance had an urge to take his hand, but similar to his hesitancy over a kiss earlier, he wasn't sure if he should. “The way you talked about it,” Lance started, trying to alleviate Keith of the burden of finding words. “Do you feel like you're putting more into this than I am?” 

“No. No, that's a bad way to…. I know you're trying too. I mean you came out to Veronica and you asked me to meet her. It just… feels like….” Keith sighed and pulled Kosmo closer, his hands dipping into his fur. “It hurts to talk about serious things. I know that. But I still tried for you because you asked and because when it was too much you let me off the hook. Then I asked you and you… you  _ lied. _ You don't want to tell me, and I don't… I dont get why. What's the big deal about telling me you wrote poetry? Or about your dad? Or your ex or-” 

“I can't explain a lot about one thing without having to explain everything, Keith. I'm not ready for that.” 

His eyes flickered over to Lance, soft and worried. “I don't need to know everything,” he said softly. “I mean… would you have told me yourself? If Pidge or Veronica hadn't?” 

“Yes! Absolutely, Keith!” Lance slumped in his seat slightly. “I'd always hoped to tell you myself. I just needed to take my time. And with my dad about my degree, I just… don't like thinking about it. It makes me feel like a disappointment, so I don't acknowledge what he thinks, then….” He shrugged and flicked the dangling keys still stuck in the ignition. “But. What do you mean I lied?” 

“You said you stopped writing because you don't have time. But that's not…. It's your  _ major.  _ It's what you do.” 

Lance grimaced and flicked the keys. “It wasn't a lie…. Just half of the truth.” Keith fixed him with an unamused glare and Lance rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay. You're right. I'm sorry. I didn't think a small half lie would… hurt you so much.” He hesitated before reaching for Keith's hand. 

Kosmo bit at Lance's hand when he did, but Keith pushed his snout away gently. “No, Kosmo,” he said sternly. He looked back at Lance and let out a tired sigh. “Where do we go from here, Lance? I understand not wanting to talk yet. I don’t want to make you. But I also feel like… now I know things about you that you didn’t want me to know.” 

“I don’t mind you knowing,” he whispered. “I guess I just didn’t think it was so important to know about.” He hesitated and ran his thumb along Keith’s knuckles, ignoring the nervousness building in chest. “I get that you feel like I might not open up as much as you want when it comes to serious things. But that’s not just with you, koala.” He noticed Keith’s cheeks tinge pink at the nickname. “I just don’t like for people to know about the more serious things. I don’t talk about it until I’m bursting with it. Like the thing with my dad? Hunk and Pidge didn’t even know about it until I mentioned grad school to him once and he started going off about how pointless it was because it was just writing-” He groaned and shook his head, staring out to the bushes that were planted in front of the apartment building. “I got so mad and I was… hurt, I guess. I hung up and just started ranting. Pidge and Hunk had to collectively calm me down and reassure me. But they didn’t know it was an issue. I don’t… I don’t like being serious.” He brought Keith’s hand up to his lips and took a breath. “I do want to meet you halfway with this, though.”

Keith furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head, so similar to the very movement his dog did in his lap, Lance had to stifle a laugh. “Okay… how?” 

Lance kissed his hand and pulled the keys out of the ignition. “Let’s get inside, yeah?” They got out of the car and Keith followed him as they went inside and up the elevator to his apartment. When they got inside, Keith put Kosmo down, and the puppy started running around and sniffing everywhere. Keith followed Lance to his room. 

“You moved Laith,” he noted when he saw the lion plushie on the bed. 

Lance chuckled and nodded, figuring he’d leave it at that. “I wasn’t sure when it would be your turn to take him.” Keith sat down and leaned against the giant stuffed lion like a pillow. Lance took a deep breath and went to his bookshelf, grabbing one of his journals, one that wasn’t torn and taped together. 

As he turned back around, Keith’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “No, Lance, you don’t- I didn’t mean you had to- It’s okay-” Lance sat beside him, one eyebrow arched. Keith sighed and put his head in his hands. “Please don’t show me that because you feel like you have to. I know what I said, but-”

“Relax,” Lance said with a smile. His heart was pounding like crazy. Holding the journal was the only thing that was keeping his hands from shaking. “I’m doing this because I want to. Because you’re right, my poetry was a big part of me. You wanted to read some, and….” He took another breath to steady himself. “I don’t want you to read them all. I’ll have to tell you which ones, and you… you have to promise not to turn the page or flip through it- I sound like a serial killer-”

Keith laughed and shook his head. “No you don’t,” he said softly, sliding his hands over Lance’s. “Are you sure about this?” Lance looked into his eyes, his resolve strengthening as Keith seemed to stare into his soul. The more Lance looked at him, the more he felt like he could breathe. He felt calmer. He nodded. Keith smiled and nodded. “Could you read to me? I’d love to hear these in your voice.” Lance gulped and nodded. “Okay. Let me just take Kosmo outside to use the bathroom so he won’t like… mess up your carpet.” Keith got up and turned to lean over and kiss Lance softly. He pressed his forehead against Lance’s and whispered, “It’s okay if you change your mind, pretty boy.” 

Keith placed another kiss on the tip of his nose before turning away and calling for Kosmo. Lance felt his heart stutter at hearing the words  _ pretty boy  _ fall from his lips again. He took a deep breath when he heard the front door shut. 

This was terrifying. Lance knew that once he shared these poems with Keith, they would take on a piece of Keith. Just like the poems that he wrote for Allura had her in them, the poems Lance would show Keith would always be The Poems He Showed Keith. If Keith had a favorite, it would always be Keith’s Favorite Poem. Lance was about to bare a part, however small, of his mind and his heart to Keith. 

Of course, he believed what he had with Keith was good. He didn’t think that Keith would go anywhere any time soon, but…. There were possibilities. Keith could meet someone new, someone better. He could decide it was too much to be with Lance. He could just decide they weren’t working. Or he could follow Allura’s fate…. 

He shook his head. He couldn’t think that way. He didn’t want to think that way.

It was scary to think that he would be sharing his writing with Keith, but he wanted to do it. He didn’t write these poems so they could fade away on a shelf in unopened journals. He wrote them to share them. To release some part of himself to the world. 

By the time Keith came back, Lance was sitting in his bed, leaning against the wall with a pillow propped behind his back. Keith brought Kosmo in with him and shut the door before letting Kosmo roam free and joining Lance on the bed. 

“Hey,” he greeted gently. Lance smiled and let those indigo eyes wash over him, easing his erratic heartbeat. “So you’re still sure about this?” 

Lance chuckled and nodded. “Yes, Keith. I’m sure. I want you to read some of these. Because I want to share them with you. I’m… scared, but I… I trust you.” 

Keith tilted Lance’s chin up and kissed him softly. Then he scooted closer to him, leaning into his shoulder. He shut his eyes and smiled. “Well, whenever you’re ready then. I'll keep my eyes closed.”

Lance steadied himself and opened the journal. He flipped through with shaking fingers until he found one he wanted to start with. 

This one had been inspired from a day he'd spent with Hunk and Pidge at the park back home. He had seen a mother and father with their daughter on the playground. Pidge had been rambling about fairy folklore and the girl had been throwing herself off the ledge of the platform into her dad's arms as the mom laughed. Then he'd recalled something about a fairy being born each time a baby laughed for the first time. 

It had become a fantasy poem about laughter and life and flying. Focused on the joy of innocence and imagination and seeing the fairies no one else could. 

He heard Keith hum beside him now and then, a smile on his face as he leaned into Lance's shoulder. When he finished reading that poem, Keith took a deep breath and said, “That reminds me of one of my foster homes. They had three of us and they built this really cool fort outside for us to play. It was all slaying dragons and fighting monsters and… a lot of stuff I could never come up with now.” Keith shut his eyes again and waited patiently for Lance to decide if he wanted to read another. 

He flipped the pages, skipping over certain ones quickly. He glanced down at Keith, but his eyes were still shut. He read another, this one about baby birds taking flight from two points of view- one from the baby bird, the other as the mother. 

When he finished that one, Keith asked if he could open his eyes. Lance said yes and Keith looked down at the page, covered in Lance's scribbles, messy bird silhouettes, scratched out words, arrows pointing to where the next verse was supposed to be. His fingers hovered over the ink of the pen. “When did you write this one?” 

“Uh, some point after graduating high school.” Keith hummed and nodded. “Why?” 

Keith tapped on one of the verses, repeating it. “This line made it feel really human despite the birds. It made me think of a mom who didn't want to let go of their child.” Keith looked at him with a curious gaze. “Veronica mentioned you're first generation. Did your siblings stay home?” 

Lance chuckled and nodded. “Yeah. They moved in with a girlfriend or… well, Vero moved back in with them. But they're all still there. A ten, fifteen minute drive. And I'm…. Here. It's not too far, but…. It's away from them. And I know it hurt my mom to see me go. That's why I didn't apply to NYU, even though it was my dream school. I couldn't do that to her.” 

Keith stared at him with a solemn expression. It wasn’t pity; Lance could tell that much. But there was something in that look…. Something that grounded him, that made Lance feel like… like he was okay for a bit. There was something in Keith’s expression that made Lance feel real. 

Gentle fingers pressed against his cheek, so lightly it was like they were ghosting over the skin. “You have the biggest heart I’ve ever known, Lance.” 

Lance chuckled, a little disbelieving, but mostly flustered. Keith smiled at him, and the soft expression on his face made Lance’s heart feel like a hummingbird. “Ah, okay, let me see which other one.” Keith promptly closed his eyes again, leaning against him as he waited. 

Lance read him a handful of other poems- about anxiety, about growing up, about fears like death and being forgotten. He reached one that was particularly painful to read. The form of Apollo trying to heal a girl of multiple colors, blue and black and purple. Lance remembered crying as he wrote this one, fueled by anger and hurt and fear. And love. So much love. He tried to let that love seep through every word, tried to make it strong enough to heal. 

When he finished reading that one in a small voice, Keith took a shaky breath. “Lance? Who is that one about?” 

There was a beat before Keith looked at Lance, the hurt in the poem reflected in his eyes. Lance swallowed and shrugged. “Veronica.” 

Keith’s lips parted in surprise. “Veronica? She was…?” 

Lance nodded. “That’s why she moved back. Her boyfriend was a piece of shit and… she finally managed to get away from him. But she was scared of living alone.” Lance scowled as he thought back. “He was so good at putting up a face. Seeming like this really nice guy, really…. I remember laughing with him and my brothers and how we were all just…. I didn’t notice how different Veronica was starting to behave. How scared she looked all the time. Until I noticed the bruises. She couldn’t stop crying when she told me.” Lance felt his own voice break, and he blinked back the tears that stung his eyes even though it was so long ago. 

“Lance….” 

He sniffed and smiled. “I’m okay. And she’s okay now. It just… that’s my sister you know?” 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows and took his hand gently. He ran his fingers over the ridges of his knuckles and hesitated before talking. “Is that why… you were so freaked out about me hitting Roland?” 

Lance let out a humorless chuckle. “Yeah. Kind of. I’d seen his face then I saw your hands and I….” Lance shrugged, suddenly unable to form words. Words were his thing, and when he needed them most, he couldn’t find them. 

Keith brought his hand up to his lips and kissed it over and over and over. “I’m sorry.” 

Lance pulled his hand away to cup Keith’s face. “Hey. It’s okay.” He smiled and kissed him softly. “It's okay.” He took a breath and let it out in a nervous chuckle. Rereading these poems had opened up a part he wasn't fully prepared to have tackled. There were a lot of emotions swirling around in him, both old and new, and he felt tired. “Last one, yeah?” 

Keith nodded, interlocking their hands. The strength in his grasp steadied Lance and he flipped to a page he had dogeared the day he wrote it. The folded corner was nearly tearing away completely. 

“There is a psychic/ in my dreams,” Lance read. “Who likes to give me/ forbidden glances of things/ I shouldn’t know about. The future/ is exciting and horrifying/ but I never know/ it’s the future when I/ see it. Not until it’s too/ late. Which defeats/ the purpose, I think.// My psychic showed me/ my father in a hospital/ waiting room a week before/ my sister came down with the flu./ They showed me my aunt/ with a ring on her finger/ five days before she/ eloped. And most painful/ the one thing I knew was a glimpse/ of what was to come/ but didn’t have the courage/ to warn anyone about/ was the night my psychic/ showed me my mother bleeding/ in the bathroom./ Three days later she woke/ me up and said/  _ I have to go/ to the hospital/ something’s wrong./  _ I knew it the moment/ she got in the car with/ my father- the baby in/ her womb would not grow/ any bigger than/ the size of a bean.” 

“Oh my God,” Keith breathed out. He opened his eyes and looked at the page. “She...?” 

Lance nodded. “I was seventeen. It happened on Thanksgiving.” He shrugged. “We’ve always just called it  _ frijolito,  _ because we didn’t get a chance to know what it would be. I was still letting it process that there would be a new baby. And then suddenly, there wasn’t.” He sighed shut his journal. “I keep wanting to revise it, but I don’t think anything would fully grasp what that was like for all of us.” He took a deep breath and let out a nervous laugh. “There it is. My writing, some stuff about the things my family has gone through…. Some of the way my head works….” He shrugged again and looked down at his hands. “I know that was a lot.” 

Keith laughed softly and shifted to sit in front of Lance. “Yeah. It was.” He cupped Lance’s face with gentle hands so he could look him in the eyes. “And you have no idea how happy I am that you shared it with me.” Lance smiled weakly. He shut his eyes as Keith’s thumb caressed his cheek. “Thank you for trusting me that much, pretty boy.” 

Before Lance could answer, he felt Keith’s soft lips press against his own. It stole his breath away. It was far from being a heated kiss, but it still made Lance’s heart pound like crazy. Something about the gentle way Keith was holding him and the soft, certain way he kissed him, on top of all the emotions from reopening his poetry made Lance break. He felt tears slide down his face, hot and obnoxious, but he couldn’t stop them. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Keith whispered against his lips, swiping at the wet trail the tears left on his face. “What’s wrong?” 

Lance shook his head almost imperceptibly. “Nothing. I just missed you last night. I thought.… I was scared we were done.” 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I left like that.” Keith tilted Lance’s face towards him and wiped away the remaining tears. “I overreacted-”

“No, you didn’t,” Lance interrupted. “You were right. I just didn’t know it mattered. I didn’t realize…. I understand why you felt like… like I was hiding from you. I was. I just didn’t mean for it to come off as me not trusting you.” Lance bit his lip and took a breath. He looked into Keith’s eyes, hoping Keith would grasp the true weight of his words. “I trust you. And I need you to know… this thing we have is a huge deal for me. Not because you’re a guy, but because… I haven’t felt like this in a long time.” 

Keith smiled and bumped his nose against Lance’s, back and forth in a slow eskimo kiss. “This is a huge deal for me too, pretty boy.” Keith pulled him into another kiss, his hands slid to the nape of Lance’s neck. He pulled back, his eyes completely focused on Lance. “You’re a huge deal for me, Lance.” He kissed him again, ending it with another gentle eskimo kiss that left Lance blushing. “You’re beautiful, you know that? Your soul, your heart, you. It’s incredible.” 

Lance chuckled and wrapped his arms around Keith, pushing him back against the bed with his weight. Keith laughed and wrapped his arms around him too, cocooning Lance in his arms. 

They heard a high pitched barking, and they both peeked over the bed where Kosmo was pawing at the covers, barking up at them and pacing. “He can’t jump yet,” Keith explained. “You wanna bring him up here?” 

“Yeah. He won’t bite me will he?” 

“Nah, just don’t move too fast.” Lance nodded and reached out for Kosmo slowly. 

The puppy stopped pacing, instead sniffing at Lance’s hands and debating between walking away or staying put. When Lance grabbed him, Kosmo squirmed a little, trying to bite his hand, but then he stopped when he felt the bed. His tail started wagging and he hopped, like a baby goat along the bed. 

Lance laughed and pet the space beside him for Kosmo to jump over to him. Kosmo eyed him warily, freezing for a split second before spinning in a rapid circle and hopping from Keith toward Lance, falling on his side and pawing at Lance’s leg. 

“He’s so cute, oh my God. How did you find him?” 

“He was by a dumpster. I saw him sniffing around and he didn’t come near me until I coaxed him out. He had a collar, but when I tried to take him to the address there, he freaked out, so I kept him. We went to the vet today so he’s pretty healthy.” Keith reached out to pet Kosmo’s back. Kosmo began to wriggle and writhe among the covers, twisting this way and that. 

Lance put his journal on the bedside table before laying back down beside Keith. Sure enough, Kosmo hopped toward them and plopped down between their chests. Lance pet his head and leaned over to kiss Keith. Within a few seconds, Kosmo was moving and licking at their faces, making them split apart and laugh. 

“Kosmo is never going to let us kiss again, Keith,” Lance said with a laugh as Kosmo rested his head between theirs with a huff. 

Keith hummed and looked at Kosmo curiously. Then Keith shifted to pull himself over Lance, shielding their faces as he leaned down to kiss him. But the kiss was broken by laughter that couldn’t be stifled when Kosmo pounced onto Keith and pawed at his head. 

“Oh God, you’re right,” he laughed into Lance’s neck. 

Keith turned over, laying beside Lance as Kosmo pulled himself onto their chests, licking at their faces in turn. 

“Well, I’m glad he likes me at least,” Lance said as he shut his eyes when Kosmo licked at his face playfully. “I have a lot of homework to catch up on. The weekend flew away.” 

He felt Keith take his hand and squeeze. Kosmo had settled down, fitting himself in the nonexistent space between their bodies, his snout tucked under his tail. Keith began tracing patterns on the back of his hand. 

He turned his head to face him, only to find Keith already looking at him. For some reason, that made heat rush into his cheeks. “You want to come to my place to do it? I left all my stuff, and I have homework to do too. I can try to convince Shiro to make us food. You can spend the night too.”

Lance smiled and pecked his cheek. “That sounds like a plan.”

After a few more moments of procrastinating and recharging by simply laying down together, they decided to head back to Keith's. 

Lance felt better. About Keith, about where they stood, and even about himself. It had been a while since he'd read over his poems. Especially the older ones from when he was in high school. He loved the way Keith reacted to everything as he read, the way he kept his eyes closed because Lance had asked him not to read the others, the way he asked and talked about the poems after hearing them. 

He didn't talk about them the way Lance's workshop groups would, but that was expected. They were writers; Keith was not. But Keith still commented on the content, on the significance, on the parts he liked or that stood out to him. To Lance, that meant just as much. 

He hadn't realized Keith wanted to know all those parts of him. The anxious 16 year old struggling with algebra two, or the son who felt impossibly responsible for his mother's miscarriage, the 14 year old who was terrified of high school and the 17 year old who was afraid of leaving home. But now that Keith knew them, it was somehow that much more incredible that Keith liked him. 

As they remained idle at a stop light, Lance leaned over and kissed Keith's cheek. 

“What was that for?” Keith asked with a smile as his cheeks turned that wonderful shade of red Lance loved to see. 

Lance shrugged. “I really like you. Sometimes I can't believe you like me too. Kissing you randomly is a nice reminder that it's real.” 

There was no answer. Lance looked over at him, alternating between Keith and the road. His expression was the cutest thing Lance had ever seen. Wide eyes, lips slightly parted, rosy cheeks. The surprise was evident in every inch of his face. 

Keith interlocked their hands and chuckled. “You're so fucking cheesy, pretty boy.” Lance laughed as they pulled up to his driveway. When he turned the ignition off, Keith said, “You know, I can't believe it either sometimes. That you like me.” 

Lance smiled at him, and he put a hand against his cheek. “Oh, Keith…. I would kiss you but we both know someone's going to interrupt.” 

Keith laughed aloud, the sound hoarse and lovely. “Yeah, you're right. Come on.” They got out of the car and went inside. Shiro was lounging on the sofa and he arched an eyebrow when he saw Lance walk in. 

“Hey, Lance,” he greeted. “What's up?” 

“We're gonna do homework,” Keith answered. He let Kosmo go and the pup started running all around the house with no particular direction, zipping under tables and over chairs. 

Lance went to the dining table and set his stuff out as he waited on Keith to come back. 

When he did, Keith asked, “Do you mind coming to the backyard with me? I gotta take Kosmo out.” 

“Sure,” he answered, up for anything of it meant procrastinating a little longer. They got through the sliding doors with Kosmo zipping between Keith's legs to run out. 

Lance was staring at the empty scene, and how different it was in comparison to those parties he'd come to. Then his eyes drifted back to Keith who seemed lost in his thoughts. 

Lance grabbed his hand and tilted his head inquisitively when Keith's eyes met his. “You okay, babe?” 

He nodded, but he didn't smile. “Yeah. Just…. Since we're getting the arguments out of the way….” Lance frowned, his eyebrows furrowed together in wary confusion. “I gotta tell you something.” 

“Oh...kay?” Lance shifted and came around to face Keith. “Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah. It's just. I know you're gonna get mad.” Keith's words were making Lance's stomach twist uncomfortably. “Um. Don't jump to conclusions, okay? It's gonna sound bad, but I swear-” 

“Keith what the hell are you trying to say? You're freaking me out.” 

Keith sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “I'm sorry. It's just…. Okay. Friday night when I said I was staying home, I didn't stay because I was trying to see what Shiro thought of you. I stayed because… I got a call and a text from someone who needed help. It was an emergency.” 

“Well…. Why didn't you just tell me that? Who was it? Are they okay?” Lance asked. 

Keith clenched his jaw and looked away. “Because I didn't think you'd want me to help him….” 

Lance stared at Keith uncertainly for a while before it clicked. Keith was watching him, waiting for a reaction. Lance took a deep a breath and lowered his voice. “Was it Roland?” 

“Yeah. But-” 

“Keith, why were you even talking to him, I thought you hated him, you beat him up! What the hell was he doing talking to you, what did he even want from you?” Lance tried to reign his frustration in, but the more the information settled, the more questions popped up.

Like why did Keith wait to tell him? What did he do, and why did he do it if he thought it would upset Lance? Did he even have a right to be upset if they weren’t actually dating anyway?

“He needed a place to stay,” Keith said. Lance’s eyes went wide and Keith visibly slumped. 

“You… you let him stay over? How were you okay with that? How was Shiro?” After the way Shiro reacted to seeing Roland at Keith’s performance, he found it hard to believe they would’ve invited him into the house. 

“He doesn’t know!” Keith snapped. Lance stared, speechless. Too much of the situation was suspicious and wrong. But Keith had told him not to jump to conclusions. 

Lance took a very, very deep breath and rubbed his face with his hands. “You need to explain what the hell happened because right now my head is spinning.” 

Keith sighed and crossed his arms. “Roland called me that night. He said he needed help, that he had no one else to ask.” Lance started to interrupt, ready to say that he must have had plenty of other people besides Keith, and was Keith stupid enough to fall for a line like that, but he held his tongue. Keith gave him a tired look before continuing. “I knew Shiro would lose it if he saw him, so I told him to come around the back to my window.” 

“You… snuck him in… through your window? Like a fifteen year old with a forbidden boyfriend?” 

“Look, I’ve been the fifteen year old with the forbidden boyfriend so  _ don’t  _ even go there,” Keith hissed. Lance’s eyes widened in surprise. There was another one? “Yes, I snuck him in through the window. But…. Look, Lance, yes he’s an asshole, and what he did to me…. It still pisses me off when I think about it too much. But I’m also human. And so is he. And when I saw his face… it was hard not to feel bad for him Lance. And I don’t even know what happened, he didn’t want to talk, he just needed somewhere to stay.” 

“What are you talking about, what was wrong with his face?”  _ And why the fuck is it your problem?  _

“He was all beat up. Worse than anything I could’ve done. He couldn’t even open one eye, his clothes were all messed up, he was bleeding. He didn’t want to go to a hospital, and he was scared to go to anyone else because they’d ask questions.” 

“Why didn’t  _ you?”  _ Lance shouted.

Keith groaned and turned away. “I don’t know, Lance! Because it’s not my place. Because all I saw was someone who needed help, and I couldn’t turn him away and be okay with myself about it. I get what it’s like not to want to answer questions.” He turned back around and kicked at the ground. Kosmo had come back to dash between their legs. “All I did was try to fix what I could of his wounds and give him a place to sleep.” 

“Did he sleep with you?” 

“I’m not even sure in what sense you mean that, but no!” Keith glared at Lance, as if he had been the one harboring an ex. “He slept in my bed and I slept on my floor. He didn’t make any moves.” Keith stepped forward, reaching for Lance’s hands. “I told you it would sound really bad. And I know that. Sneaking him in, helping him, letting him sleep in my room. But nothing happened.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me this that night?” 

“I didn’t think you’d want me to help. I figured you didn’t need to know. Nothing was going happen, we’re not dating, so there was no reason to tell you.” Lance clenched his jaw and tilted his head to look at the sky. “I still wanted to tell you, though. Then…. Veronica came over, and I met her, and then you and me argued, and then we made up and you read me those poems and we talked and…. It just never seemed to be a good time.” Keith sighed and grabbed Lance’s chin with one hand to tilt his face, making Lance look at him. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I hid it from you.” 

The longer those violet eyes looked at him, the more Lance felt his resolve breaking. He sighed and touched Keith’s face lightly. “I wouldn’t have stopped you, you know? I wouldn’t have been happy. I probably would’ve gotten angry. But I wouldn’t have tried to tell you what to do. I know that’s not my place.” A small smile pulled at Keith’s lips. “Nothing happened?” 

Keith shook his head. Then he stopped abruptly, making Lance’s heart sink. “Actually he asked about you. He said he was happy someone was doing things right with me.” Lance arched an eyebrow, feeling relief flood through his body. “I don’t know how genuine that was, but yeah.” Lance snorted and shook his head. “So… are you still pissed at me?” 

Lance looked at him. His kind eyes, the nervous way he bit his lower lip, the way his hair fell in front of his eyes, the way the cold made the tip of his nose pink. He was beautiful. His heart was beautiful. It took a person with a big heart to be able to help someone who hurt them. Lance figured that said a lot of good things about Keith, no matter how much the situation frustrated him. Besides, Keith did tell him. Even though Lance would’ve probably never found out unless Roland said it to him or something, Keith decided to tell him the truth. That was also worth something. 

He tugged on a strand of hair that had fallen over the bridge of his nose. “Promise to tell me the next time you decide to sneak a guy in your window?”

Keith laughed and leaned forward to kiss him lightly. “I doubt it’ll ever happen again, but I promise.” 

“Okay,” Lance with a smile before he kissed him back, keeping him close. Kosmo was already jumping at their legs. He pulled back and looked at Keith curiously. “Um, so…. About that forbidden boyfriend?” 

Keith tensed and his smile became forced. “Another day, yeah?” 

Lance bit his lip and nodded, taking Keith into his arms instead. Whatever the case, Lance knew Keith didn’t have a good past with relationships. That was different now. Lance was different. He wouldn’t hide Keith, wouldn’t leave him, wouldn’t try to control him the way Keith seemed to unconsciously fear. Lance wondered if Keith even picked up on that in his own words. 

“No more arguments for the next four months,” Lance grumbled into Keith’s neck. 

“Why four?” Keith asked with a laugh, leading him back inside with Kosmo at their heels.

He shrugged and interlocked their hands. “I dunno, it was the first number I thought of.”

Before opening the sliding door, Keith regarded him with a strangely guarded expression. “You really think we'll still be with each other in four months?” 

“Of course I do.” Keith chuckled in a way an adult might when a 5 year old says they're going to marry their babysitter. Lance tugged him back and tilted his head. “You don't?” 

Keith's eyes widened as he blushed. “No, no, no don't take it that way,” he said hurriedly. “I just… haven't thought that far. I don't want to because then I'll have these hopes and plans and… I won't know what to do if….” 

“If things go wrong,” Lance finished. Keith shrugged and looked down. “Well… we've known each other for over a month. And these past few weeks with you have been amazing. I definitely see us reaching way past four months.” He tilted Keith's face up, surprised to find his eyes red and his jaw clenched so hard he could feel the tension just from where his fingers rested on his chin. “As long as we keep doing what we've been doing. Being honest and open and patient. Yeah?” 

A huff came out of Keith's nose as he blinked rapidly and nodded. “Let's take it all as it comes, okay?” His voice was low, measured. He pressed a kiss to Lance's cheek and gestured to the sliding door. “Come on. We've got homework.” 

Lance followed him inside without another word. He noticed Shiro glance over at them with a mix of curiosity and protectiveness. When his eyes caught their interlocked hands, he seemed to relax.

For a few hours, Keith and Lance went back and forth between actual homework and distractions. Then Shiro made some easy bake ribs and sat to eat with them. Lance wondered where Adam was, but he still felt like the whole dynamic between himself and Shiro was relatively new, so he didn't ask. 

Lance still had a lot of work to do after putting it off all week, and he knew Pidge would be berating him about it if she knew. Keith offered to stay up with him, but Lance knew he had early rehearsals, so he assured him it was fine. 

By midnight, Lance only had Kosmo for company and Keith was asleep on the couch, refusing to go to bed until he knew Lance would be too. Lance sat at the table, tapping his pencil against his reading with increasing indifference towards it. 

His mind drifted to Keith instead. To all those obvious leftover wounds and the resilience he embodied. Part of him wondered if he should have been offended at the fact that Keith still didn't think Lance would stick around, but that emotion just didn't register in him. Not after everything he knew about Keith. He couldn't hold it against him that he was still cautious. It wasn't like they'd been together that long as it was. 

From where he sat, he could see Keith's sleeping figure on the couch, with Kosmo curled up on the floor beside him. Snippets of phrases danced through Lance's head. He pressed his pencil to the white space on this reading, staring, thinking, words just out of reach. 

Then he sighed and put his pencil down. 

He couldn't do it. 

Instead, he gathered his things and packed them back into his backpack. He walked over to Keith, murmuring his name softly. Keith was a light sleeper, and it was easy to startle him when he was asleep, so Lance had to be careful. 

“ _ Principe… cariño,  _ wake up.” Keith furrowed his eyebrows and opened his eyes, dazedly. “Let's get to bed, babe.” 

Keith pulled himself up to sit and ran his hand through his hair. “Did you finish your work?” Lance smiled and nodded. “Mkay,” he said with a yawn. He took Lance's hand and scooped Kosmo up, despite his squirming.

Lance didn't even have to ask to know he wasn't going to be the little spoon that night. Kosmo had immediately taken the spot the second Keith laid down, a little furry spiral tucked against Keith's chest.

“You're lucky you're cute,” Lance said with a smile as Keith almost immediately fell back asleep. Sleepy Keith was one of the cutest things Lance had seen and paired with a tiny, clingy puppy, it was almost too much for him. 

He laid down beside Keith, wrapping his arms around him. Without missing a beat, Keith legs intertwined with Lance's and he took Lance's hand, tucking it into his chest so Lance could feel his heartbeat and the furry warmth of Kosmo’s body. 

Lance chuckled and skimmed his lips along Keith's cheek. “Even as the little spoon, you're a koala, babe.” Keith only hummed, probably not even conscious of Lance's words. Lance kissed his cheekbone and rested against the pillow with a tired sigh, holding Keith tightly. 

“I'm not going anywhere,” he whispered before finally letting himself shut his eyes. “You'll see.” 

***

The next morning, Lance woke up to Kosmo pouncing onto his stomach. He heard Keith chiding him in a whisper-shout, but it was too late. 

“What time is it?” Lance asked mid-yawn. 

“Early. Go back to sleep.” Lance grumbled and pulled himself up onto his elbows. “You don’t have to wake up, pretty boy. Kosmo just got excited because I’m taking him out before I leave.” 

“But I want a kiss goodbye,” he complained.

Keith laughed and leaned forward to kiss him lightly. “I’ll be right back okay? You want me to bring Kosmo back to sleep with you until you leave? You’ll just have to take him to the backyard before you leave so he has space to run around with his toys.” 

Lance nodded. “I can do that.” Keith nodded and scooped Kosmo up, heading out the door. He was gone for a while, with Lance forcing himself to stay awake. He could hear Kosmo barking from the window and Keith calling for him to come back inside. When they got back to the room, Keith placed Kosmo on the bed, and Lance patted the space beside him. “Come here, boy. Come on, Kosmo.” 

Kosmo leapt toward Lance, stumbling over the blankets and falling on his face, bumping into Lance’s torso. Keith laughed at that and watched as Kosmo sniffed at Lance and sat beside him, his tail wagging excitedly. He walked toward the bed and ran his hand through Lance’s hair, making him sigh. “Let me know when you get to class, okay? I’ll see you later.” He leaned down to kiss him, and to neither of their surprise, Kosmo started nipping at their faces. Keith chuckled and pet his head before standing upright. “Be a good boy, Kosmo. Keep Lance safe.” Lance snorted at that. Keith smiled and walked out of the room. 

Lance wrapped his arm around Kosmo and pulled him closer. “You’re warm, you know?” Kosmo licked at his face. Lance laughed sleepily, petting Kosmo absentmindedly. His fingers came across a few strange patches. Frowning, he used the light from his phone to check the puppy.

There were healed scars that interrupted his fur in a few places on his back. A few more on his hind legs. Lance’s eyes fell to the wrap that was around one of his legs and he scowled. “What’d they do you, buddy?” 

Unaware, Kosmo only wagged his tail and sniffed at Lance some more. He was so small and so cute, Lance couldn’t fathom someone heartless enough to hurt him. Especially to the point of scarring him or messing his leg up. Lance hugged him a little tighter and scratched behind one of Kosmo’s floppy ears. 

“You know, you’re lucky you found Keith. Probably the best human to have come across.” Kosmo’s head tilted to nibble at Lance’s hand with playful gentleness. “He’s pretty good at fixing up damaged things, you know. And he’s got a big heart.” Kosmo stilled when he managed a decent grip on Lance’s hand. “Silly pup. Come on, go to sleep for a few more hours, yeah?” 

Kosmo licked at his hand and Lance chuckled before pulling the covers up to fall asleep. 

When he had to wake up a few hours later, he got dressed and picked Kosmo up to take him outside. When he got back inside, he saw Shiro eating a bowl of cereal on the couch. 

“Oh. Hi.” 

Shiro smirked and waved, chewing through his cereal before answering. “You can relax, I'm not going to rip your throat out for spending the night.” Lance laughed awkwardly. He hadn’t really thought this through. It completely slipped his mind that Shiro would still be home when Keith was gone. “You can help yourself to whatever’s in the kitchen,” Shiro offered. 

“Oh, I’m alright. I don’t like eating breakfast during the week.” Shiro raised an eyebrow and chewed more cereal. “It just- It makes me nauseous. If I eat too early or… too- I don’t know I just end up waiting for lunch anyway.” 

Shiro laughed and shrugged. “You do you, man. Why did you leave Kosmo outside?” 

“Keith said to. He said he could run around there until he got back.” Lance scratched his head nervously, poking at the floor with his toes. 

Shiro set his bowl down on the center table and looked over at Lance, the amusement clear on his face. “You scared of me or something?” 

“Wh- no!” he shouted. Shiro’s eyebrows went up and Lance recoiled. “I mean- wait- it’s….” He sighed and gave him a shrug. “I’m not… scared of  _ you.  _ I just don’t… want to do anything to make you not like me. And sorry if I can’t get over the first impression I got of you where you were ready to wring me dry and throw me out of the house with a punt kick.” 

Shiro laughed and gestured to Lance. “Well, my first impression of you was you walking out of my little brother’s room with this cocky smile after-”

“Oh  _ my God, oh my God,  _ okay!” Lance blushed and wished he hadn’t said anything to begin with. But Shiro only chuckled with a genuine smile and a playful gleam in his eyes. 

“Look, dude. I’m not dumb. Keith’s an adult, he can make his own choices. I’m not under the naive impression that you two aren’t… y’know.” Lance groaned. “As long as you don’t break his heart, we’ll be good.” Shiro gave him a wide, cheeky smile. With a nervous nod, Lance started to walk across the living room to the hallway. Then Shiro’s voice stopped him, this time more hesitant. “And Lance….” He turned to look at him. The smugness was gone. He looked like he was debating whether he wanted to talk. “I don’t want to interfere with Keith’s relationships, and I don’t want to be the overbearing brother, but….” He let out a sigh and shrugged. “Be patient with him…. Please. The guys he’s been with before really fucked him over and messed with his head, so… he can be easy to….” 

Lance chewed his lower lip and nodded. “Easy to scare off?” 

“Something like that.” 

Lance nodded. “Yeah. I know. I mean, not everything, but… he’s told me some of it. Honestly I think he’s the one that should be more patient with me.” He laughed humorlessly as he thought of the surprise and confusion he felt when Keith got upset with him. “Things can kind of… pass over my head sometimes.” He shrugged again and met Shiro’s eyes. “But I have a good feeling about him.” 

He smiled back at Lance and nodded. “Good. I think he has a good feeling about you too.” The comment made Lance blush. He stood there for a moment, not really sure what to say. After a moment, Shiro laughed and gestured to the hall. “You can go now.” 

“Oh, thank God,” Lance breathed out. He dashed for the hall to get back to Keith's room. 

He noticed Stitch propped up in a corner. Just above was the corkboard of little mementos- movie tickets, wristbands, concert tickets… and a strip of photos from their day at the carnival. Lance smiled to himself and pulled them free of the wooden edge they were tucked into. He noticed something written on the back. 

_ Oct 19, 2018- second date w/ Lance, fav part: the way he kissed me in public _

Lance felt his face heat up and his heart pound ridiculously fast in his chest. He wished Keith were there next to him just so he could tackle him into a kiss. Lance looked over the corkboard, tucking the photos back in place. Sure enough, he saw the ticket stub from when they’d gone to see Bohemian Rhapsody. He unpinned it and turned it around. 

_ Oct 13, 2018- first date ever-nervous as hell, fav part: the guy made me laugh a lot… and the word “when”  _

Lance furrowed his eyebrows, not sure what that last part meant. But the little notes on the back were a little peek into Keith’s side of things, and it warmed Lance’s heart to see the way Keith treated these things. 

He wondered if he could get Keith to tell him what the rest of these things were memories of. Part of him wanted to flip all the tickets and wristbands over, but he knew that would be similar to Keith grabbing his journals and paging through them. So instead, he pinned the movie tickets back in place and turned to get dressed before he was late for his first class. 

Even as he was driving to campus, Lance felt like he’d been thrown for a loop after reading those notes. He felt like a marshmallow in human form. His heart would speed up with just the thought of Keith. Imagining him sitting to write those out, imagining him pinning them up… smiling at them when he saw them. 

He felt like a schoolkid with a crush, unable to focus in class and wanting to see him. It was one of the downsides of being at two separate college campuses. But that was fine because he’d have a chance to see Keith when he went to visit him after his dance practice. And he’d scoop him into his arms and kiss him, probably embarrassing him in front of the rest of the dancers, but that was fine, because Keith had never complained about it. He’d just laugh and blush and playfully shove Lance away before pulling him back with intertwined hands. 

God he was so completely enraptured by this guy. 

Time refused to hurry up. It felt like time had slowed down exponentially by the time Lance was through with his last class. He didn’t think Keith would answer a text since he was probably mid-rehearsal at the moment, so he figured they could eat together once Keith was out of rehearsal. He’d probably be thirsty though, so Lance picked up a bottle of iced green tea that Keith liked. 

When he reached the rehearsal space, he could hear the heavy bass of whatever song they were playing. He could hear laughter and singing. Lance opened the door and saw a bunch of the dancers in a circle, dancing to some song he’d heard on the radio on the way there. It didn’t seem to be part of their routine. 

Colleen was watching with amusement, and she waved when she saw Lance. He waved back with a bright smile and searched for Keith. 

He was standing against the wall, watching, but not watching. His eyes were fixed on the circle, but unmoving, not non-reactive. Like he was looking through them. 

Lance walked toward him, and only when Lance obstructed his view, did Keith react. “Hey, pretty boy,” he greeted, a small smile tugging at his lips. His eyes fell to the tea in Lance’s hand. “Oh thank God, I’m fucking thirsty.” 

Lance laughed and handed him the tea. “What’s up with the circle?” 

“They’re cooling off. Rehearsal’s done.” 

“And you’re not joining them? You okay, you seemed kind of out of it.” Keith hesitated, his eyes flitting away. Lance knew that habit. It was what he did when he didn’t want to talk about something. “Babe?” There had been too many revealed secrets over the weekend for a new one not to send Lance into a panic. 

“I’m okay. Just… worried.” 

“Worried? About-” Lance broke off, recalling their weekend confessions. He looked back at the group, eyes searching for that vaguely familiar head of dirty blond hair with a beanie. Lance had seen him at these rehearsals often enough to pick up on the style of clothes he used when rehearsing. 

Except he couldn’t find him. Lance returned his gaze to Keith. His face was red, his eyes on the floor. Lance noticed the clench of his jaw. 

“Roland didn’t come?” Keith’s eyes skirted along the floor. A slight shake of his head. Again, it was like he was waiting to be reprimanded. “And you’re worried about him.” There was a twitch in his cheek. 

Granted, there was a small part of Lance that felt aggravated. He didn’t understand how Keith could still care or worry about someone who had screwed him over the way Roland had. Simply recalling the things Keith had told him he said made Lance furious. But here was Keith, distracted, concerned, even guilty because of Roland. 

But the logical side of Lance, the side that knew Keith well and understood why he’d snuck the guy into his room even if he didn’t like the idea…. That part of him understood. And that part of him wanted to make sure Keith didn’t feel afraid to voice his concern. 

“We can look for him if you want,” Lance offered. 

Keith’s eyes widened, finally meeting Lance’s. “What?” Lance raised his eyebrows. “You… you’re not…?” 

“Mad?” Lance finished. He laughed and shook his head. “Keith, I’m not going to get angry with you for being a good person. Here, I know Hunk has him for class, I can ask if he’s seen him or knows anyone who has.” He pulled out his phone and sent Hunk a text. Keith stared at him, incredulous. 

“He hasn’t answered any texts. I dropped him off at a hotel, we should see if he’s still checked in there.” Lance nodded. “Are you… are you sure you’re okay with this?” 

Lance sighed and took Keith’s free hand. “ _ Principe.  _ I know you’re worried. I’m not gonna let you freak out alone. Besides, it’ll be easier to look with a car. And Hunk and Pidge can help; they know him.” He tugged at Keith’s oversized shirt. “You want to go change first?” 

Keith nodded and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah. I’ll be right back.” He pressed a kiss to Lance’s cheek then hurried out the door. It wasn’t how Lance had expected to spend the evening, but even he had to admit it was concerning the way Roland had disappeared off the face of the earth.

A message from Hunk came in. 

_ He wasn’t in class. His group says he wasn’t responding to texts either. Everything okay? _

Shit. 


	9. Part 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and thank you for being so patient with updates! <3 Please leave a comment, I read all of them and promise to get back to you (I'm trying to be better about answering immediately.

Being home felt nostalgic. It was always that way. Even though school was only an hour away, coming back felt like being a visitor.

“ _ Mi amor,  _ what do you want for dinner tonight?” Lance's mother asked after he'd put his bags in his old room. 

“Anything as long as you make it, Mami. I've missed your cooking.” 

“ _ Bueno,  _ if you came home more often, you wouldn't have to miss it,  _ tesoro.”  _

Lance sighed and gave her a smile. She touched his cheek lightly and went into the kitchen. From the couch, Veronica whistled and gestured him over. 

He sat beside her as she flipped through the guide on the TV, looking for something to catch her attention. “How's everyone over there?” she asked. It was a broad enough question to ask in front of his mom, but Lance knew what she meant. 

“Good. Hunk and Pidge aren't coming until Thanksgiving day so they can work on some papers and projects. Keith said his parents are going over to his house for dinner.” 

Veronica nodded. She hesitated before her next question. “Are you… gonna go see Coran?” 

“Of course. I already told Romelle I'd stop by tomorrow.” 

Veronica’s eyes flirted toward the kitchen before her voice dropped. “Does Keith know?” 

With a grimace, Lance shook his head. “I'm still… trying to figure out how to explain it all. But I will. Eventually.” Veronica gave him a dubious look and Lance rolled his eyes. “Ma doesn't know anything, does she? About Keith, I mean.” 

She shook her head. “I haven't said anything.” Lance nodded and gave her a grateful smile. “I think she's wondering about me though because I keep telling her about all these bisexual singers and actors. She gave me a funny look last time I mentioned Michelle Rodriguez is no. Like come on, she loves those fast and furious movies, and she can't tell?” Lance tried to stifle a laugh at that. “You think you'll tell them this week?” 

“God, no. I feel like I'll ruin Thanksgiving.” Veronica gave him a reprimanding look, but before she could protest, he said, “Look, it's that movie you like about the lovebirds with cancer.” 

Then, just as he expected, she punched his shoulder. “You can pretend to hate The Fault In Our Stars all you want, but I will always remember how much you cried the first time you watched it,  _ flaco.”  _

It was hard trying to get rid of the heavy feeling that came from being home. It wasn’t that Lance didn’t like being home; he loved it. He loved getting a chance to catch up with his siblings over a drink from Starbucks or greeting his dad when he came home from work or just getting the chance to sit with his mom on the couch while she watched recording of her favorite soap opera from the night before. He looked forward to all of it. 

He also looked forward to seeing Coran and Romelle. They were like extended family, and they were important to Lance. But there was no denying the melancholy that came from seeing them too. Each time Lance went to see Coran, there were as many tears as there were smiles and laughter. 

In short, it was usually emotionally exhausting to be home. If Lance was completely honest with himself, he was also carrying a lot of guilt about Keith. About seeing him behind his parents’ backs, about going to see Coran when he was with Keith, about not telling Keith he was going to be seeing Coran. 

He was keeping secrets from Keith, from his family, and it even felt like he was keeping a secret from Allura. The flurry of emotions made it feel like he had so much happening. He tried to remind himself to take it step by step. He just had to get through dinner that night. He could worry about everything else as it happened. 

Keith called a little after dinner. Mama was doing dishes and Papa was taking a shower. Veronica was on her computer. Lance ducked into his room and answered with a soft, “ _ Hola, mi koala.”  _

He laughed as he heard Keith groan on the other end. “Here I thought we’d gotten rid of that nickname.” Lance rolled his eyes, even though Keith couldn’t see him. “So how’s your first night back home? Are you happy?” 

“Yeah, definitely,” he said with all the honesty in the world. “I love coming home to see my family. And it was good. It was a lot of hugs today. I still have to see my brothers, they’ll probably stop by tomorrow. How are things on your end?” 

“Well, it hasn’t even been a full day and Shiro’s already teasing me about not being with you. I’m two seconds away from hitting him over the head with a pan.” Lance laughed and shook his head. “Okay, well I just wanted to… you know, check on you.” 

“Uh-uh, what were you gonna say?” Lance asked, noting the hesitance and the way the words trailed off. 

“Nothing!” 

“Liar.” 

There was a huff on the other end before Keith answered, “I was just gonna say I wanted to hear your voice….” He said it softly, and Lance felt his cheeks heat up instantly. “Hello?” 

“Yeah! I’m here, sorry. Just flustered,” he said with a laugh. “That was… aha, that was unexpected and I’m-  _ oh my God.”  _ He smiled at the floor, imagining that Keith’s face might be just as red as his own. “You’re cheesy, you know that?” 

“Oh you have  _ got  _ to be kidding me, you are way cheesier and-” Lance started laughing too loud to hear what Keith was saying, and eventually Keith joined in. “Yeah. I guess it’s easier to be cheesy with you. But you definitely have me beat in terms of cheesiness.” 

“See, now I’m craving pizza.” 

“Didn’t you just eat?” 

“What’s your point?” 

Keith laughed, and Lance could picture him rolling his eyes. “Alright, well, I gotta sit and eat my dinner, so… I’ll talk to you later?” 

“Sounds good.  _ Buenas noches, mi principe,”  _ he said softly. 

He couldn’t help the smile on his face as he laid back on his bed. It was almost unbelievable the way they had changed from the first time they met. Lance still remembered how closed off and cold Keith was at first, how he seemed to be suspicious of everything and anything Lance said or did. He remembered the hesitance in each touch, the caution behind the things he said to Keith. 

Now it was so different. He was still Keith, still stubborn, impatient, temperamental at times…. But overall, he was… softer. It was the best word for it. And Lance noticed it was only ever with him. When he was with Shiro, he was a little more playful. When he was with his dance group, he was a little more stoic, still trying to figure out the right way to be their captain. 

Meanwhile Lance got to see every shy smile, the blush he stopped trying to hide, the light touches and the way he leaned into Lance’s touch now. He got to see the version of Keith that craved to touch and be touched whether with soft blankets and a movie or under the moonlight that filtered through the window onto his mattress. 

The progression was slow, so it took moments like these in which Lance missed him and found himself smiling stupidly at nothing for him to realize how drastically different everything was. And all in a little over two months. 

“Whatcha smilin’ at?” Veronica said in a singsong voice. Lance lifted his head and saw her standing at his door. 

“Nothing, what’s up?” he asked, the smile still plastered on his face. 

Veronica eyed him suspiciously, but she didn’t pry. “Do you wanna watch a movie with me? I’ve been meaning to show you this one I think you’ll love.” 

Lance chuckled and nodded. “Sure, let me just get into more comfortable clothes.” 

“Sweet, I’ll start the popcorn.” 

\---

The next day felt like a routine, despite the fact that it had been a few months since Lance had come home. He woke up to the smell of coffee, the sound of his dad leaving for work, the sound of  _ Despierta America  _ on the living room TV. He turned over and fell back asleep until Veronica managed to flip him off the bed to wake him up and eat breakfast. Then he caught up on a recording of a soap opera that his mami liked, mostly asking questions because he was completely lost. 

By the afternoon, though, he was in his car and driving down the familiar route to Allura’s house. Coran’s house. He parked in the driveway, staring at the large garden beside it, sectioned off by a gate. A metal long chair that had been painted white before was now rusting slightly, but remained sturdy beneath a magnolia tree in the center of the garden. Next to it was a matching cart with a netted pattern. 

Lance could almost picture Allura sitting there in her favorite tank top, her paint splattered jeans, and sandals, under the shade of the large leaves and branches. He remembered filling the cart with their books, reading some of each others’ favorites under summer sun or even in the brisk early stages of Texas winter. Glasses of iced tea or fresh  _ limonada  _ on the cart in the summer or mugs of  _ chocolate Abuelita  _ or  _ champurrado  _ in the winter. 

At that moment, magnolia leaves were strewn in shades of brown around the garden. The rose bushes were withered from the colder temperatures. The grass was a little overgrown. Lance walked to the gate entrance and took a deep breath. 

He went to the door and rang the doorbell, trying to balance out the mix of heaviness and lightheadedness. 

It took a few moments before the door creaked open and Lance was staring at a red-haired man dressed like he’d just been at church. 

“Lance! My boy, it’s good to see you!” Coran exclaimed, bringing Lance into a hug. He smelled like peppermints and cigars. Lance hugged him back just as tightly. For a second, he thought he felt Coran shaking, but when he pulled back a few moments later, he seemed fine. “I’d begun to wonder about you. Come in, come in!” He ushered Lance inside where flowers lined the large window sill on the wall by the door.

The place hadn’t changed at all. Each time Lance had been there, it looked the same. The one thing that changed was the TV that went from a thick version to a flat screen that was mounted on the wall. And the flowers. The flowers bloomed and sprouted in different intervals, and they were the one sign of change in the house. At that moment, Lance noticed three different pots with the same pink bromeliad flowers- Allura’s favorite. The rest blended them in, but no other flower appeared in more than one pot except those. 

Under the television was a long wooden table with a series of photos in addition to those on the walls. Pictures of Allura’s parents, Coran’s late wife, Romelle’s graduation photo, a few photos of her and Allura as kids, a framed art piece Allura had made him, and even a photo of Lance with Allura around Christmas time. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t call first,” Lance said as he took a seat on one of the couches. 

“Nonsense, you know you’re always welcome. I hate phone calls anyway.” Coran sat on the couch perpendicular to him and took out his cigar kit. 

“Romelle’s not home?” Lance knew Romelle hated when Coran smoked inside. Allura hated it too, but Lance knew Coran often smoked when he had the house to himself. 

Coran chuckled. “No, you just missed her. She went to the mall with some friends. So tell me, how’s school been? How are your friends?” 

“School’s been good. I’ve got mostly A’s, one B. Ready to graduate, I think. One more semester to go. Pidge and Hunk are good. I told them I was coming earlier and they said to tell you hi.” Coran smiled at that. “What about you, how have you been?” 

He let out a puff of smoke away from Lance, left to dissipate in the living room. “I’ve been well. Retirement is suiting me. Mostly, I just try to keep busy and tend to the garden and the flowers. Romelle keeps me company in the evenings and television never ceases to amaze me.” Lance laughed, and Coran smiled back at him. “Have you got anything new for me to read?” 

That made Lance’s smile drop. “Ah. No…. I haven’t written. Unless you want to read a paper about the efficiency of globalization through media that I did for my history class.” 

Coran raised an eyebrow, not laughing at the joke. “Nothing? Not even a haiku?” Lance shook his head sheepishly. “I thought you were starting to consider song-writing.” 

“That didn’t last. Not with… everything. I just haven’t been able to write. It’s kind of nice though, I have more time to read.” 

Coran regarded him for a while. “My boy, have you put your life on hold?” Lance furrowed his eyebrows, unsure of what he meant. “When I met you, you told me you wanted to be a writer. And you were surprised when I told you to bring me your first published copy and any drafts you wanted another set of eyes for.” It was true. Lance had nervously admitted his career plans, fully expecting to be scoffed at or brushed aside or maybe told to have another option that was more realistic like his father had told him. “If you’re not writing anymore, what are you planning to do?”

Lance sighed and looked away. His eyes landed on the pink flowers by the window. He felt a knot in his throat that made it impossible to breathe or swallow. “It’s just… hard. Once she was gone, I couldn’t write about anything that wasn’t that moment. I was stuck in the misery of losing her for months. I told myself not to write anything about it again, so I could move on-”

“But you haven’t.” Lance’s eyes flickered to Coran, filled with tears that blurred his vision. “You haven’t moved on from that moment. Because that moment is keeping you from writing.”

Lance didn’t respond to that. For a long while, it was silent. Lance didn’t want to talk until he could be certain his voice wouldn’t shake. Coran waited patiently, occasionally puffing on his cigar. It felt like everything was crashing onto him. 

He thought of how he hadn’t managed to write anything since he told himself not to write about Allura. About how refusing to write about her felt like an insult to her, but writing about her would feel like an insult to Keith. Then he began to think about those moments when  _ something  _ tried to string together in his brain when he was with Keith, but it never managed to form. Because he felt like it would be wrong to turn his poetry to someone new. Because he was terrified Allura would bleed into his words for Keith. 

And that spiraled into a heavy feeling of guilt for being in the house he’d spent so much time with Allura in, with their picture staring him in the face, missing her while being involved with Keith. He felt bad for not telling Keith, for not telling Coran that Keith was even in his life. He felt horrible for wishing Allura could be there, holding him, whispering assurances. 

His body shook with the effort it took for him not to fall apart. But with the few runaway tears that left wet marks on his jeans served as the breaking of the dam. A few tears turned into an incessant stream of them, and Lance was unable to fathom how his body had managed to break within one moment to the next.

Coran put his cigar away and moved to sit beside him, offering a tissue box. “How do you- how do you do it?” Lance asked between gasps for breath. “I lose Allura and I feel like I’m still trying to piece my life back together. You- you’ve lost so much more, and-” Lance buried his face in his hands. “God, everything just hurts so much.” 

“Maybe it’s a survival instinct. I don’t know. Each loss takes a part of me, Lance. You don’t stop missing them. The pain doesn’t go away. You think I don’t still cry for my wife? Or Allura? You think Romelle doesn’t?” Coran sighed and looked down at his hands. “I understand that you’re in pain. And I understand that she’s still in a lot of the things you do. But I worry about you.” Lance looked at him, trying to dry his face with his sleeves. “I worry that you might always live in this loss. You’re so young, you have so much to experience. You have words to write that no one else will ever be able to write. You have a heart that can still welcome someone new. You have so many possibilities that you otherwise close yourself off from. I know in my heart that Allura never wanted that for you.” 

“I know she wouldn’t,” Lance whispered. “But I’m… so scared that….” Lance shook his head and wiped at his eyes angrily, only for more tears to fill them. There was too much he was afraid of. He couldn’t fit it into a cohesive sentence. 

Coran didn’t say anything. He waited for Lance to figure out his words. He offered tissues when Lance’s own thoughts led to more sudden tears. 

“She was one of my best friends,” he whispered, his voice cracking at the end. “I miss her so much.” 

“I know,” Coran said. His voice shook, which helped Lance not feel so stupid. “You’re not leaving her behind by living out the rest of your life, my boy. I’m sure that even if you were my age, married, with kids… her memory would still be with you. But it won’t be so painful. It’ll be a comfort.” He placed a hand on Lance’s shoulder. “Her memory isn’t meant to hold you back, you know?” 

“But she’s in everything,” Lance said helplessly. “I can’t write without her trying to replace the ink in my pen. Even with someone else-” Lance cut himself off, feeling like he’d said a curse word in church. He looked away and clenched his jaw, willing for Coran not to have heard it. 

It was quiet again. But Lance’s panic had taken over, keeping the tears at bay. “Have you started dating again?” 

The question sounded… hopeful. Which wasn’t what Lance was expecting. He shook his head. “Not… dating exactly….” 

Coran hummed. “But you’ve met someone?” 

A feeling of longing filled his chest as he thought of Keith and his wisteria colored eyes. He nodded slowly. “The first person I’ve wanted this badly since I lost Allura.” He let out a humorless chuckle. “When we’re together, I feel normal… okay. Everything’s bright again. I can breathe. But when we’re apart… I feel like I’m constantly holding this voice back, constantly trying to drown it out.”

“Voice?” Lance wasn’t sure how to explain it without sounding like a lunatic. “Is this voice by chance telling you that you shouldn’t be opening up to someone new?”

Lance looked at Coran with tears streaming down his face. He felt like he was collapsing in on himself, and he was only vaguely aware of Coran’s arms around him as he shook. “I loved her,” he sobbed. “I still do, and I don't think it will ever go away. I don't want it to. But I feel like I'm lying or-or hurting someone. If I still love her, how can I let this person into my life, but if I do let him become that someone who I can start over with, does that mean I'm forgetting Allura? How do I even explain, how could any of this ever get answered if she's gone, she's-” 

Clean shushed him as he cried into his sweater sleeves, finding it hard to breathe. 

“I think it's time I told you what she said to me when she was in the hospital,” Coran said with a voice that was barely a whisper. Lance felt himself shake some more. “Do you remember the day you left to bring her one of her books?”

Lance nodded. “She wanted me to read to her.” 

Coran nodded and shifted so he could face Lance better. “She also wanted you out of the room.” Lance frowned, staring at him in confusion. “That day, as soon as you’d left, she turned to me said, ‘Uncle you’ll have to help him.’” Lance started shaking his head stubbornly, his lip quivering as more tears gathered in his eyes. “She said, ‘Don’t let him be alone. Don’t let him forget-’ ah, what was it she’d said?” He thought for a second and smiled. “‘Don’t let him forget how big his heart can be.’” Coran sniffed and wiped at his eyes. “She knew you’d be conflicted the day you fell for someone new. But she said, whenever that happened, I was to tell you it was okay. Because she said anyone lucky enough to experience a taste of your love deserves the full experience. Like she had.” 

Lance couldn’t stop gasping for breath. He hadn’t cried this badly since the day of her funeral. He couldn’t even talk, and he couldn’t stop shaking his head. Coran’s calloused hand settled over his own, keeping it from shaking. 

“Your heart, and the way you feel things to the fullest is what’s made you a writer, my boy. And I know, just like Allura did, that your heart is big enough to fall in love with someone else without erasing her from it. You deserve to experience those things again, Lance. And this… person must be very special if you’re tearing yourself up this way. But you’ve done nothing wrong. You’ve done exactly what she hoped you would.” 

It was exactly the kind of thing Allura would do. She’d tried to tell him herself once, but Lance told her to stop talking like her life was over. He wouldn’t listen to her goodbyes. He refused to hear her talk about Lance being with someone else when he’d already imagined their entire life together. He needed her to believe she would walk out of the hospital too. 

But she had made one request. She’d asked Lance to check on her uncle now and then. 

“He gets lonely. I don’t want him to be lonely. I told Mellie the same thing. He likes your writing. You should send them to him when you visit home.” Lance had kissed her forehead and promised he would annoy Coran to the ends of his days and she’d giggled at him. 

So it made sense that she’d asked Coran to do the same for him. 

It took a while before he could compose himself again. A handful of tissues later, he managed to make the tears stop. Now his eyes burned and he kept sniffing, but… there was something peaceful in his heart. He’d asked for some way to know for certain that he didn’t need to feel guilty, and now he had it. In Allura’s own words. 

“Funny,” he murmured. “She still knows all the right things to say.” 

Coran laughed, and it turned into a half-sob midway. He nodded and wiped at his eyes. “Yes, it would seem so.” He let out a sigh and let the silence settle for a bit. “So what’s his name?” 

“What?” 

Coran smiled at him. “This person you’ve started to fall for.” Lance stared at Coran, speechless and slightly panicked. His body heat spiked and he tried to figure out something to say.

“H-how-?” 

“You mentioned a ‘him’ earlier. Unless I misheard?” 

Again, Lance felt like a gaping fish, his mouth opening and closing, trying to figure out what to respond. He could have easily said Coran misheard, like he'd suggested. In fact, a large part of him planned to. The words in his head were  _ no no no, I said them not him.  _

Instead what came out of his mouth was, “His name is Keith.” 

Coran hummed and raised an eyebrow. “I see. And what do you like about Keith?” 

Lance scoffed and sniffed. “Lots of things. I like how his nose scrunches up when he smiles at me. How he's a quiet movie watcher. I like how he plays with my hair sometimes. How stubborn he can be. How sweet he is. He comes off as really distant and y’know this tough guy with a hard exterior….” Lance shook his head and smiled at his hands. “But he's a softie. He likes hugs and he blushes a lot and he saved a puppy from a dumpster then named it Kosmo with a K so it would match his name.” Lance wiped his eyes as he looked across the living room to the photo of him and Allura. “But I feel like I'm still tip-toeing around him sometimes.” 

“He doesn't know about Allura?” Now Coran sounded surprised.

Lance shook his head. “I don't know how to tell him. Or when. We'd argued about it before. He didn't know about my poetry and my sister said something and it just spiraled-” 

“Well you were keeping something huge from him. You didn't tell him about a huge part of who you are. And now you're not telling him about a huge part of your life. You will always feel like you're holding back if you're not honest, Lance.” 

“I know, I know, I….” Lance laughed and put his head in his hands. “You know when I knocked on your door I wasn't expecting to come out to you. Much less for your reaction to be so calm.” He took a deep breath and tried to sit up straighter. “My parents don't even know. They don't know that I'm interested in someone. Much less that it's a boy.”

“Well, yes, coming out can be very difficult. For a number of reasons.” 

Lance furrowed his eyebrows and looked at Coran. There was something about the way he said it. About the calmness in his voice when talking to Lance about it. “Are… you…?” 

Crow’s feet appeared in the corner of Coran’s eyes. His moustache tried to hide his smile, but the lines of his face gave it away. “High school sweetheart. His name was Alexander Laurens.” 

“I- I-” Lance stammered and resorted to nervous laughter. “Oh wow. I mean- I thought….” 

“Yes, many people did when I got married. She knew about him. Romelle does too.” Lance laughed, this time more out of shock as he ran his hand through his hair. “You should know, that if anything goes wrong at home, you will always be welcomed here, my boy. But I'm fairly certain it won't come to that.” 

The words “thank you” didn’t seem like enough. Not when Coran had said everything Lance needed to hear and more. Not when his company had eased some of the heaviness in his chest from his visit home. Lance hadn’t realized how badly he needed an adult to tell him he was okay, that it was all okay, and it would all  _ be  _ okay. 

Instead of talking, Lance leaned over and wrapped his arms around him, finding comfort in the peppermint and cigar scent that clung to his clothes. It was a rare thing for someone to say the very words you needed in a moment. 

He was allowed to miss her. He was allowed to still love her. And think about her. But he knew she would kick his ass if he let doing those things stop him from living his life as well as he could. He could also let Keith in. He could maybe one day fall in love with him and love him as much as possible without it making his love for Allura any less. He could be happy without being guilty. 

“I don’t know how to express what this means to me,” he finally said before pulling back. 

Coran smiled at him again and nodded. “I understand. Just keep visiting me. And bring me a poem some time.” Lance chuckled and shrugged, forcing his immediate dismissive response back.  _ Maybe.  _ Maybe was better. “In the meantime, come join me in the kitchen. I want to have some food prepared for when Romelle comes and I’d like to hear about your classes as well as this boy.” 

He stood up and headed to the kitchen with Lance at his heels. He began taking things out of the fridge and pantry, occasionally having Lance get pans for him or other ingredients he forgot. As Lance told him about the day Veronica met Keith, he peeled potatoes for him. 

It was strangely natural talking about Keith to him. There was no faltering in Coran’s responses, no hesitation around the pronouns. He didn’t talk about Keith as much as he wanted to, though. It just didn’t feel right to him to tell Coran all of this when he still hadn’t told his parents. 

It was a terrifying idea, of course, but Lance at least wanted to give them a chance. It was nice to have adult validate him this way. To help him feel like this was just another minor detail, not some huge revelation or something to make a big fuss about. It was relaxing. A relief. 

After Lance explained the plot of the latest Netflix hit to him, Coran asked, “Are you staying to eat? You can eat now, I’m sure Romelle won’t be too much longer.” 

“No, it’s okay. My siblings and I are getting dinner together to catch up before Thanksgiving tomorrow. It’ll be a full house tomorrow.” Lance smiled at him. “And you and Romelle are still invited this year.” 

“Oh, I appreciate that, my boy, but it’s fine. Romelle and I have our own little dinner to do.” Lance nodded and started for the front door with Coran. “Give Hunk and Pidge a hug for me when you see them. And don’t forget- my home is always open to you whenever you may need it.” 

Lance smiled and and nodded. “Thank you so much. For everything. I really thought this would be the time I came over and didn’t cry.” 

Coran laughed lightly and shook his head. “No, no, it’s fine. It’s all part of healing. Have a safe drive, okay? And keep working hard in school.” 

“I will. I’ll try to stop by again before I head back, but if not I’ll be back on your doorstep when I get back for winter break.” He waved as he headed out the door. It was significantly colder outside, and he tugged his jacket tighter around himself.

He started his car and waited for it to heat up a little, staring at the garden again. He and Allura used to extend their goodbyes to the gate, smiling and kissing over the top. They always found something to linger a little longer, and Lance always tested how many more goodbye kisses he could get before she laughed and nudged him, telling him to get going before it got dark. 

“We’ll have plenty of time for kisses tomorrow,” she’d say with a smile. 

Lance smiled at that memory as he took a deep breath. He let it out slowly and shut his eyes. Then he whispered, “I still miss you. I can’t believe you’re still looking out for me,  _ morena. _ ” He chuckled and pulled out of the driveway to head back home. 

The peace and quiet of the moment didn’t last. As soon as he got home, he heard Marco and Luis arguing over each other with Veronica shouting over them to argue another point. He had no idea what it was about, but the laughter between words and the smiles on their faces told him it was just another round of banter. His mother was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, watching and insisting they lower their voices, but she was also laughing at them. 

Once they realized Lance had walked in, they broke away from their argument and greeted him with shouts of, “Hey there he is!” and “ _ Oye, nunca cambias, flaco!”  _ His brothers got out from around the table and engulfed him in hugs. The kind of hugs they never used to give each other unless serious things happened. The kind of hugs that become normal after Lance left for college. 

Then Marco got him into a headlock and it was like they were little kids again. “Dammit, Marco!” Lance snapped, grunting as he tried to free himself. “You have kids now, man, why are you like this?” 

“You’re still my baby brother,  _ pende-” _

“ _ Oye!  _ Don’t call your brother that!” Mama snapped immediately, giving Marco a warning glare. 

“Sorry, Ma.” Marco turned his attention back to Lance, still keeping him trapped. “So? How’s life our little college boy?”

“How much you got left?” Luis asked. 

“I can probably graduate next December. I have senior standing even though I’m a junior.”

“Damn, dude. Not just first gen, but early grad too? Nice.” Luis smiled at him, and Lance noticed a hint of pride in his eyes, similar to when he’d won first place in a swim meet in middle school. Even though he only teased Lance over his speedo. 

He smiled back, but was still preoccupied with trying to get Marco to let him go. 

“Alright, let him go, I’m hungry,” Veronica said, coming to his rescue. “Anyone else craving pancakes?” A chorus of hungry yeses filled the dining room and Marco finally let go. “Alright, Mami,  _ al rato llegamos.” _

The four of them went over to kiss her cheek before heading out the door with her reminding them to have fun and call if anything happened. 

Without fail, they quickly became the loudest table at the nearest Denny’s. It was inevitable with them, laughter and arguments and years of habitual speaking mannerisms. Lance found himself continuously switching between English and Spanish quicker and more often than usual, found himself talking louder than he tended to in school, and even faster than he usually did in English. 

It was a moment of relief, of his body and mind realizing he was home.

Marco’s kids were with their maternal grandparents so they could spend all of Thanksgiving with the McClain side the next day. Marco said Nadia had a project in school about what she wanted to be when she grew up and she'd said she wanted to go to a college like her uncle Lance and aunt Vero. Lance tried not to tear up at that, but Luis teased him for the way he choked up at that anyway. 

Veronica and Lance talked about their classes and the struggle of finding a job that was flexible enough for bizarre class schedules. 

Then Luis brought up his girlfriend and how they were coming up on their one year anniversary soon. 

“I was thinking, you know…. I really love her and… I don't know. I think I wanna ask her to marry me.” The clatter of silverware stopped. Chewing stopped. The three other siblings froze, staring at Luis expectantly, waiting for a sign that he might be pulling their leg. Instead, his eyes flickered to each of them. “What? Too soon? You don't like her? What?” 

“No, no, no! We love Maya. It’s just.... You’re serious,” Veronica realized. He nodded.

“You’re getting married?” Lance asked. He would be the first. Marco still hadn’t gotten married, and while Mami had been upset about it at first especially when they started having kids, it wasn’t too big a deal. This was huge, especially since Luis was known for never wanting to get married. 

“I mean no. Not yet. Not soon. I still need to ask. But it’s… something I’ve considered.” 

“Well shit,” Marco said with a laugh as he reached over to punch Luis’ shoulder. “That’s great news, man. Have you told Mama and Papa?” 

Luis shook his head. “You guys are the first to know.” 

“ _ Aw!”  _ Veronica pinched his cheek and he swatted her away. 

“Man. It’s so crazy to think that we’re all… grown up, you know? Kids, marriage, college. Shit,” Lance mused, more to himself than anything. 

“Yeah, hard to think that 10 years ago you were trying to eat raw  _ chiles  _ so you could grow a moustache, huh?” Luis teased. 

“That was  _ your  _ fault! You said it helped!” 

“ _ No te preocupes, manito,  _ at least you didn’t wet the bed until you were seven,” Veronica said. Luis covered his face and threw a crumpled up napkin at Veronica. 

“You wanna play dirty? Alright, then-”

Instead of catching up, they began reminiscing. All those moments in their childhood when they argued over the remote and didn’t hug because they swore they annoyed each other and taking the last pack of Gusher gummies was the worst thing they could do to each other. Veronica recalled when Lance would braid her hair for school. Marco remembered when Luis had first come home heartbroken over a girl. Luis remembered Lance’s first poetry journal. Lance remembered waking up to Marco putting money under his pillow for his tooth and pretending to still be asleep. They remembered arguments, like when Marco had cut a chunk of Veronica’s hair or when Luis punched Marco in the face in a fight for the first and last time, or when Lance got mad at Marco for coming home late and scaring Mami. 

“God bless our parents _ ,”  _ Veronica said with a smile and a shake of her head. “We were a handful.” She wiped her mouth with a napkin and stood up. “Be right back.” 

As soon as she was gone, Marco kicked his leg under the table. “Okay, you’ve got about three minutes to spill before she gets back.” 

“What?” 

“Catch us up, man. Latest parties? What happened to that Nyla chick?” 

“Nyma? What about her?” His brothers stared at him with confused expressions. “We’re friends.” 

“With benefits,” Luis snorted.

“Oh, n-n-no!” Lance shook his head and laughed nervously. “No. That- that ended a while ago.” 

Marco raised an eyebrow at him. “Did you go for someone else? Was she trying to be official or something?” 

“Wh- no? No, I just… stopped. We’re not doing that anymore, we’re just friends. Really. No new fuck buddy or anything, just….” He shrugged and gestured pointlessly with his hands. 

Marco and Luis looked at each other then at Lance. “Oh. Okay then. Cool,” Luis said. 

They were awkwardly quiet until Veronica came back a few moments later. “What’s with the weird looks?” she asked. 

“Lance has a girlfriend he’s not telling us about,” Marco supplied. Veronica choked on her water and spit it back into her cup. 

“What? No I don’t!” 

“Well  _ someone  _ made you want to settle down and stop all the flings, so if you’re not dating her, you’re at least very interested in her,” Marco said. Luis nodded in agreement. “So… what’s her name? Is she in your class?” 

Lance wanted to scream. He wanted to flip the fucking table. He hated the panic that infiltrated his chest the second people started throwing female pronouns around. He hated that the default expectation was that he’d be with a girl. He hated that he felt frozen under their eyes, teasing without realizing the actual fear and anxiety they just unleashed in him. 

Without another word, he stood from the table and bolted. He noticed a few other people at different tables glance over at him, and the awkward hush that had fallen over his own table. But he kept walking. The anxiety in him was manifesting as energy he needed to let out, and if that meant opening the door a little too hard, then so be it. He went outside and walked around to the side of the diner to sit on the curb. 

He put his head in his hands and tried to take a deep breath. In that moment, he wanted to talk to Keith. He wanted to hear his voice and let it wash over him and calm him down. He wanted his hugs, and that reassuring kiss he liked to give him on his forehead before using his thumb to smooth out the crease between his eyes. 

But Keith wasn’t there. That was the hard reality, and wishing for him after being too scared to tell his brothers about him felt stupid. His mind began racing with worst case scenarios. 

What if Marco kept the kids away from him? What if they cancelled on Thanksgiving dinner? What if Luis stopped talking to him and didn’t even invite him to the wedding? 

Were those things Lance could actually imagine his brothers doing? No. Not after all those laughs as the ate pancakes at eight o'clock at night. Not after all those memories and the hugs they gave him when they first saw him. But they were very real fears in his heart. He had no idea what his family thought of same-sex relationships. For all he knew, it could be the worst imaginable thing to them.

“Lance?” He tensed when he felt a hand on his shoulders. Veronica sat beside him and he could hear Luis and Marco’s steps as they stood behind them. “ _ Flaco,”  _ she insisted, tugging at his shoulder gently. 

He took a breath and picked his head up. “Yeah. Yeah?” 

Veronica’s eyes held everything. The worry, the understanding, the promise of a secret. Even the apologies on behalf of their brothers because they didn’t know any better at that moment. 

“We weren’t trying to upset you, man. We were just messing around,” Marco said behind him. 

“Yeah. We didn’t even think it might have bothered you because of Allura. We didn’t know you went to see Coran until Vero told us,” Luis added. 

“That’s not-” Lance sighed and swallowed his words. He wasn’t angry with his brothers. They didn’t know. How were they supposed to? It was… everything else. Everything he didn’t want to explain to them the night before Thanksgiving. “I know. It’s cool, don’t worry about it. I didn’t mean to… barge out like that.” 

“Come on. Yeah you did,” Luis said with a smile. “You’ve always had a flair for the dramatic.” 

Lance chuckled at that and Marco sat beside him on the curb. “We’re sorry for pushing.” 

“It’s cool. It’s what siblings do,” Lance said. He felt Veronica squeeze his shoulder again. “Sorry for… ruining the mood.” 

“Ah, family gathering are never really family gatherings without an awkward moment, right?” Marco said. “Come on, let’s get back to Mami’s.”

They got off the ground and Luis threw an arm around his shoulders, jostling him playfully. “We good?” Lance smiled and nodded. “Cool. And hey, next time we’re pushing too much… just tell us, okay? We’ll stop.” 

Once again biting his tongue, Lance faked a smile and nodded. “Okay. I will. Thanks.” 

Despite the fact that his brothers apologized and had picked the banter back up in the car, Lance’s heart wasn’t in it. He was too wrapped in his own head now. He passed it off as being tired, and his brothers pretended to believe it. 

They left a little later, and Lance quickly dashed into the shower before going to bed so he could avoid anymore heart to heart talks. As he laid in bed, he checked his phone and saw a text from Keith. 

_ Hey pretty boy. Haven’t heard from you today you doing okay? _

Lance smiled to himself, his heart fluttering. A check up text wasn’t something Keith would’ve sent when they first met. It was nice to know Lance was important to him now. 

_ Yeah, im good babe. Sorry. Just been all over the place today visiting people and all. How was your day? _

Lance stayed up a few more hours talking with Keith. For those moments, secluded in his room with Keith keeping him company through the phone, Lance felt better. He wasn’t so focused on the anxiety of coming out to brothers and his parents. He wasn’t worried about what would happen after. He was just there, smiling at the things Keith said, and feeling flustered beyond belief. 

He started falling asleep at some point, and barely managed to send a goodnight text before his eyelids became too heavy. 

The following day, like any holiday in the McClain household, everyone was up before nine. Lance wasn’t particularly fond of it, but Veronica loved the chance to toss him onto the floor to wake him up. After eating some  _ carnitas  _ his dad brought home, his mama and Veronica started cleaning the house while his papa whisked him away to the yard. 

“Wanna clean out the garage or mow the lawn?” he asked as he opened the garage door. 

“I can mow,” Lance offered. His dad smiled and rolled the lawn mower out. Before Lance even managed to get it going, he saw his dad bring out a cooler. “Pa, you know Mami doesn’t like for you to drink when we’re gonna have a big dinner,” Lance shouted over the motor. 

His dad conveniently pretended not to hear him. 

After mowing the grass, Lance still had to help with what was left of the garage. But his dad also let him sneak a beer of his own while they worked. Lance listened to his father sing along with a booming voice to the Spanish music on the speaker he had. It was fun to see because his dad liked to dance in place sometimes as he cleaned, his feet skidding along to the music. Lance knew it was one of the things that swept his mom off her feet. She loved how he danced, how he could twirl and spin her to the songs that played endlessly. He’d heard her tell the story of falling in love with him.

“Pa?” His dad hummed in question before drinking more out of his beer bottle. “How’d you fall for Mami?” 

“ _ Como?  _ Where did that come from?” 

Lance shrugged. “She always talks about how you’d take her dancing on dates. I’ve heard her version of how she fell in love, but I never asked yours.” 

His papa chuckled as he swept some of the mess out of the garage. “Well. I met her at a dance.” Lance knew that much. “She was in a pretty sparkly dress. You know how she loves sparkles.” Lance laughed and nodded. “Her hair though. All the girls had their hair curled, or tied up in a bun or in  _ trenzas.  _ Not your mom. Your mom had her hair loose, no braids, no curls. Just long, brown hair over her shoulders. I saw her and… I don’t know. I couldn’t look away.  _ Algo de ella como que….  _ I just had to talk to her.” Lance looked up from the trash he was gathering to look at his father. 

There was a fond look in his eyes. A look that told Lance he was still just as in love as he had been when he was younger. A smile that made Lance long for that kind of connection. 

“So I did. I asked her to dance, and she said yes. The smile on her face each time I spun her was the most beautiful smile I’d seen in my life. We got some food from a food truck by the club we were at with the friends we went with. She kept laughing at everything I said, and I wasn’t even making jokes!” 

Lance smiled as he thought of the way his mom described the same moment. She’d said his father kept using all these flirty lines on her that she couldn’t take seriously. But she liked the way he made her laugh. 

“Her laugh was more beautiful than her smile. And I decided right then that I wanted to hear it again and again and again.” 

“You knew that fast that Mami was the one you’d marry?” Lance asked. 

“No. I knew she was the one I wanted to marry the day we had our first big fight.” Lance furrowed his eyebrows. He hadn’t heard this part. “ _ Me gustaba andar de mujeriego.  _ At least until I met your mom. Well, one girl that lived a block away from me wasn’t very happy with that, and she made a big scene at my house while your mom was visiting. We’d been dating about six months. We ended up arguing that day. Really badly.” He shrugged and took a breath as he leaned against the broom handle. “I realized that even though we were mad at each other, and even though we said stupid things, I still wanted to be with her and only her. So I went to talk to her the next day and apologized. I proposed two months later.” 

Lance let out soft laugh as he stared at his father. He couldn’t believe that. He couldn’t believe the way people could make things work so fast. It was the kind of stuff that happened in TV shows, and yet it happened to his parents. “Wow. So you were a player, huh, Pa?” 

His dad laughed heartily and shook his head. “Answers vary.” 

“Oh yeah? How so?” 

“I would say yes. Your mami would say it was all talk.” Lance laughed and figured that sounded about right. “ _ Orale, pues,  _ stop trying to get out of cleaning. We’re almost done,  _ m’ijo.”  _

Lance rolled his eyes, and nodded before taking the trash out to the bin. They snuck another beer in before going back inside once they were done. The smell of Fabuloso permeated the entire house. The kitchen was pristine, and there was music playing on the speaker in the living room. He could hear his mom and sister singing along to Enrique Iglesias from different parts of the house. 

Then Veronica came from the hallway with her hair up in a ponytail and pushed back with a headband. 

“How do you get sweaty from mopping?” Lance asked, noting the way her baby curls stuck to her forehead. Her eyes narrowed, and he immediately regretted speaking. “Never mind, never mind, I’m sorry!” 

“Uh-huh. Here, take this bathroom trash out.” She gave him the the bag and turned back down the hallway. Lance grimaced, but took it out quickly before getting back inside. 

With the garage, lawn, and house as clean as possible, they took turns taking a shower and getting ready. Mami and Veronica had to be first because they had to do their hair and their makeup. Lance was next because even though he didn’t use makeup, he did like to mess with his outfit and his hair. Papa was always the quickest to get ready, so he was the last. 

The turkey had been in the oven, and by the time Lance went to shower, the other side dishes were quickly made. About an hour later, Marco and his kids arrived. Then Luis with his girlfriend, Maya. Lance figured this was Luis’ way of alluding to the fact that he was thinking about marriage since he knew Mami had a rule about bringing people home. 

Nadia and Sylvio were very excited to see Lance, and they immediately tackled him onto the couch to hug him and torment him in the way six year old twins do. 

“Uncle! Uncle look! My toof fell out!” Nadia said, sliding her tongue where her canine tooth should’ve been. 

“Oh! It did! Gonna call you  _ Chimuela  _ now.  _ Te trajo dinero el ratón?”  _ he asked. Nadia nodded and held up her five fingers to show she had five dollars. “That’s awesome!” 

“Uncle Lance, look, I got Pikachu on Pokemon Go!” Sylvio said, showing him the phone he’d been given for his birthday from his mom’s side. He showed Lance the catalog of pokemon he had caught and how he named them all different things, speaking through a congested nose. 

Luis and Maya brought a green bean casserole and mofongo stuffing. Meanwhile Marco brought flan and a chocolate cake which he’d made with the kids. It was kind of funny seeing the mix of American and Hispanic foods. As the placemats were being set up and plates were taken out so people could serve themselves, and the food was arranged, Lance felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. 

He pulled it out to see Keith’s caller ID. He answered with a questioning, “Hello?” 

“Hey, pretty boy.” Oh, how Lance missed that voice. A smile immediately stretched across his face. “Busy?” 

“We’re getting ready to eat. What about you?” 

“Uncle Lance, are you gonna eat my cake?” Slyvio asked. 

“Yeah, little man of course. I just gotta eat real food. I’ll be right back, okay?” Sylvio nodded and Lance went out the front door so he could hear without the sound of his very loud family distracting him. He went to lean against the tailgate of his dad’s work truck. “Hey, sorry. Hispanic families getting ready to eat are always kind of hectic.” 

“It’s okay,” Keith answered with a light laugh. “It’s good that you’re having a good time. We actually already ate, and they’re getting ready for Black Friday.” Lance grimaced and groaned, which made Keith laugh a little more. “Yeah, I know. We’re those people. But anyway, I don’t want to keep you from your family and your food for too long, so…. Uh, I just wanted to let you know that…. Well, I know it’s not exactly the most romantic holiday or anything, but… I’m thankful for you this year. For sticking around and… you know, proving me wrong in the best ways.” Lance couldn’t think for a moment. He was rendered speechless. “I’m sorry, that was cheesy, I-”

“No, no, no, no!” Lance interrupted. “No! No, it was… it was really sweet,” Lance answered, laughing and blushing. He kicked at the ground and looked up at the dark sky. “I’m just processing it. I’m not used to you saying stuff like that. But I like it.” Lance took a deep breath and shut his eyes. “I’m thankful for you too, you know?” 

“Yeah?” Keith asked. Lance could hear the nervousness even in the laughter he used to try and cover it up. 

“Of course. I’m thankful that…. Look, you’re…. I know you don’t really know the whole story, but you’re….” He sighed and opened his eyes. He ran a hand through his hair and stared out at the street. 

He must have been quiet for too long, because Keith nervously asked, “You still there?” 

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m here. Sorry. Words haven’t been my forte lately.” He let out another shaky breath. “Listen. You don’t know the whole extent of it, but… believe me when I say you’re really important to me. Everything we have…. Keith, I never thought something like this would happen after… my last relationship. So yeah, I’m thankful for you too. And everything you don’t even know you’ve done for me.” 

There was a soft sigh on the other end. “Yeah, I know the feeling,” Keith whispered. “I… I miss you.” 

Lance smiled and felt the knot in his throat dissolving slightly. “I miss you too.” 

“Okay, okay, I don’t want to keep you. Call me if you can later tonight. Or just text me. Enjoy your food, okay?” 

“Okay I will. Bye, enjoy the Black Friday shopping.” Keith let out a groan which made Lance laugh before he said bye and hung up. Lance hung up and smiled at the sky for a second before he turned to head back up the driveway to the front door. Only to freeze when he saw Luis standing next to the truck, looking like a deer in headlights.

For a second they just stared at each other. Lance’s entire body felt like ice. Something about the look on Luis’ face told him he hadn’t just come out of the house. 

“Luis. Wh-What are you doing? How long have you- how long-? What did you-?” Panic flared in his body, compelling him to get on the defensive. “What the hell did you hear, Luis!” 

Luis didn’t answer, his mouth opening and closing like he didn’t want to speak. Suddenly Lance couldn’t breathe. He physically couldn’t hold enough air in his lungs. His brain couldn’t think enough to process the fact that he needed to breathe, and words kept trying to tumble out, robbing him of more breath as the panic rose in him until he was stammering with tears in his eyes. 

“Whoa, hey,” Luis said, gripping his face with one hand. His fingers dug into his cheeks, and Lance still couldn’t stop hyperventilating, couldn’t stop trying to simultaneously think of a way out of this and try to figure out what Luis had heard. “Lance!” Everything was blurry and confusing and Lance was certain the ground was moving under him. He was vaguely aware of Luis’ hand gently slapping his cheek several time to get him focus. “Lance! It’s okay, hey, you’re alright, it’s okay, look at me.” Lance finally managed to shut his mouth. “You’re shaking, man.” Luis’ hand moved to grip the back of his neck, steadying him. “I got you. It’s alright, Lance.” 

“Y-You’re not supposed to eavesdrop on people, you asshole,” Lance managed to say, his words practically tumbling over each other. 

Luis brought him into hug. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I know, I’m so sorry.” Luis hugged him until he was able to regain some type of slower rhythm to his breaths. “I was just… I didn’t think….” Luis sighed and pulled away, keeping his hands firm on Lance’s shoulders. “Don’t cry,  _ manito.  _ I’m sorry. This should’ve been something you told me when you were ready. We thought you were hiding a girlfriend, and I was just gonna tease you, I didn’t mean to….” He shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Lance. I won’t say anything, I promise.” 

“Oh my God,” Lance breathed out. “Am I still invited to the wedding?” 

“What?” 

Lance shook his head. “I thought you’d be mad, or…. I don’t know, I was scared you wouldn’t invite me, or… I don’t know, Luis, I was scared-”

“ _ Ey, calmate.  _ C’mon. Of course you’re invited. I need my best man there.” Lance stared at him with wide eyes. “I was… planning on asking differently, but hey. Obviously shit changes…. Partners in crime, right? Ride or die?” 

“Really?” 

Luis nodded and gave him a sad smile. “I’m not mad, man. Why would I be mad? A little… surprised. I need to… wrap my head around it, but…. It’s _ okay,  _ Lance. Come on, don’t cry. You know Mami’s gonna ask questions if you do. Come on, it’s Thanksgiving, we got food we gotta eat, okay?” Lance nodded, still shaky and uncertain. “I won’t say anything. And whenever you’re ready, we’ll talk more about all of this.” Lance nodded again, and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “Come on.” Luis threw an arm over his shoulder and led him back to the door. 

When they got back inside, everyone was still talking over each other, trying to get the kids food while also getting their own and figuring out the seating at the table. Luis tousled his hair lightly before blending into the chaos. He grabbed a plate and led his girlfriend to the table. Lance managed to grab a minimal amount of food since his nervousness and the fear that had coursed through him diminished his hunger significantly. 

When he sat down, everyone had to wait until everyone had their food and was seated so they could say a prayer before eating. Mami led it, of course, and once “ _ amen”  _ was said, everyone immediately started eating. It seemed that Luis had mentioned Maya coming to dinner before because Mami wasn’t surprised about it. But it seemed she might have caught on a bit to what was going on because most of her focus was on Maya. 

That was fine by Lance. He was still trying to gather himself. Veronica was busy with the kids, and Marco was talking to their papa. Once most of the food was gone and all that littered the table were beer bottles and soda cans, the kids started watching a movie in the living room while the adults talked at the table. Lance busied himself by gathering the trash and arranging the dishes so they didn’t look so intimidating in the sink. Before he could decide to just go ahead and wash them to give himself more time to get over his shock, Veronica pulled him aside. 

“Hey,  _ flaco,  _ you okay? You barely spoke during dinner, and you hardly ate.” Lance nodded. “What’s wrong?” Her voice lowered. “Did something happen with Keith?” 

He shook his head, then looked at her. “Luis found out. About Keith. He called me earlier and Luis overheard. He’s cool with it, I’m just… still reeling from everything” 

Veronica’s eyebrows went up as her jaw fell open. “Oh shit.” She turned to look into the dining room where the others were still talking and joking loudly. “H-How do you feel?” 

“I’m fine,” Lance snapped. Then he sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m fine. I’m just trying to catch up. I wasn’t expecting it and I wasn’t expecting for this to happen today, and I wasn’t expecting the reaction.” He scratched his head nervously. “And now I keep thinking about how to tell everyone else.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I just need to distract myself.” Veronica bit her lip and hesitated. “What?” 

She winced and shrugged. “It’s just. Usually when you got anxious about something, you would write. Maybe you should try that.” 

Lance grimaced and stared at his hands. “Maybe. I think I'll check on Hunk and Pidge first. I haven't heard from them.” Veronica sighed, but pretended to believe Lance's lie. She smiled and then took the cake to the table. 

Lance went into the living room to hang out with Nadia and Sylvio as he texted his friends. He didn't want to tell them about the emotional exhaustion he was feeling. He just wanted to catch up with his friends. He wanted to hear about the scientific argument Pidge’s family had because that's what their dinner talk typically consisted of, if not about some recent study. He wanted to hear about the newest recipe Hunk learned that day because his mom and sister always had a new thing to teach him when they had holiday dinners. 

Nadia tugged on his arm at some point when the group chat was making plans to go see a movie when they got back from break. 

“Tio, can you make me a braid like Elsa? Papi didn't know how to, and I got a  _ chongo. _ ” 

Lance chuckled and gestured for her to sit in front of him. “Sure thing, Chimuela.” 

As Lance work on getting Nadia's long hair into a braid, Sylvio peeked up from his phone. “Uncle Lance, how do you do that? Who taught you?” 

“Your abuelita. Wanna learn?” Sylvio hesitated before sitting next to Lance and watching. “See, you take some more hair and add it, then loop it under here, like this.” Lance went slower so Sylvio could see until he finished the braid and Nadia stroked it happily. “Maybe next time Sylvio can do it for you,” Lance said. “I used to do them for Tia Vero.” 

“I won't be able to do them like you though, Uncle Lance.” 

“That's okay,” Nadia said. “Tio, can we play the PlayStation? I wanna play Minecraft.” 

“Plants vs. Zombies is better,” Sylvio argued.

Lance stopped them before they could start arguing. “We can play both, yeah? Each one for a little bit.” They nodded and Lance set up the game for them. 

It was funny how much better these six year olds were than him. And they had no problem teasing him about it. So while his dad and brothers went to keep drinking in the garage, and his mom, sister, and future sister-in-law talked over coffee and cake, Lance distracted himself by playing with his niece and nephew. They made him laugh and kept him busy by forcing him to play the game or rambling about something that they were learning in school or TV shows they liked. 

“You're really good with kids,” he heard. Lance glanced over at Maya who was smiling at the television. 

“Ah, thanks. Mami says Luis and I never grew up.” 

“You're telling me. Luis still gets excited when the ice cream truck drives by.” Lance laughed at that shrugged. “Well hey, let me know if you want us to take them off your hands, okay? The guys are all outside.” 

“Oh, it's cool. Thanks, Maya.” 

She nodded and went into the kitchen. Lance looked at his niece and nephew. They were both leaning forward as they played. Something heavy settled in his chest. 

Fear was exhausting. When he started liking Keith, he didn't expect all of these anxieties and worries to come with it. He hadn't thought about it. Maybe that was on purpose in a way. Not thinking about having to come out and what to do if it went wrong let him focus on Keith. On getting to know him and falling for him a little more each day. 

Now though, the reality was right in his face. He imagined his mami crying, his father screaming, Nadia and Sylvio confused because they weren't allowed to see their uncle anymore. 

But he'd thought of worst case scenarios with Vero and Luis. And they didn't happen. His brother and sister accepted him, still loved him, and they would support him. Maybe with Luis and Veronica to help, he would be able to tell Marco too. And if things got more serious with Keith, he'd find a way to tell his parents. 

Distracted by looping thoughts, Lance hadn’t noticed the hours pass by. He was both hypnotized by the cycle of video games and occasional outbursts from Nadia and Sylvio and absorbed by his own thoughts and scenarios. He kept thinking of different ways to say it. To bring it up. Kept thinking of the repercussions from the very best- a party thrown in celebration which Lance knew was definitely not going to happen- to the very worst. He didn’t particularly like indulging in the worst. He tried to simply hope that if the very best scenario couldn’t happen, then the worst couldn’t either. 

It was well past midnight by the time Marco came back inside to say goodbye. He started saying goodbye to the women at the table, then he moved to the living room to get his kids. Lance spread his arms over Nadia and Sylvio’s sleeping bodies, playfully glaring up at Marco.

“You sober?” Marco rolled his eyes and nodded. “Walk a straight line with your finger on your nose.” 

“Oh my God, Lance-”

“Do it!” Marco scoffed, but a smile tugged at his lips as he walked a straight line across the living room. Then he spread his arms as if to ask,  _ Well?  _ Lance hummed. “How much did you drink?” 

“Lance, I’m fine,” Marco said with a laugh. “I had a beer during dinner, then two more outside. I haven’t had a beer since before midnight, and I haven’t even gotten tipsy. Dad on the other hand is already belting out his songs and talking about his childhood, so.... Gimme my kids, asshole.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Lance said. “I can help carry them.” Marco picked Nadia up and Lance took Sylvio. 

“You braided her hair?” Marco noted. Lance nodded, grimacing as he waited on the teasing. When he would braid Veronica’s, Marco always teased him for it because it was girly until their mama got him in trouble for it. Instead, Marco asked, “You think you could teach me before you go back to school? She always asks me to try and I tried YouTube, but it’s confusing as shit. I’m kind of embarrassed to ask Mami.” 

Lance smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I can show you. If you don’t mind being girly.” Marco rolled his eyes and smiled back. Nadia and Sylvio only woke up for a brief second to shift in their seats to sleep better when they strapped them in. “Alright, I’ll see you later, Marco.” 

“Bye,  _ flaco.  _ I’ll text when I’m home.” Lance hugged him before he got into the car and watched him drive off. 

He walked over to the garage where Luis was laughing and singing along with their dad. “ _ Te va pegar la cruda, Pa,”  _ Lance said, as his father sang dramatically in response to the light chiding. 

“That’s why your mami hid another carton in the house. Tomorrow’s remedy!” He laughed and kept singing, which made Lance laugh. 

He looked at Luis, feeling a little awkward and unsure. “How drunk are you?” 

“Just a little tipsy,” he said with a smile. “Most of these are Pa’s bottles. But I might head out with Maya soon.” Lance opened his mouth, and Luis interrupted him. “Don’t worry she’s driving.” Lance chuckled and nodded. “Man, three years of college and still the same you, huh?” 

Lance smiled and sat next to him. “Shit, they showed one drunk driving video in high school and I got traumatized.” 

Luis chuckled, but before their conversation could continue, their dad belted a chorus of the song playing on the speaker. 

Then he turned to Lance and started rambling, all in Spanish like he tended to do when he was drunk. He told Lance not to give up on school, that he had so many opportunities, that he was a role model for Marco’s kids. It was the same stuff Lance was used to hearing from him anytime he drank more than he should’ve. He shared a look with Luis as they held back their laughter. 

“ _ De que se rien?  _ I’m serious. I don’t know about all this writing stuff, but you’re in there. You already got more chances to do something than me and your mami.” Lance kept smiling, reminding himself that it was fine if his dad didn’t see the importance of writing. “ _ Nos vas a hacer muy orgullosos, m’ijo.”  _ He continued singing under his breath, suddenly staring out at the driveway as though in contemplation. 

Lance sighed and looked down smudging a puddle of spilled beer with the toe of his shoe. Luis nudged him and furrowed his eyebrows, his head bobbing only slightly in question. Lance shook his head and gave him a fake smile. Luis didn’t seem to buy it, but he didn’t press either. 

Proud. He was gonna make his family proud. That word was suddenly a lot heavier as an LGBT first-gen Latino than it was when he was just a first-gen Latino. 

He saw Luis foot scooting closer until he was obnoxiously hitting it against Lance’s. He looked up with a quirk of his eyebrow. Luis leaned over and said, “Just so you know, you’ve already made us proud,  _ huesos.”  _

Lance clenched his jaw to get a grip on the knot building in his throat. He smiled at his brother and nodded. “Thanks, Luis.” 

Luis squeezed his shoulder then stood up to face their dad. “Pa, I gotta go, I’ll see you later, alright?” Lance got up and quickly followed after Luis as he went inside. As Luis hugged and said goodbye to Veronica and Mami, Lance worked on calming his nerves. 

Once Luis got to him, Lance interrupted before he could start saying goodbye. “Actually. I was wondering if…. Okay, so, um. I wanna tell Marco… y’know since you and Vero know-”

“Veronica knows?” he exclaimed. Lance shushed him, but thankfully Maya was occupying Mami’s attention enough to where she didn’t notice. Veronica did though.

She frowned and walked over to them. “What about me?” 

With a groan, Lance said, “Yes. Vero knows. But the point is, I was hoping… maybe you guys could be with me when I tell Marco.” 

Vero and Luis shared a look. “I mean, yeah. But what, you think you’ll need us as bodyguards or something?” Luis asked. 

“N-no. More just… for support, I guess. He’s probably coming tomorrow so… I don’t know maybe we could go somewhere or….” 

“We’ll be there,” Vero promised. “And it’s gonna be fine,  _ flaco.”  _ Lance winced and shrugged. Worst case scenarios. Best case scenarios. 

“Yeah, we’ll be there.” Luis hugged Lance tightly, for a little longer than their hugs usually lasted. “I love you, Lance. We all do.” Lance sighed and nodded into his shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow then, yeah?” Luis tousled his hair again before getting to the door with Maya.

They waved and went out the door. Lance took a breath and Veronica playfully nudged his shoulder. She smiled at him, and Lance figured that with two siblings who supported him, things would be okay. 

Their mom went outside to sit with their dad, while Lance and Veronica cleared out the trash. Tomorrow would be another cleaning day, at least in the morning. Shortly after, Lance saw his parents come back inside. They wished them goodnight and went to their room. Veronica started going into hers, but Lance stopped her. 

“Could you help me with something?” 

She raised an eyebrow. “With what?” 

He bit his lip nervously. “Could you help me search up the terms? I’ve been a little freaked out to because of the labels and… I don’t know I felt like I wasn’t allowed because Keith is the first guy I like and…. I don’t know. But I wanna figure it out so I know what to say and how to explain it.” 

Veronica smiled at him and nodded. “Yeah, let’s do our research,  _ manito.”  _ She gestured for him to go into her room and started her laptop up. 

\--

The next day, Marco came over after he got out of work. Luis showed a little after, just in time for dinner. Lance couldn’t bring himself to eat with how nervous he felt. He kept going over what he planned on saying in his head, and even practiced his responses to each possible reaction. 

It almost felt like being a kid again. With his siblings at the table, reaching over each other for lime, salt, salsa, napkins, a refill. With his dad half watching the Discovery Channel in Spanish, half cracking jokes that no one laughed at until they did. With his mom chiding them over talking more than eating and claiming their dad was more like a kid than an adult, but still laughing at the things they said.

Meanwhile, Lance was quiet, moving his food around and occasionally eating like he used to when he was upset with his school report card. Feeling like a kid made him wonder why he never knew about this part of himself when he was a kid, but he stopped that train of thought immediately. He didn’t need another thing to have a crisis about. 

When dinner was over, Veronica suggested going for coffee. Luis offered to drive. Marco agreed only if he was in charge of music. Lance simply followed behind them, his hands in his pockets to keep them from shaking. 

The car ride consisted of songs from Lance’s childhood- early 2000s pop, hip-hop, and rock that had Veronica and Luis singing along through laughter. Veronica took Lance’s hand and held it through their mini-concert until they got to the cafe. It was the same one Lance had met with Romelle at. 

It had been so much easier to tell her. Lance didn’t even think twice before telling Hunk and Pidge. Meanwhile, with his siblings, the same people who had grown up with him and knew him better than anyone…. Each time he’d had to come out to them, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

Lance waited until everyone had a coffee. They sat at a table in the far corner of the cafe. It wasn’t too busy, so it felt private enough. Luis and Veronica filled the time with idle chatter, occasionally glancing over at Lance like they wanted a cue. 

Then Marco said, “Alright, what gives? Lance you’re always talking non-stop, and I haven’t heard a word from you since you said hi to me when I got to Mami’s. And these two didn’t object to my choosing the music at all. What’s going on?” 

Veronica and Luis sat back in their chairs, exposed. Lance looked at Marco and talked himself through breathing. 

He gulped and tried sitting up straight. “I have to tell you something.” Marco frowned and crossed his arms. “I don’t know how you’ll take it, but…. I wasn’t planning on saying anything yet, but then I figured why not. I mean I’m going to at some point, so… I may as well, right?” 

Marco glanced at Luis in confusion, but Luis wasn’t looking at him. Marco’s attention returned to Lance. “Okay, what the fuck? What’s going on? Are you sick or something?” 

“No! No, I’m not….” Another deep breath. He shut his eyes and let the words settle on his tongue. He was so tired. “Marco, I’m seeing a guy.” 

When there was no response, he opened his eyes and saw Marco looking at him with narrowed eyes. His eyes slowly went to Veronica, then to Luis. Then back to Lance. Marco’s arms unfolded and he gave a slight nod. “Okay…. Is that it?” 

Lance’s eyebrows went up. Veronica let out a nervous laugh. Luis slouched in his seat. Of all the scenarios Lance thought of, he hadn’t thought of this one, as normal as it seemed to come off. 

“Wait…. What?”

Marco shrugged and gestured at Lance. “Man,  _ culero,  _ you got me over here thinking you murdered someone or something, this is a fucking relief.” Veronica laughed a little louder and Luis joined in. Lance was still in shock, but he was able to let himself smile. 

“So you don’t… you don’t care? Than I’m… uh… pan?” That was the first time Lance used the label out loud. It sent a funny feeling through him body.

“You’re a pan?” Marco repeated. 

Lance rolled his eyes. “Pansexual. I… I looked up some stuff with Vero because I didn’t know what label to use, and… it’s the one that felt the most fitting. It just means-”

“Romantic or sexual attraction to a person regardless of gender or sex,” Luis intervened. He smiled when the three of them fixed him with a surprised look. “I wanted to make sure I didn’t ask anything stupid, so… I did some research when I got home. My guess was between bi or pan, so… I was right.”

Lance couldn’t help but break into a smile.

“Alright, but hold up,” Marco snapped. Lance looked at him nervously, expecting a lecture. “I’m the last to know? What the hell, man, I’m the oldest!” 

“I was scared you’d want to keep Nadia and Sylvio away from me or something.” 

The playfulness in Marco’s eyes melted. The laughter was gone. Marco sighed and pushed his coffee aside to lean on the table, his hands interlocked in the center. “Lance. You are my baby brother. You’re the same kid I nearly beat a 12 year old for when I was 17 because you came home with a split lip. The same brother I binged cartoons with even though I thought I was too old for them. The same brother who was so excited to see Nadia and Sylvio the day they were born, you practically ran through the whole hospital and cried when I said you were too young to be godfather.” Marco reached over and grabbed his hand. “You’re the same brother I’ve picked fights with, teased, defended, laughed with, and cried with. You are still  _ you.  _ You loved a girl. You like a boy. That doesn’t change the fact that I love you. And it definitely won’t make me keep the kids from you. You’re a good uncle Lance. If anything, you’re gonna be able to show my kids that they can be whoever they want, and that they can embrace it. You’re gonna teach them to take chances and how to be brave.” 

The tears streaming down Lance’s face were expected. Though Lance had expected them to be out of pain or hurt. Instead, he was crying from a mixture of relief and the emotions that came from hearing what his brother saw in him. Veronica was crying too, but she was catching each tear before they had a chance to trail down her face. Luis put a hand on Lance’s shoulder and shook him gently. 

“I told you that you already made us proud, Lance.” 

Marco nodded, clenching his jaw and squeezing Lance’s hand slightly before he pulled back and took a break. 

“Oh come on, Marco!” Veronica said, shoving him. “You know you want to cry,  _ deja de aguantarte.”  _ Marco scoffed, but sure enough, tears filled his eyes. 

The siblings laughed nervously, and Lance tried to get a grip on himself so he could talk. “I know we’re Latinos and we’re not supposed to have heart to hearts,” he started, earning a laugh from his siblings. “But I really can’t thank you guys enough.” He’d planned to say more, but his voice broke and he had to hold back another slew of tears. 

“Fuck it,” Marco muttered. He got up, dragging Veronica with him and came around the small table to engulf Lance in a hug. Luis stood up, and Lance was immediately surrounded by all three of his siblings’ warmth. He felt Veronica kiss his forehead, could feel Luis’ hand wrapped tightly around his arm, and Marco was holding them all together. “But seriously, nobody scare me like that again, Jesus Christ.” 

They laughed and broke apart to take their seats again. Lance wiped at his eyes, half-laughing at himself. All that worry and fear felt far away now that he could see his siblings smiling and laughing around him. 

“So, you gonna tell us his name?” Marco asked. 

“Or tell us how this happened?” Luis added. 

Veronica grabbed his arm. “ _ Show them a picture.”  _

There were so many emotions built up in Lance’s chest, ranging from relief to love. His cheeks hurt from smiling and his breaths were shaky from the release of all the anxiety. “Alright, alright. Hold on.” Lance grabbed his phone and scrolled through the pictures on his phone. He showed them the one he managed to snap of Keith when they were on the ferris wheel. “His name is Keith. I met him at a party-”

“Well, some things never change,” Luis mumbled. Lance rolled his eyes and nudged him. “So… you just met him and were into him? No… panic about liking guys or major revelation?”

“Where exactly did you do your research?” Veronica asked with a snort. Luis made a face at her. 

“Well…. I mean, I was confused. I saw him, and I noticed I kept seeing him. Like I was looking for him without meaning to. I’d try to stop staring because that’s fucking weird, but… my eyes kept going back. He said he noticed, so he came up to me.”

“So  _ he  _ made the first move?” Marco asked. Lance shrugged. “Okay, okay, go on.” 

“You’re holding back,” Veronica noticed. Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “When you were telling me about it, it was like you were writing a romance novel. Now you’re trying to make it less gooey.” 

“Well first of all,” Luis said, “I think I speak for both of us when we say we’re offended this one knows everything already. And second of all- I heard that phone call. You are a fucking sap. So tell the story in your Lance way. Your poetic way.” 

Lance hesitated. It was strange to go into his feelings for this guy with his brothers. Veronica was right- it was different talking about the same thing when the people you talked to were different. He’d built up a series of frat-boy stories for his brothers, and he was scared to make them uncomfortable or something. 

“We won’t make fun of you, we promise. Look, we all know what a big deal this is for you. Honestly, we’ve been hoping for this day.” Marco gave him a reassuring smile. 

“If the smile that immediately spread on your face the second you said his name says anything…. Well, it’s a relief to see you like this,  _ flaco,”  _ Luis added. “So come on.” He gestured with his hand, prompting Lance to continue. 

And with that, it all flooded out. Every little thing about Keith that made his heart flutter, the things he’d been dying to say to anyone who didn’t know him all tumbled out of him without pause. 

He told them about his scrunched-nose smile, about the way he tended to pick at the skin on his fingers when he was anxious until Lance grabbed his hand, the way he’d tear up at movies but refuse to cry in serious situations. He told them about the way Keith always used a headband and a low ponytail to keep his hair back when he rehearsed, and how he’d close his eyes and listen when Lance read a poem, and how he liked to play with sugar packets when they went out to eat. He told them about how easy it was to make Keith blush even though he was blushing too as he said it.

“God, he’s just… he’s amazing. Y’know, it’s not like- I don’t feel like I’m fixing him. He’s gone through shit, but he doesn’t feel bad for himself or anything. He was guarded and careful, yeah, but…. I don’t know. I think he’s one of the strongest, most beautiful people I’ve met.” 

“How long has this been going on?” Luis asked. 

“Since like… really late September? Early October? We’re… not dating, so we don’t have an actual timestamp…. Things just sort of fell into place.” The look on his brothers’ faces made Lance wonder if he had somehow insulted them with the fact that they weren’t official. “Look, it’s worked out that way! He had some stuff to work through, and then there was this sort of ex that made things a lot harder and then there was my poetry-”

“What?” Marco interrupted. 

Lance took a deep breath and started explaining the mess with Roland and the way that Keith had burst when Lance refused to show him his poetry at first. Veronica didn’t know about any of it either, so she’d immediately sat up straighter when Lance told them everything. Once they were up to date, Lance sighed. “It hasn’t all been perfect. Right now having no label works for us, you know?” 

Marco shared a look with Luis then looked at Lance incredulously. “Lance you gotta be shitting me.” Lance frowned. “You go through all this shit- realizing you’re pan, trying to get him to trust you, taking him on dates, handling this ridiculous ex- and you won’t even ask the guy out?” 

Beside him, Veronica nodded in agreement. “I think it’s time,  _ manito.”  _

“Ask him out. Ask him out. Ask him out,” Luis chanted. 

“No, no, no, wait-” Marco joined in on the chanting, along with beating on the table. “Guys,  _ no,  _ shush!” And then Veronica. “Oh my God, you assholes,” Lance said with his face in his hands. But he was smiling too. Because the moment felt normal. Because he could breathe.


	10. Part 19

There was always something in the way. Always some reason to postpone talking. In reality, maybe Lance was just a coward. 

Maybe he didn't want to take away from Keith's moment after he explained his past. Maybe he didn't want to stress him before the competition. Or maybe he was afraid to open up with that past. Maybe he couldn't face the emotions he still carried about Allura's death. 

"I gotta get going, pretty boy. I'll see you after rehearsals, okay?" 

Lance nodded and leaned in to kiss him. "You sure you don't want me to drive you?" 

Keith smiled and tousled Lance's hair. "Go back to sleep. I know you usually sleep until noon on weekends." He gave Lance another kiss. "I'll come by to get Kosmo then I'll go get ready at home. And I promise we can spend all of tomorrow studying for that science test you have." 

"Alright, alright," Lance said with a laugh. "Go on then. Drive safe. I'll see you later,  _ príncipe."  _

He watched Keith leave and then turned around to whistle for Kosmo to follow him back to the room. Kosmo immediately jumped on the bed and waited for Lance to lay down before curling up beside him. 

Lance wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep when he woke up to Kosmo barking at the door. "Kosmo, shush. They'll fine me if they find out you're in here." Then Lance heard the incessant knocking on the door. 

He went to check through the peephole and saw Hunk and Pidge on the other side of the door. As soon as he let them in, Kosmo barked and pawed at them, demanding attention. 

"So, ready for your date tonight?" Pidge asked with a smile. 

"Yes, absolutely," he answered, feeling himself blush. He was nervous, but also… really excited. He'd never been taken out on a date before. 

Despite his answer, Pidge narrowed her eyes at him. "You  _ still  _ haven't told him?" 

"How do you  _ do  _ that?" Lance said with a groan. He leaned against the counter as he hid his face in his hands. "No. I haven't told him yet. Our date is tonight, I really don't want to ruin it by starting it off with… everything." 

"And his dance competition is coming up and you don't wanna distract him. And after that, it's winter break and you'll be apart, so you don't wanna say it then. Then when we come back it's gonna be because the new semester just started and you don't wanna have a bad start. Then because it's gonna be Valentine's day." Lance glared at Hunk as he listed off Lance's future excuses. "You realize you're only psyching yourself out more by putting this off right?" 

"Hunk is right, Lance. Besides, it's not like Keith is going to break up with you because… because your girlfriend died." 

"I  _ know. _ I know all of that. It's just… still terrifying. I know he deserves to know but… how do you even begin to explain all of that?" 

Lance meant for that to be a rhetorical question, but Pidge shrugged and took his hand. "You begin by saying you need to talk. And then explaining all of this that you're feeling now before telling him about her." He felt his chest constrict. Maybe Pidge noticed it, because then she said, "But hey. Your big date is today. So look forward to that and focus on it, okay?" 

Lance took a deep breath and nodded. He knew he had to suck it up and do it at some point. Tell Keith about Allura and finally stop hiding things. He would… eventually. But Pidge was right. This date was an exciting thing for him, and he wanted to enjoy it. 

He gave Hunk and Pidge a small smile. "Do you guys know what he's got planned?" 

Hunk and Pidge shared a smile. "Yeah. He wanted to be sure he planned things correctly. Frankly, we didn't even have to add or correct anything. Who knew Keith was such a romantic?" Hunk said. 

Pidge snorted. "You kidding? He was super hooked on that movie we watched the other day the one with the girl who lost her memory. He's a total sucker for romance just like Lance." Hunk mulled that over and agreed. "You're gonna have an amazing time, Lance. Promise." 

Lance bit his lip and wondered what Keith could possibly have planned. 

"Will I cry?" he asked. 

"Lance, you cry at the ASPCA commercial. What do you think?" Hunk pointed out. 

"I mean, fair, but also, hey!" 

Pidge laughed and shook her head. "Well, we're not allowed to divulge any information, so we're gonna shut up," she said, glancing at Hunk. "And also, you said you'd proofread my final essay, so come on."

"How dare you make me use my brain the day of my date." Pidge stuck her tongue out at him and went to sit down on the couch. 

They stayed with him for a long time. Despite Hunk and Pidge insisting on it being a homework day until the date, it really wasn't. It never was when they got together and it was a weekend. 

Instead they talked about random things the way best friends do. They made a topic that could've lasted only five minutes last a whole hour before another tangent had them talking for another half hour and then they remembered what the original conversation was. 

That time with them kept Lance's mind from drifting. He didn't think about Allura or telling Keith about Allura. He didn't think about how nervously excited he was for the date. He didn't even have time to second guess his outfit. 

Part of him wondered if that's why Pidge and Hunk were there- to calm him down and keep him steady. He didn't want to ask though, because regardless of whether they meant to or not, they still helped him a lot. 

Keith arrived a little later, still slightly sweaty from rehearsal. His hair was still in a low ponytail, but he had no headband so a few hair strands were loose and sticking to his forehead. 

"How was Kosmo?" he asked as he greeted Lance with a kiss on the cheek and then lightly hugged Pidge and Hunk. 

"Absolute angel, of course," Pidge said in a baby voice that made Kosmo's tail wag maniacally. 

Keith smiled and ruffled his fur playfully. "That's my good boy. Ready to go home?" Kosmo barked, and Keith laughed. Keith looked at Lance and smiled sheepishly, his cheeks turning bright red. "I'll come get you in two hours, okay? Is that enough time for you to get ready?" Lance nodded, also feeling his cheeks heat up and a ball of nervous energy scourged through his veins. "Perfect. See you soon, pretty boy." Keith pecked his lips before saying goodbye to Hunk and Pidge. 

The two smiled widely at Keith and it only made Lance more curious as to what was in store. They waved as he went out the door with Kosmo then turned to Lance immediately. 

"We're here for anything you need, buddy. Hype team, help, anxiety relievers, whatever," Hunk told him. Pidge nodded in agreement and gave him a thumbs up. 

Lance chuckled and scratched the back of his head. "Thanks you guys," he said softly. Lance went to take a shower and tried to make it quicker than usual. 

When he was out, he saw that either Pidge or Hunk had ironed his shirt for him and laid out a sweater. Smiling, he got dressed in dark blue jeans and a long sleeve navy button up. Then he stepped out to the living room. 

The second Hunk and Pidge looked over at him, they started making a huge fuss. Wolf whistles and howls and cheers and whoops and playfully sultry comments that left Lance red in the face from both embarrassment and a fit of laughter. 

"Damn, look at our boy!" 

"Come on give us a spin, Lance, let's see the whole snack!" 

"You guys are idiots," Lance said as he obliged and spun, suddenly a little self conscious. But it led to more cheers and wolf whistles that made him laugh. 

"So what's next?" Pidge asked with a playful smile. "Any accessories? Any special hair stuff?" 

"Um… well no. I think just last minute touch up stuff? Brushing my teeth, fixing my hair, that kind of stuff." Lance bit his lip and shrugged. "I don't wanna go too big, y'know? Like this is huge, but also, it's just… me and Keith." 

"Well, as two people who know what's planned for tonight, we can promise you look perfect," Hunk said. 

Pidge nodded in agreement. "Not too fancy, not too casual. How much longer till Keith gets here?" 

"Um, he said in two hours, and I showered pretty quickly this time. Maybe another hour? I'm really nervous. I shouldn't be nervous, I mean it's just Keith and we've been on a bunch of dates-" 

"Lance," Pidge interrupted. She chuckled and sat him down before messing with his hair. "It's totally okay to be nervous. Even if you've been on lots of dates together." 

"Yeah, and the nervousness will go away when you're with him," Hunk said with a smile. "Wanna watch an episode of Brooklyn 99 to get your mind off it?" 

Lance took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah. Let me just brush my teeth and get my shoes." He turned back to his room and tugged his shoes on. He didn't have fancy dress shoes, but he had a pair of Vans he didn't wear often and went well his outfit. He went to brush his teeth, and when he was done, he opened cabinet with his colognes. 

He only had a few, but of course the fullest one was the one Allura had gifted to him. After everything, Lance wondered if he was ready for that. After all, this was a memorable day. An important day. A date with Keith, the first Keith ever planned and the first time Lance would be taken out instead of the other way around. 

He grabbed the bottle and stared at it. He uncapped it and raised it to nose to smell the nozzle. 

The second he did, his heart clenched and his throat tightened, making it hard to breathe. The scent brought memories of a faded smile and a day full of black clothing and the smell of dirt. He slammed the bottle back onto the counter and shook his head to clear it. 

"Shit." Lance stared at the counter, waiting on the memories to fade. They didn't, not completely, but he still put the bottle back and grabbed a different one to spray on. 

Lance couldn't let his head get the best of him. Not today. He genuinely wanted to enjoy today. Going home for Thanksgiving had given him so much peace of mind, and it helped a lot. 

Still, while that stopped some of the hesitance Lance felt, it didn't remove the memories or the pain the memories brought him. He couldn't even face the memories himself, how was he supposed to talk about it out loud? 

Again, Lance shook his head. Today was not a day to think about that. He could go back to worrying and feeling guilty about that tomorrow. 

Taking a deep breath, Lance left the bathroom and went back to his friends, hoping a little comedy could calm his nervousness. They watched two episodes before Lance heard his phone ring. 

A picture of a sleeping Keith lit up his phone. He excused himself before answering. 

"Hey,  _ mi príncipe.  _ You on your way?"

"Not yet. I called because… well, because I'm nervous. And the first thing I thought was to call you. Which probably isn't the best thing to do, but-" 

"Keith," Lance interrupted with a laugh. "Baby. It's okay. I'm nervous too. In a good way." 

"Yeah. Yeah. Me too. In a good way. But also maybe kind of a bad way?" Lance laughed. "It's just… I really don't wanna fuck this up for you." 

"Look, I don't know what you've got planned, but Hunk and Pidge said it'll be great. And I trust them with my life, so…. I believe them." He heard Keith take a shaky breath. "Keith… in all honesty… I feel like I'll enjoy this date even if everything that could go wrong does. Because I just want to be with you." 

After a few beats of silence, Keith let out a loud breath. "Okay… I'm still nervous, but…."

"It's a good nervous?" 

Keith chuckled. "Yeah. Okay, I'll leave now. I'll be there soon, pretty boy." 

Lance bit his lip and said a quick goodbye before hanging up. He went back to Hunk and Pidge and said, "He's on his way."

"Well, Pidge, I do believe that's our cue to leave," Hunk said as he stood up. He walked over to Lance and hugged him tightly. "Have fun, man. And tell us everything!" 

Pidge hugged him next. "Yes! You look amazing, you're gonna have an amazing time, it'll be great! Hope you enjoy it all," she said with a smile. Then she and Hunk hurried out of the apartment. 

While Keith's place wasn't far, each passing minute felt like a thousand. Lance started pacing back and forth, staring at the door. 

Then suddenly, there was a knock. Lance rushed to his door and took a deep breath before he swung it open. Standing at his door was Keith, dressed with an unbuttoned dark grey shirt over a black one and black jeans. He had a leather jacket and his leather gloves too. Lance bit his lip and tried to calm his giddiness as well as the urge he got to yank Keith inside and kiss him until he forgot how to do anything else. 

"Hey, pretty boy," Keith said with a smirk that left Lance struggling to form a coherent thought. So he just smiled back and whispered a small hi. "You ready to go?" 

"Yeah," Lance said, a little louder. "You look… incredible." 

Keith blushed, and it made Lance smile to know he could still do that.

"And you look breathtaking," Keith answered. Then he held out his hand for Lance to take. Lance locked his door before taking Keith's hand and following him out. As they reached his car, Keith touched his hand lightly to Lance's cheek and kissed him. "Couldn't help myself," he whispered. He opened the passenger door for Lance to get inside, but before Lance could, Keith ducked in for a second. 

When he faced Lance again, he had a little bunch of small sunflowers tied with a blue ribbon. Lance felt his heart rate increase as he stared at it. He knew they were for him, but at the same time there was no way they could be for him. 

Keith was still blushing when he handed them over. "These are for you. There's ten. One for every week we've known each other." 

Lance felt his throat closing up. But he didn't want to cry already, so he released his excitement and disbelief with nervous laughter. "You counted?" Keith nodded and Lance took the flowers in his hand before wrapping his charms around Keith and hiding his face in his neck. "You should know, I already love this date," he said through his laughter. 

Keith hugged him tighter and kissed his cheek. "Come on," he murmured. He nudged Lance gently to get him to get into the car. Then he got in on the driver's side and they left the apartment complex. 

Lance had no idea where they were going, but he held Keith's hand the whole time. He watched the city blur by in the window and hummed along to the music on the radio. He rubbed little circles into Keith's hand, sending how nervous he was by how hard he was squeezing his hand. Lance looked at his flowers then over at Keith. 

He was overwhelmed with the swirl of emotion that came from looking at him. Had everything that had happened between them truly happened within ten weeks? It felt like so much longer, and at the same time it felt like such a short time. 

He remembered how stoic-faced and hard to read Keith used to be. Constantly tense and only the occasional burst of something underneath. Now, as Lance looked at him, he was so… different. Lance could think back to all the times Keith was doubled over in laughter, or blushing, or times he'd look at Lance like he couldn't believe he was real. He was different, but it was still Keith. 

"What?" Keith asked suddenly. Lance hummed. "You're staring." 

"Mm. Yeah." Keith chuckled as they stopped at a light and Lance didn't hesitate to kiss him. 

As he kissed him, he felt Keith relax slightly. He lost himself in the kiss, and Keith must have too because a honk from behind had to alert them to the light change. 

They pulled apart and Keith lifted his hand in an apologetic wave before he kept driving. 

They drove for a little longer before Keith pulled in to a small place. It had white lights strung up all around and wooden picnic tables outside a building. There were a couple food trucks stationed outside, and once Lance caught a whiff of the food, his mouth watered. 

They got out of the car and headed to the entrance of the building, but before they could go inside, Keith pulled him aside. 

"So. I'm kind of nervous about this part. You could love it or you could hate it. But just let me know and we can leave and go somewhere else because I have a back up plan. Okay?" 

Lance furrowed his eyebrows and looked at the sign outside the building. Spider House Lounge. "What is this place, a spider museum?" Keith laughed and shook his head. "Okay, cool. Then I won't be running away screaming," he said. 

Keith rolled his eyes and took his hand. "Come on." He tugged him toward the entrance and paid a five dollar fee for them both. 

Lance saw a tripod with a sign on it advertising the night's event. 

_ Spider House presents: Slam Poetry Night with special guests and poets Sasha West and Carrie Fountain.  _

Lance stared at the sign then looked inside. There was no order to the seating arrangement. Just chairs scattered around, people hanging out all over the room with drinks in their hands, a few booths along the wall, and tall tables on the other side. 

He felt the hand in his squeeze slightly. He turned to look at Keith. "This okay?" he asked nervously. 

Lance nodded and smiled. "It's perfect." Keith smiled wider and they walked to a booth together. "This place is nice. How'd you even find it?" 

"Well, I was looking for places that had poetry nights or something. I was looking for a bookstore or cafe, but then I saw some videos of people performing here. They also have something called Shit-Faced Shakespeare so…. Figured this place had cool vibes." 

Lance laughed, but in reality, his heart was fluttering. Keith  _ researched  _ for their date. Lance wondered when he even had time to do it. He leaned into Keith, pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

"I'm excited. I've never seen people perform poetry in person, just videos." 

Keith smiled and put an arm around him. "I hope you like it. And if you want to leave just tell me, okay? I have-" 

"A back up, I know," Lance said with a light laugh. "I don't think we'll need it though." 

They talked as Lance watched people fill the space and watched a mic get set up on a slightly elevated platform. Keith went to get them some sodas and as he was coming back to their booth, a guy went up to the mic to greet everyone. 

He welcomed everyone and introduced the two guest poets before going into the general rules of the space. "Remember, slam poetry is interactive, so feel free to react, to cheer, to yell. And at the end snaps or claps work! We've got a great lineup of poets, several familiar faces and even a few new ones. Now let's go ahead and get started! Let's welcome Manuel Garcia to the stage!" 

Lance sat up a little to lean on the table and watched an awkward looking guy go up to the stage with a small smile. 

"Hey everyone. Um. So this is new shit-" 

Everyone in the room responded with a simultaneous cheer of, "New shit!" Beside Lance, Keith laughed. 

Manuel cleared his throat and started reciting a poem completely by memory, his eyes closing occasionally, his body moving with the rhythm of his words. Lance watched in fascination and listened as the speed and volume of his voice rose and fell, and he listened to the way people in the audience reacted. A few hums, a few oohs, occasional snaps. The poem was about suffering with PTSD, and though Lance had never experienced it, he could almost feel the agony for himself. 

Once he was done it was quiet for a solid five seconds. And then defeating applause filled the space along with cheers. Manuel got off the stage, back to that shy version of himself. 

Before Lance could turn to Keith to ramble about the poem, another person went up. As more people recited their poems, varying from angry to funny to sad, Lance found himself melting into his surroundings. 

The words and metaphors and images the other were painting made his heart long for a pen and paper. He didn't let himself think of any lines, but as he listened to the genius of the others, there was a part of him which yearned to try. 

He felt fingers trailing lightly along the back of his neck, making him shiver slightly. He looked over at Keith to find his eyes on him. There was a sweet, gentle look on his face. Lance mouthed,  _ what?  _ But Keith only shook his head and leaned in to gently kiss his cheek. 

Lance smiled and turned to kiss him on the mouth. 

Applause alerted them to the end of someone's poem. They turned their attention back to the stage as someone else came on. This time it was a girl with a beanie and long curly hair. 

"Uh hi! So this isn't new shit, but this is the first time the person I wrote it for will hear it…. So, Elena, this is for you. Ah, okay." She cleared her throat and closed her eyes. 

"I used to believe in happily ever after, like any other little girl," she started softly. Her voice shook. "But I had more villains in my life than those princesses and no prince charming in sight. Then you walked into my life with your black skinny jeans and long sleeved shirts in the middle of August-I wish I could say the first thought I had when I met you was that you were beautiful but really, it was….  _ Is this chick crazy?"  _ Soft laughter filled the space. The girl smiled and nodded. "Immediately after that, I thought,  _ she's breathtaking.  _ And then after that, I thought  _ I have no chance.  _ You see that's how my head works, it takes one thought and spirals it into others until I've had a whole conversation in my head within five seconds and all those thoughts might have been the reason I was such a bitch to you." She took another deep breath and chuckled. "I never told you how sorry I was for that. I'm sorry I was so mean when we met, I was just afraid. I'm sorry you can't always keep up with my thoughts and I'm sorry I get mad at you for it when I can't even keep up with myself. I'm sorry you got the shit luck of falling for me, but if it helps, I fell for you too. I'm sorry I'm hard to love, I'm sorry I'm not that good at showing it to you, I'm sorry he broke me, and I'm sorry you were the one picking up the pieces. I'm sorry." By the end of that part, her voice wavered. "Elena…. Thank you for loving me the way you do. You made me believe in happily ever afters again." 

She sniffed and laughed at herself. "Oh God, okay, thank you guys!" 

Applause and cheers and empathetic awww's filled the room and Lance watched as the girl got down and was immediately embraced by another. But when Elena pulled her into a kiss, Lance looked away, not wanting to intrude on a personal moment. 

He turned to Keith, but Keith was staring at his drink with more concentration than necessary. Lance gently turned Keith's face toward him. 

"You okay?" he whispered. 

"What? Yeah, I'm okay," he said. Lance hummed and looked at him expectantly. "Really. Just… intense performance for that one." 

Lance bit his lip and pressed a hand to his cheek. "Relatable?" Keith swallowed and nodded. The way his jaw tended under Lance's hand made him wonder if he was holding back tears. "I never thought you were broken," he whispered. 

Keith blinked rapidly, staring at Lance with wide, vulnerable eyes. "Just fucked up?" 

Lance rolled his eyes. "No." One of the guest poets went up, so Lance lowered his voice. "When I first met you, I thought you were guarded. Careful. You knew what you wanted and what you didn't." Lance kissed him softly. "Then, the more I found out about you, the more I felt you are one of the strongest people I know. Beautiful and resilient." 

Keith smiled, but his breath was shaky. Then he leaned in and gave him a kiss that was too intense to be given in public. It took Lance's breath away, and all he was aware of was Keith's touch. Even the loud applause couldn't take him away from his moment with Keith. 

When they pulled apart, Lance kept his eyes shut and his forehead pressed against Keith's. He loved the smell of Keith's cologne. He loved the way the leather of his gloves felt as his fingers brushed back and forth along his cheeks. He felt his heart stutter each time Keith's teeth grazed his lip and tugged lightly. 

"You're making me feel and think things I really shouldn't be feeling and thinking in public," Lance admitted. 

A cocky little smirk tugged the corner of Keith's lip upward. "Really?" he said softly. Lance narrowed his eyes and looked away. 

He paid attention to the second guest speaker, and Keith busied himself with pressing kisses along his neck up to just below his ear. Lance smiled to himself and shook his head, but Keith paid no mind. 

The final poet recited something about motherhood, but it was just as beautiful as the others. It felt amazing to see so many people being so good at something as beautiful as poetry. As everyone clapped for everyone who performed, Keith leaned closer to his ear and said, "Maybe one day you could be up there." 

Lance bit his lip and looked at the mic. He took a deep breath then smiled over at Keith. "Yeah. Maybe one day. It would be nice." 

Keith smiled and kissed him lightly on the mouth. "Wanna get something to eat before our next stop?" Lance nodded and quickly got out of the booth. Keith walked behind him with his arms draped over his shoulders in a loose hug. "So, which was your favorite?" 

"Oh man. All of them! They were incredible! I mean, poetry is already such an intricate and ambiguous art, but then they get a chance to give it so much more with how it's delivered, their expressions, and oh my God- that group one? The four people bouncing back and forth and then together and using movement? You can't get that in a written poem, you know, and it must have taken so much work to put together, I just. God, I'm so blown away. And I love how the one guy strangified things, because even though everyone knows what heartbreak is like, he made it funny and new and I still had to think. It was so amazing to watch these people and to listen, I can't get over it." 

He knew he was rambling, and it made him blush a bit. At the same time, he was happy though. He felt comfortable rambling to Keith and knew Keith enjoyed hearing him. He could feel the soft breath of a chuckle Keith let out. 

"Well, I'm happy you liked it. I liked watching you react. You do this cute lip bite and the furrow between your eyebrows." 

Lance smirked and turned his head as they walked to a food truck. "You were watching me?" Keith nodded. "Aw, my little koala is so smitten with me." 

Keith laughed. "Okay, one- never say it that way again. And two- you should definitely know that by now." Keith kissed his cheek then nudged him forward so they could order. 

After eating and more rambling about the poets, Lance excitedly asked. "So what's our next stop?" 

A soft smile made on Keith's face made Lance nervous all over again. "I'm not telling, but we'll head over as soon as you're done with that burger." 

Lance nodded and stuffed the last bit into his mouth. "'Kay, done!" Keith laughed at him and shook his head before grabbing a napkin and wiping the corner of Lance's mouth for him. 

He stood up and held out his hand. "Okay then, pretty boy. Let's go." 

Lance took his hand and followed him back to the car. He touched the petals on his flowers as they drove and wondered what would come next. Then he recognized the path they were taking. 

"Why are we going to your campus?" He looked over at Keith, but he only smirked and gave no answer. Lance couldn't think of anything remotely romantic that could happen at a school. 

Keith parked and Lance got out apprehensively. He didn't know this building since he was limited to the main building where Keith's rehearsal was at. They walked to the doors and Lance watched as Keith pulled out an ID with a familiar face. 

"Why do you have Pidge's ID?" 

"She let me borrow it to have access to the building. She also made sure I knew I'd regret it if I lost it." Keith opened the door and gestured for Lance to go inside. There was a plaque at the front which let him know it was the science building. "Follow me." 

Lance let Keith lead him up a flight of stairs then up another that led outside. They came out to a greenhouse with netting all around it and various plants with stickers and names Lance couldn't read. 

"Come on," Keith said, taking his hand. He pulled back some of the netting and revealed a view of the rest of the campus and the distant skyline of the city. 

"What are we doing up here?" Lance asked as he leaned against the concrete ledge to look out. It felt so calm. From up there, he didn't even think it was a college campus. Just a place with a nice view. 

He heard Keith chuckle. Then he heard the strum of a guitar in a familiar tune. He turned and saw Keith with his hand out. "May I have this dance?" 

Lance's eyebrows went up. He was certain he'd stopped breathing completely. His hand shook as he slid it into Keith's. Keith gently pulled him in and placed his other hand at Lance's waist. 

"I'm not a great dancer," Lance whispered nervously, trying to ignore the knot in his throat. 

Keith only smiled and pressed his fingers into his back, leading his movements. "I've got you, pretty boy." 

Lance blushed and let Keith lead him as the song played. As the chorus came up, Lance realized why it was so familiar. He used to love this song when he was little. It always came on the days his mamá would turn the radio on to clean the house. 

"Why'd you choose this song?" Lance asked softly. 

"I asked Adam to give me a list of Spanish songs. Then I read through a translation of the lyrics and this one was my favorite. I did double check though…. With… Veronica." 

Lance froze. He stared at Keith and felt his throat close up. He couldn't believe how much Keith put into this. Just for him. Just to make sure their date was special. 

"Wait, why are you crying?" Keith asked in alarm. "What did I do?" 

Lance pulled him into a kiss, interrupted by soft breaths and tears, before hugging him tightly and hiding his face in Keith's shoulder. Keith was still sputtering in confusion. He kissed him again and bumped their noses together. "They're happy tears, I promise," he whispered. "I just can't believe you did all of this for me." 

Keith turned a little red. He stayed quiet as he began to move them along to the music, slower paced than the actual song, but it still worked somehow. Or maybe it didn't, but for Lance it was perfect. 

"I'd do anything for you if it made you feel half as happy as you make me feel, pretty boy." 

Lance bit his lip and rested his head on Keith's shoulder. He began to sing the song softly, the lyrics resonating with him more than they ever had before. 

"I'm really happy Pidge and Hunk dragged me to that party. And I'm really happy I met you." Keith let out a breath near his ear. "This is the best date I've ever been on, you know?" 

"Well, it's not over yet. I've got one more place for us to go, but we have thirty minutes to get there and it's really close by." 

Lance lifted his head and looked at Keith with a smirk. "How will we pass the time?" Lance asked dramatically. Keith's nose scrunched as he smiled playfully. Then he pulled Lance into a kiss and the song began to end in the background. 

A few other slower songs played, but they didn't dance to them all. They kissed and kissed and kissed some more. Lance thought kissing was bound to get boring at some point when done for so long, but it never did. It took a ringing on Keith's phone to alert them that they had to leave. 

Lance didn't bother asking where they were going. He just took Keith's hand and followed him back down the stairs and out of the building. They were nearly tripping over themselves, laughing and running to get to the car. 

Keith started driving and Lance kept his attention on the places they passed to guess their next spot. They turned into a movie theater parking lot and he smiled to himself. 

"Taking a page out of the classics, huh?" 

"You could say that," Keith said with a sly smile. He parked, and they got out of the car. Keith simply gave his name to the guy at the ticket booth, and then they went to the concessions. 

Lance tried to guess what they might watch. A superhero movie, probably. Keith knew how much Lance loved those. But maybe a romance, because it was a date. Lance couldn't think of any romance films out at the time though. 

"Stop trying to guess what we're watching," Keith said, handing him candy and a blue slushie. "Now close your eyes so you don't catch the name on the little name thing at the top." 

Lance rolled his eyes, but did as he was told. He let Keith lead him until he was gently nudged past a door. "Can I open?" Keith hummed in affirmation. They hurried to take their seats. It wasn't super packed, but it was obviously movie night for lots of people. 

Keith led him to their seats, near the top and towards the middle like Lance liked. He wouldn't budge or give hints for the movie as the trailers passed. Lance only gave up because the lights went completely out for the feature presentation. 

Then he heard the song "Accidentally in Love" playing as two ogres on a honeymoon took up the screen. 

Lance gasped and reached for Keith- his hand, his shoulder, his face, anything. "No way," he whispered. There was no possible way. But the montage continued, and the number two with little ogre ears showed up, casting away any doubt. Lance looked over at Keith who was smiling widely at him. "How?" 

Keith leaned in to whisper as the movie played. "This place plays older movies certain nights. They had Grease last week, and I almost got us that one, but I looked at other showings and knew I had to bring you to this one. I know it's your favorite of all of them." 

Lance laughed softly in disbelief. "You're amazing." Keith ducked his head and Lance figured he was blushing. 

The entire movie, Lance found himself mumbling the lines under his breath, softly singing along to each song that came on. He felt like a little kid again, remembering the way his parents had taken him and his siblings to see the movie when it first came out. By the end of the movie, Lance was playfully serenading Keith with "I Need a Hero" as they walked back to the car. 

Keith laughed until they reached the car and Lance wrapped his arms around him. "Is there another stop for this amazing date?" Lance asked, unable to fathom anything else they could possibly do to top off everything else. 

Keith took his hand and kissed his knuckles. "Just back to your place for some hot chocolate."

"Oh, perfect! I'm freezing!" Lance kissed him lightly and hurried to get into the car. 

They drove back to Lance's apartment and once he put his sunflowers in water, he started on a batch of hot chocolate. 

Keith went up to him and wrapped his arms around Lance's torso. Lance felt his forehead lean against the nape of his neck. Then he felt light kisses pressing against his skin. 

"Did you really have fun?" he asked. 

"Keith, you planned the most perfect date we could have ever had." He turned the stove off then turned to face him and tilted Keith's chin toward him. "I felt like I was flying among the stars tonight. And I had you right beside me." 

A beautiful smile spread of Keith's face as he caressed Lance's face. "Good. I kept thinking of everything that could go wrong and I was freaking out. But seeing the look on your face each time…." Keith chuckled and kissed him. "You're a dangerous one, pretty boy. You've got me wrapped around your finger." 

Lance felt a warmth settle in his chest. And as Keith kissed him in a way that made him melt, he felt a very different kind of warmth building in the pit of his stomach. He sighed as Keith tilted his head to kiss his neck gently and pressed him closer against the counter. 

" _ Príncipe…. _ " Keith hummed in question. "You haven't really brought up the whole… you know, switching thing since I asked about it."

Keith pulled back, a light blush filling his cheeks. "Switching… like in bed?" Lance nodded. "I didn't think you'd want to anymore."

"Well… you were wrong. And if you want to…." Lance shrugged. He pulled Keith in by tugging his shirt. "It could be a pretty great end to this date," he whispered. 

Keith bit his lip as he looked at Lance. "Are you sure?" Lance nodded. Keith trailed a finger down his chest. "We can try. But you gotta tell me if you get uncomfortable. I won't get mad. Or if I do something that doesn't feel-" 

Lance covered his mouth with a hand. "I promise I will. We'll do it together." Keith grabbed the hand covering his mouth and kissed it. "Can you kiss me now?" 

Keith pulled him into a kiss and lifted Lance to set him on the counter. He grabbed his legs and wrapped them around himself before pulling Lance's weight into his arms and heading down the hallway. He walked backwards to sit on the bed and had Lance straddle him. 

Lance started to shove his grey button up away, but Keith grabbed his hands and intertwined their fingers. "Let's just kiss for a minute okay?" 

Lance blushed and tried to calm himself down. He nodded and shut his eyes as Keith's hand rested on his cheek, his thumb brushing back and forth against his cheekbone. He felt Keith's warm breath against his mouth and let his lips part in anticipation. He felt a tongue prod gently before a plump bottom lip pressed softly against his and pulled back. Lance shivered and let his mouth fall open a little more. He licked at Keith lip and tilted his head to lean closer. 

Then finally, Keith stopped teasing and really kissed him. Lance let out a small moan in response before sliding his hands into Keith's hair and tugging.

He loved the way Keith kissed him. Lance felt like his entire body was made of fireworks and he wanted to stay there forever. Every part of him felt fragile and sensitive under Keith's touch. He never knew how beautiful it could feel to be completely okay with being so vulnerable in someone else's hands. He had no fear. 

Keith's hands slid up his back as he moved to press soft kisses to his neck. They were warm and adoring, nowhere near hard enough to leave marks. Just enough to make Lance relax and sigh. 

Without saying anything, Keith pulled his hands away and started unbuttoning Lance's shirt from the bottom to the top. With each button that came undone, another kiss was pressed to his torso. As Keith gently pushed the shirt away from Lance's shoulders, his tongue licked up his chest between kisses. 

"You've got freckles everywhere," Keith murmured, trailing his finger along them like he was connecting the dots. Lance's freckles were only slightly darker than his skin, so people didn't always notice them. Keith had, a long time ago. 

"Quite literally  _ everywhere. _ " 

Keith chuckled before he grabbed onto Lance and turned them over, tossing Lance onto the mattress as he pushed away his own button up. 

Lance pulled himself up as Keith got to his knees and tugged his shirt off over his head. Once the shirt fell to the bed, Lance put his hands on either side of Keith's torso and leaned in to press kisses to his stomach. He heard Keith sigh as his hands shifted through Lance's hair. 

"No matter how many times we do this, I can't get over how gorgeous you are," Lance whispered against his skin. 

Keith laughed. "Ten weeks, and you're still cheesy as hell." 

Lance looked up at him and smirked. "That's what you signed up for with me, baby." Then Lance blew a raspberry into his stomach and Keith doubled over him as he laughed. 

"Lance, stop!" Keith begged as he clung to Lance. "No tickling!" He laughed as he grabbed Lance's face and forced him to look up. "That's not sexy," Keith said with a lingering smile. 

"Mm. You sure? Because the way you're looking at me-" Before he could finish, Keith leaned down and kissed him immediately pushing his tongue past Lance's lips. 

Lance felt Keith press against him slowly, pushing him back. He fumbled to shift his legs and be able to lean back. Once Keith had him against the bed, he used one hand to keep himself upright and the other cupped Lance's face. Lance loved the way his palm and fingers managed hold him so perfectly, making him feel protected and calm. 

Keith's hand slid down his neck to his chest as Lance trailed his up and down Keith's back. Then Keith shifted slightly to trail his kisses down Lance's stomach. His hair fell forward, tickling Lance as the strands brushed against his skin the lower Keith moved. He arched his back and bit his lip as he pushed Keith's hair back and held it at the nape of his neck in one fist. 

"So, question…." Lance hummed as Keith unbuttoned his jeans. Keith cheeks colored. Lance let go of his hair so he could pull his pants down. "D'you want me to… blow you or go straight to… eating you out?" 

The question made Lance blush too. He covered his face and laughed nervously. "Oh…. This is happening…." 

Keith pulled him up and knelt between his legs. He held Lance's hands in his own and kissed them both. "Only if you really want to. If you're okay with it. We don't have to-" 

"I want to. I really do. Do you?" 

Keith looked at him and gave him a timid smile. He nodded and slowly and let their noses bump together. "Yeah. I do." 

Lance pulled his hands away in favor of draping them over Keith's shoulders. "Okay… okay, let's… let's do the second one. If that's okay I mean, I just…. Yeah." Keith raised an eyebrow. "What?" 

"What's wrong?" 

Lance wanted to say nothing. But if he wasn't honest then, how could Keith trust him to be honest the further they got into it? He shrugged and blushed again. "I'm just… self conscious… that I might be gross or something, you know?" 

"Pretty boy," Keith chided lightly. 

"I know, I know, bodies are bodies and everyone's beautiful, but-" 

Keith shut him up with a kiss. Lance found that he really enjoyed when Keith did that. It made everything dissipate except for the thought of Keith's lips. 

He felt hands tugging his boxers and hands resting on his butt cheeks. Lance immediately made a sound of surprise which was muffled my Keith's mouth. Then Keith pulled back slightly to whisper against Lance's trembling lips. "I was gonna say that everyone is nervous about that. But you know how you said you wanted me to feel comfortable with you? Enough to not be scared of making noises and all that?" Lance nodded, already knowing where this was going. "Well, I want you to feel that comfort with me too. I don't think you're gross, and I don't think…." Keith's hand came around to his front, teasing the waistline of his boxers. "I don't think the ways I want to touch you are gross either."

"Okay," Lance whispered weakly. Keith chuckled and let his fingers ghost over the front of Lance's boxers. His breath caught as his eyes fluttered shut, and Keith started pressing gentle kisses to his face. 

Large hands settled on Lance's hips and nudged him gently to turn him over. Lance rolled to his stomach, his heart pounding hard he felt it through his entire body. He let out a low, shaky breath and shivered as Keith's hands slid to the elastic of his boxers. 

"If you get uncomfortable, I'll stop," Keith reminded him. Lance nodded. Keith pulled his boxers down and kissed the newly exposed skin softly. Once they dropped to his knees, Lance squirmed to help Keith get them completely off. 

Hands ran up and down his thighs, fingertips dug into his skin suddenly, feather light lips trailed over his overheated skin. Lance hid his face in his arms as Keith pulled his hips up slightly. 

He felt a hand move to his front to pump him gently, getting his length to harden. Lance clenched his fingers around the blankets and hummed softly. Then those lips which had been so gentle on him began to kiss along his balls so suddenly, Lance gasped and jerked his head up. Keith's free hand soothed up his back and trailed back to his thigh. 

His lips slowly traveled further up, and Lance was so focused on that predictable path that he forgot to be nervous. He just knew one of Keith's hands was making his nerve endings feel as fragile as dandelions in the wind and the other was caressing him and grabbing him in a way that made Lance feel like a piece of art, and if his hands could do that…. What would his tongue make him feel? 

The answer came almost immediately. Keith didn't go immediately into it. He teased Lance with the tip of his tongue, lightly dragging it around his hole before licking over it. Lance shivered and felt his toes curl and he pushed his face into the bed. 

Keith's tongue pressed flat against him before Lance felt his lips close around him. He let out a slight whimper that he knew he'd deny in the future. And then Lance didn't know what Keith began to do. He just knew it made him gasp and lift his head. The currents of heat shooting through his body and to his core felt white hot. The more Keith pressed into him, the more Lance couldn't help but begin panting and grasping at the sheets. 

He felt a gentle breach and bit his lip as he groaned. Everything felt oversensitive. And despite the vague feeling of embarrassment still making his face redden, the pleasure which made his entire body feel like he was on fire made it easy to overlook that. Then he heard Keith begin to moan as his mouth moved faster and his hands both wrapped around his thighs. 

Lance let out a garbled moan as he pushed back, his heart fluttering as he realized Keith enjoyed this. He enjoyed it as much as Lance enjoyed doing it to him. He wanted to touch himself so badly, but he knew he wouldn't last if he did. 

"Pass me the lube, pretty boy?" Keith asked. 

Lance dropped his arm haphazardly on the side table, fumbling and searching, knocking over whatever textbook and cup he had before he found the knob to the drawer. He opened it and shuffled inside blindly, tossing medicines and receipts everywhere until he felt the tapered off bottle. He grabbed it and once he made sure he grabbed the right thing, he passed it to Keith who could only chuckle. 

"Something tells me that embarrassment is gone, huh?"

Lance grumbled. "You make it easy to ignore." 

Keith draped over him and kissed his cheek. "I'll make it impossible for you to think of anything but me." Lance let out a breath and curled his fist around the covers tighter. Keith pressed kisses down his back as he uncapped the lube. A few moments later, Lance felt a slight touch on his entrance that made him hold his breath. "You ready?"

"Yeah. Yeah I'm good." 

Keith took a breath too and pressed a kiss to Lance's skin. "Okay," he whispered. 

A finger slowly nudged in, and Lance tried to keep his breaths under control. He'd tried to finger himself once before, but one finger just felt… well a little strange. Not painful, not amazing. But for some reason with Keith doing it, Lance wanted to melt into the mattress. 

Keith's hand gently nudged his legs further apart. "Just relax for me, baby," Keith whispered. Lance hummed and tried to do as he was asked to. He felt a second finger press in with the first slowly. Keith's tongue slid up his spine as his fingers pushed into him and pumped in and out rhythmically, turning and spreading. 

Lance breaths became shallow and uneven. His back arched into the bed as the heat of Keith's tongue left him trembling. 

"Still okay?" Keith whispered into his ear. 

"Uh-huh," Lance answered, tilting his head back to look at Keith. "It's just really hot all of a sudden." 

Keith chuckled and pushed his fingers in further. Lance gasped and felt Keith kiss his neck as his fingers moved more deftly the more he worked Lance open. 

"I could open your window?" 

Lance shook his head and fumbled to reach back and grab Keith's arm. "No, no, no, don't go." 

"Okay. Okay, pretty boy." Keith kissed his shoulder and shifted to start pressing another finger into him. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll stay right here. With you." 

Lance nodded and tilted his head for Keith to kiss his neck again. His mouth fell open as Keith pushed into him and searched for that spot that would reduce him to nothing but whimpers. 

"Oh God," he mumbled. He placed one of his hands on top of the one holding Keith up. "You-  _ oh! Oh-h, fuck."  _

"There?" Lance nodded vigorously and gasped for breath as he tried to push back onto Keith's fingers. "Easy, baby. I've got you." Keith's hand pressed on the back of his neck, pushing Lance's top half down onto the bed. He kept his hand on Lance's waist as he pressed into him again, making Lance jolt. "No pain?" 

"Uh-uh. Just- ah- please, please, please," Lance begged. Kissed the base of his spine. Then Lance felt the rougher shove of his fingers, not enough to hurt, but enough to take Lance by surprise. He shoved his face into the mattress and panted into it, struggling to keep his legs apart. More muffled versions of Keith's name slipped through his mouth until Keith pulled away completely. 

"Fuck.  _ Fuck,"  _ Keith growled, placing both hands on Lance's hips. Lance felt the press of denim against his ass and the very prominent bulge that pressed against the spot Keith's fingers had been. "You think you're good to… take me?" 

Lance lifted his head and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah I think so." 

Keith didn't have to be told twice before he was fumbling off the bed to get rid of his pants. Lance turned back over to look at Keith and hit his lip as he watched him pull on a condom. 

As he grabbed the lube, he knelt on the bed and gently caressed Lance's leg. "Pretty boy, I know you like looking at me when we do this, but since it's your first time this way…. It might be easier if you turn over. Just to start." 

"Oh, yeah. Okay." Lance turned over, suddenly nervous again. Keith spread a bit of lube along his entrance again, and Lance felt the tip of Keith's dick press against him. He tensed up immediately. 

He felt a soothing hand along his back. "Hey." Keith's voice was soft and gentle. All the heat and impatience from just a few moments ago were gone. "Are you still sure you wanna do this, Lance? We can stop and do it like we always do. Or we can stop completely." Keith pulled Lance's hand to his lips and kissed it. 

"No- I mean, yeah, I…. Shit. I'm sure I wanna do this. I don't wanna stop." Keith hummed, and Lance turned toward him. "I'm okay. I'm just nervous." 

"What can I do to help you be less nervous?" he asked as he kissed along Lance's arm. 

Lance smiled at him. "Just take it slow. So I can get used to it." 

Keith nodded and caressed his back as he sat back on his heels. "Of course." Lance felt a hesitant prodding and tried to relax. He knew Keith wouldn't hurt him. 

The stretch was slow. It didn't hurt, but it definitely wasn't the same as a few fingers. Lance's mouth fell open, as he felt Keith push into him slowly. His grip on his sheets tightened and a wave of almost unbearable hear came over him. He felt Keith press completely against him. His torso and chest against Lance's back as he embraced him. 

Keith's breaths were short and fast too. 

"Let me know when I can move," Keith whispered in a strained voice. He began to press kisses against the back of Lance's neck as Lance tried to get used to the feeling of Keith inside him. 

He clenched involuntarily and Keith moaned against his sweaty skin. Keith presses his forehead to the top of Lance spine, trying to get a hold of his breaths. 

After a few moments, Lance swallowed and nodded. "You can move now. S-slow." 

"I know, pretty boy." Keith kissed his cheek before he pulled out slowly. 

Lance gasped as Keith pushed back in. He felt Keith's lips against his neck and moaned at the feeling of his tongue pressing into his skin and the teeth grazing over sensitive spots. One of Keith's arms wrapped around him, his hand splayed over his chest and just barely grasping his shoulder. 

"Doing so good, Lance. So, so good." His teeth grazed over the shell of Lance ear, making Lance let out a shaky breath. 

Lance reached back to push his hand into Keith's hair as he clenched around him. "Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me," Lance practically begged. A hand at his chin turned his head as Keith met his lips without reserve. It wasn't soft and gentle, but needy and more intertwining gasps and teeth clashing than a kiss. 

Part of Lance wanted to ask Keith to go faster, to push in deeper and harder, but another part of him enjoyed the slow pace. The way Keith trembled around him out of pleasure and the way his mouth gave his body a rough treatment while everything else remained gentle and soft…. It made something glow warm and bright in Lance's chest. He moaned and let himself drop to the mattress with only his ass up because Keith kept holding him up. 

The next thrust with the new angle made Lance shout out a curse that fell into a series of pleasures gasps. 

"Did I hurt you?" Keith asked in alarm. 

Lance shook his head and tried to push back. "No, no, no, do it again," he pleaded. Keith rubbed a hand over his back and did as he was told. Lance jerked upward as Keith pushed himself in. "Oh my  _ God." _ The more Keith moved against him, the more Lance longed to look at him. He wanted to wrap his arms around him without twisting around. 

"What is it, baby?" Keith asked breathily in his ear, noting the way Lance became restless. He kept shifting and reaching for Keith then for the covers. "Hey, hey, what is it?"

Lance shook his head and tried to catch his breath. "I just wanna look at you. I wanna look at you."

"Oh, sweetheart." Lance's eyes widened as he choked back another gasp. "Okay. Okay, okay, okay." His words were punctuated by soft kisses to the side of Lance's face. Keith slid out of him and gently turned Lance onto his side. He placed kisses down his arm, then down his side as his hand ran down his leg. 

Lance let out a long breath as he shut his eyes and focused on those touches. 

Keith nudged him again so he was on his back. "Put your leg right here." He pulled one of Lance's legs up to drape over his shoulder. "Good?" Lance nodded. Keith slid his hand up his other leg to pull it up slightly by his knee. "Ready?" 

"Yeah." Keith pushed back into him and Lance shut his eyes as the friction of their bodies and the stretch as he brought Keith in led to a wonderful feeling. When he opened his eyes, he found Keith looking at him with rapt attention, the slow roll of his hips in rhythm with the steadying breaths he was taking. "Oh God, oh fuck, fuck, fuck." Lance wrapped his arms around Keith, digging his fingers into the muscles of his back. He felt every slow movement like a wave under his hands as Keith moved. 

Keith buried his face in Lance's neck, breathing heavily against him. "Lance…." The word was a strained whisper, and though nothing followed the name, Keith turned to kiss Lance in a way that made his already speeding heart beat faster. 

"Keith, please go faster, I'm-  _ ah fuck,"  _ Lance breathed.

Keith shook his head. "No, baby. I'm a-already so close. Won't last if I do."

"That's okay, it's okay," Lance insisted, grabbing Keith's face between his hands. Keith was sweaty, with strands of hair stuck to his face and other draping down around his face. His eyebrows were scrunched up and his lips were parted with panting breaths. Lance leaned up and bit Keith's lower lip, tugging as he let his head fall back. "Please. Please,  _ mi vida."  _

Keith furrowed his eyebrows further. "That one's new." Lance nodded, unable to speak as the next roll of Keith's hips made his body spark. "Fuck, okay, pretty boy. Alright." He leaned in to kiss him. "But I want you to finish too." Keith took his hand, pressed a kiss to the palm, then guided it down. Lance wrapped his fingers around himself and Keith gently guided his hand up and down. Lance let out a shaky breath. "Go ahead," Keith murmured. 

He let go, leaving Lance to touch himself. Then he started thrusting into him slowly, building speed as Lance did as well. Lance couldn't catch his breath. He couldn't think of anything but the white hot fire scorching through every inch of his skin, the weight of Keith's body on his, the occasional reprieve from the heat that his lips offered. 

Keith's name fell from his lips over and over as his body tightened. It was almost painful how close he was without relief. 

Through the haze of the pleasure and the beat of his own heart pounding in his ears, he heard Keith's voice. "Lance, baby, look at me." 

Lance bit down on his lip to ground himself as he focused on Keith hovering above him. His eyes looked almost black at the moment, and it was breathtaking. The hand keeping Lance's leg up fell away in favor of touching his face. Each thrust punched another breath out of Keith and another moan out of Lance. 

Lance shut his eyes as Keith leaned in to kiss him. He put his free hand through Keith's hair and gasped against his mouth as the force of Keith's hips pushed him further up the bed. 

Heat spread over his hand and splattered onto his stomach. His voice caught in his throat as he writhed against Keith. He grasped onto him with all the left over strength he had and bit down on Keith's shoulder, muffling the sound that came from his throat. 

Keith's hips stuttered to a stop as he pulled out and Lance continued to shudder as his orgasm coursed through him. The next thing he was aware of were Keith's arms around him, the soreness in his legs and his backside, the kisses pressed to his face. 

"You with me, pretty boy?" 

Lance grumbled and nodded slowly. "Holy shit." 

Keith laughed and kissed his neck. "I'll be right back okay? I'm gonna bring something to clean you up." Lance nodded and Keith got off the bed. He grabbed his briefs and pulled them on before going into Lance's bathroom. 

When he came back he had a towel that was half damp in his hands, and he ran it carefully over Lance's stomach and between his legs. 

Keith pulled his leg up slightly to trail kisses along the inside before leaning over to grab Lance's boxers and help him put them back on. 

"You want any sweats? A shirt or sweater?" 

Lance laughed and shook his head. "Just you. Come here." Keith smiled and laid down beside him, wrapping his arms around him tightly. Lance pulled up the covers and sighed as he settled against Keith. "We're definitely doing that again in the future." 

Keith laughed again and kissed his temple. "Whatever you say, sweetheart." 

Lance hummed at the new nickname. "I like when you call me that," he admitted. 

"Yeah? More than pretty boy?" 

Lance bit his lip and turned slowly to face Keith. "Ooh. Maybe a close second." Keith smiled one of those smiles that made his nose scrunch up and in turn made Lance's heart beat faster. "Was it… was it good for you?" 

"You're seriously asking me that?" Keith asked as he raised an eyebrow. "Lance, that was one of the best sex experiences of my life." 

"Oh? Well was  _ the  _ best?" 

Keith blushed and bit his lip. "Remember the night we found Roland?" Lance frowned. "We had sex and you insisted on me not holding back because-" 

"I wanted you to be comfortable," Lance remembered. 

Keith nodded. "You didn't know, but… I kept thinking about how sex had been for me in the past. All those times I told you about, and… h-how different you were…." Lance stared at Keith in surprise as his voice wavered. He shut his eyes and scoffed softly before opening them again. No tears. "Our first time, I was so sure you'd disappear. And even after that, I started to hope you wouldn't, but I was still…. Kind of scared I guess. That night, though… was the first night I was certain you'd stay. The first night I didn't feel so scared anymore." Keith shrugged. "So that night was the best experiences of my life." 

Lance pressed his forehead against Keith's. " _ Ay, mi príncipe." _ He kissed his forehead and hugged him tightly. 

"I'm okay," he whispered. "How do you feel? Does anything hurt?" Lance shook his head and scooted closer to him. "Go to sleep, pretty boy. I'll get the light." 

Lance hummed and groaned as Keith left the bed again. When he came back he had a pullover sweater and gently pulled Lance up to help him get it on. 

Before Lance could ask, Keith bumped their noses together and laid him back down. "I know you get cold at night, don't even start with me." Lance pouted which made Keith laugh. 

Keith pulled him into his arms again, and Lance shut his eyes. But he didn't fall asleep. He opened his eyes when Keith's breaths evened out. The moonlight streaming through his curtains cast a silver glow to his room. Maybe it was in his head, but the shine seemed brighter than usual. 

He looked at Keith's hand, interlocked with his own, and pressed kisses to each knuckle.

_ The moon shines for you and I shine because of you…. _

***

The next morning, Lance woke up to the feeling of fingers combing through his hair and light kisses on the side of his face. He grumbled and turned his head to face Keith. 

"You're a cute sleeper," he whispered. Lance chuckled and snuggled into him. "Drool and everything." 

"Wha- no!" Lance exclaimed as he wiped his cheek on his palm. Keith laughed at his expense. "Whatever," Lance said with a pout. "Come on. Let's eat breakfast and get started on studying." 

Lance got out of bed and tugged on a pair of sweats as he left the room. A few minutes later, Keith followed and watched him shuffle around the kitchen. "I'll make us a whole new batch of chocolate. We left this one out. My mami would wring me and leave me to dry outside if she knew." He shivered and shook his head. When he glanced up Keith was smiling at him over the counter. "What?" 

"Nothing. You're just adorable." 

Lance rolled his eyes and went to the fridge for milk. He felt Keith come up behind him, wrapping his arms around him and kissing his shoulder. "You know, I'm starting to think you just get turned on when I make hot chocolate." 

He felt Keith's laughter in a lazy breath against his neck. "No. You're just irresistible." Lance blushed and shut the fridge. "Hey…." Lance turned slightly to face him and smiled as Keith pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Do you think… maybe…?" 

Lance turned to face him and furrowed his eyebrows. "What is it, koala?"

Keith bit his lip and touched his face. "I was just wondering… if maybe I could… be your boyfriend?" 

Lance froze, his smile dropping as the words echoed in his head. And even then, all he could think to blurt out was, "What?" 


	11. Part 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a comment if you enjoy this story! Tell me what parts were your favorite! send a whole ass analysis essay! Or just type a quick reaction! I appreciate every comment, and I try to respond to each one uniquely <3 Thank you!

“Ay mi rey, hasta parece que estas enamorado.” 

Lance felt a hard scrape against his shin and he jumped. “What?” 

Mami laughed and shook her head. “What are you thinking about, m’ijo? You’re barely touching your food.” 

Veronica was giving him a not-so-subtle  _ you’re a dumbass  _ look. “Oh. Um. I’m waiting on my final test scores to be posted,” he said. Of course, Lance wasn’t worried about his final scores. He knew he’d passed them all with A’s and a high B for that one shitty science class he forgot a paper for. 

Really, he was just trying to figure out a day he and Keith could meet. Keith’s texting was just as bad as it was when they first started talking. Lance would go without a reply for a long time before being bombarded with up to fifteen short responses trailing each other. Unless it was later at night, just before their nightly calls, Lance was always waiting on his phone to buzz and alert a new message or dozen. 

It sucked because Lance had to change Keith’s name in his phone from  _ Principe Koala  _ with a heart emoji to just  _ Keith _ . It felt wrong and it made him a little sad each time he saw the notification. 

“I’m sure you did well, m’ijo. You always do. Don’t worry so much. Now both of you go get ready for church or we’ll be late.” 

Veronica and Lance picked up their plates and put them in the sink before going down the hall to their rooms. “You know, if you wanna keep it a secret, you could be a little less obvious,” Veronica whispered behind him. 

Lance rolled his eyes and went into his room to change out of his PJ’s. Lance always felt a little weird when he went to church. Like he didn’t belong there, or his presence there was somehow wrong. It was a shitty feeling because when Lance was younger, he loved going to mass whenever his abuelita visited or whenever they got a chance to visit Cuba. He used to pray for nearly an hour before bed each night, and even though those habits faded as he got older, he always considered himself a devout Catholic. 

At least until Allura’s death. After that, Lance became angry with God, and once his grief mellowed out, he felt guilty for being angry. It didn’t change the fact that Lance wanted so many answers and no one could give him more than, “God’s plans for us aren’t always the same as our plans for ourselves. Only He knows why things happen.” Which to Lance was bullshit, and sometimes he wished he could see God face to face and demand answers and call Him all kinds of names. 

Although the anger had nearly diminished, Lance still had his doubts. He was still aware of how angry he’d been, how he refused to go to church again after the funeral until her one year memorial. Lance used to go to mass every Sunday. Now he only went when he was home for vacation and felt too guilty to say no. 

Within a half hour, Lance was in the car with his parents and his sister. The smell of a sharp, too strong perfume his mami loved to wear wafted and mixed with the car heater until Lance was fighting carsickness by leaning his head against the cold window. Another message buzzed in, followed by a handful more as Lance unlocked his phone. 

_ Not Christmas, I spend it with my parents _

_ Also the day after w Karina _

_ But any other time?? _

_ What abt your parents?  _

_ They won’t ask why you’re coming back suddenly?  _

_ about**  _

Lance smiled as the stream of thoughts filled his phone. Then he pressed the box to reply. 

_ I’ll think of something. I’ll text back later though because I’m about to get to church. I miss you. A lot.  _

He sighed as he made sure his phone stayed silent and looked up, thankful to see that they were about to park and he’d be free from the nauseating mix of perfumes and heater waves. As soon as the car was parked, Lance opened the door and took a gulp of the fresh, December air. He stared up at the church building and its spires and the statues of saints outside. There was a statue of a the Virgen de Guadalupe and a Virgen de Fatima. Inside the building, there was an alcove with the virgin native to Cuba- la Virgen de la Caridad. Lance remembered staring at that one when he was little and the church was too full to sit in a pew. He tried to memorize every thread pattern, every porcelain detail, every dip of the fabric of her mantle. He even wrote a poem about her that his abuelita loved. 

Something twisted in him at the sight of the church and made it hard to breathe as he walked in with his family. The place was still so familiar, but also so different. The carpeting had changed. The pews were new. The virgin he was so used to had been moved to a different alcove, and there was a new room for fussy children to be in with their parents.

Lance imagined an indistinguishable voice telling him “Go away. You’re not welcome here.” It was stronger now. Because Lance didn’t only have the weight of his anger and his guilt for turning his back on God anymore. Now he was also carrying the secrets he hid from his parents, the guilt that he felt for being with Keith when he’d learned all his life that he was supposed to fall in love with a woman and only a woman. It made him even angrier in a way. Like God had no right to hate him for who he liked when he had already taken Allura from him. 

_ I deserve to be happy, so fuck you,  _ Lance thought. Of course, he felt guiltier and even afraid for having thought it. 

Lance really wanted to get out of this place. 

“Lance?” Lance blinked and looked at his parents His father looked concerned. “Estas bien?” 

“Yeah.” Lance cleared his throat and followed his parents toward a pew, his eyes on the white looking Jesus on the cross, staring up in tired agony. He felt torn between anger and guilt, and he hated it. 

His mom didn’t say anything to him, but she took his hand. Lance let her because it made him feel small again, that age when he still had to stand on the pew to see the altar, the priest. Lance let her because it felt like an anchor. It kept him from getting swept up in the tumult of contradicting emotions swirling inside of him, like his body was just a vessel for uncertainty and fear. 

The mass started, and Lance found himself humming along to familiar songs of praise, aleluyas and glorias falling from his lips when he recalled the words. He even realized he was whispering everything the priest said under his breath, his mouth reciting everything he’d memorized after years of worship. 

Every time he came to mass the same questions filled his head. 

_ Why did you take her from me? Why did you kill her so young? She had more to give life. She deserved more. How can you call yourself an all-powerful God if you couldn’t save her? Where is she? Do you even exist? Does heaven or hell? _

Now, in addition to those questions, he had more. 

_ Why put Keith in my life if I wasn’t meant to fall for him? Why make me capable of feeling everything I feel for him if everyone says I’m not supposed to? Do you hate me?  _

It was overwhelming. By the time they were giving the eucharist, Lance found himself on his knees, weak and tired, tears streaming down his face as his grief was renewed, as fear he hadn’t felt before overwhelmed him and anger for the grief and anger for the fear bubbled up in him. He wanted to stomp down the aisle and yell at that stupid cross, he wanted to scream and throw things until he was exhausted. 

Somewhere among the questions cycling in his head and tearing him apart, he found new questions, questions which begged for solace and help. 

_ Will my parents be okay with me? How do I tell them? How do I come back here without feeling like I’m falling apart each time? Do I even have the right to ask for your help? _

A gentle tap on his shoulder made him jump as he wiped his face. He looked over his shoulder and saw a woman holding out a tissue in her hand. A gentle smile played on her face. Wordlessly, Lance took the tissue to blow his nose and wiped his tears with his jacket sleeves. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. The woman smiled a little more and nodded before sitting back and closing her eyes. 

As Lance sat back down, his mom took his hand and held it even tighter. He leaned into her, having to crouch a bit because she was shorter. She wrapped an arm around him, hugging him tightly, and Lance shut his eyes. 

Mass was over shortly after and as they walked out, Veronica fell in step with Lance. “You okay, manito?” she asked softly. He shrugged. “If you wanna talk, you know I’m here. We can get coffee later to be alone.” 

Lance smiled at her. “Thanks, Vero." 

Everything around him felt heavy. He wasn't sure if he felt better or worse. Then he pulled out his phone and saw a few messages from Keith. 

_ Hope it goes well _

_ Whenever you're out, I think I have an idea. _

_ We just need accomplices _

Lance frowned and messaged back with a series of question marks.

_ Okay accomplices sounds dramatic.  _

_ Point is, Hunk&Pidge stayed right? They can invite you over and we can meet up with them. _

_ That way you're not lying or anything _

_ And we can still see each other. _

_ If you want _

Lance smiled as he read the texts. They were almost home, and he noticed his mom kept looking back at him through the faint reflection of the sideview mirror, so he messaged back;

_ I love that idea. I’d get to see them too. I’ll call you tonight to figure out when <3  _

Lance didn't even walk into the house before Veronica grabbed him and announced they were going for a coffee.

Mami looked at them suspiciously, well aware that something was up. She could always see right through Lance, always knew when he was hiding something or when he lied. As he grew up, she let him slide with things, but Lance knew. Even now, knowing something was going on, she allowed him his space and nodded. “Okay, m’ija. Just be sure you’re back in time to decorate the tree. Luis and Marco are coming over at five.” Veronica nodded and tugged Lance over to her car. 

As they pulled out of the driveway, Lance looked out the window where his parents were talking and following the car with their eyes as they went into the house. 

“Do you think they know?” Lance asked, breaking the silence he’d settled into. 

“They know something’s up with you. I think the whole church knew that much. But if you’re asking if they know you’re pan, then no. At least I don’t think so.” It was quiet for a bit before Veronica looked at him. “I think they think this is about Allura. I don’t know, maybe it is, but… it’s not just that is it?” 

Lance looked out the window and sighed. He wanted to tear this feeling out of his chest. He wanted to claw at it until he excavated all of the rotten pieces in him so he could find that version of himself he wanted to be. The version everyone was comfortable around. The version everyone liked. He wanted to yank this hollow melancholy from its roots and tear it apart so it stopped growing. 

“I love Christmas. I love the parties, the music, the food. I love New Year’s and the fireworks and the grapes Mami practically forces us to eat.” Veronica chuckled softly. “I just can’t get rid of this feeling right now. And I want to blame church, but it feels like more. I already miss Keith and we barely left last night. I feel like something’s wrong and I feel like I can’t talk without lying and-” He put his face in his hands. “What the hell is wrong with me?” 

“Nothing’s  _ wrong _ with you.” Veronica pulled up to the cafe and parked. But she didn’t get out of the car. “You are still mourning. It’s okay. Stop beating yourself up for being human. And… Keith is important to you. And with the way you are, being unable to tell Mami y Papi about him is killing you-”

“What do you mean the way I am?” 

“Emotional!” Lance flinched. “He’s important to you. And when something or someone is important to you, you want to share with the whole world. You’d gather us to hear your favorite poems. You immediately introduced Keith to Hunk and Pidge. Yeah, you feel guilty for hiding it, but you’re also just upset that you haven’t told them yet because honestly, you’re fucking bursting with your affection for that guy.” Lance blushed. “And that’s a big deal. Everyone sees it. Everyone knows it. And I don’t know what happened at church-”

“I told God off,” he answered. Veronica furrowed her eyebrows. “In my head. Sort of like prayer but not. And I think He just sorta let me. Then… I dunno. I felt better. But also worse.” He took a shaky breath and shrugged. “It’s stupid. Because no one has told me anything yet or…. It just felt like I was in a room full of people who would call me names or say things to me if they knew what I felt for Keith. And it made me so angry then I thought they were all hypocrites and I was also mad because I thought of Allura’s memorial and then I panicked because I changed so much from when I was little and-” He groaned and let out a humorless laugh. “Man, what the  _ fuck.”  _

“You’ve got a lot going through your head then, huh?” Lance scoffed. “Is it gonna make you second guess being with Keith?” 

“What? No! No, absolutely not. I won’t let it.” He ran a hand through his hair. “When Allura died…. I couldn’t breathe for so long. I’d cry and I’d scream and I just…. It felt like I was struggling for any bit of air. I never realized… it still felt hard to breathe. Like there was still a pressure keeping me back or keeping the world dim. When I’m with Keith it’s like… it’s like fresh air. There’s nothing stopping me anymore. Nothing keeping me from taking a breath and relaxing and seeing everything as vibrant and…. That feeling is too good too pure to be a bad thing. It’s too rare to let it go.” 

Veronica didn’t say anything for a long time. Not until Lance looked over at her and saw the distant, soft expression on her face. “That almost sounded like a poem,” she said. Lance grimaced and looked away. Veronica took a breath, recognizing the unwelcome topic. “Do you want to come out to them while you’re home?” 

Lance bit his lip and glared at the glove compartment. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “I do and I… and I don’t. It’s just too much right now.” 

Veronica nodded. “I understand that. And that’s fair. You should tell them when you’re ready. You’re also allowed to enjoy being home.” Lance shut his eyes and sighed. A gentle hand ruffled his hair. “Ya no te apures, flaco. Let’s get some hot chocolate and relax for a bit. Get your spirits back up in time for tree decorating. You know we waited for you to get home.”

That made Lance smile. “Yeah. Okay, that sounds good.” She smiled at him and turned the engine off. They got out of the car and walked into the cafe. The smell of ground coffee beans hit Lance’s senses hard. “So, what’d you think of the performance yesterday?” 

“I think you were practically shaking the entire time,” she answered with a smirk. “It was really cool though. Like, damn. I think Keith had the craziest choreography.” 

“Right? Especially when he lifts Alexa right up over him, like holy shit.” Veronica’s nose scrunched up for a split second before she turned to order. Lance frowned, patiently waiting until they sat down to wait on their order. “What was that?” 

“What? What I ordered? I got us hot chocolates-”

“No the face. When I mentioned Alexa.” 

Veronica frowned. “Oh. I dunno I just got a vibe from her.” Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “I didn’t talk to her, so I can’t really say I don’t like her, but….” 

“But you don’t like her.” Veronica shrugged. “What’d she do?” Lance tried racking his brain for something Alexa might’ve said or done. There was that Danny Phantom comment, but he didn’t think it was an insult. 

“She just seems pushy. That thing she said about tension about tension was unnecessary. People aren’t supposed to point it out.” 

Lance snorted. “You did the same when you guys were at my apartment!” 

“I’m your sister! Why are you defending her so much, anyway?” 

Lance tried to back off a bit, noting the way Veronica seemed to be getting genuinely upset. “No, it’s just…. She’s cool with Keith so she’s around sometimes. I think she’s cool. People don’t normally rub you the wrong way without even talking to you, so I thought…. Don’t worry about it. I doubt you’ll ever have to talk to her except at dance performances if you go with me.” 

Their order was called, and Veronica got up to get it. She sat back down and smiled at Lance. “Chocolate heaven at your grasp. So- what are you getting Keith for Christmas?” 

The question made Lance freeze. “Fuck if I know,” he groaned. “I’m broke, it’s like a week away, and he never tells me what he wants. I’ve asked him and he just says, ‘I’ve got everything I need.’ Like, no shit, Sherlock, I wanna give you something you just  _ want!”  _

Veronica burst into laughter and shook her head. “Well…. Not to meddle, but also it’s kind of killing all of us…. Why not ask if you can be his boyfriend?” Lance felt his face turn red and he looked down at his drink. “Wait.  _ Wait.  _ Are you guys official? And you didn’t tell me!”

“Wha- no! Sh!” Lance anxiously waved his hands to get her to quiet down as a few people turned to look at them. “Jesus. No. We’re not. Um. So…. He actually… y’know  _ popped the question _ or whatever.” 

“You said no?” she asked incredulously. 

“Stop jumping to conclusions and let me finish!” Veronica rolled her eyes. “I said yes. But remember how I said I didn’t want to be his boyfriend if he didn’t know about Allura?” The amusement in her eyes dimmed. Her expression sobered. Then she raised an eyebrow. “I told him I needed to tell him something before we could say… we were official. And I told him about her. What happened and all….”

“I guess he took it well if you guys are still all… well, I mean the way you were yesterday. What happened?” 

Lance took a deep breath and let it out all at once. “Oh. Well. I mean. He needed to process. He took his time to let it all sink in. And we talked about it. He was glad I waited to tell him, but also… well, he wasn’t expecting that.” Veronica nodded. “I said I understood if he wanted to retract the question, and he said he didn’t. But he does wanna take time to see how we feel now. Y’know, since he knows and so…. So we’re sort of taking it slow. It’s nice to know he wants that with me though.” 

Veronica smiled. “It’ll be a relief when you two finally make it official. But I am really happy to hear that you’re both being so careful and mature about it.” Lance gave her a wide, cheeky smile. “Well, I mean, you have time to think of a gift.” Veronica took a sip from her cup. “So… uh… what’s the deal with Hunk? I thought him and Pidge were supposed to sort of be a thing, but that guy he’s living with…?” 

It took Lance a moment to realize what she was saying. “Oh, Roland? He doesn’t have a place to stay, so he’s been staying with Hunk.”

“Huh. Okay.” Veronica didn’t say anything else. Part of Lance wanted to question it, but it was unnecessary. Vero didn’t know the whole backstory, and frankly it was Lance’s to give. “Well, Marco just texted that he’s on his way, so we need to hurry.” 

Chugging hot chocolate wasn’t Lance’s proudest moment, but he was dying to see Nadia and Sylvio. And sure enough by the time they got to the house, Marco was helping them get out of the car. As soon as they saw Lance, they ran toward him. Nadia jumped onto him, nearly knocking him off balance as he half carried her. They both started talking over each other, excited to fill their uncle in on the events of the past couple of weeks. Mostly video games and school stuff. 

“Hey, let him get inside, you two,” Marco called from the doorway. “It’s cold, get in. Saluden a sus abuelitos.” They stayed clinging to Lance as they walked into the house. 

As they stepped in, Lance saw his mom immediately start to search his face. She must have been satisfied with what she found because she gave him a relieved smile and seemed to let out a breath that allowed her shoulders to relax.

She brought out a plate full of cookies which the kids immediately set to devouring. Not long after, Luis arrived with Maya. 

As they sat in the living room getting the ornaments and tinsel and lights for the tree, Lance felt that weird melancholy start to gnaw at his chest. He had the urge to curl himself into Keith's chest where he knew he'd be received with strong arms, comforted through the strange unease. 

But Keith wasn't there, and Lance had just gotten over the weird feeling. He didn't want to succumb to it again. 

"Tio? Is it okay if we still put this one up?" Sylvio handed Lance a clear ornament, decorated with glittering white swirls. His heart clenched as he looked at the pink A at the bottom. "It's my favorite, but-" 

"Of course you can. Go ahead," Lance answered through the knot in his throat. He was an idiot. "I'll be right back." He got up and tried to be discreet as he found shelter in his room. 

Of course.  _ Of course.  _ It was her. She wasn't here, and that's what felt wrong. Last Christmas felt like a blur for Lance. He couldn't exactly remember it, and he never let himself think about it. Their only Christmas together had been Allura's first time in the house. It was the day she gave him his cologne. And she'd made a set of ornaments with the kids, and they'd loved her immediately. 

The fact that the concept of missing her had completely eluded him made Lance angry with himself. And he'd yearned for Keith in the midst of it…. 

_ No, no, no.  _ Lance pressed his hands against his head, squeezing as hard as he could. He couldn't handle another crisis. A knock on his door made him tense. 

"Flaco? You alright?" Luis. 

"Yeah, I'll be right there I just…." He couldn't think of an excuse. 

"Can I come in?" Lance didn't answer for a while. Then he stood up and opened the door for him. Luis looked at him sadly, eyebrows furrowed. "You miss her, don't you?" 

Lance nodded. "I just… I didn't even realize it until I saw the ornament," he said brokenly. "I told myself I missed Keith. It's like I'm forgetting her-" 

"No it's not," Luis interrupted. "Lance, you're just healing. You're letting yourself move on." Lance shook his head. He hated how that sounded. Like he had to leave Allura behind to be okay. "Lance…. If you wanted Keith near you, that's… it's okay. He knows about her now, you can talk to him about this." 

Lance frowned. "How do you know Keith knows about Allura?" 

Luis shrugged. "He told me…. Last night." 

Lance recalled seeing Luis talk to Keith just before leaving. The way he insisted he was just talking about the performance when Lance kept asking what that had been about. He stared at Luis expectantly until Luis sighed in defeat. 

"I just…. I told him to be good to you, that's… that's all. I… it sort of hit me when I caught you guys making out that… well this guy is actually… gonna be with you. And I don't know, you guys hadn't done much more than hug when I looked. Seeing the actual…." 

Lance tensed. Was he trying to take back his support? Was actually seeing Lance with Keith too strange, too wrong to him? "You don't… actually like the fact that I'm with a guy…." 

"What? No that's not true! I just mean…." Luis shook his head and shrugged. "It's weird to me because… because I still think it should be Allura. Like it takes my eyes a minute to recognize why it's not…. It's stupid and it's not even your fault or anything." 

Lance looked down at the floor. "Oh." 

"Lance, it's okay. I'm gonna get used to it. You know how I know? Because I like seeing you happy, and you're happy with him. I just also don't think that coming to hide in your room to guilt trip yourself is gonna help." He put a hand on Lance's shoulder to get him to look back up. "Why don't you call him? You tend to relax with him." 

Lance hesitated. "I don't want to upset him." 

Luis frowned. "Not to be a dick, but… if you can't mourn Allura around him-" 

"I know, I know. And yeah, that's…. Look, I can't though because the last thing I need is someone eavesdropping and finding out again anyway." 

"Ouch. Low blow." Lance winced, but Luis was giving him a small smile. "I'll keep them distracted. I'll make something up. But I think you should talk to him. Or Hunk or Pidge or…. Just don't bottle it up. But that guilt is coming from missing Keith, and that's not fair to you. You can miss them both in different ways, you know?" Lance didn't say anything. He couldn't stop thinking about Keith's comment last week. How it felt like he was sharing Lance. "Look, I'm gonna keep people from coming to your room for the next… what fifteen minutes? You can call him or you can talk yourself in circles. But there won't be any eavesdroppers." 

Lance didn't get a chance to say anything before Luis was already out the door. He plopped down on his bed and stared at Keith's contact ID for a while, his finger ghosting over the green phone icon. 

Finally he pushed it and put the phone to his ear. After a handful of rings, one got cut off and Lance could hear a slight shuffle. 

"Hey, sweetheart. I wasn't expecting to hear from you until later." Keith's voice managed to soothe the ache in his lungs a tiny bit. 

"Hey. Yeah, I'm sorry. Is it a bad time?" 

"No. No of course not…. Lance, what's wrong?" 

Lance let out a dry chuckle. "Who says anything's wrong?" 

"You didn't call me príncipe or koala. And I can tell by your tone. It's too soft…. Lovely all the same, but…. What is it? Did something happen?" 

The words got stuck in his throat. He wanted to be honest. He wanted to tell Keith how badly he needed his embrace and how guilty that somehow managed to make him feel. But this was still new for them both. Allura becoming a Thing between them was… new still. 

They wanted to see how they handled it before being official, but… what if they couldn't handle it? What if it was too much for Keith? What if Lance was too much-?

"Babe. Lance, you there?" Lance gulped. "Your breathing sped up a lot…. Lance what's wrong, you're scaring me." 

"I'm sorry." God, he hadn't even said anything and he was already fucking up. "I'm sorry. It's…." 

Another long pause. Words refused to come together. Or rather, Lance refused to let the words that came together out of mouth. 

"Lance…? Is it… about Allura?" Lance let out a loud breath, collapsing into himself. "What happened?" The question was tense, but the affection was still there. 

So Lance let his words tumble out, however messy. He told Keith about the chaos in his head at church, the anger at God and himself and the people there, about feeling better but still weird and then coming home and seeing the ornament and realizing what was wrong and feeling horrible for realizing it so late, feeling horrible for wishing for Keith because it wasn't fair to Keith, and then he started to ramble about how he wasn't a back up and he wasn't sharing, but he just couldn't sort his emotions.

He ended up breathless and half crying between all of his words. Only an occasional sigh or intake of breath told him Keith was still listening. 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Keith-" 

"What have I told you about apologizing for these things?" Keith said softly. Lance sniffed. "I didn't know you were religious." 

"I'm not doubting what I feel for you." 

"I know," Keith assured. "There is nothing sinful about what we have. Except y'know the… premarital sex probably." Lance let out a disbelieving laugh. "But hey, straight couples do that too." There was a slight smile in his voice. "Lance, you told me the day we talked about her that you would always love her. And that…." Another sigh. "It makes sense. Your time together got cut short. So I don't think you'd ever leave her behind. Or forget her. Or 'move on.' The fact that it took seeing that ornament to realize what felt off was probably your brain shielding you from those emotions. I don't think it's moving on or forgetting. I think you're just living. And you have a right to do that, baby. You have a right to live and experience new things." 

"You're not upset that I wanted you to hug me when I was missing Allura?" 

There was a pause on the line that made Lance's heart clench. "At first it stung a bit," he said honestly. "Like you said… my first thought is asking if I'm… the back up. But I know you, Lance. I know how much you're capable of feeling and I know how sincere the things you feel are. I'm… kind of flattered that you wanted me with you. It tells me you trust me. And the fact that you called to talk about it… well, that means you're comfortable bringing this up with me." 

Lance wiped his eyes and felt his heart settle into a steadier pace. "I just… I never want you to feel like you're second best. I know I mention her and bring her up so much more now, but it's because we said we'd be honest-" 

"I know, sweetheart." 

"It's just… you also said you were scared our relationship would be in her shadow and… and I'm scared I'm turning it into that." Another long pause. This one was longer. It made Lance panic again. "I'm sorry, I just have all of these emotions fucking with my head, and all these thoughts in my head that feel too loud and…. I don't know what to do." 

Keith took a shaky breath and cleared his throat. He didn't say anything. After a while, he finally admitted, "I don't know what to respond to that. The shadow thing. Because I am scared of that, but I can't ask you to control your feelings or memories. I won't."

A question built up in his chest, afraid to come out. But he pushed the words out anyway. "If that does happen… will you leave me?" 

This time there was no pause. No hesitance. Just a strong, certain, "No. I'm not going anywhere." Then there it was. A slight hesitance. But this one was familiar. It was the pause Keith took before he divulged in something vulnerable. The time he took to talk himself into saying something that inevitably made him blush the second it dropped from his lips. "I care about you way too much to go anywhere."

Lance let out a soft, relieved laugh. "You're amazing, you know that?" Keith's scoffed. "I…. I promise I'm going to work on this. You didn't sign up to deal with my grief, and I know that." 

"Pretty boy, I've told you before. You're allowed to be sad. To be angry. To be hurt. I wanted to know these sides of you too. I don't care if I didn't sign up for them." Lance sniffed again and tried to get a grip on himself. He did feel better. Still sad, but… not as heavy. Not as panicked. "Lance?" 

"Yeah?"

"I'm gonna get better at this too. At helping you through the hurt. Through missing her."

Lance smiled to himself. He felt his heart swell with the affection he had for Keith. "You already do a pretty great job, you know?" They could do this. They could still work. Even with the memory of Allura being known between them. "I miss you. So, so much." 

"I miss you too, pretty boy," Keith whispered. "We'll see each other soon enough. You should enjoy time with your family though. You miss them a lot when you're away." 

Lance rubbed his face and wondered how much time had passed since Luis left his room. "Yeah. We're decorating the Christmas tree. They waited for me." 

A light laugh made warmth seep through Lance. "That was sweet of them." 

There was a certain tone in Keith's voice. Like he was still uneasy. Lance couldn't blame him after everything he'd dropped on him. He just wished he knew what to say to make it go away. "I'll call you tonight, príncipe. And thank you. I always feel a little stronger after talking to you." 

Keith hummed. "Cheesy," he teased playfully. "Have fun decorating. I'll talk to you later tonight." 

"Okay. Bye, koala." Lance had the pleasure of hearing an embarrassed little groan before the line went dead. 

He wiped his face again, knowing it was no use. His eyes would be red and puffy and he'd have a nose like Rudolph's. It always happened when he cried. Still, he took a deep breath and let his body relax with Keith's words. His voice had managed to loosen the pressure in his chest, and his words managed to ease up some of the chaotic emotions. 

He could make it through the day. 

He got out of his room and heard laughter in the living room. When he walked in, he saw Nadia and Sylvio decorating Marco with ornaments and tinsel. He winced as they pinched his skin, but there was a wide smile on his face. 

"Don't forget his face!" Luis reminded, holding Maya in his lap. The kids wrapped the tinsel around Marco's face, cutting off whatever curse word about to be directed at Luis. 

Veronica was on the floor, putting wire hooks through the ornaments that needed them, and his parents were sitting back and enjoying Marco's misery. 

"There you are, amor," he heard his mom say. Lance looked at her and smiled. Her smile faded a bit at the sight of his expression, but she didn't pry. "Niños, take that off your papi, we gotta decorate the tree!" 

Lance stood near the tree, watching as the kids gave the ornaments back to Veronica. He caught Luis' eye, caught the questioning eyebrow quirk, and Lance smiled and nodded. Luis smiled back. 

He was certain everyone knew why he'd disappeared for however long it was. It was clear in his face. Thankfully though, no one brought it up. No one asked. No one put him on the spot. They simply worked together to wrap the tree in lights and tinsel and glittering ornaments. 

Sylvio tugged on Lance's jacket and held up the clear ornament. "You wanna put it, Tio?" 

Lance smiled and lifted him up. "Sure, buddy." He took the ornament. "Where should I put it?" 

Sylvio hummed then pointed. If Lance put the sphere there, it would look clustered between other red and gold ones. But it was also near the top, and he figured he trusted his nephew's choice. So he hung it there between the others, and smiled.

Maya and Luis got the honor of putting an angel at the top of the tree. Once the tree was ready, Papá put the little red mantle along the bottom where the gifts would go. 

"Listo para Santa Claus," he said with a smile. Sylvio and Nadia's eyes lit up. 

After that, Vero and Mami started on dinner. Maya was in the kitchen with them, offering to help, but they insisted she simply keep them company. Meanwhile, Lance, his brothers, and his dad all sat at the table to play dominoes. 

Things felt a little normal that way. With cartoons blaring on the TV for the kids, the smell of spices and garlic wafting through the house as quick Spanish and loud laughter made the space come to life. Along with the Christmas decorations, it felt nostalgic and warm. It made Lance's heart mend itself a little more. 

\---

On Christmas Eve, Lance woke up to the sound of loud bachata music. He groaned and rolled over pulling his pillow over his head. 

No one came knocking on his door to wake him up and get him to start cleaning. But that music was loud enough to send its message between all the lovey-dovey lyrics. 

Eventually Lance pulled himself out of bed and shuffled to the kitchen. Mami was already wearing neon green plastic gloves that squeaked when she clenched her hands. "What's for breakfast?" he asked with a yawn. 

"Ay, m'ijo, we have too much to do today. Get some cereal or waffles para que se te quite el hambre. We'll stuff ourselves tonight." She had her hair up in a messy bun, with curls sticking to her face already. 

Lance nodded and grabbed a bowl to pour himself cereal. Vero was already at the table, looking just as disheveled and tired as him.

"This place is gonna be a mess tonight with mud tracks and wrapping paper and beer bottles. I don't get why we can't just clean it like we normally do," she muttered under her breath. 

"At least you're not having to deal with the roaches and spiderwebs in the garage," Lance answered through a mouthful of cereal. Vero rolled her eyes. "What time is everyone getting here, Ma?" 

"Your abuela's flight lands around three. Marco is picking her up. Everyone should be here by six." 

"So why are we awake at nine am?" Lance whispered. 

He felt a thwack on his head. "Quit complaining as if we don't do this every year," Mami chided. 

Lance winced and rubbed the back of his head. "Ay, Mami, eso dolió." 

She rubbed the spot she hit roughly and planted a quick kiss. "Hurry up, I need more hands!" 

Within an hour, everyone was scrubbing and cleaning something. Lance, as usual, was outside with his dad, sneaking in an occasional beer between mowing the lawn and sweeping the garage. Around four, Marco came honking down the street, announcing their abuela's arrival. 

As soon as she was out of the car, Lance ran to hug her. She didn't visit too often, so when she did, it was always a cause for celebration. 

"Mi tesorito!" she crooned. "Look at you, you're a grown man!" Her accent was heavy and Lance loved it. "Aren't you eating at college? Look at you, puros huesos." She poked his stomach and Lance laughed. Same old, same old. 

"Come on, abuelita, Mami's inside."

The cleaning was out of the way, but now the cooking took up their time. Lance took the job of an errand runner, passing the aluminum foil back and forth between his parents, sending chopped vegetables to his dad outside and bringing in cokes or beers for anyone who wanted one. 

The twins were watching Christmas movies on Disney, occasionally getting their cheeks pinched by Abuelita when they got up for something. 

Finally, Lance was able to sit and enjoy a drink with his brothers and his dad in the garage. They were making a large pork, and it was almost ready. The fire from it being cooked kept them warm along with the liquor in his cup. It was a new drink his dad had learned from another coworker, but it was good. Spicy and tangy, with just enough tequila to taste. It made Lance feel relaxed. 

Some of the neighbors had also stopped by either for the fire, the smell of the pork, or just in holiday spirit. So the garage was somewhat full of people. Veronica came outside with Maya, and after saying hi to everyone, they set up a long white foldable table. Veronica set up a few air heaters and then right behind them was Mami and Abuelita putting food out. Then the kids with paper plates and silverware to set the table. 

Lance didn't know why, but it made him smile. The perfect synch of his family. He took another gulp of his icy drink. 

He was thankful that the food was ready, really. Since his cereal that morning, he'd been going off of chips and beer or a mixed drink. He was getting dizzy and he already couldn't really feel the tips of his fingers. 

"You good?" He looked over at Marco who had put a hand on his shoulder. Lance nodded. "Mm. Okay. Let's eat." Lance sat down beside Nadia and Veronica. 

Even the neighbors got a plate, which answered Lance's suspicions. His dad put another plastic cup full of that red mixed drink he'd been enjoying. "I put less tequila in that. Your mami was watching."

Lance laughed and nodded. "Thanks, Pa. I'm good though. Eating will make the tipsiness go away." 

Sure enough once he started stuffing his mouth, his brain righted itself and everything came back into sharp focus. A hundred conversations were going on at once each interrupted by another and occasionally forgotten in favor of a different one. 

Lance found himself laughing loudly, the weight that he'd been carrying all week dissipating. Maya was hilarious, and the way she and Luis bounced off each other made for a dinner full of laughter and overdramatic screeches of glee.

After they'd all gotten seconds and even thirds, mami brought out dessert. A large flan and a monster tres leches cake. Lance hated that he always got stuck working outside; he wished he could watch Mami making the desserts like he used to when he was little. 

Lance had gone back to beer, which had miraculously refilled the cooler. 

"Jesus knows how to celebrate His birthday, amen," Marco said when Lance made the comment. It made them burst into laughter again. 

Once the table was full of used napkins and piled up paper plates and whatever remnants that would only last for tomorrow, the conversation had turned into little anecdotes from everyone. Mami was slightly drunk which was funny because it made her giggle at everything. While abuelita didn't like it, she didn't say anything. She just listened to all the stories and folded a napkin over and over before unfolding it and starting again. 

Lance smiled to himself. Keith did that too sometimes. 

"So we're holding the platform up, sabes? The one Meño cut his finger on. Now the boss wants three people moving it." Lance tuned back into his papá's retelling of the day he told off his boss. "No pero para esto, we got el Maricón with us, so-" 

The rest of the sentence drowned out in Lance's ears. He felt everything in his stomach church, only he wasn't about to throw up. His body simply started shaking. 

He looked at his siblings. Luis was wincing, glancing at Lance but he kept quiet. Marco hadn't caught on- he was still eating a slice of flan. Veronica was staring at the table. 

But none of them said anything. 

"Why do you have to call him that?" Lance interrupted. All eyes turned to him. Beside him Veronica subtly tugged his shirt under the table. But Lance had enough alcohol swarming in his head to make him not care for once. He always kept quiet, always let the conversation rise and fall around him, but…. He couldn't just let a slur like that pass.

"Que?"

"He has a name," Lance said, with an edge to his voice.

"Oh, please. Calm down, m'ijo. That's what everyone calls him." 

"It's not nice." Lance refused to let this go. It would be the smart thing. Nicknames that were offensive were common, and he'd probably heard his dad talk about this guy before, but…. No. If it was brushed off it made it okay and it  _ wasn't  _ okay. 

"It's what he is!" 

The anger that had been making his limbs shake all gathered as heat creeping up neck and to his face. "That's not the right word!" he shouted. 

"Lance, hey-" 

"No!" Lance shut down Marco's attempt to interfere. He was making a scene. In front of Maya. In front of neighbors. On Christmas eve. But he couldn't bring himself to care. He'd made it this far. "Just because it's what everyone nicknamed him, you think that makes it okay? You think he likes being called that?" His father narrowed his eyes. Lance never yelled at him. And now he was, and he was doing it in front of people. "Did you ever stop to think even for a second to ask him?" 

"Ay, no jodas," he finally answered back, his voice cold. Things were blurring out of focus with how angry Lance felt. He was being brushed off. "Ya cálmate. You've always been so sensitive about things." 

Something about the way he said it managed to both break Lance's heart and his resolve. 

"Que? Como si fuera maricón?" he hissed. 

"Oh my God," Veronica said under her breath. Marco awkwardly scratched the back of his head. Luis had his face in his hands. Mami was struggling to find words to defuse the situation. The neighbors shuffled around awkwardly. 

Finally Papá took a deep breath. His voice was measured, calmer. "I didn't say that, Lance." 

"You were thinking it." Lance got up, shoving the table hard enough that Luis had to push it back to keep it from tipping things over. Again, Lance couldn't bring himself to care. 

He walked toward the door to get back in the house. But he caught Nadia asking, "Papi, what's a maricón?" 

"It's a bad word, cariño. We shouldn't use it." 

Lance slammed the door behind him and went straight for his room. He felt dizzy. But the wasn't drunk dizzy. It was… fear and anger and confusion. 

The guilt began to gnaw at him. Regret about saying anything. He'd embarrassed his family. His abuelita saw him lose it. And Nadia and Sylvio…. Lance only caught a glimpse, but they'd looked afraid. Of course, he'd fuck up Christmas dinner. 

There was a knock at his door and without him saying anything, he heard it creak open. 

"M'ijo?" 

"I'm sorry, Mami. I know I shouldn't have done that, I just…. He wasn't listening." 

There was a sigh, then he felt a hand at his shoulder. "Where did that come from?" 

Another churn in his gut. Except this time, instead of blurting things out, he kept grinding his teeth together to make sure he shut up. 

_ I like boys. I'm seeing a boy. I've fallen head over heels for a boy.  _ He imagined himself saying those sentences aloud and winced at the idea. 

"Lance?" 

He shook his head and did something pathetic. 

"I have a friend. Roland. He's gay and he got kicked out of his home for it. So…. It touches a nerve to hear slurs and jokes." Lance cheeks burned. That was a cowardly move. But he wasn't ready. He'd fucked up enough. 

"Ay, dios mio," she whispered. "What kind of parents…? Is he okay?" 

Lance sniffed. "Yeah he's been crashing with Hunk." 

"Ah. Is Hunk…?" 

Lance actually laughed at that. Wrong person. Although…. "Um no. Not that I know of at least. But you never know. People find out at different rates." He panicked again and added, "That's what happened to Roland. He just came to terms with it. So." 

Her hand tousled his hair. "I understand why you got upset, m'ijo. But you can't talk to your papá like that." Lance sighed. "It's Christmas eve. Come on and have fun with your family. Dance with me! I'm tipsy enough not to notice if you step on my toes." 

Lance looked at her. Her eyes were big and slightly glazed. Her smile was still warm. Her cheeks were red from the beer and the cold. "You drunk, Mami?" Would she even remember what happened the next day?

She gasped and pinched his arm. "Claro que no. You know I don't get drunk. Nada Nadamas ando happy." Lance rolled his eyes and smiled. "Well, are you gonna dance with me or not?" 

Lance winced, but he let her take his hand and lead him out of his room. 

In the garage, the table had been folded back up. The neighbors were dancing and Sylvio and Nadia were both dancing with Marco. Vero danced with Papi and Luis with Maya. Salsa played loudly and had them all twirling, narrowly missing hitting each other. 

No one seemed to give Lance a second look when he came back. Just a quick smile as they moved to make more room for dancing. 

So he danced. With stiff posture, and continuously looking down at his feet, and steps just a fraction of a second behind. But no matter how awkward he was when it came to dancing, his family loved to dance with him. His abuelita danced with him next. Her steps were always smaller, so that at least made it a little easier for Lance. 

"Eres un buen muchacho, tesorito. Don't let that change." Somehow her compliment sounded and felt like a reprimand. "Ahora, let me sit, my knees are hurting." Lance chuckled and helped her sit. 

Surprisingly, Maya came up to him next. "Oh, I'm really not a great dancer-" 

She laughed. "It's okay, neither am I. I only look good because Luis is a good lead. Come on, it's rude to leave a lady without dancing. Haven't you read Pride & Prejudice?" 

Lance perked up a bit and laughed. "Of course," he answered, taking her hand. "Not many people have though." 

"I'm a bookworm. Luis found me reading it when we first met and he tried to-" 

"Ohh, I remember," Lance said with a wince. "He came to me asking me about it once, but I just told him to watch the movie because I thought he was messing with me. He was trying to impress you." 

She laughed and nodded. "He made a fool of himself, he was so confused. But it was cute. So I told him I'd go on a date with him if he actually read the book." 

"He stole my copy," Lance muttered. Maya giggled and looked back at Luis where he was dancing with Mami now. "You really love him, huh?" 

"Not everyone is willing to read a classic novel for a date. He makes me so happy. Anytime something good or bad happens, he's the first person I want to tell. I can't believe we've dated as long as we have and I still get butterflies when he looks at me." Lance smiled at her. He knew she was practically part of the family now. "And hey, I wanted to thank you. For speaking up earlier. I'm bisexual, so seeing you call your dad out on it…." She shrugged. But Lance had stopped dancing. 

He froze right there, staring at her in disbelief. "D-does Luis know?" 

She smiled. "He knows about my past partners. I don't know if he fully understood then, but I did find him googling terms a few weeks ago." Her eyes met his, and honestly Lance couldn't tell if she knew or not. "You did a good thing. Even if family dynamics will want to make it out to be a disrespectful one. Just know I really appreciated it." 

He nodded. He felt a surge of gratitude that she'd trusted him with that information. That she'd thanked him. That Luis hadn't told her just because she's his girlfriend. 

Maya gave herself a spin and suddenly, he was pulled back to reality. "And you say you can't dance," she said punching his shoulder lightly. 

Lance had about enough of dancing so he went to sit down and mull over the new information. Veronica sat beside him and kicked his leg lightly. 

"You okay?" Lance nodded. "For a second I thought you were gonna come out just for spite." Lance snorted and shook his head. "Well. I took a cute video of you and mami dancing. On an unrelated note, I need Keith's number." 

"Don't even think about it, Vero!" 

She laughed and tousled his hair. Her eyes skimmed the area. "You excited to go see him?" 

Lance smiled and nodded. "I know we talk every night, but…. I think especially after having to pretend I'm not with anyone, it just makes me want to be with him." Veronica gave him a funny little look. "What?" 

"You light up when you talk about him. It's cute." Lance blushed. "What'd you tell Mami after all?" 

"Half of the truth. I'm gonna go see Hunk and Pidge because Hunk is gonna have a little get together." Veronica smirked. "Which means you're going with me, by the way." 

"You don't have to take me-" 

"Well I want to. Unless you wanna spend the days hanging with Mami and Abuelita. Which you can, I just… figured you'd like a chance to let loose without worrying about them, y'know? Plus I'm pretty sure my friends think you're cooler than me." 

Veronica laughed and nodded. She didn't need to know that Mami had been worried about how much time she spent home. That Mami had asked Lance to take her with him so she could get out and have some fun too.she didn't need to. It wasn't a burden for Lance to have her come along. 

Throughout the night, Lance tried to keep more to himself. He danced with Nadia and played cards with Sylvio before they were ushered to sleep so Santa could come. At one point, his father wordlessly offered him a another beer, and Lance took it. He knew it was a peace offering of sorts. As if nothing had happened. Because that was the best Lance could hope for at that moment. By midnight, he was able to slip to the darkness of the front yard to call Keith. 

"I was just about to call you," he said as soon as he picked up. Merry Christmas, babe." 

"Merry Christmas, príncipe. Did you celebrate already?" 

"No we celebrate tomorrow. Based on the loud music in the background, I take it you celebrated today?" 

Lance laughed. "Yeah we did. It's pretty fun. Music, drinking, family drama, the ushe." Keith laughed softly. "I owe you a kiss under the mistletoe." 

"I've never had one of those," Keith answered. "I'm holding you to it." Lance smiled to himself. "Are you still coming on Wednesday?" 

"Absolutely. I'm taking Vero too for the mini party Hunk's throwing."

"Oh. Okay." 

"Something wrong?" Lance bit his lip, wondering why it would bother Keith to have Vero there. 

"No! No, I'm sorry, it did sound like…. No, I just… I was hoping we could stay the night together, but I don't wanna make her uncomfortable or something." 

Lance laughed and felt a smile stretch on his face. "I mean, I don't think she'd mind. We just can't do any of the fun stuff." 

"Aw, you mean… no cuddles?" Lance laughed loudly, covering his mouth to muffle it. "I'm kidding. Yeah, I wasn't…. It's not like I'm just looking forward to seeing you for sex. I just miss you." 

"Then of course you can still stay the night with me. I plan to cash in the cuddles I've missed." 

Keith laughed on the other end. "I'll be happy to pay up." There was a brief pause in which Lance simply basked in his affection for Keith, and he thought Keith was doing the same. Until he spoke again. "So how has today gone for you? In terms of grief?" 

"What?" 

Keith's voice took on a hesitant quality. "Just… have you been okay? Today? Have you… missed her? A-Allura." 

Lance's heart clenched. He knew what it meant for Keith to start this conversation. He knew what it cost him to say her name sometimes. But he was trying. He was trying so hard, and Lance just wanted to kiss him. 

"I've been good today. I miss her a bit, especially seeing Luis with Maya. Last Christmas was really rough. But it hasn't felt like grief today, just… nostalgia." Keith hummed. "Thank you for asking me, mi vida. It means a lot." 

"I told you I was gonna be better about this. I meant it. No one…." Keith hesitated, and Lance gave him time to gather himself. "No one has ever tried as hard for me as you…. So I'm gonna try for you like I've never tried for anyone before." 

"Keith…." Lance felt a knot I'm his throat. "God, I wish I could hold you right now." 

"Soon, sweetheart. But hey, go celebrate with your family. I don't wanna take you away too much. I miss you. And I can't wait to see you again." 

"I miss you too. I'll be in your arms before you know it," he said, echoing Keith's words from the last time they were together. 

Keith chuckled. "Bye, pretty boy." 

"Bye, koala." He hung up and looked at the sky. He was freezing, but he wanted this moment. This moment of background Spanish music, drunken laughter, and a dark sky full of clouds. Because until that moment, Lance hadn't realized that he hadn't experienced any sort of pain over Allura. And for once it didn't feel like forgetting. 

He  _ had  _ thought of her. It just hadn't caused a suffocating pain in him this time. 

"Hey. You good?" Lance turned and saw Marco leaning against the mailbox. 

"Yeah. Yeah, I really am." 

\---

Mami made the sign of the cross twice on each of them. "Be careful. Text me when you get there. And tell Hunk and Pidge they're welcome to visit. I haven't seen them since your birthday." 

"I will, Mami. And we'll be careful, no worries," Lance said. There was a small voice of guilt in the back of his brain. But he hadn't told any lies. He just held back some information. 

"We should go. Traffic will get rough if we dont leave soon," Vero said. 

Lance gave Mami a kiss on the cheek before heading to the car. Vero got in and immediately plugged the aux cord into her phone to play music. 

It was early enough that they avoided major traffic, which let them arrive about 15 minutes earlier than usual. But instead of heading straight home, he kept driving and waited for the exit to Keith's place. 

"You really can't wait, huh?" Vero said from the passenger seat. Lance ignored her. 

He finally pulled up to Keith's driveway, behind Adam's car and the car Keith started using. Veronica followed behind him as he started for the door. 

He knocked a couple times before standing back, nervously shifting his weight from the balls of his feet to his heels. 

Finally, the door opened to a shirtless Shiro that made Veronica squeak behind him. Lance couldn't blame her; the guy was ripped. Shiro smiled and opened the door further. 

"Hey! I didn't know you were coming today. Keith just got out of the shower, come in." Lance and Veronica walked in and sat on the couch. "He'll be out soon. Veronica, right?" Veronica nodded and shook his hand. 

"Where's Adam?" 

"Still asleep," Shiro said. "Oh, before Keith gets here…." Shiro went to the kitchen and ruffled through a drawer. He came back with an envelope and handed it over. "Here you go. I hope they're okay for whatever you're gonna do." 

Lance smiled and nodded. "We'll find out! Vero. Can you put these in your bag?" Vero took the envelope and tucked it away as they heard the sound of a door shutting. Lance stood up to stand near the hallway, hidden from view. 

"Shiro, how do I get the stupid wrap- holy shit!" Lance pounced to wrap his arms around him, lifting him from the ground, which made Keith kick and squirm as the shock overwhelmed him. Then he seemed to refocus and realize who was holding him. "Lance!" 

"Hey, baby." 

"Lance!" Keith said again, this time through laughter. "Oh my God, Lance!" He squirmed to get his arms around Lance, burying his face in the crook of Lance's neck. 

Lance let him down and hugged him just as tightly. "Miss me?" 

"So much," Keith said without hesitating. He pulled back and grabbed Lance's face between his hands, planting a hard, determined kiss on his lips. 

Just before Lance could immerse himself completely in it, he heard Shiro clear his throat. "Keith, bud, there's another visitor." 

They pulled away, both blushing like crazy as they turned to look at Veronica. 

"Oh, hey! That's right, Lance told me you were coming." He peeled away from Lance hold and went to greet her. "Why didn't you guys tell me you were on your way?" 

"Duh. I wanted to surprise you." Lance kissed his cheek. 

Keith chuckled and nudged him. "Well, mission accomplished. Just give me one sec." Keith pulled away and whispered something to Shiro. Shiro rolled his eyes and went back down the hallway. "So, what do you guys have planned for today before the party?" 

"Nothing really. I'm pretty sure Lance planned on spending all day with you," Veronica said. 

"What did I do to you? Why must you betray me so?" Lance asked. Veronica laughed as Keith squeezed his hand. 

"Okay, well, I gotta get my stuff. I'll be right back." He kissed him again and disappeared down the hall as well. 

Lance sat down next to Veronica who smiled smugly at him. "Shut up," he mumbled, himself blush. Veronica smiled wider. "Shut up!" 

"Aw, c'mon it's cute. You're both like little lovesick puppies and it's disgustingly adorable." Lance rolled his eyes and waited for Keith to get back. 

When he did, he had a duffel bag in his hand. The other immediately found its place intertwined with Lance's. 

After a quick goodbye to Shiro, the three of them got into Lance's car. In the time it took to get there, Veronica told Keith about their holidays, thankfully excluding that outburst during dinner, and Keith listened, running his hand through Lance's hair from where he sat in the back seat. 

When they got home, Lance excused himself to go take a shower so he could get ready for the party. Keith seemed a bit nervous about being alone with Veronica, but he nodded.

"Can you put my bag in your room?" Veronica asked.

Lance took it, barely containing his smile. He rushed off to his room and grabbed the album and the envelope of photos that were safely tucked in the bag. He went into the bathroom and sat on the floor, getting to work on filling up the album. 

The photos were in chronological order thanks to Shiro. One with the agent Keith had since he was little. She was crouching down to hug him and Keith had a shy little smile. Lance wondered how old he was there. 

Then there was a gap. The next he saw was an unsmiling Keith with the Shiroganes. Even Shiro looked incredibly younger. After that they became candids. Shiro had taken to doing what Lance had and snapped secret photos when he could of Keith's happy moments. 

When he got his motorcycle. When he graduated. A photo hugging his parents. He even managed one of Keith talking to Karina at the dinner the week before. There was something about the joy in his face when he didn't know there was a camera on him. 

Lance grabbed the ones he had printed out from his own backpack of essentials. Together on the ferris wheel. An extra copy of their photo booth pictures. A couple where Lance tried to be aesthetic and snapped photos of their hands or their shadows. A few selfies in the late nights when Keith fell asleep before him. 

There were still many blank pages. But Lance thought the ones he'd managed to fill said a lot. Even if there was so much missing. 

He went back into his room and put the album into a gift bag he'd brought with him before stuffing it with crinkly paper. The gift made him nervous. He wasn't sure if it would have enough happiness to balance out the bitterness he knew might permeate the memories. But he also wanted Keith to know…. Lance bit his lip, already knowing he'd be rambling when he gave it to him. 

He put the gift on the corner of his desk, figuring he'd give it to Keith at the end of the night just in case. Then he finally went to take a damn shower. 

Once he was showered and changed, he went to the living and found Keith and Veronica huddled together, looking at Veronica's phone. Keith was smiling wide, his eyes full of mirth when they met Lance's as he walked in. 

Keith let out a wolf whistle. It was playful enough, but the way his eyes raked over him made Lance suppress a shiver. 

"What are you looking at?" Lance asked, ignoring the flush in his face. 

"Nothing," Veronica said, putting her phone away. "Can I use your room to change?" Lance nodded, eyeing her suspiciously. She hurried down the hallway, leaving Lance with Keith. 

Wordlessly, Keith extended a hand to him. Lance took it and immediately felt himself get pulled toward him. Lance gasped, before he gathered himself and found himself half on Keith's lap and half on the sofa. 

"So… I have a gift for you," Keith said softly. "But I don't know if I should give it to you now or not." 

"I have one for you too," Lance murmured, his lips close to Keith's jaw. "But I want to give it to you later. After the party." 

"Then that's when we'll exchange." Keith ran his fingertips from Lance's cheekbone down to his lips. "Now how about an uninterrupted kiss?" 

Lance smiled and immediately leaned forward, his hand pushing into Keith's hair and finding their place at the nape of his neck. He hadn't realized how badly he'd needed this. After the stress of watching what he said at home and feeling torn between grief and guilt and anger and small arguments that amounted to nothing… this peace he found as his lips moved in synch with Keith's was everything he needed for his soul to breathe. 

Here in his arms, he could be himself. Here with Keith, he felt no guilt, no shame, no worry. This feeling was good. It was pure and it was… healing. 

Keith pulled back slightly, letting their noses brush against each other's. He gave Lance a gentle smile and sighed. 

"We've come a long way, haven't we?" Lance whispered. He remembered the days when Keith waited for Lance to make the first move. Waited for cues from him. He remembered when all the comfort was for Keith. When this open expression his face was rare and often followed by a wall coming back up to lock Lance out. 

Now he was welcomed with a smile and open arms. And Lance had laid everything out for Keith. No more facades or secrets. Just them. 

"Yeah. We really have." Keith kissed his forehead and pulled him closer so Lance could tuck his head against his shoulder. "There's so much good that's happened to me lately which I owe to you," Keith murmured. Lance furrowed his eyebrows, but Keith just chuckled.

Veronica came back all dressed up in a sparkly mid thigh sweater and dark tights with her hair pinned back in twists.

"Ooh, look at you, manita." 

"Shut up. I don't go out much, so when I do I go big, okay?" 

"No, I'm serious you look great!" Lance insisted. He wondered when the last time she went out even was. He had a bad feeling he knew the answer. "Hunk's get together isn't for another few hours, so do you guys wanna watch TV?" Lance asked. 

They ended up watching a few episodes of a crime series before they got their jackets and headed out. Hunk's place wasn't too far from Lance's, so even though they left pretty last minute, they were on time. 

Hunk's apartment was decked out with colorful Christmas lights, a small Christmas tree surrounded by gifts, and the smell of freshly baked cookies in the air. 

"Oh man, Hunk! This place is like Christmas wonderland!" Lance said, immediately moving to hug him. "Merry Christmas, man." 

"Merry Christmas!" Hunk ushered him in and greeted Keith and Veronica with hugs. "Matt and Pidge are on their way. Alexa said she'd be here soon." 

"Since when is Alexa part of the friend group?" Veronica asked in surprise, with maybe a bit too much distaste in her tone. 

"Well… she's Roland's closest friend, so…. I mean he's staying here so it's only fair to invite someone he knows." Hunk frowned and furrowed his eyebrows. "Is it a problem?" 

"No. No it's fine. Sorry I didn't mean to sound so aggressive." 

"Uh. Speaking of Roland, where is he?" Lance asked. 

"He went out to bring more hot chocolate. He and Pidge have me make some every night so we were out." 

Lance shared a look with Keith. It was kind of weird to think of Roland becoming so close with his friends. "Well, pass me the aux cord, you know I'm the best at choosing music!" Lance said, wanting to ignore the discomfort. This was a holiday. 

Hunk laughed and gestured him over to the speaker so they could get the bluetooth working. 

Then Christmas music filled the space and made the place impossibly cozier. 

Veronica had moved to look at the desserts Hunk made while Keith sat on the couch, his eyes on Lance. Hunk went to his room to bring out some games, and Keith took the chance to get closer to Lance. 

"Hey, you okay? With Roland…. And Alexa?" 

"Yeah, of course. Look, it's… awkward, yeah. But the guy doesn't have his family to spend time with. And I love Alexa. It's Veronica who didn't like her much, but she'll be fine." Keith hummed and stared at Lance. "Honest. I mean it. I just don't know how affectionate I can be with Roland near. Or if he even likes being around me." 

"Yeah…. I'll talk to him-" 

"No, Keith, it's okay," Lance reassured. "Just… let's enjoy our little holiday party and our time together right now." Keith relented and pulled Lance into his arms just as a knock at the door pulled their attention. 

Hunk answered and Pidge and Matt came in wearing ugly… Hanukkah sweaters? They had excessive sequins outlining a menorah and little lights on the candles. 

Hunk hugged them each and let them in. 

"Hey stranger!" Lance said when he hugged Matt. "I haven't seen you in forever!" 

"I know! We gotta catch up. Who's this?" Matt turned to Keith and shook his hand. 

"Um. Well, he's… we're…." Lance looked at Keith helplessly, but Keith just laughed. 

"They're screwing and they go on dates but they're not official," Pidge said, coming up to hug Keith. "Right, boys?" 

"Technically…," Keith muttered. 

"Oh. Well cool! Nice to meet you, man." Matt shook Keith's hand and just like that, the moment passed. 

Lance looked at Keith who just laughed and shrugged. 

The door opened again. "Hey, Hunk I brought two because I wasn't sure- Oh! Hey, Pidge!" Lance couldn't help but gape. He'd never seen Roland… smile. But as he greeted Pidge and met Matt then went to give Hunk the bag of stuff he'd bought, he had a wide smile and… seemed friendly. 

Hunk gestured over and Roland turned to look at them. While his smile dimmed a bit, he still seemed much happier than usual. 

He walked over and Lance felt himself shrink. The guilt crawling into him made him wonder if he should step away from Keith. Unnecessary jealousy made him notice the way Keith's eyes followed him cautiously and the way Roland's raked over Keith. 

While Lance had his own moment of panic, Roland was already greeting Keith with an awkward little hand shake. 

"Merry Christmas, guys." Roland looked at Lance, and while he didn't make a move to shake his hand, he did offer a smile. 

"Merry Christmas, man," Lance said. "You doing okay here?" 

Roland's eyes lit up again. "Yeah! For sure. Hunk's a great roommate and since I'm helping pay rent he says I don't have to move out. May as well finish school then look for a place. I just hope I don't get on his nerves." 

Another knock at the door pulled Roland away. Alexa came in and he greeted her with a tight hug. Before she even had a chance to go say hi to them, Veronica came up to Lance with a beer in her hand. "I dunno about you guys, but I'm ready to get trashed." 

"Wha- wait, does that make me DD?" Lance asked with a pout. Veronica stared at him as she chugged half of her beer before putting it down and scrunching her face for a second. "Despicable," he mumbled. 

"I brought Cards Against Humanity, so every sit your asses down and let's see who has the sickest humor," Pidge announced. 

"Pidge, you know what I think about that game," Hunk whined. 

"For someone who's won the last dozen times we've played, you complain a lot." 

"Damn. I'll challenge that," Alexa said. "We sitting in the floor or the table?" 

"Floor because the table is for snacks and drinks," Roland answered. "Let's just push the couches aside."

Before long, they were seated in a lopsided circle with stacks of cards being dealt out. "Who goes first?" 

"Our host should!" Lance said. Hunk grumbled and picked up a black card. 

The game began and immediately exposed some twisted humor. Lance managed to pick up on a few styles to better play his cards, but with such a big group it was hard. 

Keith and Hunk had won most of Roland's rounds. Lance started winning Alexa's after he figured out she was a sucker for any joke about being gay or anything relating to kinky sex. Alexa had most of Veronica's which the latter wasn't too happy about at first, at least until the alcohol started hitting. Of course, Matt and Pidge had most of each other's. While Lance had several of Keith's and Hunk's, Roland was close on his tail. 

"You and Roland have such a similar sense of humor that it's driving me nuts, you immature dorks," Hunk mumbled, sliding his card over. Lance snorted and waited for everyone to pile their cards. He was tipsy enough by that point not to give much attention to his muddled feelings about Roland. 

Roland was laughing at every card at that point, munching on cookies as he drank from a mixed drink in a plastic cup. "How long've we been playing?" 

"Like two hours," Alexa said. "I don't think I've ever played this long. Okay, okay, who wins?"

Lance read the cards aloud, stifling laughter as he read each one. "God you guys are dumb. Okay. Um…. I drink to forget..." Lance looked over them again. "I gotta go with giving birth to the antichrist because that's just…. I mean what the fu-" Lance fell back with laughter, suddenly overwhelmed with how hilarious the card was to him. 

"Hell yeah, motherfuckers I won again!" Alexa said. "Gimme card!" 

"I need a break from this, I can only take so much crude humor," Pidge said, sprawled on the floor. "I want spiked eggnog."

A chorus of ew's made her flip everyone off. 

Veronica hiccupped. "Gotta pee again, be back." 

"Your sister is wasted," Alexa said with a smirk.

"Far from it," Vero snapped. She stepped around them to get to the bathroom as Hunk got up to bring them more food. 

As tipsy as Lance was, being near Keith was too tempting. He couldn't just sit there a foot away from him. He'd spent long enough away from him and missing him, and now he just wanted to be able to touch him. 

So he leaned over and kissed his cheek. Evidently, Keith wasn't expecting it if the little jump he did said anything. He looked at Lance and smiled. "Hey, sweetheart. You doing okay?" 

"Mhm. Just wanna…." Lance shrugged and nuzzled in closer until Keith put an arm around him. 

"You're warm. Let's go out on the balcony." Lance didn't care where they went. He just wanted to be with Keith. He let Keith lead him to the balcony, and the chill snapped Lance out of his stupor for a moment. "Cold?" He nodded, so Keith brought him into his arms. 

"Kiss me." 

Keith smiled and pressed Lance against the railing, arms securely around him as he leaned in to kiss him. 

Lance didn't let him pull away. He cupped his face and kept him close, kissing him again whenever Keith pulled back. Keith laughed against his lips. "I need to breathe, pretty boy," he said turning his head. Lance simply began kissing his neck. "Oh man. You're a touchy drunk." 

"Just wanna be with you. So tired of watching what I say." Keith hummed and used one hand to get Lance to look at him. "I like you so much it's stupid." 

Keith smirked. "You become so eloquent when you drink." 

Lance rolled his eyes, but it made him dizzy again. "Would you just…." He sighed and leaned against Keith. It felt like his whole body was bursting with everything he felt for Keith, and there was no way words or actions could show it. Ever. And that frustrated him. And it frustrated him that he couldn't show the world, that he'd been too cowardly to just tell his parents, that the most he could manage was snapping at his dad for using a stupid word. 

"Hey…. What's wrong?" Lance grumbled and shook his head before hiding in Keith's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laughed at you." Again Lance shook his head. His head wasn't in a space where he could articulate his emotions. "I like you a lot too. But I don't think it's stupid. I think it's the smartest thing I've ever done." 

" _ Ke-eith."  _ Lance wiggled closer, making Keith squirm and laugh. "And you say I'm the sap." 

He felt a hand course through his hair. It soothed him. Grounded him. "We should get back inside so we don't freeze," Keith whispered. Lance nodded, but they didn't move. They just stood there in the cold, listening to the cars pass and the wind blow. "I know what you're gonna say after I say this, but I wanna say it anyway." Keith spoke into his ear. "But you really shouldn't feel bad that you haven't told your parents about me. Your family matters a lot to you and I don't want the time you spend with them tainted by guilt because of me." 

"It's not-" 

"I know." Keith pulled back and kissed him softly. "I know. But you can't tell me it's not part of the reason." Lance frowned and slouched against him. "Right now though, you're with me. And that's enough." 

"Yeah. It is." Lance kissed him again. 

The door to the balcony opened and Hunk told them to come inside for actual food. "We need something salty after all that sugar and all those drinks." 

"Yeah we'll be right there," Keith said. Hunk closed the door, and Keith turned to Lance. "You okay?" 

Lance nodded. "I'm good. But… one more kiss." Keith laughed, but of course he obliged.

They went back inside, hand in hand. Hunk was serving everyone some spaghetti which Lance thought was not a very Christmassy food. Still, the smell made him scarf it down before he even knew he was eating it. Which didn’t make much sense but in his head it did. 

Most of them were on their second serving as they sat around the TV to watch a movie. A classic, really. 

"Fun fact- we learned that dance for shits and giggles," Alexa said. 

"No way. You know the Jingle Bell Rock dance?" Matt asked. 

"Oh not just me," she answered with a sly smile. Her eyes drifted to Roland and Keith. 

A chorus of gasps and whoops from the others had Keith going red. Lance shook him. "You gotta dance! You gotta! Please?" 

"I don't think-" 

"Let's do it! I'm drunk enough, fuck it," Roland said as he got up. Hunk and Pidge cheered him on. Alexa stood up excitedly and pulled him toward her. 

"Come on, Keith, we can't do it with just two," Alexa said. 

"We can't do it with just three either," he pointed out. "It's four people." 

Alexa rolled her eyes and slouched. Lance scrambled to his feet. "I wanna learn! Teach me!" 

Hunk, Pidge, Matt, and Vero laughed, but encouraged him with whoops. Alexa and Roland stood on either side of him to talk him through the steps as Keith watched with an amused smile. 

"You gotta drop! Drop!" Roland said between laughs. 

"I can't dance!" Lance answered as he plopped to the ground. Before long everyone was trying to learn the famous Mean Girls dance, tripping over themselves and completely forgetting the movie was on to begin with. 

Lance tripped again on a turn and Roland caught him with a laugh. He helped him get back on his feet, then kept staring at him. His smile slowly got smaller until his expression was suddenly somber. 

"Y'know, I get why he likes you so much," he said softly. Lance furrowed his eyebrows and looked around. Keith was helping Pidge learn the moves, oblivious. He turned back to Roland, his eyes still locked on him. "You're really great. And your friends are too. And you're everything he's always wanted." 

"Where is this coming from?" Lance asked, trying not to step away. 

Roland shrugged. "From being drunk. I know you don't need my blessing or anything like that but- It's stupid I'm just-" Roland groaned. "It still… hurts. But it's at least easier to handle because… you're a good person. Not just to him but in general. To everyone. To me. You didn't have to help him look for me when I disappeared, you didn't have to help me or let your friends help me, you didn't have to have my back when we were at the competition, and…. And he's so happy with you. He deserves that." 

Lance's focus became sharper the more Roland talked. Words fell from his mouth desperately like he needed to get it all out while he was vulnerable. "Let's step outside for a bit. Clear your head," Lance offered, nudging him toward the door that led to the balcony. 

They stepped out into the chill. Lance shivered, but Roland just leaned against the railing.

"I'm not stupid," Roland continued. "I know you guys hold back around me. And while I appreciate it…. You don't have to. Keith has had to hold himself back a lot already, and he really shouldn't have to with you  _ especially  _ around me, so…. So don't." His voice was shaking and it made Lance's stomach twist. "You're really cool, man. And I'm glad he has you. I'm glad he didn't end up with another asshole like me. It might be a lot to ask you, I know, but… it would be cool to be… it would be nice to be cool with you. Since your best friends are kind of my only friends and…. But I get if you don't want me around. So really it's… whatever." 

Lance waited to be sure Roland was done talking. "Can I ask you something?" Roland nodded. "You still like him, don't you?" 

Roland scoffed and smiled at the street lights. "You want an honest answer?" Lance raised an eyebrow. Roland let out a breath which Lance could see in the air. "The truth is… I loved him." Lance clenched his jaw. "I fell in love with him, and it was the first time I'd felt anything that strong. But it wasn't enough. I didn't love him right or enough or…. I fucked up too much. I fucked him over a lot. It's hard to get rid of that feeling no matter how hard I try to forget it. And maybe it's not as strong anymore, but it's there." Lance swallowed and crossed his arms. "It's because of what I felt for him though… that I'm happy he's with you now. I'd rather have to see him happier than he ever was with me with someone good and kind like you, even if I have to be reminded of it all the time." 

"Well. Thanks for being honest…." Roland shrugged and sniffed. "You make me uneasy. It sucks sometimes to be reminded of what he had with you. He told me what it was like. How much he liked you. I'm scared he'll feel it again." 

Roland shook his head. "He won't. Trust me." 

"You don't know that. Neither do I. Neither does Keith. Okay, I thought I'd never wanna be with anyone again much less a guy and here I am. Hearts are fucking weird." Roland laughed at that for a split second before covering his mouth. Then their eyes met and they were both laughing. Awkwardly, but honestly. "But I know you're a good guy too. Hunk tells me about some of the stuff you guys do. How you help each other study. How you bring him and Pidge food sometimes." Something about the way Roland turned away made Lance curious. "Look, I think it'd be nice to be cool with you too. I just figured you didn't like me." 

"I used to wish I could hate you. But you're too fucking nice." 

Lance laughed and shrugged. "Just… promise you won't try to take him away from me. He means a lot to me." 

Roland looked back at him and nodded. "I wouldn't do that. He deserves better than what I gave him. Than what I was able to offer." Lance sighed. Roland held out his hand. "So… cool?" 

Lance waited for an instinct to tell him to turn away. For some voice in the back of his head telling him not to trust Roland. But there was nothing. 

He put his hand in Roland's and shook it. "Yeah. Cool." Roland smiled and nodded. "Another question, though." 

Roland rolled his eyes. "What?" 

"My sister think you have a thing with Hunk." 

Roland raised an eyebrow. But even with just streetlights, Lance could see the way Roland's pale cheeks turned red. "That's not a question." 

"Well. Do you? Or… do you like him? The way you reacted a bit ago…." 

Roland chuckled and poked the toe of his shoe through the bars on the railing. "That transparent, huh?" 

Lance felt a weight settle on his chest. "Oh. Dude…. Hunk-" 

"Is straight. Has a thing for Pidge. Yeah. I know." He shrugged. "I think I might just be really sad and like… crush on the first guy who's genuinely nice to me, y'know?" Lance bit his lip, searching for something to say. "Relax. I won't do anything. Or say anything. But you can't either. Not even to Keith or your sister." 

"That's fair. I won't say anything." Roland nodded. "Um. Can we go back inside? I'm kind of freezing my ass off." 

Roland chuckled. "Go ahead. I'm gonna stay out here. I like looking at the clouds at night." 

"I'll ask Hunk for a blanket I can br-" 

"It's fine. Thanks." 

Lance cleared his throat and nodded. "Okay. I'll see you in a bit then." Lance went back inside and saw the others dancing with drinks in their hands, laughing and stumbling over each other. 

Except Keith. Keith was by the door to the balcony, his eyes on Lance. "Everything okay?" 

"Yeah. Did you hear anything?" 

"No. Should I have?" 

Lance smiled and took his hands. "Mm. I know we have a no secrets rule, but… I don't think it's for me to tell. Out of respect for Roland." 

Keith nodded. "That's fair. But nothing… bad? Nothing I should worry about?" Lance shook his head. "Okay. You seem a little more sober now." 

"Yeah, serious heart to hearts and December nights are good at sobering you up." 

Keith laughed and nodded. "Well. Come here." He tugged on Lance's hand and led him to the kitchen entrance. 

"What is it?" Keith smiled and looked up. Lance followed his gaze and felt a smile spread on his lips. 

He looked back at Keith and found violet eyes on him. "I believe I was promised a-" 

Lance didn't let him finish. He put a hand at the back of this neck and pulled him into a kiss, smiling all the while. Keith's hands rested on his hips and slowly slid around him in an embrace. 

When they pulled apart, all Lance could focus on was Keith and that wonderful smile on his face. To know he caused that, to know he made Keith smile this way was surreal. 

"I feel like I'm seeing for the first time when I look at you. Like I'm breathing for the first time when you look at me." 

Keith let out a soft breath and touched Lance's cheek lightly. "You have a way with words, pretty boy." 

Lance bit his lip. But Keith didn't push. He just kissed him softly and wrapped his arm around him. 

When Roland came back in, they were in the middle of a giant game of UNO that he was immediately incorporated to. For a few more hours, the group continued to drink leisurely, catching up or getting to know each other. Veronica was ten times more talkative since she was drunk, meanwhile Lance only got more sober. He knew he had to give Keith his gift, and he wanted to be completely coherent for it. 

It wasn’t long before Pidge had knocked out on the couch and the group had calmed down enough to just sit and listen to some music Alexa put on. 

“We should get going,” Keith whispered, yawning as he leaned against Lance. 

“Yep. Lemme get my sister.” 

Veronica was splayed out on the floor, nodding along to the music and mumbling the words under her breath. Lance nudged her, but she only sang louder. He pulled her up as she kept singing and tried to smooth her hair out. 

“I’m gonna have such a bad hangover in the morning,” Veronica said, rubbing her face. 

“No worries, manita, I got you. But we need to go.” He stayed beside her in case she lost her balance and started saying goodbye to his friends. “I’ll see you guys next year!” 

“You’re lame for using that joke!” Alexa called after him.

Keith laughed behind him as he followed Lance out. Lance still had Keith drive just in case. 

It was almost three in the morning by the time they got back to the apartment. Veronica immediately crawled onto the couch and fell asleep. Lance brought a blanket out for her and put a trashcan next to her as well as a bottle of water on the coffee table. He tugged her shoes off and took off her glasses for her and set them off to the side. 

When he pulled away, he saw Keith looking at him fondly. “What?” 

“Nothing.” 

Lance chuckled. “What, is there something attractive about me tucking in my drunk sister?” 

Keith laughed and took his hand. “Come on, I have a gift to give you.”

Lance let him lead the way to the bedroom and tried not to feel nervous about his own gift. Lance shut the door softly, leaving the hallway light on in case Veronica needed the bathroom at night. He grabbed the bag on his desk as Keith dug through his duffel bag. 

He pulled out a neatly wrapped gift with a bow on top. He walked over to Lance and kissed him softly. “Can I go first?” Lance nodded. “I have no idea how you’ll take this. But I really wanted to give you something… important.” Lance took a breath and nodded. Keith handed the gift to him, taking the bag from Lance. “Go ahead. I’ll explain when you open it.” 

Lance was careful about opening it. He liked keeping the paper intact for some reason, and it was wrapped so neatly, he couldn’t bring himself to tear it apart. 

A nice blue cover stared back at him.  _ Extravagaria  _ by Pablo Neruda. 

“I’m not… really familiar with poetry, so I had to look up stuff on like… books sites and blogs and…. You said he was one of your favorites. And the first poem you read to me was by him. I didn’t see it on your bookshelf, so…. I thought you might like it.” Lance smiled and started to speak before Keith shook his head. “Before you say anything…. Look at what’s under it.” 

Lance moved the book and realized there was something else underneath. 

A leatherbound journal with the image of a seashore, half receding foamy waves, half walked-on wet sand. “A journal….” 

Keith licked his lips and nodded. “I told you… you should write again. And I know you don’t want to right now, but if you ever do… I thought you might like a fresh journal. Where you could start wherever you wanted to. No old poems, no old writings at all, just… brand new for a new start. Whenever you’re ready.” Keith shrugged. “Maybe it’ll still be about her. Maybe not. But… me giving this to you is me trying to remind you that I’ll be okay with either. Whatever you want to create. I support you.” 

“Keith….” Lance stared at the journal and sat down on his bed. He traced a shaking finger over the cover. “It’s beautiful.” 

“That poem you read to me- you said it was about how much Neruda loved the sea and how it helped him write. You said you related to it. So I figured having it on the cover could remind you of that feeling.” Keith sat beside him. “Don’t feel pressured though. I know… it’s hard. I know poetry isn’t something you want to do yet. Still, a lot of people seem to miss your writing, and I think maybe you miss that part of you too. This journal will be waiting for the day you wanna use it.” 

“Oh, Keith….” The knot in his throat made it hard to try talking even if Lance knew what to say. Instead, he put the book and journal beside him and turned to hug Keith tightly.

“You’re not angry?” 

“No! No, of course not.” Lance hugged him tighter, his chin fitting perfectly against his shoulder. “A little sad. Because you’re right.” He pulled back. “I do miss writing. I remember whenever something I say sounds… like a poem. I’ve noticed it’s happened a lot when I’m with you. Or talking about you.” Keith blushed. “I’m terrified of it too. But thank you for these gifts. I haven’t read poetry in a while, and it’s… nice to know I have a journal to start fresh in.”

He swelled with affection when he thought about how much Keith put into these gifts. Researching the book, making the cover of a journal symbolic…. Lance had suffocated those parts of himself, and seeing Keith embrace them felt… like a symbol of hope. 

“Okay, my turn, I don’t… I don’t wanna cry so hold on.” Keith laughed as Lance tilted his face up to blink the tears away. “Okay. I also don’t know what you’ll think of my gift to you. But….” He shrugged and gestured at the bag Keith already had in his lap. 

Keith smiled and pushed the crinkly, decorative paper aside to stick his hand in and pull out whatever was inside. Lance watched nervously, gripping his own gifts in his hands to tether himself. 

He watched as Keith looked at the cover, familiarity smoothing his eyes over. "Stitch," he said with a chuckle. His hands traced the drawing of the little alien in the corner. "You drew this?" 

"Marco actually. He helped me. And Luis helped with the script." Keith's hand ghosted over the word  _ ohana.  _ "Open it."

Keith turned the cover and the first thing he saw was the photo of him with the woman from the adoption agency. "Where did you get this?" he whispered. 

"I had help. Keep looking…." 

Keith turned the pages, eyes scanning and hovering. The photo with his foster parents. The awkward family photos of their first dinner, first outing, all in which Keith wouldn't smile, just look at the camera nervously. Candids of him with Shiro or doing something around a house. Quotes from Lilo and Stitch decorated any free space on a page.

There were still gaps, which was what made Lance nervous. He wanted this to be a good thing, not something to remind Keith of what was missing. 

But Keith didn't say anything as he flipped through the pages, the memories. His graduation. Him in his dorm on his first day of college. More candids. 

Then the more recent ones with his foster parents and Karina. Lance watched Keith's face and saw a smile tug at his lips. Recent ones during dance rehearsal. Or with Kosmo. 

And finally the pictures with Lance. The booth, the ferris wheel, sleeping beside each other, lance making stupid faces while Keith was absorbed in a show. Keith laughed softly as he flipped through those. 

"You guys take a lot of photos when I'm not looking," he murmured. 

Lance bit his lip as Keith looked at a photo of himself laughing with Hunk and Pidge. He had Keith turn to the very back of the album. 

The iconic Lilo and Stitch quote was etched into the back by Luis' steady hand along with a little Stitch looking up at the words. 

"Ohana means family…." Keith sniffed ad he read the words aloud. 

"I know… there's stuff missing and you don't like pictures all the time, but…. I wanted to show you how many people care about you. I wanted you to have a place to keep the good memories, something to keep them more concrete than the bad ones." Lance kept his gaze down and took one of Keith's hands in his. "I know… you've felt alone or guarded for a lot of your life. Maybe it was true at one point. But it's not anymore. You matter to a lot of people. So many people care about you and…." Keith pulled Lance into a kiss. Lance didn't realize he was crying until he pulled back and opened his eyes. "Oh, Keith, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" 

"No, I'm not…." Keith scoffed and wiped at his eyes. "I'm not upset. I just…." He took a shaky breath and held the album to his chest. "It's crazy to think… about how much my life has changed." His expression crumpled as his eyes filled with more tears. "There was a time I thought no one would want me around for long. And this… is proof that it's not true. That I have people…. Thank you. Thank you so much, Lance." He leaned in to kiss him again and Lance cupped his face gently, brushing his tears away with a light stroke of his thumb. 

When he pulled away, Keith was still sniffing. While he hadn't cried much, his eyes were still red and glossy. An occasional rebel tear would manage to fall, only to be wiped away. 

"You can fill it with more memories. With the things you have on your corkboard."

Keith chuckled. "You saw those?" 

"Just our photos. The note you wrote behind it." 

Keith hummed and nodded. "I got really lucky with you," he whispered, looking Lance in the eye. "I really thought… I was ready to be on my own for the rest of my life. And then I met you, and I still thought I was gonna end up alone. But you're stubborn." 

Lance laughed and kissed his hands. "Good thing I was…. I thought I'd be on my own too. After Allura, I was so certain I'd never want anyone again. And then God put you in my path." Keith raised his eyebrows and Lance blushed. "Sorry. That was kind of weird to say, I-" 

"No, hey. No. It's just… you seemed a lot angrier with God before." Keith held his hand tightly, and gave him a smile. "You really think it was God that made us meet?" 

Lance bit his lip and thought back to heartbroken nights, filled with pain from losing the person he loved. He thought back to the times he missed her warmth, her touch. Of the girls he slept with to make that empty abyss in his heart a little smaller at least for a little while. 

He thought of his anger towards God and the frustration and confusion about being with Keith and being Catholic in his roots. 

Then he nodded. "Keith…. I was… adamant about never falling for someone again. I'd made my peace with the idea of being alone for the rest of my life. Nothing more than a one night stand, a friend with benefits. I can't help but think that meeting you when I'd finally decided to be okay with that was God's way of being smug and…." He scoffed. "I don't know. And yeah I was angry, but… you've made me happy. You brought me back to myself and helped me see that I could let someone in again, that my heart could beat for someone again. I don't feel lonely anymore. Or sad. And maybe that was what God wanted for me all along. Even when I was angry." 

Keith nodded and Lance wondered if talking about God would make him uncomfortable. He took a breath and pulled Lance's hand to his lips. "I didn't grow up religious. Too many different beliefs with different families. But I think your faith is beautiful. Even when you were angry and frustrated…. I don't know how to explain it, but I thought it was kind of incredible. That you could be angry with God. I just want to be sure… if God is important to you, will that lead to doubts with… with us?" Lance furrowed his eyebrows. "I don't know much about religion, but I know it doesn't tend to be fond of a relationship like… ours." 

Lance tried not to be distracted by the fact that Keith had called what they had a relationship. He took a breath and looked at their hands. How nicely they fit together. How steady he felt when he looked Keith in the eyes. The unadulterated affection that swelled in him when he had the chance to hold and kiss him. Pure emotions. 

He shook his head resolutely. "No doubts. My faith is still… a little rocky. But I want to believe I'll get it back. I do know, though, that there's no way what we have is bad in any sense. Not when it makes me feel this happy. I'm not ashamed of you. And I never will be. Like I said… God put us together for a reason. He made me capable of… feeling everything I feel for you for a reason. To be with you." 

Keith smiled and kissed his cheek with gentle lips. "Okay, sweetheart. But if anything… changes your mind or-" 

"I know. I'll tell you. But it won't happen.” Keith let out a little huff but nodded. “Do you need something to sleep in?” 

Keith shook his head. “I’ve got it. Ready for bed?” Lance nodded with a yawn. Keith chuckled and kissed his lips. 

He got up to grab his duffel bag, and Lance got up to place his new journal on his desk. He set it carefully along the corner, to remember to use it one day instead of letting it collect dust on the shelf. Then he put his new book on his nightstand before stripping down to his boxers and tossing on a light t-shirt to sleep in. He got into bed and opened the Pablo Neruda book, reading the first poem slowly. 

While he’d read a couple poems in class and had even read some of his own to Keith, reading ones from an actual book felt different. It felt like a muscle he had to stretch, taking pauses after each line break, reading the enjambments differently than the commas, catching the double meaning within full sentences versus single lines or separated stanzas. His brain was working to let it in again, to immerse him in the words and multi-task to discover meanings, to catch the symbolism, to find the right rhythm. 

The bed dipped slightly and Keith laid down beside him, wordlessly tracing a finger along his arm. Lance started to close the book and shift to lay down, but Keith said, “You don’t have to stop reading. I don’t mind the light.” 

“It’s okay. I’m tired too. I was just curious.” Keith hummed, but Lance just kissed him and placed the book on his bedside again. He turned off the light and snuggled next to Keith, finding his spot against his shoulder immediately. Soft lips grazed his forehead, and with the warmth of Keith’s arms around him, it was easy to find sleep. 


End file.
